BoiseRed89 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 So the story is, we met online and had been talking for about 4 weeks before we actually met. She lives 3 hours away and had to travel. She came down last weekend, we went to a nice dinner, we went to a movie and when I offered to take her back to her car she said it was "my choice" so I elected to take her for a walk in a park near me. She started giving HEAVY signals, she's always been hard to read for emotions, but she moved in closer and gave alot of positive signals that eventually led to us sleeping together and she spent the night at my place. She left the next morning and said "Come visit me this week" and I texted her the next night, and she repeated the same thing. I told her to call me about her day and she did for a quick 20 minute conversation before she said her phone was dying. I've since brought up me visiting and she is saying things like "Sounds like a plan" but isn't finalizing them. And the last time I asked her to call me so we could discuss it I never heard back from her. I've resolved to not say anything to her for at least a day or so in case I'm coming across as needy. I'm not too familiar with the kind of games daters play, so any opinions? Is she busy or just not into it now for whatever reason?
GG3 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 When you bring it up, do you ask for a specific day? I'd say "How about Saturday?" Or whichever day and see what she says. Nail it down. 1
Author BoiseRed89 Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Today I did. When she didn't call me last night I sent "Okay miss thing, I'm thinking I might be free saturday. How bout I come spend that time on you?" I'll see if she replies. I've gone out with about 6 girls in as many months, but I REALLY like this one, only reason I'm sweating it at all.
losangelena Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Stop asking her to call you and pick up the phone. Do you know how passive it sounds for a man to tell a woman to call him? Especially after one date? Especially after you slept together? She's told you twice to go visit her. It's your turn, so pick up the ball and run. You pick a day and you finalize it. She's not playing games, she's waiting for you. By the way, why is she traveling three hours to you on the first date?
Author BoiseRed89 Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 (edited) She lives about 3 hours away, it was her suggestion to come here first. I'm just worried about sounding needy or clingy after one date. Is that a bad policy to have in this situation? I normally have ZERO problem being dominant about asking a girl out, but I want to actually make it work with this girl. It's rare I actually get along with someone like I did with her. I've had girls tell me they want to do things again in the past only to have them turn on a dime and say that to be polite or whatever. Hence my hesitation to go all in on asking her. Edited November 13, 2014 by BoiseRed89
losangelena Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 I hear you, but you're never going to know if she's just being polite unless you go all in. I know you know don't want to mess things up, but in this situation, I think being passive is only hurting your chances. Again, if a guy told me to call him, I would kind of think he's not that interested. Also you saying you MIGHT have Saturday free—do you or don't you? You're leaving a lot of things for her to interpret. I dunno. I think displaying clear, intentional interest: "I am free Saturday and would like to travel to you and see you," is better than what you're doing, which is repeatedly putting the ball in her court.
Author BoiseRed89 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) Hm, true. I suppose I'll wait it out tonight and if I don't hear back from her I'll just send her something akin to "So, I know you're probably still worn out from saving those children from that fire, or fighting off all the land sharks on your way home, but I'm thinking I want to come visit and get some more face time in saturday, so we can blow off some mutual steam." or something like that. You know, play off the lack of contact, IF that happens. I alluded alot to me being happy she hadn't stopped talking during our night together, and she did the same. She's had periods when we first started where I legitimately thought she was done talking and I wrote her off, but she came back after a day or two. Her job is really time consuming and it's a MASSIVE part of her life that I don't want to try to talk over, at least not yet. There was more than one occasion where I literally said to myself "Oh.... there she is again... huh..." when I legitimately thought she was gone. Part of why I ask her to call is because my work is at night, and hers bleeds into her home life so often I just don't want to nudge myself in when she's focusing on something else. One of the things she stressed EARLY on is how she HATES insecure men. So I'm playing the cold hand abit just to avoid that landmine. I'm usually not in this position, I can talk to a girl and be TOTALLY fine with something falling out, but I feel an actual connection to this girl, which is why I'm worried. Edited November 14, 2014 by BoiseRed89
Author BoiseRed89 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Posted November 14, 2014 Update, so I texted her "So in the interest of getting you laid, did you get my text about saturday?" She called me immediately and talked for abit, but said she had to get going shortly into the conversation. I told her "Whoa whoa hold on just aminute, what about saturday?" jokingly, and she said "I have tentative plans, but I'll let you know tomorrow" I told her "No problem, if it doesn't work, we can do it next week and you can make it up to me then" She said goodnight and we parted ways. I'm still sensing a lessened tone to her voice, although that could just be her work, since she's been having an unusually stressful week.
Assasda Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 It all sounds good. The one problem I see here is the distance between you 2. 3 Hours is a lot of traveling, So youre gonna have to maximize that. If you think she's a quality girl, tell her that youre gonna visit her on the weekend
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 It's hard to say. It's not 100% negative or positive. You should stay positive but cautious.
losangelena Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 Update, so I texted her "So in the interest of getting you laid, did you get my text about saturday?" Eesh, really? Anytime I've joked like that with a guy it was in a FWB situation. Is that what you're after?
Author BoiseRed89 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) No, we've both discussed how we each want a committed relationship, which is why I WASN'T expecting to sleep with her the night we did. She never gave off that vibe. I was teasing, but I'm still trying to figure her out in that area. She showed she has abit of a wild side, and I don't want to seem timid or lame by not aknowledging it. I really want this to work out. I've dated alot of girls, it's rare I form an attachment like this to one. Especially so early. Edited November 14, 2014 by BoiseRed89
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