Ex GF (dumper) only contacts me to be mean and condescending

[tryingtodealwithit]

So my ex left me about 6 months ago after 4 and a half years. It was a bad break up with bitterness and anger on both sides. When she left, she did it very coldly. No remorse nor regret and no sympathy for me. Since splitting she has only initiated contact with me twice and both times it was to be mean and condescending towards me.

 

The last time she contacted me was a couple weeks ago. I had had some problems and it must have got back to her so she text me to throw it in my face. I told her to let it go and she responded "I will" and then proceeded to start complaining about everything that she is mad at me about from the relationship.

 

Honestly, I just don't get this. She left me 6 months ago. If she was happy and moved on she wouldn't do things like this. Also, she still has zero sympathy for me. She has completely rewritten our history in her mind in a way that absolves her of any wrong doing in the relationship (and she made plenty of mistakes. it's not even remotely debatable).

 

I can't understand why someone behaves like this. It's so disappointing for me. I'm ok with the relationship being over and I wouldn't reconcile with her (although I did try back over the summer--that ship has sailed for me though). At this point I'm just hurt with seeing this side of her. We were together a long time and things didn't have to be this way. It could have been more civil.

 

Why do people do this? Why lash out at me 6 months after leaving to throw things in my face? Why lie and act like everything is my fault and you made no mistakes? It's just mind-boggling to me.

[SoThatHappened]

I can't understand why someone behaves like this. It's so disappointing for me.

If you block her from all forms of communication, you won't have to deal with it.

 

Why do people do this? Why lash out at me 6 months after leaving to throw things in my face? Why lie and act like everything is my fault and you made no mistakes? It's just mind-boggling to me.

She's shifting all of the blame onto you. She knows she screwed up many things as well, she is just projecting the blame so she looks like a better person. She's probably still stuck on you if she's contacting after 6 months just to rub something in.

 

You're obviously under her skin. She also has no class.

 

Block and run.

[mammasita]

You don't need to listen to her. You owe her nothing. Block her.

[Kevin_D]

This happened to me as well. After 6.5 years, she became cold as ice overnight, lied about EVERYTHING and completely re-wrote history. She lied about there not being another guy involved, just to basically throw it in my face a few days later.

 

After trying to get her back for two weeks, I gave up and left her alone. After that, she would randomly send me strange messanges such as "Don't think you can get over me by ignoring me!" and "How are you? Everything is GREAT with me".

 

I don't get this. Why the hostility? She was clingy as hell before the breakup, so why did was she trying so hard to make me suffer? It must have been really embarrassing for friends and relatives to witness this.

 

She got exactly what she wanted! She got the other guy. I didn't lash out at her, I just told her that I was disappointed with her decision and asked to be left alone som that I could heal. She was free to run off with the other guy and I didn't bother her once about it.

 

They tell you that you are a terrible person and that they are much happier without you, and yet the become hostile if you let them be. They're kind of acting like a kid in a candy store. They scream and cry until their parent gives in, just to say "I don't want it anymore!".

[Lernaean_Hydra]

She's obviously still very angry with you. Why? I have no idea but it's clear she's harboring a metric ton of resentment but that's her issue not yours. The question is, why are you still engaging her? Why are the lines of communication even still open? Unless you somehow feel you deserve this treatment...?

[tryingtodealwithit]

She's obviously still very angry with you. Why? I have no idea but it's clear she's harboring a metric ton of resentment but that's her issue not yours. The question is, why are you still engaging her? Why are the lines of communication even still open? Unless you somehow feel you deserve this treatment...?

 

Well she's angry at me for the mistakes I made in the relationship, yet gives herself a pass on all of hers which a certainly more numerous and arguably far worse. Either way, it's in the past now.

 

And of course I don't think I deserve it. After this last go around I've decided I won't engage her anymore. If I'm being honest, I get a certain satisfaction knowing she's still hung up on things 6 months after leaving--especially since she wanted to throw it in my face that she was "happy" and "fine" when she left.

[STM206]

I don't throw this word around often but she sounds like a straight up cunt. If she chose to end it, then she needs to leave it there. If she wants to contact you to try and fix what she did wrong, that's one thing. However she's still trying to "prove" that you were the reason for the demise of your relationship.

 

I would tell her "do not try and contact me again" and then block her in every possible medium you can.

[tryingtodealwithit]

I don't throw this word around often but she sounds like a straight up cunt. If she chose to end it, then she needs to leave it there. If she wants to contact you to try and fix what she did wrong, that's one thing. However she's still trying to "prove" that you were the reason for the demise of your relationship.

 

I would tell her "do not try and contact me again" and then block her in every possible medium you can.

 

You know, that's interesting. I never thought about the fact that she's still trying to prove it's all my fault even 6 months later. Just lets me know even more how she really feels about her decision and the fact that we're not together.

 

And I ended our last exchange by telling her I'm done with all of this and was going to block her in my phone. And then I did haha

[Woggle]

Be mean and rude right back then maybe she will leave you alone. Tell her if you were that awful to her then you will be glad to never be in her life ever again and life will be better for the both of you.

[Chi townD]

Maybe she was second guessing her original reasons as to why she left. She started to feel guilty and just want to reaffirm her reasons for leaving by rewriting the relationship history. To ease her guilt and convince herself that she made the right choice.

[tryingtodealwithit]

Maybe she was second guessing her original reasons as to why she left. She started to feel guilty and just want to reaffirm her reasons for leaving by rewriting the relationship history. To ease her guilt and convince herself that she made the right choice.

 

Sure, but "I did nothing wrong and it's all his fault" is not a healthy way to resolve those feelings. And that probably explains why she has acted towards me like she has since leaving. It's going to suck to be her if she ever decides to face the actual reality of the situation.

[Quiet Storm]

Some people always have to be the victim. I have people in my family like this. When I was younger, I used to try to show them their perception was skewed. I reminded them of facts, conversations, experiences, situations, circumstances... just to get some kind of acknowledgement or come to common agreement.

 

As I got older, I came to realize that they NEED to be the victim, usually because of issues like poor coping skills, emotional problems, immaturity, etc. So no matter what happened, they would twist it in a way that made them the victim. Regardless of truth. I was wasting my breath by trying to resolve issues with them. You can't have a mature, fair and objective conversation with someone that rewrites history.

 

Prior to my acceptance of this, I was concerned the issues were about me or my relationship with that particular family member. But the truth is, the issues were all about them, and their fragile sense of self. They have to see themselves as a good person, in spite of their actions, and will demonize anyone that threatens this idea they have of themselves. They justify & minimize away any behavior that doesn't jive with their perception of themselves. They are too emotionally weak to accept responsibility, and they are just not capable and emotionally mature enough to be objective.

 

So basically what I am saying is that it is pointless to ask why or even get angry about this. No matter what you say, she will always see herself as the wronged party. So you have to let that go, and get to a place where you don't care what her perception is. You know what happened, and that's all that matters.

[tryingtodealwithit]

Some people always have to be the victim. I have people in my family like this. When I was younger, I used to try to show them their perception was skewed. I reminded them of facts, conversations, experiences, situations, circumstances... just to get some kind of acknowledgement or come to common agreement.

 

As I got older, I came to realize that they NEED to be the victim, usually because of issues like poor coping skills, emotional problems, immaturity, etc. So no matter what happened, they would twist it in a way that made them the victim. Regardless of truth. I was wasting my breath by trying to resolve issues with them. You can't have a mature, fair and objective conversation with someone that rewrites history.

 

Prior to my acceptance of this, I was concerned the issues were about me or my relationship with that particular family member. But the truth is, the issues were all about them, and their fragile sense of self. They have to see themselves as a good person, in spite of their actions, and will demonize anyone that threatens this idea they have of themselves. They justify & minimize away any behavior that doesn't jive with their perception of themselves. They are too emotionally weak to accept responsibility, and they are just not capable and emotionally mature enough to be objective.

 

So basically what I am saying is that it is pointless to ask why or even get angry about this. No matter what you say, she will always see herself as the wronged party. So you have to let that go, and get to a place where you don't care what her perception is. You know what happened, and that's all that matters.

 

Yeah, this is pretty much it here. You hit the nail on the head.