Good Update

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

Ex texted yesterday.

 

If I didn't want to talk with her I should just say it or block her again. A whole conversation ensued and she said she was sorry for all she did and how she hurt me and she realized just how bad she was to me. I thought she was being sincere but the problem came again that she just felt guilty. I told her I'm not her emotional tampon and to deal with it on her own. Overall, I felt such a great since of relieve since I had so many things to tell her. Even if she had selfish reasons to reach out I also saw how defensive she was if I called her out on her ****. Apparently, after she chose me, she was still confused and she was in such a bad situation mentally. Even if her confusion made her do horrible things she still loved me truly then and that she wasn't unloyal (WTF seriously). I guess it was a step in the right direction but still hasn't truly repented for what she did. Anyway, I thought it would affect me negatively but I'm actually not that bothered by it.

 

Also, she apparently wanted to be friends with me which is kinda funny because I offered friendship (yes to get her back/bad idea) and she refused. She said it was unfair to him if we stay friends. Now she wants, and in her words, "just to talk someone normal, nothing like before nothing more complicated." In other words, a relationship where I'm not the bf but somebody else gets to be the bf. She also can't go back to the way thing were (me telling her that she shouldn't be talking to him because she specifically said she CHOSE me and we were in a relationship)

 

I asked her if she feels bad because she's talking to me behind his back. She said no because she's doing nothing wrong. It showed me so much of her character.

 

Overall, this is a very troubled person. I think she might still be confused. She doesn't like it when people are on bad terms with her (as most women do) but she also seeks my attention because she wants me to respond to her. And she realized she's a masochist. She likes guys who treat her like ****. Example, two exes before me and the one she left me for. I mentioned it before-he asked for nudes, she denied, he insulted her and treated her like a whore, she didn't want anything with him but still kept in contact with me. With this whole experience I would have expected to be in a heartache but I think it brought me closer to healing.

 

I think, for once, I dodged a bullet. A .50 cal bullet.

[SoThatHappened]

Just think... you could have dodged this whole text-versation if you would have ignored her.

 

You may feel good now because you're on the "contact high." I'm glad you think you dodged a bullet. Now don't talk to her anymore until you're 100% indifferent to her.

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

Nah man. I found out a lot of helpful things. Like how she was confused after she chose me. Or how she tried to gaslight me. I didn't expect that of her. Idk or care if the gas-lighting was intentional or just a natural part of her personality.

 

And I don't think its any high. This time its different. When I fell for that breadcrumb the first month after she left me I felt sooooo awful. It felt like going back to square one. This time I feel a bit ahead. But we'll see in the morning

 

And next time I won't even wanna talk to her.

 

 

I guess the main point of this thread is that some exs are really selfish. Idk why I put up with being an option for so long.

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

BRAH

 

 

I was right. Woke up, went to my new job as an insurance agent and it didn't feel like the days before we had that conversation. Now that I remember, she was telling me how she wasn't that horrible and I just imagine it that way. Also that she really was trying with me and that it was hard for her(trying what? lol she still kept in contact with him behind my back and when I called her out on it we fought and said he was just a friend.)

 

So much manipulation. Even when we talked I started to realize it. She also said she never blamed me for being jealous/controlling but I called her out again because I PROVED it when reminded her of how she always critizied me for not trusting her enough or being suspicious of her and being insecure.

 

Now, in my defense, yes I became all of those things. But for very valid reasons. You just CANNOT tell someone they are confused for the second time, tell me that she loves me and I'm special after keeping in contact with the guy she left me for, getting drunk and "kissing" some guy, keeping in contact with drunk "kissing" guy, all after telling me that she chose me and wanted me only. Being jealous and worrying about what she's going to do to you all the time takes its toll on the body and mind, but specially the mind.

 

 

 

And as you guys can see, I might be over her, but I still can't find a way to forgive myself for letting all of that happen. I let her walk all over me, treat me like an option, lie to me, and manipulate me. I thought I actually missed her but now that the smoke cleared I see how stupid I was. She made me (ok i made myself) compete against someone else and I played along like a fool. I was confident and had high self esteem before I met her. After her, I lost myself. Idk what happened to me but hopefully I won't let this happen again.

 

 

and BRAH, I might change my number. I can block her from messaging me but if she decides to call like she did some months ago then I have no choice but to put up with it.