primer Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 How can a woman (in her 40s) be switching boyfriends constantly? The last one she dated for two years and immediately she had a different man. How can she get over men so fast and move on? Over the past five years she dated at least seven different men with no breaks in between. Is it a psychological issue? Is she desperate to find a keeper?
BluEyeL Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 She moved on emotionally while being a relationship and overlapped relationships a little at the end. 1
Author primer Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Constantly - For five or six years??? We never know who she will be bringing to holiday gatherings. LOL
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 What difference does it make? If she is happy, leave her be. If you are afraid you can't date her because you are afraid of getting hurt, don't date her.
Redhead14 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 By 40 years old and having had several relationships and likely dated tons of men, she's learned to take things with a grain of salt and accept that things are what they are. I doubt she didn't have some kind of emotional disruption after each break up. There is a saying that is very crass and simplistic . . . the way to get over a man is to get under another. I am not saying this is a healthy way of dealing break ups. In her case, it may prevent her from ever being able to truly invest in a relationship. If she is otherwise happy with her life, she's ok I guess. 2
Author primer Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 What difference does it make? If she is happy, leave her be. If you are afraid you can't date her because you are afraid of getting hurt, don't date her. What? She is my cousin, and I am a female. She will be "serious" with a man and bring him to Thanksgiving dinner and by Christmas have a different "serious" boyfriend. It has become a joke within the family.
central Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Has she ever been in a long-term relationship in the past? If so, she doesn't have any problems with commitment, maybe just with finding someone worth commiting to! She's enjoying life, it seems - if she complains that she isn't then perhaps you can talk to her about it.
Author primer Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 What difference does it make? If she is happy, leave her be. If you are afraid you can't date her because you are afraid of getting hurt, don't date her. What??? She is my cousin, and I am a female too. LOL She can bring a "serious" boyfriend to Thanksgiving dinner, and a new "serious" boyfriend to Christmas dinner. Does she seriously consider them "serious" boyfriends in that short amount of time. It has become a joke among the family. I wonder how long this one will be around. I wonder what goes through her teenaged kid's minds. Maybe they are used to it. Seriously???
Author primer Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Sorry about the double post!! She is depressed about her life. She lives in her parent's house and does not have a steady income or benefits.
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Are these men a danger to the children? Do you resent having "new" "strangers" at your holidays? How is your cousin's love life adversely affecting you? Leave her alone as long as her children are safe. Her teenagers are probably used to mom's revolving door. They probably know better than to get attached. 1
Redhead14 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 What? She is my cousin, and I am a female. She will be "serious" with a man and bring him to Thanksgiving dinner and by Christmas have a different "serious" boyfriend. It has become a joke within the family. If you are saying that each time she brings someone home and even if it's only a month between "boyfriends" and she is claiming that they are in a serious relationship, exclusive, etc., then she is creating instant relationships with men in her own mind and/or finding weak men who do the same thing. Most men, will not go to a significant family gathering with a new woman they are dating for only a month of two and a woman wouldn't invite him. She does perhaps have some kind of esteem issues . . . however, it's her life to do with as she pleases. Your family and you need to focus on more important things, like spending time with family and, if you love her, being happy that she is there. She is 40 years old, she is her own woman. 2
Author primer Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Are these men a danger to the children? Do you resent having "new" "strangers" at your holidays? How is your cousin's love life adversely affecting you? Leave her alone as long as her children are safe. Her teenagers are probably used to mom's revolving door. They probably know better than to get attached. I resent hearing how great her new boyfriend is and we will all love him. My husband feels the same way because he is usually the one stuck talking to him.
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 So ignore her. Your husband doesn't have to talk to the guy. I'm not advocating open hostility but polite, hello, & then move on. Your cousin brought him; she can talk to him.
stillafool Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 She must be a goodlooking 40 year old to have all those men lined up. 1
Redhead14 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I resent hearing how great her new boyfriend is and we will all love him. My husband feels the same way because he is usually the one stuck talking to him. Well, there are two options for you: 1) It is your home -- ask her not to bring any guests with her because you and your husband are uncomfortable with it. If she doesn't respect that, then she can go to the current boyfriend's house. 2) Accept it. Your husband is a grown man and should be able to figure out how to drop a conversation with said boyfriend and mingle with the rest of the guests. I get that it's an uncomfortable situation, but you'll just need to be a little hard-nosed about it. And, remember this, everybody's family has at least "one" relative that doesn't fit in, so to speak. Most of the time, we just "deal wid it" and not let it ruin our holiday.
Redhead14 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I resent hearing how great her new boyfriend is and we will all love him. My husband feels the same way because he is usually the one stuck talking to him. One thing I don't understand -- you say you "resent" her saying how great her new boyfriend(s) is are . . . why would you have resentment about that? I can understand having reservations about it or being uncomfortable with it. 1
Author primer Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 One thing I don't understand -- you say you "resent" her saying how great her new boyfriend(s) is are . . . why would you have resentment about that? I can understand having reservations about it or being uncomfortable with it. Maybe "resent" is the wrong word. I get tired of her saying that about every single boyfriend. She gushes over him, and then he dumps her. She thinks she has to have boyfriend, as if that validates her. Otherwise, she is a nobody. What would make a woman feel that way? I feel bad for her.
preraph Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 She likes to always have a male companion. It's hard to find a keeper at 40.
Redhead14 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Maybe "resent" is the wrong word. I get tired of her saying that about every single boyfriend. She gushes over him, and then he dumps her. She thinks she has to have boyfriend, as if that validates her. Otherwise, she is a nobody. What would make a woman feel that way? I feel bad for her. There are many potential root causes for this kind of behavior all involving esteem especially if she has been abused physically, sexually, and/or psychologically. Are you aware of any abuse to her as a child and into adulthood? If so, I would treat her like all your other guests. When you do talk to her, I'd try to let her know that there are things about her that you do like and emphasize her strengths. Otherwise, there isn't much you can do but just try to handle these situations as graciously as possible.
Author primer Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 I am not aware of any abuse. She is from a great family. Sometimes I talk about all of the fun I had when I was single and how it's okay to be single, but she doesn't seem to get it. It might have something to do with her parents still helping her financially. She goes through jobs like she goes though boyfriends.
Redhead14 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I am not aware of any abuse. She is from a great family. Sometimes I talk about all of the fun I had when I was single and how it's okay to be single, but she doesn't seem to get it. It might have something to do with her parents still helping her financially. She goes through jobs like she goes though boyfriends. It may or may not have been a family member. Abuse is a well-kept secret and often exacted by a person who holds power over another. Do not assume that since she is from a great family, that everything was great. I promise you, there has been some kind of abuse, bullying, etc. by someone. There is a problem and is being shown across significant areas of her life, not just one. This is a deeper problem that you can certainly address. Her family helping her financially on an ongoing basis is about enabling too. She will have to reach rock bottom in order to face what it is that is causing her to not become a whole person.
BluEyeL Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 To me, your concerns come across as mean/petty gossip. Why do you care about her love life? She is not cheating on anyone, she's single, she is no danger to anyone, and she is within her rights to bring a date at a family gathering. she's also within her rights to be excited about a new boyfriend. If you don't want her to bring a date to your house, tell her so and that's it. But from where I sit, you're being very unsupportive of your cousin. 3
FitChick Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 Some people are afraid to be alone -- with their own thoughts.
slizl Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) Would it make you feel better if she was depressed and lonely? It also wierdly seems like you are jealous of this person. Everything okay with your marriage? Edited November 14, 2014 by slizl
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