juanito14 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 We were dating for around 4 months. Everything between us was very good, the biggest problem was her family and the amount of schoolwork she has. About a month ago she broke up with me because she was getting too stressed out juggling school, family, and me around and because the other two options she couldn't control she decided it would be best to take a break from me. That lasted all of one day before she called me crying saying how sorry she was and how big of a mistake it was. We hung out the next day after that and she said she would never break up with me again over those reasons. Then yesterday happened, and I could tell she was getting very close to another mental breakdown. Later that night she said our relationship didn't even feel like a relationship to her because of how little time we could spend with each other due to how much time she had. I tried letting her know that I was happy with the time we spend together but she wasn't hearing it. Later today I texted her to see how she was and I could tell she was still very much annoyed. I asked if she wanted some time to herself and she told me yes. I responded letting her know I'm here for her and I hope she has a great day, and she immediately after says 'this is stupid, we shouldn't be together' and follows by telling me she doesn't know how to tell me without hurting me as I'm such an amazing guy, but she doesn't know what to do because of how much time her parents require from her. A little background, she is 25 going to college and living with her very controlling parents. They send her on errands all the time and need to be up to date with how she is doing in school, and want her to absolutely stay away from being in a relationship right now as it would take away from her studies. As you can probably tell it makes for a difficult situation for her and I, but mostly for her. I never met the parents because of it, and one of the other reasons for the breakup was because she felt bad keeping me a secret from them, and keeping me from meeting them. She reminded me multiple times that it was nothing I did or didn't do that caused this break up, it was simply that she was getting so stressed out to the point where whenever she does have any free time she wants to spend it alone. She told me that she does love me but she just doesn't think that right now is a good time with everything else going on and how it's not fair on either of us. She thinks I'm an amazing guy that any girl would be lucky to have and its sad that it cant be her right now. She send me a lot of mixed signals with this breakup. I'm treating it as if we were done, but she never made it seem that way, actually she never used the words breakup or even break at all. While she told me it's not the right time, she also told me that I'll be happier with someone else and how she doesn't deserve to be with me. i can't tell if she's saying this to make me feel better or if she means it at this point. I do love her a lot and besides how busy she is we are very much compatible with each other. How should I be handling this? Can we potentially get back together one day? If so what should I do to help make that happen?
evanescentworld Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Classic case of "I love you but I am not IN love with you" Back off, walk away and save yourself a whole lot of heartache, pain, rejection and fruitless effort. Truly. Read the No Contact Guide, here. As long as you stick to it, 100% it will work for you in a likewise manner....
Chatmonkey Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Sorry to hear this mate - I suggest taking this time to work on and improve yourself. If there is no time for you in her life right now, give her a bit of space (as hard as that is i know!!) However, you wouldn't want a clingy girlfriend when space is needed and she won't want a little wuss. So again, use this time to improve yourself and work on your floors. Become an improved man. Dress well, go to the gym, read. I know it sounds ****, but when you work on yourself and do things for yourself in a positive manor, people notice that and want to be apart of it. She will want to be apart of it. But you have to move away for yourself first.
Author juanito14 Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Thanks for the advice. It's just really hard because she never even said the words break up, just said, we cant be together right now and how it's not fair on either of us. If she at least told me it was over it would be a lot easier of a process to move on, but she made it seem like it's just a bad time. I'm going to let her contact me first before anything happens and see where it goes from there and until then im gonna do like you said, work on me. I just wish she gave me more closure if this really is the end for us, but instead she said she would still be there for me if I ever need anything and that she loves me.
evanescentworld Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Thanks for the advice. It's just really hard because she never even said the words break up, just said, we cant be together right now and how it's not fair on either of us. If she at least told me it was over it would be a lot easier of a process to move on, but she made it seem like it's just a bad time. I'm going to let her contact me first before anything happens and see where it goes from there and until then im gonna do like you said, work on me. This is known as the "letting you down gently" tactic. it seems cruel, callous and heartless to tell you it's over, so in order to 'spare your feelings' and hurt you less, she doesn't come right out and say "Consider yourself dumped". That would be too cruel. But that's what it all, sadly, means. And frankly, of course it would be better, cleaner and more final to be precise, direct and make no bones about it. But obviously, she feels a gentler approach would be better. It's very common, when ladies dump their partners. But in my opinion, misguided. I just wish she gave me more closure if this really is the end for us, but instead she said she would still be there for me if I ever need anything and that she loves me. Closure never, ever comes from the dumper (Read the NC GUide, it's all explained there). She's trying the 'let's still be good friends' approach, which again, is a gesture designed to appease her guilt, and make her feel better about breaking up with you. If you had suggested remaining close friends, please believe me, her response would have been the polar opposite. Again, it's mentioned in the Guide....
Author juanito14 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Posted November 14, 2014 Now I just saw that she unfollowed me on Instagram. I recently posted a picture and I remember the last time we broke up I did a similar thing and she called me that same night. We are still listed as in a relationship on Facebook but that doesn't really mean much. Why would she do something like that? Just stop caring
evanescentworld Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 .... Just stop caring Yes, you should. Quit agonising over things you can never find a satisfactory answer to. Deal with yourself. That's the best thing.
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