8 Years Relationship & She Chose Another Man.

[Elfend]

I desperately need help please! I am from Malaysia and my ex had just recently broken up with me 3 weeks ago. We were together for 8 years since our sophomore age. She was the most beautiful, sweet, caring, sincere and kind girl I ever met. We share almost the same network of friends. We don’t argue much and we always go out for dates and tries various activities. Everything was fine and we were both happy and comfortable with how things were until recently I felt that there was something wrong with her. She had suddenly been colder to me. I don’t think she prioritize me as much as she used to. She is still all lovey dovey that night. Until I asked and probe further did she suddenly just broke it off with me saying that she had no more feelings for me and that our relationship is too stale (which was hard for me to swallow). I am devastated by the broke up. My world turned 360 degrees and soon I began strategizing for reconciliation with NC for 30 days while honing my skills as an ideal boyfriend (learn cooking, dancing, motorcycling & body building) as I still love her tremendously. I had been dreading for weeks at myself for ruining what could had been the greatest thing to ever happen to me in my life! I was determined to get her back not by sweet talking but by actions that shows her I am a changed man.

 

She gave me courage when I couldn't muster any. She trusted me when no one else would. She is my sole motivator to achieve what I can and had right now. I can honestly say I did the same to her.

 

I initially thought she may be confused and just maybe felt that our relationship was somewhat hopeless and it is not going anywhere. Therefore I decided to go on NC to give her space. I was initially optimistic with my the strategy I learnt from 'Text Your Ex Back 2.0' because I thought it was a problem that she felt was a dead end but I think I can resolve with change. However, it was until yesterday that I saw her love emails to another person and realized the main reason she broke up with me was because she had fallen for another man (I still have access to her email).

 

She met him in the local legal aid center and been communicating frequently. They went on some trips together with groups of friends sometimes. I was blinded by trust and I let her hang out with him. Only to know he was enticing her all this time now. I am very disappointed and I feel that she betrayed me! My instinct initially told me that there may be a third person but I was blinded by trust and brush it off as maybe I am being too sensitive (I can get overly sensitive at times) thus never asked if this was the case. Thinking back, after the breakup she had been hinting her relationship with him to me already. She said she had no more feelings for me, she felt guilty, she went out for a 2D1N trip with the guy days prior to the breakup, she said she would go for older guys next time and that she would most likely be moving out to the city (she won’t move out with me last time). All this made sense now!

 

He is a professional lawyer with successful career and somewhat secured with a house and etc. He is very outdoorsy and probably very charismatic. I on the other hand, am a sales person with unstable income, that just started to come out into the working life, a guy with easy going nature and laid back, somewhat charming but not very ambitious. Can I compete with him?

 

I love her. I care about her, and I want her to be happy... but this changes things. I am at a lost now of what should my next step be. If she is together with him now, she can be a very committed girlfriend if she decides to be. She is the type that can really just create a Great Wall of China to block any unwanted influence (when she was with me, she did that to other people who tried to wooed her, even her ex boyfriends). The reason she is hiding this relationship of hers is obviously due to her kind nature of not wanting to hurt me further and that is because we mainly share the same group of friends. Them knowing of this would seriously hurt her image.

 

I have an urge to find her and confront her directly but I am well aware of the consequences and are probably not ready for it. Besides knowing how the truth would hurt me, I am more concern how it would hurt her even more (the guilt and stuff). In worst scenario, she tells me the truth and we won’t be able to face each other anymore. Or otherwise, I can try my best and pretend as though I don’t know a thing, get on with the program. But would it still work if what she is having now isn’t any rebound relationship but looking for a relationship that can lead to marriage? Even if she returns to me, I can probably forgive her but I am not sure if I can pretend that this whole thing never happened before. Keeping to myself is very difficult. I want to tell someone I know about this but since all my friends are closed to both me and her. I can’t. I am afraid this will tarnish her image. What is the reasonable way to handle this?

 

I am desperate for closure here! I have this strong urge to know what does he have better than me? I wanted to know how she could had just walked off so frivolously? I initially planned to talk to her during this coming Sunday after church. I was planning to ask if she have any confessions that she would like to make. If she had, I would most likely try to breath it in as calmly as possible. If she didn't I would just let it go at there.

 

I don't need her back! I want her!

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

My world turned 360 degrees and soon I began strategizing for reconciliation with NC for 30 days while honing my skills as an ideal boyfriend (learn cooking, dancing, motorcycling & body building) as I still love her tremendously.

 

 

No offense brah but I think it's 180 degrees.

[irresolute]

Sorry, that it's just too long to read. Move on, the world doesn't end because she dumped you.

[mr.blond]

I desperately need help please! I am from Malaysia and my ex had just recently broken up with me 3 weeks ago. We were together for 8 years since our sophomore age. She was the most beautiful, sweet, caring, sincere and kind girl I ever met. We share almost the same network of friends. We don’t argue much and we always go out for dates and tries various activities. Everything was fine and we were both happy and comfortable with how things were until recently I felt that there was something wrong with her. She had suddenly been colder to me. I don’t think she prioritize me as much as she used to. She is still all lovey dovey that night. Until I asked and probe further did she suddenly just broke it off with me saying that she had no more feelings for me and that our relationship is too stale (which was hard for me to swallow). I am devastated by the broke up. My world turned 360 degrees and soon I began strategizing for reconciliation with NC for 30 days while honing my skills as an ideal boyfriend (learn cooking, dancing, motorcycling & body building) as I still love her tremendously. I had been dreading for weeks at myself for ruining what could had been the greatest thing to ever happen to me in my life! I was determined to get her back not by sweet talking but by actions that shows her I am a changed man.

 

She gave me courage when I couldn't muster any. She trusted me when no one else would. She is my sole motivator to achieve what I can and had right now. I can honestly say I did the same to her.

 

I initially thought she may be confused and just maybe felt that our relationship was somewhat hopeless and it is not going anywhere. Therefore I decided to go on NC to give her space. I was initially optimistic with my the strategy I learnt from 'Text Your Ex Back 2.0' because I thought it was a problem that she felt was a dead end but I think I can resolve with change. However, it was until yesterday that I saw her love emails to another person and realized the main reason she broke up with me was because she had fallen for another man (I still have access to her email).

 

She met him in the local legal aid center and been communicating frequently. They went on some trips together with groups of friends sometimes. I was blinded by trust and I let her hang out with him. Only to know he was enticing her all this time now. I am very disappointed and I feel that she betrayed me! My instinct initially told me that there may be a third person but I was blinded by trust and brush it off as maybe I am being too sensitive (I can get overly sensitive at times) thus never asked if this was the case. Thinking back, after the breakup she had been hinting her relationship with him to me already. She said she had no more feelings for me, she felt guilty, she went out for a 2D1N trip with the guy days prior to the breakup, she said she would go for older guys next time and that she would most likely be moving out to the city (she won’t move out with me last time). All this made sense now!

 

He is a professional lawyer with successful career and somewhat secured with a house and etc. He is very outdoorsy and probably very charismatic. I on the other hand, am a sales person with unstable income, that just started to come out into the working life, a guy with easy going nature and laid back, somewhat charming but not very ambitious. Can I compete with him?

 

I love her. I care about her, and I want her to be happy... but this changes things. I am at a lost now of what should my next step be. If she is together with him now, she can be a very committed girlfriend if she decides to be. She is the type that can really just create a Great Wall of China to block any unwanted influence (when she was with me, she did that to other people who tried to wooed her, even her ex boyfriends). The reason she is hiding this relationship of hers is obviously due to her kind nature of not wanting to hurt me further and that is because we mainly share the same group of friends. Them knowing of this would seriously hurt her image.

 

I have an urge to find her and confront her directly but I am well aware of the consequences and are probably not ready for it. Besides knowing how the truth would hurt me, I am more concern how it would hurt her even more (the guilt and stuff). In worst scenario, she tells me the truth and we won’t be able to face each other anymore. Or otherwise, I can try my best and pretend as though I don’t know a thing, get on with the program. But would it still work if what she is having now isn’t any rebound relationship but looking for a relationship that can lead to marriage? Even if she returns to me, I can probably forgive her but I am not sure if I can pretend that this whole thing never happened before. Keeping to myself is very difficult. I want to tell someone I know about this but since all my friends are closed to both me and her. I can’t. I am afraid this will tarnish her image. What is the reasonable way to handle this?

 

I am desperate for closure here! I have this strong urge to know what does he have better than me? I wanted to know how she could had just walked off so frivolously? I initially planned to talk to her during this coming Sunday after church. I was planning to ask if she have any confessions that she would like to make. If she had, I would most likely try to breath it in as calmly as possible. If she didn't I would just let it go at there.

 

I don't need her back! I want her!

 

I know man... the worst feeling of loss, dont know what to say.

[Sweetescape910]

Omg, I'm so sorry for your loss. This actually broke my heart reading this because you sound like a sweet, caring , and loving person. 8 years is a long time, and unfourtnely she doesn't feel the same way she used to. It's not healthy how you're comparing yourself to this other guy based on his occupational role and status in life. If she's in it for the money and success, she is not who you thought she was. You need to stop comparing yourself to this man. It's going to mentally torture you. You're doing all these things to become a changed man, but your perfect just the way you are. You shouldn't have to change for anyone,EVER. There is nothing negative to you. You gave it all you got. And the whole 30 days NC thing, your getting your hopes up.

 

Stay NC for yourself because YOU want to heal from the pain. Go NC to gain perspective on the situation. Love yourself enough to know you cannot change the way a person feels. You want her to change, so you change yourself and compare yourself to this guy. Ask yourself: is this healthy? I strongly recommend you write in a journal and jot your feelings down, because that is you're concious speaking. Write honestly and you'll see how much better you feel when you validate your feelings.

 

My friend, closure comes from within. I know you want to attach meaning to every question you have, but from what I see, she lost interest and she doesn't want the relationship. If she did, SHED TRY. She didn't though. And you need to accept that fact, as much as it hurts. And I know me saying this probably made you feel worthless and like ****, but trust me, I've been there before too. We all have. You're really not alone. How can you gain closure from the situation? To accept the situation, to get to know yourself better, to gain perspective, to love and nurture yourself. Your putting her love on a huge pedestal and I'm really worried about you, because I've been there. It's not healthy. I'm still at that point as well. If you want this is what I wrote in my journal before seeing this:

 

I need a better perspective on things. For so long I let myself change and let my life change in so many negative ways because of him. I became more insecure and less confident, and I know that's not who I am deep down, because if push comes to shove, I know I can defend myself entirely and know my worth and my personality. I'm glad to say I know who I am, although I'm still learning and shaping and becoming stronger and positively different from experiences. I had a loss., I was hopeful. I was comfortable. I wasn't expecting the worst in fact I thought things could get better because I expect people to be on the same boat as me. I don't take the rejection personally anymore.. I think he's insecure and not the right peson for me at all. And I don't want to hold myself out for him and I will not. I want to move forward.

 

 

It took me so long to get to this point..., but I did. I know it's hard to love yourself. To lose sight of who you are and put love into others rather than yourself... Please use that energy you devoted to her and devote it to yourself. You're worthy of love and your worthy of nurturing. Hang in there.

[jackinthebox1]

Lot of people being cold on here. Obs its not easy to walk away.

From what i can see your mistakes are not concentrating on yourself and your career and building your world around her. If this guy has a stable career, why dont you? There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first in a relationship.

 

Her relationship is very unlikely to work out. But you cant sit there moping hoping it does. The only way u will ever get her back is to move on and become the man you were before she met you. That doesnt mean changing for her n hoping she comes back. But for now you have to block her and know that she wont come back for 6 months anyway, so use that time to go NC and work on yourself.

 

There is always the chance that she will come back but after 6 months your emotional state will change and you can evaluate this situation properly without doing anything desparate

[LifeNomad]

hang on a be strong, work on yourself, change your self, heck get a new wardrobe. Do not bug or pester her, there are some things better left unknown. If you already know, tell her you know, tell her you wish her happiness, and try not to bug her anymore. Let her explore whatever it is she wants to explore, with that guy or any other guy. Once she knows whats out there she will realize if what you and her had was special or not. Hope for the best but expect the worst.

[Elfend]

Thx for the advice. Really appreciate it. I guess I needed to know if other people would affirm with what I planned to do and if not, what other better solutions would they be able to provide from their experience.

 

I have decided to meet her this coming Sunday after church. I don't plan to confront her (I will try my best to stay cool). I will just ask if she have anything to confess to me about what happened. I can't really decide if I can forgive her now. Therefore I think I would give her a chance. If she is able to confess what she did, I would forgive her and still be friends. If she doesn't, I don't think I want to see her ever again. Reason being, we share a common group of close friends together since our high school (we are all classmates) so the chances of us meeting together in the future for gatherings are still very likely. Furthermore, if I don't sort it out with her now, the next time she introduce that guy to our group of friends, I am very afraid I would go berserk and attack him for what he did.

 

Either way I decided I want to move on. I am beyond angry at this point. I am probably just disappointed how she turned her back on what special life we both shared.

[whatcanitellyou]

I desperately need help please! I am from Malaysia and my ex had just recently broken up with me 3 weeks ago. We were together for 8 years since our sophomore age. She was the most beautiful, sweet, caring, sincere and kind girl I ever met. We share almost the same network of friends. We don’t argue much and we always go out for dates and tries various activities. Everything was fine and we were both happy and comfortable with how things were until recently I felt that there was something wrong with her. She had suddenly been colder to me. I don’t think she prioritize me as much as she used to. She is still all lovey dovey that night. Until I asked and probe further did she suddenly just broke it off with me saying that she had no more feelings for me and that our relationship is too stale (which was hard for me to swallow). I am devastated by the broke up. My world turned 360 degrees and soon I began strategizing for reconciliation with NC for 30 days while honing my skills as an ideal boyfriend (learn cooking, dancing, motorcycling & body building) as I still love her tremendously. I had been dreading for weeks at myself for ruining what could had been the greatest thing to ever happen to me in my life! I was determined to get her back not by sweet talking but by actions that shows her I am a changed man.

 

She gave me courage when I couldn't muster any. She trusted me when no one else would. She is my sole motivator to achieve what I can and had right now. I can honestly say I did the same to her.

 

I initially thought she may be confused and just maybe felt that our relationship was somewhat hopeless and it is not going anywhere. Therefore I decided to go on NC to give her space. I was initially optimistic with my the strategy I learnt from 'Text Your Ex Back 2.0' because I thought it was a problem that she felt was a dead end but I think I can resolve with change. However, it was until yesterday that I saw her love emails to another person and realized the main reason she broke up with me was because she had fallen for another man (I still have access to her email).

 

She met him in the local legal aid center and been communicating frequently. They went on some trips together with groups of friends sometimes. I was blinded by trust and I let her hang out with him. Only to know he was enticing her all this time now. I am very disappointed and I feel that she betrayed me! My instinct initially told me that there may be a third person but I was blinded by trust and brush it off as maybe I am being too sensitive (I can get overly sensitive at times) thus never asked if this was the case. Thinking back, after the breakup she had been hinting her relationship with him to me already. She said she had no more feelings for me, she felt guilty, she went out for a 2D1N trip with the guy days prior to the breakup, she said she would go for older guys next time and that she would most likely be moving out to the city (she won’t move out with me last time). All this made sense now!

 

He is a professional lawyer with successful career and somewhat secured with a house and etc. He is very outdoorsy and probably very charismatic. I on the other hand, am a sales person with unstable income, that just started to come out into the working life, a guy with easy going nature and laid back, somewhat charming but not very ambitious. Can I compete with him?

 

I love her. I care about her, and I want her to be happy... but this changes things. I am at a lost now of what should my next step be. If she is together with him now, she can be a very committed girlfriend if she decides to be. She is the type that can really just create a Great Wall of China to block any unwanted influence (when she was with me, she did that to other people who tried to wooed her, even her ex boyfriends). The reason she is hiding this relationship of hers is obviously due to her kind nature of not wanting to hurt me further and that is because we mainly share the same group of friends. Them knowing of this would seriously hurt her image.

 

I have an urge to find her and confront her directly but I am well aware of the consequences and are probably not ready for it. Besides knowing how the truth would hurt me, I am more concern how it would hurt her even more (the guilt and stuff). In worst scenario, she tells me the truth and we won’t be able to face each other anymore. Or otherwise, I can try my best and pretend as though I don’t know a thing, get on with the program. But would it still work if what she is having now isn’t any rebound relationship but looking for a relationship that can lead to marriage? Even if she returns to me, I can probably forgive her but I am not sure if I can pretend that this whole thing never happened before. Keeping to myself is very difficult. I want to tell someone I know about this but since all my friends are closed to both me and her. I can’t. I am afraid this will tarnish her image. What is the reasonable way to handle this?

 

I am desperate for closure here! I have this strong urge to know what does he have better than me? I wanted to know how she could had just walked off so frivolously? I initially planned to talk to her during this coming Sunday after church. I was planning to ask if she have any confessions that she would like to make. If she had, I would most likely try to breath it in as calmly as possible. If she didn't I would just let it go at there.

 

I don't need her back! I want her!

 

Is there any particular reason that you were together for 8 years and have not gotten married? Had that ever come up?

[endlessabyss]

Sorry, that it's just too long to read. Move on, the world doesn't end because she dumped you.

 

 

Why even post this garbage? You didn't even take the time to read what the OP had to say, so it's obvious you don't care, and aren't sincere about helping.

 

 

ANYWAYS, look OP, this is going to take some major self discipline, but you need to try and block her out of your life as best as you can. You guys were together for a long time, and things may have got stale to her. without you knowing. This new guy has drummed up butterflies for her, and she is riding the emotions from this new partnership.

 

 

Don't feel bad if you confide to friends. That is what people do in times like this.

 

 

Keep this in mind as well, if you keep trying to get in contact her you will ruin whatever chance you have with getting back with her. Groveling is repellent.

 

 

The only thing that is going to get you though this is time, and keeping distance from her. You have no control over her, and she is going to do what she wants.

 

 

And don't compare yourself to this other guy. His status is very minor as to why she is doing what she is doing. I've seen guys who had it all, whose g/f would leave them for someone who had absolutely nothing.

[Elfend]

We had initially planned out our lives .. To focus on our career until we are 30 before settling down since she wants to develop herself in the legal industry. Furthermore I didn't pressed on marriage because I want to make sure I can provide the best I could that she deserves to have. I have big plans on my upcoming business and was planning to retire by 35 or 40 with enough money to travel the world and live our days peacefully together. She was well aware of this and had been very supportive.

 

Her parents like me a lot but I want them to acknowledge me and approve of the wedding knowing that I am able to take care of their daughter. They are kind of traditional in that way.

 

However, when she broke up with me. She said if she thought I was husband material at all, she would not had mine if we had sex and gotten her pregnant during our earlier years. Noted I am kind of playful (not with other girls) in a way that I Always try to make her laugh. Seeing her smile and laugh makes my day.

 

When she said that, it really shattered me. I don't know how I could have done any better for her. If she did think that way I think she could most likely won the Grammy awards for best actress because she had been playing the supportive, caring and loving role of a girl friend all this while.

[Michael 93]

Sorry, that it's just too long to read. Move on, the world doesn't end because she dumped you.

 

@irresolute

 

I have followed your advice for a while now. You can be really quite nasty sometimes..

[martaldn]

Sorry, that it's just too long to read. Move on, the world doesn't end because she dumped you.

 

hi

no offence here

but this is the second time I come across this sort of reply from you.

why reply if you dont even bother to read the whole story?

your advise here is as useful as a comb for a bold man

 

sorry for the off Topic OP

 

I am sorry for your pain but at moment there is only one thing you can do and this is stay NC.

it will be hard but now you don't need to know anything else from her because it will only hurt you more.

closure will come with the time but now you need to focus in yourself and try to move on.

[Haydn]

Remember Irresolute the advice you gave here when you yourself post for advice from others. Tactless.

 

OP, it will hurt and i am sorry you are going through this. Stay on these boards, there are people with a ton of useful things to help you.

 

 

 

Sorry, that it's just too long to read. Move on, the world doesn't end because she dumped you.

[Elfend]

Hi Guys. Just to update you on the situation

 

After 3 weeks, I decided to meet her and ask if she had anything to confess to me. I was determined that this would bring closure to me. However she swore that she didn't cheat on me. I can't really say I am convinced. But at the end I feel much better now after having that conversation to her.

 

At this point I don't really care if she cheated or not. But I think I came to a closure knowing there is no hope for reconciliation. This desperate 'hope' was leading me on endlessly. Now that I see it that way, I know what I need to do.

 

She asked how I got to know bout the whole thing. I said I saw her emails with him (I am not proud) and she walked off angrily. I could had dodged the question but I decided to tell her the truth anyways. I decided that she getting angry and hating me made it easier for me to move on I guess.

 

I went home. Deleted and untagged all the pictures of me and her in Facebook (I didn't block her. In case she of any emergencies I can still help her out because I do care for her). Packed all the stuff she gave me into a box and keep it in a dark corner. I am determined to start NC and heal my soul (whats left of it).

[Elfend]

Anyways, during our meeting, I passed her a special signing pen engraved with her initial and a simple message 'The Pen is Mightier than The Sword' which was supposed to be our anniversary gift during the 16th Nov which I bought long time ago prior to the break up. Also, I had included a letter which goes like this:

 

Hi,

 

By the time you are reading this, I think I have probably talked to you already on my thoughts. Depending on how our conversation worked out, I am not sure if I can forgive you for what you did.

 

I used to think I was so lucky to strike life’s biggest jackpot by the age of 18. The past 8 years of slavery were the greatest thing that ever happened to me. You made every moment special. I don’t think I will ever forget! (especially the moment when you slipped on the ice and fell down in Japan. It was both funny and special!) We had our lives all planned out. We were supposed to build a successful career and be married by 30, retire by 35 – 40 with enough money and own our dream house overlooking the beach and forest. We would see and travel the world together & enjoy each other’s comfort till we die of age. I thought we shared something very special and the fact that you could walked away so easily from these 8 years felt like my heart was ripped off. The breakup literally drove me to the verge of my breaking point.

 

I am beyond angry now on myself or you. Numbed but mostly disappointed and feel betrayed. But hey; what can’t kill me only serve to make me stronger.

 

I am not blaming you for what you did but I can’t say the same for that ******* but I don’t intend to go there. For the sake of our 8 years of relationship, I am writing to apologize for what I did wrong to you. I want to clear off any regrets I have at the moment. Probably the one thing I regretted and feared most during our relationship was that I had somehow unconsciously hurt or abused the love of my life. I am sorry I couldn’t be the person you deserved.

 

The way you broke up with me was cruel and crude but necessary. Looking back at it now, I acknowledge and appreciate your honesty (well at least at that moment I knew what you were thinking). You continue to inspire me to be a better person even in situations like this and I thank you for it. I think what you said that day would serve me very well in the future.

 

Now that I have gotten that out, I want to sincerely thank you for all the wonderful experiences and moments that we shared. You have been an unbelievably positive influence in my life. You gave me the motivation I needed to better myself. You believed in me when even myself or anyone else couldn’t. You were there for me through bright and dark! I can’t imagine where will I be today if I haven’t met you and got together with you. You taught me how to love and gave me hope and purpose to strive for a better me. Thank you!

 

The truth is, there will always be some part of me that is madly in love with you. I don’t say this often, but I want you to know I loved you for everything you are (even the kinky bit of you). You are gorgeous & sexy, cute in a kinky way, innocent but probably the only girl with the biggest heart for anything and everything. Seeing you smile always made my day. He may be an ******* but he is truly lucky to have you.

 

However, I understand that to love, sometimes one must also let go. Basically, this letter wraps up any last minute things I have to say to you but getting out makes me feel better. It’s going to be a roller coaster ride from now on but I think I am prepared to move on now. All I ever wish for is that you’re happy in life. If our paths cross again then so be it. But until then good luck my friend and be safe. You mean the world to me and always will. That ******* better make sure he treats you like the princess that you are

 

Former slave.

[voels]

Elfend, don't ever send that sort of letter EVER again. Don't put yourself down, don't write lovey-dovey messages or praises her. She's not feeling it, it won't change her mind and so please save some dignity. She bailed out so **** her. The focus now is on you, and stay NC.

 

Greetings, from your fellow countryman!

[Elfend]

Elfend, don't ever send that sort of letter EVER again. Don't put yourself down, don't write lovey-dovey messages or praises her. She's not feeling it, it won't change her mind and so please save some dignity. She bailed out so **** her. The focus now is on you, and stay NC.

 

Greetings, from your fellow countryman!

 

Yea that would be last time I see her and send her any letters from me. I wanted to let it all out and have a clean slate to start with. Now I have no more regrets with our past relationship.

 

Also, just a question, in the future with any new girl I meet, how am I supposed to prevent another case of GIGS? Now that I am in this situation with my ex, I realized that many of my other female friends are having the same problem with their relationship of 3 -5 years... I just noticed that this is quite normal amongst girls that they would question and doubt their feelings. I always thought that if I treat the person I love and give the best I could provide was sufficient. But clearly this isn't. How come?

[preraph]

There is literally nothing she could say that would give you relief from the heartbreak. There is no closure for a broken heart. You have to learn to deal with it. Life is full of ups and downs and heartbreak is a big down. People often grow apart as they get older when they met real young like you did. Nothing she could say to you would do anything but twist the knife more. Do not make her "be honest" with you or you will find what she says very hurtful. She was a good girlfriend with you for many years and you will always have those memories. Not everyone ever gets a good trustworthy partner. I can see why you're devastated, but what's done is done. You grew apart. She will likely always have a special place in her heart for you, but you can't turn back the hands of time. Please seek out friends and try to just stay busy and find new activities to distract you through this difficult time. Exercise will help relieve stress.

 

Please be sure that you were plenty good enough to have a good long relationship and do not view it as a failure but just growing up. You were good enough to be successful for a long time and you will meet another woman once you work through all this and come out the other side.

[Elfend]

I think what she said hurt me so badly that it literally crushed any hope of reconciliation with her. I am not going to lie, knowing that there is no more hope give me the determination I needed to start the healing process and NC with her.

 

Hopefully one day, when I do recover, we could still be friends.

[AlphaC]

Either way I decided I want to move on. I am beyond angry at this point. I am probably just disappointed how she turned her back on what special life we both shared.

 

Hey brother good post and you are great writer. It was very easy to read your story. As soon I started reading about your connection with your ex and her sudden change of heart I knew there was another man involved. There ALWAYS IS ANOTHER MAN INVOLVED, ALWAYS, women do this to man ALL THE TIME!!! It's the poor men who are always compensating, men say stuff like "if you come back I won't talk about this again" we lose ourselves for women who did us wrong.

 

Brother I have two pieces of advice:

 

1. All the changes you do in your life from here on out do for your own well being. (put yourself first:, and

2. I saw Tyler Perry's "Confessions of a marriage counselor" last night, I strongly recommend you watch it. You will see your story played out in the big screen.

[nofeelings22]

 

Also, just a question, in the future with any new girl I meet, how am I supposed to prevent another case of GIGS? Now that I am in this situation with my ex, I realized that many of my other female friends are having the same problem with their relationship of 3 -5 years... I just noticed that this is quite normal amongst girls that they would question and doubt their feelings. I always thought that if I treat the person I love and give the best I could provide was sufficient. But clearly this isn't. How come?

 

 

Sadly, the vast majority of women enjoy drama, upheaval and instability. The grass is ALWAYS greener for them, deep down, even if they take no action on it or completely deny it. They are never satisfied... with you, me or even themselves. They always want more.

 

Source? I know so, so, so many women and am privy to their deepest feelings and secrets (all of my friends are female, as is everyone I date). To a woman, they all are like this. Every last one. If they stay with a guy, it's only because they ran out of energy to keep changing.

 

These days, women live in a disposable mindset. Long gone are the traditional values you are talking about. View every relationship as temporary and you'll be a lot better off.

Edited November 18, 2014 by nofeelings22

[Elfend]

Hey brother good post and you are great writer. It was very easy to read your story. As soon I started reading about your connection with your ex and her sudden change of heart I knew there was another man involved. There ALWAYS IS ANOTHER MAN INVOLVED, ALWAYS, women do this to man ALL THE TIME!!! It's the poor men who are always compensating, men say stuff like "if you come back I won't talk about this again" we lose ourselves for women who did us wrong.

 

Brother I have two pieces of advice:

 

1. All the changes you do in your life from here on out do for your own well being. (put yourself first:, and

2. I saw Tyler Perry's "Confessions of a marriage counselor" last night, I strongly recommend you watch it. You will see your story played out in the big screen.

 

Thanks Alpha. I will go watch that later tonight when I am free. It is really thanks to you awesome people here that I can stand up again much more easier than I otherwise would. During this unfortunate situation, I find solace visiting this forum and looking at other people's problems and how some of them deal with it. You guys gave me the perspective of a 3rd person peering into my own problems and it inspired me to stand up and love myself again.

 

On a side note, I would still write letters to my ex whenever I am thinking of her. But I don't intend to ever send it to her. Getting out whatever ill feelings I have right now through writing is kind of therapeutic I guess.

[lauri]

Look man, no girl is going to want to be with a guy who is in the state you are in right now. You need to make a few key decisions to help yourself move on and move forward.

 

1) Block and delete her from everything. She isn't your problem anymore. I'm not sure if I missed it in your thread that you did block her but it seems like you just removed her from your social media.

2) Stop blaming yourself. There is probably more to this then you realize.

3) Don't worry about other girls right now. Worry about yourself. You need to pull yourself together and be strong.

 

You need to develop the confidence to realize that if a girl doesn't work out you CAN and WILL find someone new and better for you. There is nothing wrong with being hurt and taking a long time to heal, but man, you need to do it right.

 

But remember, writing a letter to her will only make things worse / make you appear weak. Keep moving forward. Have the mentality that it is HER loss, not yours. Keep telling yourself that until it becomes true.

[Elfend]

Look man, no girl is going to want to be with a guy who is in the state you are in right now. You need to make a few key decisions to help yourself move on and move forward.

 

1) Block and delete her from everything. She isn't your problem anymore. I'm not sure if I missed it in your thread that you did block her but it seems like you just removed her from your social media.

2) Stop blaming yourself. There is probably more to this then you realize.

3) Don't worry about other girls right now. Worry about yourself. You need to pull yourself together and be strong.

 

You need to develop the confidence to realize that if a girl doesn't work out you CAN and WILL find someone new and better for you. There is nothing wrong with being hurt and taking a long time to heal, but man, you need to do it right.

 

But remember, writing a letter to her will only make things worse / make you appear weak. Keep moving forward. Have the mentality that it is HER loss, not yours. Keep telling yourself that until it becomes true.

 

Yea. Thx for that reply! I guess I am pretty much going to do as you say. Anyways I deleted all photos of me and her together from Facebook. Heck I even deactivated my Facebook altogether. Kept the things she gave me in a box. Didn't delete her number though since I can clearly remember the number either way so it is really pointless doing so.

 

I do miss her and think about her from time to time. But each time I think of checking up on her through Whatsapp, Facebook or anything that could break NC I write a positive message on a stick-it-note and stick it to my office desk to remind myself to stay strong.