obsessive social media stalking

[EuTuBrute]

When my ex of 2.5 years broke up with me I kept her on facebook.

 

Let me tell you this. It absolutely hindered my healing. Id look at it and it would set me back to day one. She wasn't even with a new guy but it looked like she was having a blast.

 

I got back with her for a second time.

 

However the second time didn't work out.

 

However I would have been fully healed if I would have blocked her.

It may have saved my second chance.

I was a doormats the second time because I never healed.

 

Trust me block.

 

You will heal and maybe if it's ment to be get your ex back

[Zapbasket]

theres been this destructive storm in my mind for over a month since this break up. Iv always been a happy strong willed guy and I just dont see the light at the end of this. Im not my self amd everyone I know can see it. She was the one and now shes gone

 

Give it time, and give love to yourself. I think people on this thread are trying to help, but maybe being a little too harsh especially given you're only a bit over a month out. You've been dealt a huge blow, and a big shock. Everything you thought was one way, was smashed into your face as something else entirely. Your life cannot go back to the way it was, and everything feels uncertain as you try to orient yourself to your new reality.

 

Please recognize that you are doing GREAT. Coming to a place like LS is a big first step. I haven't caught up yet on your other thread, but if you haven't yet sought out a good therapist in your area, please do so. It helps give you structure to have a regular appointment where you can explore all your feelings under a professional's safe guidance. Open up to a few close friends.

 

Look, even strong-willed, generally happy people fall down. Everyone who has a heart and is honest with themselves knows this. Reach out for help. Let yourself cry, and acknowledge to yourself your sense of betrayal, loneliness and pain.

 

The other posters are right, that social media stalking won't help you heal. I think it's because it gives the illusion that you are somehow still in a "relationship" with the person. You're in the comfort of your home, and with just a few clicks, suddenly the person is right there. That's why it's so addictive. But eventually, that person will slip away, and even though she's right in front of you she's living apart from you and you're right there seeing it all happen. It's a huge, huge mind-f*ck.

 

But I won't tell you to stop, mainly because I'm guilty of social media stalking myself. I simply cannot bring myself to unfriend or block my ex from FB, and I know it's because I'm still hanging on, despite myself, to some hope that he will reach out. But you know, it gets less every day, the hope. And I know I am moving forward from this, at a snail's pace, perhaps, but ANY movement is good movement.

 

Everything good that will happen for you going forward will start with you being kind to yourself, the way you would for a little child who is very sad. Think of how you would treat a 5-year-old, and treat yourself that way.

 

And at least once a week, TRY to remove yourself from your phone and computer for a stretch of at least a few hours. I go hiking in the mountains, in places I know have no cell service. Not having access to the source of information about your ex is very centering in doses. Start with that, and see how you feel.

 

Sorry this is so long. It's my attempt to give you a huge hug and reassure you that you are doing just FINE. Breathe, and face the new day with vulnerability, integrity, humility and gratitude. (And yeah, punch a wall if you need to, as well ;-) )

[KatZee]

Well, how about people who really connect with other other people than the ex through Facebook? Deleting your account won't make you stop stalking her. You can block and continue with your life as it was before, but deleting your account just because of one person? I think it's ridiculous.

 

If a person is SO important, he would have their phone number. To you know, have actual interaction with beyond the scope of a computer screen. Facebook is Bulls.hit. Makes you think you have more friends than you actually do.

 

And some people do not know how to control themselves and have no impulse control. Yes, these people SHOULD reevaluate, step away from the delusion and remove the source of temptation and pain.

[Bella2]

what do you think you have to stop doing, huh? Global warming, the war...what?

 

[Haydn]

Mate she don't care. She could be checking your Fb and having a good laugh with her new man at your posts?

 

 

Probably not though. She's moved on. Stop stalking it can get out of hand. I speak as a victim.

[SoThatHappened]

I love when people post about something they "can't" stop doing, knowing full well that they shouldn't be doing it, then not heeding the advice they know is correct.

 

Don't give the real Mr. Blonde from Reservoir Dogs a bad name. Block/delete/remove/stop.

[Strength in Healing]

Masochism. You feel you deserve it.

 

You don't. Seek help in this area, brother

[mr.blond]

Rub one out, and see if that same feeling is there. Not even joking.

 

i got it bad. Havnt rubed one out in over a month

[jackinthebox1]

NO sympathy here if you can't follow any advice.

Man up, you sound like a complete wuss with no self control. No woman is going to get back with u in this state. FFS

[irresolute]

I think he's just playing around, and he's not serious about moving on. He's not there yet.

[mr.blond]

well how the hell do I get there? Im pretty sure im having a full blown nervious breakdown.

[metaversus]

I'm basically the queen of social media stalking, and I want to share this story.

I spent a year obsessively cyber stalking my ex. Every mention of him on the internet was found by me. I followed who he followed on FB. I became immersed in his world and started following his scene. I even started learning his art.

He knew I was doing this too, and I think he enjoyed torturing me. He normally made his photos private, but he would put up public photos from time to time. I was able to see just enough activity to understand what he was up to.

He would keep tabs on me via text, and I would always send sad, angry or emo texts in reply. I spent the entire year in a depressive fog. I lost my job (which turned out to be a blessing since I hated it) and lost a lot of weight (which as a woman is also a good thing ).

I tried dating, a lot, but no one else could compare. I told him I had started taking lessons in his art, and would send him pictures from time to time of my progress. He would do the same. The irony is I started pursuing this to get back at him. I wanted to become better than him, and as I started doing it I realized I had found a creative outlet I really love that gives me purpose and makes me feel better about myself.

So, fast forward to the beginning of this year. He texts me to tell me his girlfriend broke up with him. He was devastated, and he invited me to spend a week with him (across country). I had just lost another job (due to my depressed, apathetic state), and didn't have much going on. Plus I still thought I was in love with him so I jumped at the opportunity. We spent the week together and had a lot of fun. He was super depressed about his ex and I helped him talk it through and cheered him up. We made art together and he showed me around his area. He started telling me I needed to be out there instead of where I was living (he had moved across country the previous year). He said I was stuck where I was, which he knew about first hand because he had been in the same predicament. He offered me a place to stay rent-free for a few months if I wanted to move out there and change my life. The deal was that I had to let go of any hope there would ever be an 'us'. He was dead serious about that. he said if I could do that then I could stay with him.

The week I spent with him was very emotional for me. I cried a lot because it was obvious he was never going to love me like a girlfriend (we didn't even hook up while I was there). At first moving in with him was out of the question. How was I supposed to move in with my ex who I was still in love with and had broken my heart? Worst idea ever right?

But when I went home, I realized I hated where I was and really did want to change my life. Here was my golden ticket. The opportunity of a lifetime to move somewhere amazing. Was I just going to throw it away?

So I spoke with an ex-colleague, a woman who is older than me, who told me that she had once found herself in a similar situation. She said that if I was going to make the move, I needed to bury any hope that I was ever going to be with this man. After spending a week with him on a purely platonic level, I started to realize I might in fact be able to do this. After about a month of thinking about it, I decided I would take the chance. There was more for me to gain by being friends with this man than not.

So I made the move, and it was the best decision I've ever made in my life. I love where I live, and he is my best friend. We love each other and are close, just not in the way I had initially hoped.

So that is a positive outcome of cyber-stalking. There is also my ex before him that was not positive, and with him I just needed to let go and put him out of my mind completely.

I really think it depends on the person and how they see you fitting into their life. If they see a place for you in their life they will want to stay in contact with you.

But don't do as I do! The best thing is really to let go and stop all cyber-stalking. If they want you in their life they will remain in contact, or come back.

[jackinthebox1]

Sorry? No way. You went from cyber stalking to moving in with him. And you have just said you still love him.

Do you date people, does he bring people back and **** them? What are the circumstances there?

That is the WORST idea i have ever heard in my life.

[metaversus]

Sorry? No way. You went from cyber stalking to moving in with him. And you have just said you still love him.

Do you date people, does he bring people back and **** them? What are the circumstances there?

That is the WORST idea i have ever heard in my life.

 

This is a different ex jackinthebox1. My ex before the current one. It must not have been a bad idea because it worked out really well.

[metaversus]

This is a different ex jackinthebox1. My ex before the current one. It must not have been a bad idea because it worked out really well.

 

I stayed with him for a few months when I first got out here, and yes his girlfriend would come over sometimes. His home has an in-law suite in the back and a separate entrance so I just did my thing and it was like a roommate situation. I found my own place (where I currently live) and now we are good friends. Yes I still love him, but as a good friend (with benefits). I have absolutely no desire to ever be his girlfriend again. I know him too well now!

[dragonfire13]

Man, I wish it was just Facebook these days... at least with Facebook you can block and be done with it. Now with things like Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn people are more inclined to leave these pages public and they can easily be found online...it's harder to resist the urge. Especially if you know they're e-stalking you too when you get accidental notifications off them.

 

You do reach that point where you stop caring however...a few months of no contact and you will naturally start to lose interest in your ex, as well as the desire to see what they're up to.

 

Think about it this way, you can either look them up online when you're bored and end up feeling like crap after...or you can resist the urge and do something else that DOESN'T make you feel like crap. Something that instead puts a smile on your face... for me, it's watching a funny film, or youtube videos/vines, or going for a walk.

[Lostdreams]

Mr Blond - you have to let go of the stalking .... I did it myself religiously at least a 100 times a day obsessed with seeing him - feeling closer to him by keeping tabs on his on-line gaming times and habits via several social network apps.

 

Then after 6 weeks I finally faced up to the fact that I was hurting myself more than anything - and wallowing in self pity .... missing him and in a viscous circle. It brought nothing positive and I deserved better from myself so I blocked him everywhere. It takes resolve and strength to do this .....so many of us here have stalked in spite of all the advise not to on here - the advise is solid believe me.

 

I decided this stalking had hurt me enough - why keep on opening the wound?

 

To heal you have to focus on yourself .... yes it hurts but we've all be through it and each day gets easier. You have to do this to start baby steps in moving forward. Accept that there will be ups and downs and you can't be strong all the time. Instead of stalking write a diary of your feelings and make a list of what you want to do for yourself in the next six months.

 

Chin up and good luck - you are not alone