Orije Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 (edited) Hello guys! So I'm not sure if its me expecting too much out of my girlfriend or if something is wrong? Me and my girlfriend have just gotten into a relationship a few days ago after talking/dating for a month and a half. Before we got into the relationship we texted a lot during the day even though she was busy and so was I. Now its tough to hear anything from her. Whenever the conversation goes dull or I don't hear anything, I tend to flirt or act cute, but she goes around it and changes conversation. I didn't let it bug me. She lives about 40 miles away, but due to her begin extremely busy with college work, tutoring, classes and studies she is busy. I'm 20 and she is 19. With her doing Orchestra and her student government I won't be able to see her until next weekend, so it has been about 2 weeks since i've seen her. Today I got up late to school and had to rush to every class to take tests. When class finished at 3pm I still didn't get anything so i sent a good afternon text. It wasn't until now that i recieved a text saying how busy she was. I told her I'm currtently writing an essay and she said she is going to her friends concert so she will talk to me later. This bummed me out a lot. She told me she doesn't play head games and if anything was wrong she would let me know. I feel like I put a lot of work into this relationship, but maybe its just me and i should give her more space since she is busy? any tips guys? Thank you Edited November 13, 2014 by Orije
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 The fact that we have technology which allows 24/7/365 instant communication has made people expect that is the norm to be in touch all day every day. When that doesn't happen it causes hurt feelings. At the beginning of a relationship you have to talk about your expectations. If you want more contact than you are getting, discuss it with her. But given the distance & her other commitments if you get a good morning & good night test every day, plus a few phone calls during the week & 1 in person date per week maybe supplemented with a smattering of social media, that is a LOT of contact.
Author Orije Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 That is true. Thank you. I understand what you are saying. I guess I'm too infatuated with that relationship that I was smothering her too much. Maybe I should try to make myself more busy so she isn't on my mind all the time? Hopefully things stay as great as they are. I don't want to ruin this relationship.
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Being busy yourself is a great idea. It will give you more to talk about when you do get together. If it makes you feel any better, my husband has been away for a month. Fortunately I see him on the weekends but we do maybe 1-2 texts per day & a short 15-20 minute call at night. Neither of us are big phone people. Our marriage is just fine. Quality not quantity. 1
sagamore Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 What do you mean when you say you just got into a relationship a few days ago? How did that happen? The posters above are right that strong relationships don't necessarily mean a lot of texting. But I think that when your gut tells you there's been a change in the frequency or the warmth of someone's communications with you, that gut instinct is usually right. Maybe she wasn't ready to commit and is having second thoughts?
Author Orije Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 I'm not the type to ask her out through text and since I haven't seen her in awhile and things felt right, I asked her out over the phone. I would travel down, but she doesn't like surprise visits because she is so busy. After I asked her to be my girlfriend she said next time I see her she wants to talk about the relationship more. I will ask her when I see her how she feels, but for now I am going to try to keep myself busy.
Donnie Darko Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Sometimes you can be afraid to walk away from a relationship that isn't meeting your needs because of all the time you "invested" in that relationship but think of the real opportunity cost of staying in a relationship that isn't meeting your needs. I'm not saying you should give up on your relationship but sometimes there comes a time when things are not working and some people will tend to cling to their relationship due to fear of change. You shouldn't be afraid of change though. It should be fun and exciting. Stay busy, spend time doing hobbies and activities that you enjoy, spend time with friends, and have fun. Don't depend on your relationship or girlfriend for your personal happiness.
Author Orije Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Ahh I see, thank you. I always read up on things and believed that with a long distance type relationship that for couples who don't see each other often should keep more contact. Hopefully me giving her space will help a lot and once I see her in person, everything will be great She likes my muscles so I will try to go to the gym more often haha. I will also try to reconnect with old friends.
Assasda Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 yeah, it is you. Youre needy, Get your own life back off
mariekatie Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Hello guys! So I'm not sure if its me expecting too much out of my girlfriend or if something is wrong? Me and my girlfriend have just gotten into a relationship a few days ago after talking/dating for a month and a half. Before we got into the relationship we texted a lot during the day even though she was busy and so was I. Now its tough to hear anything from her. Whenever the conversation goes dull or I don't hear anything, I tend to flirt or act cute, but she goes around it and changes conversation. I didn't let it bug me. She lives about 40 miles away, but due to her begin extremely busy with college work, tutoring, classes and studies she is busy. I'm 20 and she is 19. With her doing Orchestra and her student government I won't be able to see her until next weekend, so it has been about 2 weeks since i've seen her. Today I got up late to school and had to rush to every class to take tests. When class finished at 3pm I still didn't get anything so i sent a good afternon text. It wasn't until now that i recieved a text saying how busy she was. I told her I'm currtently writing an essay and she said she is going to her friends concert so she will talk to me later. This bummed me out a lot. She told me she doesn't play head games and if anything was wrong she would let me know. I feel like I put a lot of work into this relationship, but maybe its just me and i should give her more space since she is busy? any tips guys? Thank you I admit i'm a needy kind of person. But that's because im insecure. It will poison the relationship so i'm already trying to change it. If i were you, i would had guessed that she lost interest but most people in LS wouldn't think so. It shows how much insecurity can kill relationships. I often feel i put in effort and he doesn't. but thats WRONG. You just need to learn to focus what she did for you and not what she didnt do for you. Give her some space. If she wants to leave you, no matter how much you try to keep her there, she will still leave. And being insecure drives them away. You can tell her you feel insecure but eventually she will b sick of reassuring you, especially when she is damn busy with her life. It's hard but you need to try to get a life other than her. It's hard but you have to try if not your r/s will be doomed. I'm in a LDR as well so i understand why. I guess it's common. For mine, he text/call me day and night yet i still feel insecure. But when i compare it to some others who only get a phone once every 2weeks, i feel so much better. It's good to compare sometimes.
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 40 miles away is NOT an LDR. Many people travel more than that to go to work every day. Communication is important but it doesn't have to be constant. Think quality over quantity. If your SO is genuinely busy with school, orchestra, student gov't etc. they are out living life, gaining experience, exploring. Those are good things. Match them in being interesting by doing your own thing or you will become a boring drag & they won't want to be with you because all you do is suck the life blood out of them.
Author Orije Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 I understand what you are saying. The distance isn't far its just we rarely see each other due to conflicting schedules. I try not to be a drag. While she is busy with school activities, I am also a full time student and work 35 hours a week. I will try to keep my mind busy by paying attention to the world news. Its just I believe I am needy. I act cute and affectionate to her and I expect to have some grand reaction when i clearly get none. I will take time to work on myself more.
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