badkarma2013 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I've never cheated, but I went to a counsellor after developing feelings for a man who isn't my husband. My counsellor also told me that I SHOULD NOT tell my husband. Who knows what your wife's counsellor's reasoning was, but mine was looking out for my interests as her patient, and mine alone - my husband and the other man's wife and kids were not her patients. But I think it's a cop out to blame the counsellor - they can't force anyone to do or not do anything, only advise what they think is the best course of action. Sorry you had such a horrible shock OP - stay strong and know that it will get easier. A great deal of M/Cs now recommend (If your attracted to someone else..etc..) tell your spouse!!! Before an EA or PA happens...It takes the secret away and shines a light on a HUGE problem in ones marriage... IT ALWAYS STARTS WITH ATTRACTION..PA/EA/ONS does'nt matter...and with all of those listed..ONE MAKES A CHOICE NOT A MISTAKE...no matter how drunk i was or how drunk a WW is WE ALL KNEW WHAT WE WERE DOING..AND WE LIKED IT...
thirtysomethingteen Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 A great deal of M/Cs now recommend (If your attracted to someone else..etc..) tell your spouse!!! Before an EA or PA happens...It takes the secret away and shines a light on a HUGE problem in ones marriage... I did end up telling my husband anyway before anything physical could happen and was glad I did - he was so great about it and totally "got it". He even had a certain amount of sympathy for the OM, even while saying that his behavior was totally unacceptable and needed to stop. And because I was truthful with him he is even okay with me being friends with the OM to this day so long as certain conditions are met, such as me only ever being around him in a group setting and not out of earshot of others - because I came clean to him he trusts me to adhere to these conditions, and I do. :-) 1
road Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I did end up telling my husband anyway before anything physical could happen and was glad I did - he was so great about it and totally "got it". He even had a certain amount of sympathy for the OM, even while saying that his behavior was totally unacceptable and needed to stop. And because I was truthful with him he is even okay with me being friends with the OM to this day so long as certain conditions are met, such as me only ever being around him in a group setting and not out of earshot of others - because I came clean to him he trusts me to adhere to these conditions, and I do. :-) You cared and realized the risk you would go NC with the OM. Even just because it would make your BH the happiest. 1
badkarma2013 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I did end up telling my husband anyway before anything physical could happen and was glad I did - he was so great about it and totally "got it". He even had a certain amount of sympathy for the OM, even while saying that his behavior was totally unacceptable and needed to stop. And because I was truthful with him he is even okay with me being friends with the OM to this day so long as certain conditions are met, such as me only ever being around him in a group setting and not out of earshot of others - because I came clean to him he trusts me to adhere to these conditions, and I do. :-) ******************************************************************* I am glad you did and you husband should be thrilled.....But so many here Dont...and cause devastation beyond their wildest dreams to those closest to them...Congrats and my hats off to you. 1
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