SpiralOut Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 (edited) So far everything is good with the guy I'm seeing, except for one thing. He doesn't let me sleep. That might sound silly, but I don't handle sleep deprivation very well, and it has gotten to the point where I am tired all day at work, come home, and pass out right away. I haven't been able to enjoy my evenings, or even spend time working on my personal projects, because my spare time goes towards catching up on sleep. He wakes up early for work. That's fine. The problem is he doesn't always leave me alone to sleep through his alarm. If I happen to be half-awake, he'll come over and kiss me until I wake up, even when I push him away and tell him to leave me alone. I have spoken to him the next day, telling him that it pisses me off because of all the reasons I've mentioned above already. He agreed to stop it, which he did for a while. Then last night he did it again, even though I was sick. I had spent most of the night with bad stomach pain. He was sweet and took care of me while I felt unwell. However it surprised me that he wouldn't let me sleep through the night, I mean hello I felt ill most of the night, sick people need to sleep. He did the same thing as before, kissing me when I told him I don't want to, I am not a morning person, leave me alone. This happens at 5am, by the way. I ended up feeling too awful today to go into work, and part of it was due to the sleep deprivation. Later today while texting I mentioned that I was tired. He responded with "I know it was my fault but too bad!" He claimed that was just a joke but it didn't seem like it. I told him I didn't find his joke very funny, and he said he was sorry, then told me he wouldn't sleep over again for a while. He always gives the excuse of how good I look. Well I'm sorry but it's not my fault you are horny, I am under the covers, wearing PJs, it's not like I'm wearing sexy lingerie or doing anything to ask for sex at 5am. I don't understand why it's so hard to leave somebody alone at 5am. Is this a red flag, or is this just normal behaviour for a guy? I don't care if he does this on the weekend, but on weeknights it seriously pisses me off. I don't like going into work tired. I've pretty much decided he is not sleeping over again this week. It might seem like a small detail but it makes me feel disrespected. I have spoken to him several times about it now and he listens for a week, then goes back to doing it again. There was another incident where he wanted to have sex and I told him no but he ignored me and continued to try and turn me no even though I had turned my back to him and had told him to stop it. We had already had sex twice that night plus done some other stuff, so I wasn't depriving him. He got plenty of action already. When he ignored me on purpose, it pissed me off so badly that we didn't speak for about 20 minutes. Then he finally apologized. This guy knows about my history with guys treating me badly, so it surprised me he did that. I don't really know what to think. Edited November 12, 2014 by SpiralOut
amaysngrace Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 He's acting like an ass. It sounds like he just wants you to get him off regardless of what your needs are at the moment. It's no wonder why you feel disrespected. 1
clia Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I can totally relate to wanting to sleep in the morning, and I think it's disrespectful of him to do this when you've asked him to stop. Unless he can start to respect your wishes, the only solution is not to spend the night with him on weeknights. 2
todreaminblue Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 i think its a guy thing and a morning woody thing.....my ex used to do the same thing.....before he would toddle off to work.....we would actually have sex....i was normally half asleep...i didnt mind though.......everybody has a breaking point and you sound close...talk to him make him see you are close to breaking and you dotn want to....but it has to change and he has to consider you are really tired....i know what sleep dep does....and it isnt pretty.....i can have full on conversations with a family member in my sleep after oen am in the morning.....i have a house of insomniacs...........because i believe .....parts of me sleep...another answers questions....but it does give me a headache in the morning.......dont let him be your headache....be honest and open with him on how you feel.....and dont back down...its best for your relationship if you dont....deb 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Well I think it's fair to say he's definitely into u! Hmm that is tricky... I do remember when my ex & I were together we would stay up all night.. Yea I was totally exhausted but that's the honeymoon stage! Lol are u sure u really are into him? If u are then really all u can do is talk to him again or maybe have set nights he stays over? x 1
heartshaped Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 He sounds a little douchey to be honest. How long have you been seeing each other? I'd bet this behavior begins to manifest itself in other ways as time progresses.
losangelena Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 That is a bit obnoxious. The fact that you've told him it bothers you and he still does it is a problem. Yellow flag for sure. 1
Author SpiralOut Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 (edited) I spoke to him about it again. He told me that from now on he won't sleep over except on weekends. He claims that he doesn't want me calling into work sick because I am too tired from him keeping me up too late. He is sorry, apparently. I am having trouble forgiving him. Is it really so hard for him to leave me alone that he'll just not sleep over? He has that little self-control? He told me that he thinks he does this because he "cares too much." I told him the issues isn't that he cares too much, it's that he doesn't care about what I say. He then ended the conversation. I guess he was upset. He seems sorry enough but I don't really trust him anymore. How can he be so sweet in every way except for this one way? I just told people I have a boyfriend now too, so it'll be so annoying if I have to dump him then say "never mind I'm single now like one week later." Ugh. I don't know if this is a deal breaker or not. It's not a good sign for this to happen so early on. It's just common courtesy, I mean how can it be so hard to let your partner sleep? It's really not that hard. Oh he also told me that he will "give me space" now. I guess he is hoping I will cool off and forget about it? Edited November 12, 2014 by SpiralOut
amaysngrace Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Just take it one day at a time if his sweetness is really sweet. You don't need to break up with him but just proceed with caution. If he keeps taking more than he's giving then weigh it out but you told him what you need...now see if he will respect that.
heartshaped Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I agree with you about the sleeping over thing. It's like instead of respecting your wishes and needs he's like "well, I'll just sleep over when you don't have those wishes and needs and I can just have my way". I really don't understand what's so hard about leaving you be to sleep in the mornings.
Author SpiralOut Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 (edited) I agree with you about the sleeping over thing. It's like instead of respecting your wishes and needs he's like "well, I'll just sleep over when you don't have those wishes and needs and I can just have my way". I really don't understand what's so hard about leaving you be to sleep in the mornings. I don't understand it either. I keep asking him what's so hard about it and the only answer he gives me is that I look so good he can't help himself and that he "wants to see me smile." So basically he is thinking only of himself. He thinks he "cares too much" about me but yeah that's clearly not it. I will wait until I've cooled down a bit to talk to him some more. Oh he has also decided he is giving me space and maybe next week sometime we will hang out. I'm sorry but isn't it up to me to decide when I want to see him again? He's not giving me space. He is giving himself space and trying to make it look like he's thinking about me, but he's not. Edited November 13, 2014 by SpiralOut
Author SpiralOut Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 (edited) He did mention that this might be why he doesn't have many relationships, because he does this. So I guess there's a chance he may stop. I am just upset that I thought I'd met the right guy finally and now this happens. Oh well I guess I'll give him another chance and see what happens. Plus he actually brought it up right when I was about to. So he was thinking about it. I've been treated badly enough by other guys that I can't let this go just like that. Edited November 13, 2014 by SpiralOut
preraph Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 This guy is a jerk. He doesn't care anything about your feelings or your needs. He just wants sex when he wants it. It's not good. To me, someone Pepe LePewing me after I told them no or "not in the morning" would be the end. 1
losangelena Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Yeah, he's kind of being childish. Instead of considering your needs, he's removing himself from the situation because he can't "help himself." BS. It sounds like he's punishing you for having a boundary, like he'll only see you on his own terms. I amend my earlier statement. Now I'd say red flag. Maybe give it more time. But better to find this stuff out now and jettison than slog on. One day at a time. 2
amaysngrace Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I've been treated badly enough by other guys that I can't let this go just like that. Making this one pay for all the past wrongs done by other guys just isn't fair. If you want to be treated fairly and with respect then you need to treat him that way as well. If you want a mature kind and loving relationship then those are the very traits you need to display. New guy/new relationship...leave your own bad habits at the door.
Author SpiralOut Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Making this one pay for all the past wrongs done by other guys just isn't fair. If you want to be treated fairly and with respect then you need to treat him that way as well. If you want a mature kind and loving relationship then those are the very traits you need to display. New guy/new relationship...leave your own bad habits at the door. I just sent him an apology and explained where I am coming from. So far he is not responding. I told him I will leave him alone if that's what he wants. I just wish he would admit that it's HIM that doesn't want to see me until next week, instead of acting like I'm the one who doesn't want to....whatever.... he hasn't responded yet. I am leaving him alone now.
amaysngrace Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I just sent him an apology and explained where I am coming from. So far he is not responding. I told him I will leave him alone if that's what he wants. I just wish he would admit that it's HIM that doesn't want to see me until next week, instead of acting like I'm the one who doesn't want to....whatever.... he hasn't responded yet. I am leaving him alone now. He probably thinks that he is leaving you alone because it's the work week and that's what you were wanting from him. I don't think you leaving him alone is what he wants at all. I think he's made that pretty clear.
heartshaped Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I just sent him an apology and explained where I am coming from. So far he is not responding. I told him I will leave him alone if that's what he wants. I just wish he would admit that it's HIM that doesn't want to see me until next week, instead of acting like I'm the one who doesn't want to....whatever.... he hasn't responded yet. I am leaving him alone now. I feel like he's being a bit childish about all of this. It's sort of like well even though you need your sleep, even when you're sick, he's still trying to have sex with you even with you've expressed it isn't what you want and then when you bring up how much of an issue this is for you his response is well I won't stay over anymore and now he's throwing a bit of a tantrum and is like well I won't see you until next week then. 1
Author SpiralOut Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 He probably thinks that he is leaving you alone because it's the work week and that's what you were wanting from him. I don't think you leaving him alone is what he wants at all. I think he's made that pretty clear. Yeah he did say he wanted to see me tonight and I told him I'm not in the mood. I am upset that he doesn't want to sleep over anymore just because I don't want him waking me up on purpose. That makes no sense. Why can't he just let me sleep. I don't understand.
mrs rubble Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 How come he isn't tired? Does he go to sleep earlier than you? If so, I'd suggest considering changing your own sleeping habits....early to bed, early to rise...you know the saying. My partner and I both go to bed early and get up early, he leaves at 5.45 and I leave at 6.45 for work, it's amazing how much you can achieve in the mornings before work...dinner often gets prepped, washing hung, dog walked. Give it a go!
amaysngrace Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Yeah he did say he wanted to see me tonight and I told him I'm not in the mood. I am upset that he doesn't want to sleep over anymore just because I don't want him waking me up on purpose. That makes no sense. Why can't he just let me sleep. I don't understand. Because he really really likes you and he's very turned on by you. That's a good thing. 3
Leigh 87 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 uhh no, it isn't normal to try to make out (aka - lead to sex) with your partner if they are feeling ill OR if they tell you to NOT DO IT. He is an adult, he can control his urges! He is not some 18 year old horny teenager! Unbelievable. I wouldn't tolerate it! His actions are showing you: 'my penis is more important than your well being - I know very well you asked me to stop and I know you feel sick but I am horny and I would rather have my way with you, because that serves me more than letting you rest and feel well.....' If he doesn't knock it off, if you have self respect you wont tolerate such disrespectful behaviour. 1
Author SpiralOut Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 He doesn't need as much sleep as me. I have no idea how he manages it, he stays up late then gets up early and is fine. I have thought about getting up early with him, it's difficult seeing as how I'm a night owl but I do plan to try it. He just messaged me back to say he wants to see me everyday but he is trying to slow things down. Also I've told him before I need lots of space so he's trying to give me that. He wants to see me this weekend. *sigh* I think I just acted dramatic. 1
amaysngrace Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I think I just acted dramatic. That's okay. Nobody is perfect. You're not...he's not. But it's really cute that he likes you so much and finds you irresistible. 1
Donnie Darko Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 In order to get even with him every time you wake up in the middle of the night initiate sex with him. 2
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