My girlfriend left me out of no where

[Eddie8]

Hey guys,

 

I've been reading loads and loads of people's sad tales of heartbreak and I thought I might share mine.

 

I'll start off I'm 22 and my ex gf has just turned 21, we have been together for just 3 years, most of which has been spent as a long distance relationship as I served in the navy and her going to uni, I'm now out of the navy living at home and she has 1.5 years left at uni, so we were still in a LDR!

 

We were a brilliant couple who EVERYONE(family, friends) thought would go the distance and were perfectly matched, we were best friends who did everything together! Anyway when she was back home with me 3 weeks a go, things had never been better and I kissed her goodbye on the train platform and looked forward to seeing her in a few weeks time(last Friday), now anyway with her birthday being the week before I was going to see her and various other stresses in her life I thought nothing of the fact that we were a little distant on the communication front, she was very busy! But the Tuesday night before seeing her I got a text saying 'do things feel different to you?' My stomach sank, she felt this extra distance as I had, I was concerned! I didn't wait till Friday to go down, I went down Wednesday (obviously I told her), I couldn't wait to see her and find out what was going on, thinking that as soon as I see her things will go straight back to normal, I was wrong! She was being a little bit off with me and rather cold, I hadn't seen this side of her before, that night when It was just me and her we tried to open up to each other about what was going on, she couldn't explain it and she wasn't sure if she wanted to be in a relationship anymore and had some doubts that had crept up on her, although it was nothing to do with me, she said I was the best boyfriend ever and if she wanted a relationship, I would be the guy for her! She said it isn't about greener grass either as I'm the 'greenest grass'. She said that she wishes we had met a couple years on down the line, anyway, She wanted a break of a few weeks to clear her head, I was very emotional and couldn't hide it from her, I told her I felt the writing was on the wall and the relationship was ending, this brought a lot of tears from her(and me) and seemed like she didn't want to lose me completely! Anyway because of all this I decided to come home the next day and give her that space which was so hard as we had such a nice weekend planned before all this! The next night I cracked and couldn't be in limbo anymore and needed an answer, we spoke on the phone and she told me that if she has to give an answer at this point then it will have to be that we should leave it! So we have, and we haven't spoke on the phone since then. After that we were Inboxing each other saying that no matter what happens we were thankful to each other for the memories and being such great people in each other's lives! She said if I don't end up with her in the future I will make an amazing boyfriend for someone, which pains her to think about right now! Anyway besides from a single text saying 'how are you ,this is hard,I'm sorry' to which I replied 'I'm feeling better knowing I'm not floundering, we've settled it, nows the time to do what's right for you' and she said back 'that's good, thanks for everything' and that was it, we haven't spoke at all since which is about 3 days! I love and miss her SOOO much it pains me to think about what we could have become as a couple! She is back home near me early December and I would love to see her then but I don't know if it will solve anything:( I would love for her to change her mind about us and realise that we were so good for each other! I can only live and hope!

 

Anyone have any thoughts? :/

Thanks x

[johnson_j]

Women don't just detach from a man out of nowhere. There's someone else who is peaking her interest. It's in your best interest to walk away from this one.

[Eddie8]

Can I just add that we never argued over anything really and also I am the least controlling guy in the world which was a measure of the trust we have, she has no restrictions at all! so it really was out of the blue.

 

Oh and also just recently she was the one saying she would be happy if I was the only one she was ever with from now and she would talk about the future that we would have, so to get these doubts is something I didnt see coming.

 

Hmm I don't think so because I asked her this and knowing her, she said no straight away, of course you can never be 100% but I trust her!

Edited November 12, 2014 by Eddie8

[Eddie8]

Can I just add that we never argued over anything really and also I am the least controlling guy in the world, she has no restrictions at all! so it really was out of the blue.

 

Hmm I don't think so because I asked her this and knowing her, she said no straight away, of course you can never be 100% but I trust her!

[johnson_j]

Can I just add that we never argued over anything really and also I am the least controlling guy in the world, she has no restrictions at all! so it really was out of the blue.

 

Hmm I don't think so because I asked her this and knowing her, she said no straight away, of course you can never be 100% but I trust her!

 

 

 

 

Look man you're hurting, but you have to listen to this. GIRLS DON'T DO THESE THINGS WITHOUT THERE BEING ANOTHER MAN OR LOVE INTEREST. Let's translate what she said:

 

 

"You're the best guy for me" -> I shouldn't be interested in this new guy

"There is not another man" -> Why should I tell him I was looking around?

 

 

Sorry man, odds are against you on this one.

[SoThatHappened]

Unfortunately Eddie, I'm with johnson_j on this one as I've been a victim to a woman that did this:

She was being a little bit off with me and rather cold, I hadn't seen this side of her before,

Translation: New guy in the picture.

 

It sucks to think that, and of course there's a chance I'm wrong, but as johnson said women don't just do these things out of the blue.

 

They can blame it on school, stress, work, family, whatever, but the truth is there's someone in the wings.

 

Think about this: Wouldn't you want to be with the person you loved the most when you were stressed and going through hard times?

 

Would you dump the "love of your life" because of stress or a little distance?

 

No.

 

Tell her you can't talk/Facebook/text etc. so you can heal without seeing or hearing things that might hurt you. Explain why you're going NC then do it. Believe me.

[Magnet]

I am with SoThatHappened and Johnson on this too.Others will tell you the same.

 

I know it sucks, and it's horrible to think that she isn't being completely upfront with you.

 

She sounds exactly the same as my ex. 'I just don't want a relationship right now' 'it's not you, it's me'

 

I got told many things and then barely 2 months later I find out (from her of all people) that she is now seeing someone new.

 

Basically, no one likes saying the horrible words "I don't like you as much as I like this new person."

 

You will be fine. Keep us updated on what happens. I would drop off the face of this earth and give yourself every inch of attention. Leave her wondering. And don't wonder about her wondering.

[DirtyHairy]

I'm not going to start an argument here but I disagree that there's another guy in the picture. Some people are just so cynical sometimes.

Not saying that it hasn't happened but don't just jump to that conclusion. Just because she was being cold doesn't mean there's another guy that just means she was thinking about leaving you and it was hard for her to decide.

 

In life things happen and sometimes people leave.

 

Loosing someone you love is tough, been there done that. You are hurt and there's really nothing we can do to stop that pain for you.

You just have to realize that she is gone. I wouldn't talk to her anymore because that's just making it harder on yourself.

I'm not saying its easy to forget about her because it won't be and you still love her but you have to try to forget about it or at least think about it less. Don't think that she is the only one or she is the best one for you.

You'll get over her and you'll meet someone else just don't let loosing her take over your life.

[Sweetescape910]

Guys, the fact that you're all jumping to conclusions that she is seeing someone else is just so impractical. You need to give this girl

Space and time.

Do not suffocate her. Maybe you just got too boring for her and she lost interest. Whatever it is, ask her to be truthful to you when you guys finally do talk. Don't contact her, for your own pride and sanity.

[Sweetescape910]

People don't want to end a relationship out of nowhere... Clearly there's a reason she's just not telling you. If you can, please answer my thread and read it. Id appreciate it.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/500400-does-my-ex-care-he-just-playing-me-should-i-keep-nc-updated

[egor401]

I'm really sorry man she met another guy. A girl asking for a break is code for I met another dude and need time to decide. My fiance and I were distance and out of nowhere asked me for a break. She said she was very busy with school. Come to find out from her roommate she was busy with another guy. She dumped me for him and was to ashamed to admit what she did. I'm sorry man I really am but I'm pretty positive thats whats happening to you.

[Eddie8]

Thanks for the opinions! I don't feel there is another guy, maybe she just felt scared that she's only 21 and this could be it for the rest of her life! So panicked! Who knows, I won't contact her again unless she contacts me, even though I would love too beg and plead with her but I know it won't get me anywhere so not much point!

[Strength in Healing]

You trust her? Lol. Let me ask, did you trust her with your heart not to break up with you out of the blue, too?

 

I have one simple objective and I'm good at it. I hurt people in the ways they need to be hurt in order to help them heal. Much like the psychological version of prolotherapy.

 

But my only rule is I have to tell the truth.

 

And I 100% unequivocally believe the truth is that she did in fact meet another guy.

 

And anytime I hear things like "everyone thought we were perfect for each other" and when I hear how the significant other says things like "you're the best I could ask for, there is no one better", it seems a recipe for disaster and correlates with them having met another person.

 

 

 

Don't walk, run. She's not coming back. Tough pill to swallow, but the pills going down your throat one way or the other. Might as well welcome it.

Edited November 12, 2014 by Strength in Healing

[SoThatHappened]

Just because she was being cold doesn't mean there's another guy that just means she was thinking about leaving you and it was hard for her to decide.

I wish it wasn't the case 99% of the time, but it is, especially when it's out of the blue like this. One day saying "I love you so much, you're my everything, etc" and the next "needing space"... Really? People don't change that fast, but attraction to another could be instant.

 

Guys, the fact that you're all jumping to conclusions that she is seeing someone else is just so impractical. You need to give this girl Space and time.

It's not impractical, it's the most likely scenario. It's been done to me. It's been done to countless others on this forum and on this planet.

 

Again, why would someone leave the one they love because of "stress/school"? That's when you usually want and need the one you love. This is so textbook for someone who wants to explore things with someone else.

 

People who breakup for other reasons usually take time and spend a lot of energy to make things work with the one they love. If it still doesn't work out, they can at least say they gave it a shot but it's not right for them at this moment in time. They don't just break up out of the blue.

 

Not saying this to hurt you, OP, and I hope, really hope, that I'm wrong... but I doubt it.

[KatZee]

Thanks for the opinions! I don't feel there is another guy, maybe she just felt scared that she's only 21 and this could be it for the rest of her life! So panicked! Who knows, I won't contact her again unless she contacts me, even though I would love too beg and plead with her but I know it won't get me anywhere so not much point!

 

My ex didn't think there was another guy either. (Yes there was.)

 

My ex also thought I "broke up with him out of no where." (Hint: It was another guy)

 

My ex also thought I'd come around, change my mind, and realize that we were "good together." (I wasn't happy. Hadn't been for a long time. I met someone who made me happy.)

 

It sucks, but it's true. Women WILL NOT abruptly leave relationships out of no where.

 

It's either:

 

1. She indeed met someone else during all this long distance garbage -or-

2. Really has been miserable for a long time and is finally getting the courage to leave you.

[lauri]

I'm sorry for this. You're going to have to be strong to get through this.

 

Who cares what her "real" reason is. It doesn't matter. People on here can argue over if there is or isn't a new guy in the picture, but ultimately, does it REALLY matter? All that matters in this is she ended it and no long wants to be with you.

 

The only thing you need to understand is she lost interest/is not IN love with you. My ex and I were "perfect" for each other, and she even came back into my life a few months ago trying to get me back after 1 year of NC because she "realized she can't find anyone like me". After that, she realized again that she doesn't love me and backed off within 1 week. It was long distance and I'm 99.9% sure another guy came into the picture...they ended around the time she came crawling back and "realized she gave up something great". You know what I say to that? Great! Now you know what to look for in the next guy you end up with.

 

I'm sorry to say to you man but with or without another guy in the picture, you need to disappear. Breaking up with someone isn't a joke and it isn't something that should be taken lightly in my opinion. She made her decision, hurt you and now its time for you to move on. Give her what she wants - to be "single". Don't focus on trying to get her back or how you'll "appear". If you're worried about your appearance, you'll appear 10x stronger / more attractive if you have the strength and self control to cut her out and move on. Starting now. She will respect you more than if you are some lost puppy who sits around trying to talk to her and make things "work".

 

My suggestions is this:

 

- Disappear. Do not respond to anything she says or tries to do

- Don't spy on her or you'll get hurt (block on social media)

- Don't talk with her until you are 100% over this (could take a year or more for this to happen).

- Post on here if you have the urge to speak with her or talk about it. We will help guide you through this tough time.

- Even if she does come on her knees begging for you back, don't take her back right away. She needs to understand that you won't play games, put up with someone who will hurt you and she needs to PROVE to you that she is worth it.

 

Trust me when I say this, NC is the best tool for yourself and to protect you. I know it may sound hard for you to accept but its a pill you're going to have to swallow eventually, and I suggest doing it now.

[Eddie8]

*sigh* thanks for the advice everyone! Maybe it is that, I don't really want to find out, I've deleted her from FB and don't intend making contact again!

[nostaljathing000]

Women don't just detach from a man out of nowhere. There's someone else who is peaking her interest. It's in your best interest to walk away from this one.

 

I disagree with this.