One month strict no contact today.

[irresolute]

Hello all,

 

Today is going to be 1 month since I blocked Johnny from my life. In the meantime I started to speak with another guy. We had a first date with this new guy on Monday. It was just a quick coffee, and we talked some. No kiss. After our first date, he messaged inviting me for a second date, so we are having dinner this coming Monday.

He picked the restaurant, he asked me what type of food do I like, he is interested in getting to know me, he messages me daily.

 

However, I'm feeling a void and this morning I only want to cry. I'm asking myself why Johnny didn't love me. Why? I miss him very much.

 

I realize now I did everything wrong with him trying him to love me giving him sex.

 

I feel extremely guilty I blocked from Facebook and everywhere right now. We had this special and tortuous relationship, but it was cozy with him.

 

I just don't know. I'm missing him a lot right now, and I'm super scared of starting something new, even though this new guy is totally my type, he is kind and nice, respectful, and we get along well. wtf????

[mammasita]

Are you sure you're ready to date?

 

I found that when I was still having thoughts about my ex as you are, I wasn't able to be 100% with anyone else.

[me85]

Sometimes even if you're not ready to date yet, you still need to date anyway. I have that opinion because if it's been a significant amount of time since you stopped seeing the person you were seeing and haven't dated anyone else in that time, then force yourself to get out there and meet new people. That way you will eventually find potential partners.

 

If he lives near by and isn't moving away, then you should definitely give this new guy a real chance. Try your very best to.

[irresolute]

I thought I was ready. I was excited. I still am.

Something curious happened this morning.

 

When I was going to my first date with new guy last Monday, Sour girl from Stone Temple pilots sounded on the radio and I smiled. I like that song.

 

So I watched the video on Youtube this morning. the moment the video went on, I started to cry. I miss J.

 

I'm giving this new a try. Ready or not to date, I am giving this a try. what other option I have right now? I just can unblock him. I just can't open the can full of worms again.

 

Very messed up right now.

[me85]

I thought I was ready. I was excited. I still am.

Something curious happened this morning.

 

When I was going to my first date with new guy last Monday, Sour girl from Stone Temple pilots sounded on the radio and I smiled. I like that song.

 

So I watched the video on Youtube this morning. the moment the video went on, I started to cry. I miss J.

 

I'm giving this new a try. Ready or not to date, I am giving this a try. what other option I have right now? I just can unblock him. I just can't open the can full of worms again.

 

Very messed up right now.

 

You've gone one whole month of NC! That's awesome! That's really good progress and you should be proud! I know you are.

 

You're not going to forget about Johnny. Especially not for quite some time. When you really love someone they can stay on your mind for years and years. Nothing wrong with that either. You can't help what you think about or remember...thoughts of him may always pop into your mind BUT sooner or later when they do you won't get sad about it. You'll remember him then seconds later you'll be back to whatever you were in the middle of thinking before, like, your grocery list or something. LOL

 

You've done the right thing for yourself. At some point, we have to physically let go. We have to do that first, in order to let go emotionally.

 

Stay strong! Play fun happy music. Do something silly and entertaining. Don't dwell in the sadness for too long or you will be back down again. P.S. Glad to know you are going to keep seeing the new guy. (=

 

Best Wishes!

J

[Zahara]

I think you've seen it here quite a few times the downsides of when people date or get into a relationship without having fully resolved pains from their past.

 

Granted you have been NC, the level of unhealthy dependence you have had on the men from your past, whether your ex-husband or Johnny, or the couple of men that you casually dated that caused such anxiety in your life, and the fact that after only this one date you were already getting rattled and anxious so easily as to whether he was going to contact you -- is an indication that you're really not ready to date. I don't even think you've invested a significant amount of time by just being alone and focusing on yourself. You've had a lot happen in your past, and even in this year alone.

 

Most times we start dating to escape a pain we don't want to face, and because we can't stand the discomfort of being alone or the feeling of dependence. It's a need to fulfill a void, especially when you do it when you're still struggling with your past.

 

The fact that you base it on two options -- Date or Unblock Johnny, it is very telling and not a good sign.

 

I hope you are able to value this guy without having your past tarnish it, and that you are able to slowly move on from Johnny. Maybe as you date this guy you will be able to decide for yourself if you are ready or not, if you need more time for yourself, or whether you are ready to invest emotionally.

Edited November 12, 2014 by Zahara

[jbentley87]

Today marks one whole month of NC for me as well. Congrats!

 

I feel as if I would have the exact same feelings you are if I were to try dating someone new. I know I would just want to think about my ex and it wouldn't be fair to my date.

 

It is humbling to know that other people are interested in you though... is it not? And if he is just your type like you say he is, why not give him a chance?

 

So maybe you might use the new guy as a getaway or someone to help you transition so what! Just to be fair you might let him know that you are still having trouble getting over your ex, you are not ready for a relationship, but that you enjoy being with him and would like to see if maybe you can get over your ex and be in a relationship. He will appreciate the honesty.

 

Hope things work out for you!

[SoThatHappened]

I thought I was ready. I was excited. I still am.

 

...

 

I'm giving this new a try. Ready or not to date, I am giving this a try. what other option I have right now? I just can unblock him. I just can't open the can full of worms again.

I'm conflicted for you.

 

First, I want you to move on from Johnny-jack@ss and be happy.

 

However, I don't want you to hurt a nice guy because of your feelings for JJ, nor do I want you to get hurt by the new guy because you're CLEARLY not over JJ or ready to date.

 

I dated a beautiful, intelligent, and fun girl 2 weeks after having my heart ripped out. I was not ready to date, not by a long shot.

 

Guess what? She could tell there was no spark and called things off. So, I got rejected while already in the throes of heartbreak. The opposite of help.

 

So, I guess I don't know what you should do, but I would recommend laying it out on the table with the new guy (come clean with him)

 

or

 

Tell him you're not ready to date, but would like to possibly contact him in the future when you're ready.

[irresolute]

Zahara, sowhathappened and all,

 

Im conflicted as well. But right now I'll just go to my date with new guy.

He knows about my previous relation****. I'll be honest with him if no sparks. I just want to ho with the flow right now.

 

My fear is Johnny will be a ghost forever. Which i dont want. How can be possible that i still feel this way anout him, after all the sh.it?

[Zahara]

Zahara, sowhathappened and all,

 

Im conflicted as well. But right now I'll just go to my date with new guy.

He knows about my previous relation****. I'll be honest with him if no sparks. I just want to ho with the flow right now.

 

My fear is Johnny will be a ghost forever. Which i dont want. How can be possible that i still feel this way anout him, after all the sh.it?

 

Being conflicted is normal when you're still feeling the hurt from your past. But maybe this will help you transition or it may just make you realize that you're not really ready.

 

Johnny is gone. There is no more. There was nothing then, there is nothing now. He wasn't a man that cared, loved or had any attachment to you. You have to accept that.

 

You are feeling this way because you haven't fully grieved and healed from him. One month of NC is a drop in the bucket.

[dclan]

Hello all,

 

Today is going to be 1 month since I blocked Johnny from my life. In the meantime I started to speak with another guy. We had a first date with this new guy on Monday. It was just a quick coffee, and we talked some. No kiss. After our first date, he messaged inviting me for a second date, so we are having dinner this coming Monday.

He picked the restaurant, he asked me what type of food do I like, he is interested in getting to know me, he messages me daily.

 

However, I'm feeling a void and this morning I only want to cry. I'm asking myself why Johnny didn't love me. Why? I miss him very much.

 

I realize now I did everything wrong with him trying him to love me giving him sex.

 

I feel extremely guilty I blocked from Facebook and everywhere right now. We had this special and tortuous relationship, but it was cozy with him.

 

I just don't know. I'm missing him a lot right now, and I'm super scared of starting something new, even though this new guy is totally my type, he is kind and nice, respectful, and we get along well. wtf????

 

Because its natural.

 

Because you cared for your ex.

 

Its been only 1 month...that is very little time. Actually, even 1 year is a very little time.

 

Right now you are in the "decompression" stage, crying, hurting, asking why he doesn't love you, wondering if there is something wrong with you, etc.

 

Of course that a new guy showing interest at you will cheer you up at first. Its like "hey I still got it! You see!! Lots of guys want to be with me!"-- this is obviously good for you.

 

Yet...intimacy....feelings....commitment...those things are going to be hard for you, at least for now.

 

I think its great that you are talking to some guy, will really cheer you up to go ahead and go out on a date with this guy, it will be really good for your self esteem and self worth.

 

Yet you don't have to date him, or be in a relationship. You don't even have to sleep with him if you don't want to.

 

But what you are feeling is normal. :bunny:

[irresolute]

OK I'm officially having a terrible day. I'm glad it's almost over now.

I've been obsessively watching the STP video almost all day. I've realized that the singer is very similar physically to both J and new guy. Yes, I know, I'm going crazy already.

 

I sent a message to new guy and he took a couple hours to answer it, in the meanwhile I decided I do like him and that I wish the date would be sooner.

I couldn't reply his email him, though, because I've had such a horrible day, that I don't want him to notice it. I'll send an email tomorrow.

 

Today was one of the most horrid days I had in the last few weeks. I was doing relatively ok, not missing Johnny and continuing with my life until boomer, stupid stp video.

[CryMeARiver]

I can remember those agonizing days of No Contact....fighting urges to call and plea case one more time...hurting you haven't heard from him. I did this a few years back and it really helped me a lot. At the time I didn't feel that way and had a lot of resentment...but it helped me a)not to make a fool out of myself b)to cut his ass off BACK lol and let him know I aint starving for crumbs of details. It helped piss me off and get back into the gym, and is a couple months look better than I have in years. To get my esteem back and get great compliments from men (including the exes friends). If they ended it, you have to let go. Let THEM make a move. It may be a long long time but know somewhere in the undefined future you will run into him. By then, you want to be back in control of yourself, and detatched from him where it does not hurt you. This shift in energy is the key to it all...pride stands in the way of this. Make yourself your best version possible....stick to this plan. It makes no sense at times while u are doing it...but there will come a glorious day you will feel like a complete badass! Hang in there, it will get much better!