d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 DH has a tattoo on his tush. He told me the other day he was thinking about getting it revised because he doesn't like it anymore. He got it when he was 19. It's his butt & he can do what he wants but I'm really kind of skeeved out by the idea of some strange tattoo artist touching my husband's rear. I asked him how he'd feel if I got a tattoo on my butt & he said that would be the best place be cause then nobody but him could see it. Please help me to comprehend that this isn't sexual & the tattoo artist is a professional.
Keenly Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Completely irrational. Most tattoo artists are male. This sounds like a concern that stems out of possessiveness over your husbands body. Scale back because its turning nothing into something. 1
PegNosePete Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 It seems reasonable to insist he gets a male tattoo artist. Problem solved.
Author d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 I assumed the tattoo artist would be a man. I want DH to get one of the ones on his arm revised. It's just the idea of a guy spending time touching DH's tush. I don't know why it bugs me so much. Intellectually I realize it's irrational but how do I stop? I said my piece to DH -- "I'd rather you didn't because the idea bothers me" -- but I do get that it's his body. I just want some suggestions on how to get over it.
Keenly Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I'd you try to imagine how controlling it sounds, maybe that might help.
Author d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 I'd you try to imagine how controlling it sounds, maybe that might help. How is it controlling for me to express an opinion (fear?) but accept that it's his choice? I'm trying not to be controlling. I just can't figure out why I'm so weirded out by it.
CarrieT Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 How does your husband feel about your gynecologist diving between your legs? Is your husband weirded out by that? Same thing = not remotely sexual, is it? 4
Keenly Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 How is it controlling for me to express an opinion (fear?) but accept that it's his choice? I'm trying not to be controlling. I just can't figure out why I'm so weirded out by it. You asked for help in getting over it, so I'm trying to help you take a step back and see how silly it sounds. Its controlling because you are requesting that your husband not do something because of an irrational insecurity that you have. Even though you told him he can do it, we both know that if he goes through with it, you'll resent it, right ? Go with the gyno analogy. 1
Author d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 I'm trying. I really am. For some odd reason, I'm focusing on the excuse that the gyno is a doctor & the tattoo artist isn't. I don't think I'd resent my husband for "fixing" something about himself that he doesn't like. It is kind of ironic -- or maybe that's my problem -- I like the tattoo on his tush that he wants to revise but I hate the one on his arm that he's leaving alone. Now that one I wish he would get revised.
Gloria25 Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I've never perceived it as something "sexual" and I have ten tattoos (arms, shoulder blades, cleavage, close to shoulder, bikini line, lower back, upper thigh). Think of it as him going to the doctor to have his colonoscopy or genital/prostate cancer testing. Now, as a female, I lean towards going to an obgyn that is female and THAT still feels awkward. I mean, they are checking your breasts and looking up your female parts for gosh sake!!! I mean, they throw a cloth around the surrounding area, but still, I prefer a female see my actual female "parts".
CarrieT Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I'm trying. I really am. For some odd reason, I'm focusing on the excuse that the gyno is a doctor & the tattoo artist isn't. But they are both professionals in their field - regardless of what they do or their education - that their professions require access to the flesh of a human body. How about massage therapists? Painters/Artists? Physical therapists? Estheticians? All these professions potentially involve touching or seeing aspects of another person's human body to some degree. You are simply sexualizing this particular act to an extreme that may not be warranted. 2
Author d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 All these professions potentially involve touching or seeing aspects of another person's human body to some degree. You are simply sexualizing this particular act to an extreme that may not be warranted. maybe . . . probably I just have to talk myself into being more rational, right? 1
pteromom Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 maybe . . . probably I just have to talk myself into being more rational, right? Maybe the real issue is that he is revising this tattoo instead of the one you don't like? Does the one you don't like have something to do with an ex-gf or something? If that is the case, I have a feeling that has more to do with it than a tattoo artist touching his butt. Unless you have some fear that your husband is gay or bi. Because as Carrie said, there are lots of professions that involve touching other people. Trust me, the tattoo artist isn't looking at your husband's fine butt. He's looking at his artwork.
CaliGypsy Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 This is definitely one of those irrational thoughts. He's going to a professional person to get professional body artwork work done. I mean I've never even heard of it as being anything but straightforward . You know like you hear of some massage places that offer a happy ending ? You never hear anything like that about tattoos. Only that it hurts. I would definitely keep telling yourself that it's an irrational thought and that it's something you need to get over. 1
MissBee Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I'm confused. Why would it be sexual? That's the last thing that would ever cross my mind. I mean...you know the process of tattooing right? You're using needles, with a machine, with ink? Nothing really sexy about that. They have to concentrate. It's not like it's a massage where they are caressing his butt. No offense to your husband either, but you're assuming this man or woman may necessarily even be attracted to him and his butt when that may be far from the case. I get massages all the time and when they massage my butt for example, nothing about it feels sexual. When I go to the gynecologist it is definitely very clinical and not sexy when they are pushing fingers in my vagina or checking my breasts for lumps. Likewise when I get myself fitted for bras and the woman is holding up my breasts and such, it's not sexual. When my wax lady waxes my lady bits, it's for sure not sexy or sexual or a turn on or anything. In none of these situations have I ever felt like the people doing this were remotely thinking about sex and neither was I. For something to be sexual there has to be a mood and context behind it. Just because a body part people use in sex or for sex is involved doesn't make it sexual. Think about a baby suckling a mom's breasts...I mean...a man does that during sex but it's vastly different because it's a different context, same with every other thing I named. In lots of professions people have to look at or touch someone's sexual parts but it's not a sexual thing if there is no sexual context. Your husband and you will be fine. I think this paranoia is a little strange...not to make fun...but it just never crossed my mind that anyone would be worried about this lol.
pteromom Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I I think this paranoia is a little strange...not to make fun...but it just never crossed my mind that anyone would be worried about this lol. Especially you, D0nnivain, because you are one of my examples of a rational person on LS. 1
Author d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 His body art has nothing to do with EXs. He got them all when he was in the military. The one I don't like was done in a foreign country. I just don't think it looks like what it's supposed to be. I don't really know that much about tattoos. Truth be told I don't care for them. He already had 5 when we met so I looked past them. I don't know why this is weird-ing me out so much but I'd rather work through it having LS think I was nutty then put a strain on my marriage over something so dumb.
Author d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 Especially you, D0nnivain, because you are one of my examples of a rational person on LS. Thank you but everybody has their moments & I guess this is mine.
Gloria25 Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I'm confused. Why would it be sexual? That's the last thing that would ever cross my mind. I mean...you know the process of tattooing right? You're using needles, with a machine, with ink? Nothing really sexy about that. They have to concentrate. It's not like it's a massage where they are caressing his butt. No offense to your husband either, but you're assuming this man or woman may necessarily even be attracted to him and his butt when that may be far from the case. I get massages all the time and when they massage my butt for example, nothing about it feels sexual. When I go to the gynecologist it is definitely very clinical and not sexy when they are pushing fingers in my vagina or checking my breasts for lumps. Likewise when I get myself fitted for bras and the woman is holding up my breasts and such, it's not sexual. When my wax lady waxes my lady bits, it's for sure not sexy or sexual or a turn on or anything. In none of these situations have I ever felt like the people doing this were remotely thinking about sex and neither was I. For something to be sexual there has to be a mood and context behind it. Just because a body part people use in sex or for sex is involved doesn't make it sexual. Think about a baby suckling a mom's breasts...I mean...a man does that during sex but it's vastly different because it's a different context, same with every other thing I named. In lots of professions people have to look at or touch someone's sexual parts but it's not a sexual thing if there is no sexual context. Your husband and you will be fine. I think this paranoia is a little strange...not to make fun...but it just never crossed my mind that anyone would be worried about this lol. I agree to a point... I mean, I haven't gotten a massage ever cuz I don't want someone touching my body like that unless I'm intimate with them. I do believe "some" professions - while the intention is not sexual - cuz of what is seen and/or touched, an element of sex is there. But not when it comes to tattoos.
Gloria25 Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Thank you but everybody has their moments & I guess this is mine. Is it your "lady time of the month"? I mean, I do not intend to offend, but for me, it's like my crazy meter goes off. Things that wouldn't bother me do. I cry over watching a leaf fall to the ground. I get mad easily. I get crazy food cravings...
Donnie Darko Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Would it make you feel better if you went with your husband to his his tattoo alteration? This way your rational self would observe that there was nothing sexual involved with the tattoo artist altering your husband's tattoo. Maybe some comical relief would help you relax. This provides you great material to razz him/tease him with....for example, you could say "honey if you don't start behaving I'm going to make you get that tattoo on your tush altered again." Or just slap him on the tush when he walks by and ask him "when are you going to get property of d0nnivain tattooed on your tush?"
Gloria25 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Would it make you feel better if you went with your husband to his his tattoo alteration? This way your rational self would observe that there was nothing sexual involved with the tattoo artist altering your husband's tattoo. Maybe some comical relief would help you relax. This provides you great material to razz him/tease him with....for example, you could say "honey if you don't start behaving I'm going to make you get that tattoo on your tush altered again." Or just slap him on the tush when he walks by and ask him "when are you going to get property of d0nnivain tattooed on your tush?" I'm sorry, but I beg to differ. Why do women have to turn into a "mommy" over their men. He's a grown man. He doesn't need to ask mommy's permission to go get a tattoo.
Author d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Why do women have to turn into a "mommy" over their men. He's a grown man. He doesn't need to ask mommy's permission to go get a tattoo. He isn't getting a tattoo. He's getting one he already has revised because he doesn't currently like the way it looks. I am certainly not his mother. I also have no desire to go to a tattoo parlor & watch this revision. But thanks for the constructive input Donnie Dorko. I certainly don't want property of DOnnivain on him but I did suggest if he must get another piece of art that it should be a Dalmatian. DH Didn't particularly care for that suggestion & there is no way this revision can turn into that. I also wouldn't want him sitting on a pup. lol
Donnie Darko Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 (edited) I don't see your connection to my suggestions to help OP feel comfortable with the tattoo removal or playfully teasing her husband relating to any type of suggestion of her playing a mommy role. I didn't say that the OP's concerns were rational or that the OP's husband should have to have the OP's permission to do anything. The OP is married and obviously her and her husband openly communicate about things such as possible tattoo alterations and her concerns about them. Couples that communicate that openly probably would not mind having their partner there for their tattoo alteration...heck, the OP's husband might actually appreciate the support from his wife. Good luck d0nnivain!! Edited November 13, 2014 by Donnie Darko 2
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