creyente7 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 There are so many things I think about my past relationship that I wish I had not done. I was a total immature, jerk, an ******* who did not respect my girlfriend or trusted her. I regret all this, I keep revisiting memories of times when I made her cry, the things I did when I was drunk. A girl was grinding up on me while my gf was next to me while I was drunk. Yes I wish I never did those things, i do, every waking moment I think of all the times I made her cry, upset. Now its too late, she's gone, and probably happy she is. Everytime I think about it, I feel like texting her and apologizing from the bottom of my heart and wishing to make things right this time around. But its too late. Ive come close to just wanting to kill myself because I lost the first girl I ever truly loved. I know you guys might say I never truly loved her if I did those things. Well I dont know what to say. I do love her, every piece of her, I took her for granted and wish I did not do those things. Is it too late? Do people forgive? I want her back. What is the best way to do that? I dont want to move on, but i believe I might just have to. I want her back because I realize my mistakes, Ive learned from this, it sucks that it had to take her to leave for me to realize this but I do now. What can I do from this point? I will do anything to have the slightest chance to get this girl back. She is my very first true love. Its not the idea of her I love, its every piece of her, from personality, to beliefs, to likes and dislikes, quirkiness, looks.
Author creyente7 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Since october 18th. I called her 10 days later of NC asking to take me back. Didnt work. Then spoke to her again on halloween because I missed her so much and felt really low and depressed. I havent talked to her since, so 4 days NC starting again on halloween.
jonsnuh Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 It will get better the more you focus on yourself and not on the past. You might still think of her, but the itch to contact her and the lingering emotional attachment will dissipate. Seek professional help if you need it to maintain NC. Support goes a long way.
me85 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Since october 18th. I called her 10 days later of NC asking to take me back. Didnt work. Then spoke to her again on halloween because I missed her so much and felt really low and depressed. I havent talked to her since, so 4 days NC starting again on halloween. Enough time hasn't passed yet. Respect her decision. Give her her space. Maybe if you left her alone for at least a month then it may be okay to send a brief email telling her that you are working on yourself and thinking seriously about everything between you and her and the mistakes you made...yahta yahta yahta... How long were you together?
Author creyente7 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 As for my situation of knowing all my mistakes, are there possibilities of reconciliation? Or is this a lost cause. Ive seen the signs a long time ago, she had also told me that she was falling out of love but kept through it with me. I had not changed my ways since she told me that and went on for about 6 months. We'd have our goods and bad days. Can people fall out and back in love given the time and space needed? This girl truly is special to me, even looking at other girls, even the most beautiful ones. They don't compare to her. Knowing her deeply made me realize how wonderful of a person she truly is. I don't want to lose her, she said for now all she can see me as is a friend because she fell out of love but i refused to be friends and have just been trying to give her space with NC. Should I just wait for her to contact me? Or contact her at a certain time? She is missing me, she has been listening to sad depressing songs, and have sent a snapchat to a group, including me, which I'm not sure why.
Author creyente7 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Enough time hasn't passed yet. Respect her decision. Give her her space. Maybe if you left her alone for at least a month then it may be okay to send a brief email telling her that you are working on yourself and thinking seriously about everything between you and her and the mistakes you made...yahta yahta yahta... How long were you together? We were together for 2 years. She broke up with me the day after our anniversary. We've been through alot together, we were suppose to have a baby but her parents made her abort it. Long story. But i stuck with her through all that and supported her till the end.
me85 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Was she a minor when her family pressured her into having an abortion? I'm very sorry to hear that. You should definitely wait for her to contact you. If you have any weak moments where you break down and message her, you should always always keep it simple and never beg. I don't care how much you're hurting. You can go as far as telling her you miss her and you love her but absolutely nothing overly gushy and needy. The reason you shouldn't ever do that is because you don't want them to take you back out of pity. You don't want them to feel sorry for you.
Author creyente7 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Was she a minor when her family pressured her into having an abortion? I'm very sorry to hear that. You should definitely wait for her to contact you. If you have any weak moments where you break down and message her, you should always always keep it simple and never beg. I don't care how much you're hurting. You can go as far as telling her you miss her and you love her but absolutely nothing overly gushy and needy. The reason you shouldn't ever do that is because you don't want them to take you back out of pity. You don't want them to feel sorry for you. That is true,at first we took a break for a week to see if she could live without me, she concluded after a week that she felt fine without me but took me back anyways. I think she did it out of pity but we tried to make it work for 3 weeks then after that is when she completely broke it off. She has been missing me alot, and thinks about me but says she cant be in a relationship right now. No matter how busy she is. What should I do at this point if I want the best possible way to get her back?
Dmoney28 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Hey bro, I understand where you are coming from. I cheated during a past relationship, and I was a mean bitter person. When she left, I was struck with the harsh reality...I was an A hole, I was a emotionally abusive person, and she deserved better than me. You have to look at that way. I know you want to apologize, right letters and let her know how sorry you are. But honestly, she most likely wont see it that way. it will come off like "he's only saying this because I left". Bro, I been here before, I'm telling you, whatever you plan on doing...don't.. just stop. My suggestion, is simply write a hand written letter, stating how sorry you are for dragging her through this whole ordeal, and you apologize for your actions...and state you will seek professional help to deal with your issues. That's it, and actually seek out someone to help you with whatever issue you had that resulted in your inappropriate behavior. Go fix yourself, better your life, learn to be strong on your own and confident in who you are. That is the only way you can move on from this situation. And if there is a 0.00000001 percent chance that she will contact you again, this in my opinion is the only way. There is a pull / push effect that can occur post breakup. If you keep pushing her (calling, texting , emailing) she will pull back. If you pull back (Strict NC) she my pull towards you. Either way If she text you, emails you or whatever, please stick to your guns on this. Simply tell her "once again I apologize for my actions, but I am currently trying to fix myself". be short to the point, and nothing else. Keep NC, and continue to do you. If you give in to any breadcrumbs, or anything resulting in her contact...you may be in bad shape later down the road. two things most likely will happen: 1. she keeps in contact with you by feeding you breadcrumbs, until she feels comfortable enough to move on to someone else 2. she may have lost respect for you because of your previous behavior and grow indifferent towards you. And honestly, if she does contact you one day in the future, you may feel different about her. Hang in there bro. these are just my opinions on the matter. I have been down this road before, and it is not fun. 1
Author creyente7 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 Hey bro, I understand where you are coming from. I cheated during a past relationship, and I was a mean bitter person. When she left, I was struck with the harsh reality...I was an A hole, I was a emotionally abusive person, and she deserved better than me. You have to look at that way. I know you want to apologize, right letters and let her know how sorry you are. But honestly, she most likely wont see it that way. it will come off like "he's only saying this because I left". Bro, I been here before, I'm telling you, whatever you plan on doing...don't.. just stop. My suggestion, is simply write a hand written letter, stating how sorry you are for dragging her through this whole ordeal, and you apologize for your actions...and state you will seek professional help to deal with your issues. That's it, and actually seek out someone to help you with whatever issue you had that resulted in your inappropriate behavior. Go fix yourself, better your life, learn to be strong on your own and confident in who you are. That is the only way you can move on from this situation. And if there is a 0.00000001 percent chance that she will contact you again, this in my opinion is the only way. There is a pull / push effect that can occur post breakup. If you keep pushing her (calling, texting , emailing) she will pull back. If you pull back (Strict NC) she my pull towards you. Either way If she text you, emails you or whatever, please stick to your guns on this. Simply tell her "once again I apologize for my actions, but I am currently trying to fix myself". be short to the point, and nothing else. Keep NC, and continue to do you. If you give in to any breadcrumbs, or anything resulting in her contact...you may be in bad shape later down the road. two things most likely will happen: 1. she keeps in contact with you by feeding you breadcrumbs, until she feels comfortable enough to move on to someone else 2. she may have lost respect for you because of your previous behavior and grow indifferent towards you. And honestly, if she does contact you one day in the future, you may feel different about her. Hang in there bro. these are just my opinions on the matter. I have been down this road before, and it is not fun. Hey bro, i really appreciate the response, I will probably just do what you said and write a hand written letter and mail it to her. In the meantime, when should I send her this letter. As soon as possible or wait a certain time? It has been 20 days since we broke up. But I texted her 5 days after asking for a chance. Then 8 days after which was halloween asking if there was ever a chance of us getting back. She basically said No. It has been 6 days NC since halloween. Broken up for 20 days. When should I send this letter? Once again thanks for the response
preraph Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Here's why you should forgive yourself: Because we all act like a jerk sometimes and treat someone bad because we're inexperienced or hot headed or whatever. The difference is YOU learned something from it. This was a maturing experience for you. It made you a better person. I didn't read your other posts, so forgot the storyline. But if she has told you to leave her alone, you must leave her alone forever. If you have ever gotten her to take you back before only to do the same bad behavior, then you must leave her alone forever because that would mean you did not learn a thing. If she has not told you to leave her alone, then you can contact her one time and tell her you truly are remorseful and apologize -- but do not ask her to get back with you or keep her on the phone long. Just tell her that and let her decide if she wants to take a chance again or is moving on. Good luck.
DenverDude Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I can relate to your story also. Deep down inside, I know I am a GREAT guy, but for whatever reason I didn't treat my ex the way she deserved to be treated which resulted in her breaking up with me a few days ago and her moving out of our place. My advice to you is the same as the other poster mentioned. Just write her a letter explaining how sorry you are for you actions and that you completely understand her decision. Lay everything out because it might be your last form of communication in a while. After you send the letter start moving on. At the very least, it will make you feel a little better knowing that you got everything off of your chest. Hang in there buddy. We all have our flaws.
Author creyente7 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 Just when I thought I was starting to move forward with myself and accepting the break up. Ex calls me last night, basically to give me an even better closure, like the one before wasn't good enough...In short, she told me to move on, cant be friends, theres no future for us. Broke my heart into more pieces as if it wasnt shattered enough, crazy how women think right? Its like they enjoy torturing people. This makes me afraid to commit in the future. I was also drunk when she called so I dont remember half the things I said but I remember being cool about it (hopefully) but deep down I was crying in my head...so im back to square one. But the bright side is, any hope that I had left went away. One realization I came up with us that if you truly love someone you have to let them go to find happiness elsewhere. Its the sad truth. Not sure why im posting this but it helps me when I rant so feel free to give some insights or words of wisdom ) Together for 2 years, treated her badly but never cheated. She is my first true love so hopefully going through this breakup will make me an even better, stronger person. I guess first love is a learning experience, which I did truly learn alot from. I have to stop blaming myself for all the bad things I did to her but rather take it as a learning experience for the next one. The next girl will appreciate what I have to offer because now I know how a relationship should be. Thanks guys!
tikay00 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Wait, she randomly called you to tell you that, or were you harassing the hell out of her, and then she finally had to tell you that? And going through the same thing. First true love, and moving on. Hard, but it's the only way. It's always Saturdays and Sundays that make me want to check her social media stuff. Not doing it!
Author creyente7 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 Wait, she randomly called you to tell you that, or were you harassing the hell out of her, and then she finally had to tell you that? And going through the same thing. First true love, and moving on. Hard, but it's the only way. It's always Saturdays and Sundays that make me want to check her social media stuff. Not doing it! No I texted her in the afternoon because I remembered an inside joke that we had right before the break up. Then I called her later than night, she said she was at a party and that she'd call me later on. My intent was just to have limited contact with her. Not expecting anything much but just a quick catch up. But im assuming even limited contact is not what she wants so I guess i have to move on. My days has just been on autopilot, doing things without thinking. Im playing sports and my head is just on her the whole time. Can't concentrate, cant focus. Sometimes I feel sadness and loneliness even when I'm with my friends. Im letting my head focus on her when I should be in the present and enjoying it. Sucks, I dont want to go through this but I guess I just have to ride it out. Let my emotions flow. Im trying to date and talk to other girls but even thats not working. Its like I have a sudden passion of hate for girls. I can't look at girls at all, I get mad. Thats how bad its affecting me.
leavesonautumn Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 I'm sorry but you will have to go complete No Contact. You are still in pain and will continue to be as long as you still have some contact. I remember a few months ago when I got an email from LinkedIn saying my ex looked at my profile and it felt like it set me back by months. In reality, it took about a week to get back to where I was and right now, after 10 months of no contact (minus that email and seeing him twice in public), this is honestly the best I've felt in close to 5 years. If there is one thing I want to ask of you, it's to not lump all women together. One person hurt you, one individual. Not an entire gender. I mean, you mentioned you treated her badly. If your relationship was not that great, then you should understand that it takes two people to create the situation you are in now. Don't express your hurt as an excuse to hate women, use it for good instead, use it to empower yourself and move on.
tikay00 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 No I texted her in the afternoon because I remembered an inside joke that we had right before the break up. Then I called her later than night, she said she was at a party and that she'd call me later on. My intent was just to have limited contact with her. Not expecting anything much but just a quick catch up. But im assuming even limited contact is not what she wants so I guess i have to move on. My days has just been on autopilot, doing things without thinking. Im playing sports and my head is just on her the whole time. Can't concentrate, cant focus. Sometimes I feel sadness and loneliness even when I'm with my friends. Im letting my head focus on her when I should be in the present and enjoying it. Sucks, I dont want to go through this but I guess I just have to ride it out. Let my emotions flow. Im trying to date and talk to other girls but even thats not working. Its like I have a sudden passion of hate for girls. I can't look at girls at all, I get mad. Thats how bad its affecting me. How long after NC did you try to initiate? I think it was too soon, even though you should never be calling her anyways. Yeah, we all have our ups and downs. One day, you're feeling like the man, and the next hour you want her back so bad, and can't believe in your wildest dreams that the person you used to spend your days with, is a ghost now. DON'T BREAK NC. I almost did just now with her social media, but I reminded myself how much torture I'll be putting myself through if I did. Use the 24 hour rule. If you feel the strongest urges, wait it out 24 hours, and if you still feel the same, then do it. In a few hours, or a day, you'll be back in your right mind.
whichwayisup Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 No I texted her in the afternoon because I remembered an inside joke that we had right before the break up. Then I called her later than night, she said she was at a party and that she'd call me later on. My intent was just to have limited contact with her. Not expecting anything much but just a quick catch up. But im assuming even limited contact is not what she wants so I guess i have to move on. My days has just been on autopilot, doing things without thinking. Im playing sports and my head is just on her the whole time. Can't concentrate, cant focus. Sometimes I feel sadness and loneliness even when I'm with my friends. Im letting my head focus on her when I should be in the present and enjoying it. Sucks, I dont want to go through this but I guess I just have to ride it out. Let my emotions flow. Im trying to date and talk to other girls but even thats not working. Its like I have a sudden passion of hate for girls. I can't look at girls at all, I get mad. Thats how bad its affecting me. Stop doing that. She is not in your life anymore so no more sharing inside jokes or contacting her. All it does is hurt you. Time to delete and block her, phone, email, fb and any other social media you have. Be good to yourself. Take this time to let go and grieve the loss. Spend time with good friends and family, those who care about you and those who make you laugh. Don't date other girls, you're so not ready! How can you invest in someone else when your heart is still hurting from your break up.
Author creyente7 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 Thank you for these guys. I don't know how else to feel better about this. I talk to my bestfriend all the time about the breakup, he's very supportive and understanding of what Im going through because he also has had his first love break up with him so he knows what im going through. The scary part is it has almost been three years for him since the break up and he still hasn't completely gotten over his ex. It doesn't hurt him or affect him whenever he talks about her but he still has that hope that someday they will get back. Im scared that It will take me that long to move on. If days seem like months, and weeks seen like years, I wonder how it would feel if I still havent moved on by then. I wrote a letter for her explaining all the things I did wrong and what I planned to fix, but kept it to myself. It was an apology letter. Made me feel better for days. What other ways could I do to help me cope?
tikay00 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Thank you for these guys. I don't know how else to feel better about this. I talk to my bestfriend all the time about the breakup, he's very supportive and understanding of what Im going through because he also has had his first love break up with him so he knows what im going through. The scary part is it has almost been three years for him since the break up and he still hasn't completely gotten over his ex. It doesn't hurt him or affect him whenever he talks about her but he still has that hope that someday they will get back. Im scared that It will take me that long to move on. If days seem like months, and weeks seen like years, I wonder how it would feel if I still havent moved on by then. I wrote a letter for her explaining all the things I did wrong and what I planned to fix, but kept it to myself. It was an apology letter. Made me feel better for days. What other ways could I do to help me cope? No hope of reconciliation is the ONLY way to help you cope, see the situation for what it really is, and move on. Any other way is gonna have you stuck in the same spot. Truth, and nothing but the truth.
Author creyente7 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 The funny thing is, its like I love hurting myself. Here I am knowing that contacting her will just cause me more pain, and that does help me resist most of the time. But all the temptation overpowers my conscious thoughts then next thing you know I'm on the phone with her only to be in pain again. I keep doing that to myself. But then I get mad because I keep letting her hurt me. Then I forgive and say "It's okay" she doesnt love me, I gotta let her go. But I start missing her again, I resist, tempatations kick in, on the phone with her, more pain... Continious cycle. Why do I do this to myself!!! Im weak. I can't let this girl keep hurting me, she should not be responsible for my happiness. I am responsible for my happiness. I am in control of my happiness. Only "I" can make myself happy. Forgive and forget. Only then will I learn to grow, move forward, and be stronger. I just have to keep reminding myself of this...
tikay00 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 The funny thing is, its like I love hurting myself. Here I am knowing that contacting her will just cause me more pain, and that does help me resist most of the time. But all the temptation overpowers my conscious thoughts then next thing you know I'm on the phone with her only to be in pain again. I keep doing that to myself. But then I get mad because I keep letting her hurt me. Then I forgive and say "It's okay" she doesnt love me, I gotta let her go. But I start missing her again, I resist, tempatations kick in, on the phone with her, more pain... Continious cycle. Why do I do this to myself!!! Im weak. I can't let this girl keep hurting me, she should not be responsible for my happiness. I am responsible for my happiness. I am in control of my happiness. Only "I" can make myself happy. Forgive and forget. Only then will I learn to grow, move forward, and be stronger. I just have to keep reminding myself of this... Don't kick yourself. When you "love" someone, of course your emotions are gonna go crazy. Take this time to figure out if it was love, lust, or infatuation. When you've had enough time apart, you'll know. 1
me85 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 No need for her to have called you and give you yet another explanation. Sorry about that. )= But I'm the type to appreciate brutal honesty. I believe it's necessary. Painful, but necessary. Let this be your motivation to block that biotch and sail into the sunset with all your future plans for yourself. If you don't have any then now's the time to get creative. Very best of luck to you!
Author creyente7 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 They make not talking to you, not texting, or calling you look so easy. I don't want her back, there's just too much problems to want her back, but we had a mutual break up. We broke up due to the distance and me being needy. Sometimes I just want to see how she's doing. I care about her well being, I enjoy talking to her, laughing, sharing jokes. It seems like non of these she even cares about. Sometimes I feel lonely, but I try my best to spend time with friends and enjoy time with them. I hate this feeling. Not sure when it'll go away but I feel like I'm healing each day.
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