Dsbarnet Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 So me and my girlfriend had been dating for three years were both 19 and both in college. Different colleges. I thought we were happy joking around like usual then all of a sudden yesterday morning she tells me she wants a break. She says it's always been me and her and she doesn't know who she is. She says she still loves me and wants me in her life as she tries to find herself. She also tells me over and over that she's not looking nor has she found another man and isn't wanting anything physical from anybody. I have no idea what to believe because she's saying she wants to be with me others that I have talked to say she's just using me. I havnt been talking or texting her back because she said she wanted space. But I have no idea what to believe This girl also had me buy her a "promise" ring about a week before she did this saying she wanted to marry me. Help please!
PegNosePete Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 She wants to find herself? Tell her to look in a mirror. She doesn't know who she is? Tell her to ask the IRS. They know who everyone is. What a load of wishy-washy, meaningless rubbish she is feeding you. What does that even mean, she doesn't know who she is? Find herself?? It's just a variation of the old classic "it's not you, it's me". She is either interested in someone else, or wants to play the field. Either way she doesn't want your relationship holding her back. Sorry to say she's checked out, it's over. 3
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 What she wants to "find" is how much fun she can have at college without her HS BF. Breaks are childish precursors to break-ups. They are proposed by people who aren't decisive enough to just end things. They cause all sorts of problems even if you do try to get back together because nobody talks about what is allowed & what's out of bounds while you are on this silly break. Because you already go to different colleges, she has a lot of space from you & presumably lots of free time to contemplate what & who she wants out of life. This is her way of telling you -- without actually saying it because she's not mature enough at 19 to make a decision (nobody is so it's not an insult but a reality). I think you have every right to force her hand: either we're together or we're broken up but those are the only choices. 2
central Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 If you agree to a break, either set some rules in place or agree that anything goes. Rules may be broken, though. But, typical rules would include not dating anyone else and certainly not having sex with anyone else. Most breaks initiated by women are for the purpose of having sex with others, so be aware of this. IMO, at your ages it would be best to simply break up and do whatever you want - get back together later after you BOTH have more life experience and a better idea of what you want in life and in a mate.
Mrin Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Sound advice here. This is her way of checking out of the relationship and to be honest, neither of you have any frame of reference due to your ages and the length of your relationship. If I were you I would readily agree to the break. The only ground rule I would put in place is that you disclose whether or not you've had sex with anyone else before resuming any sexual contact between the two of you. I pretty much limit or go no contact for at least the first few weeks. After all this really is a break and therefore you need to break from each other. She will either find herself very quickly and want to resume or she will move on. Either way, you probably need to find yourself as well. Best of luck!
Redhead14 Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 So me and my girlfriend had been dating for three years were both 19 and both in college. Different colleges. I thought we were happy joking around like usual then all of a sudden yesterday morning she tells me she wants a break. She says it's always been me and her and she doesn't know who she is. She says she still loves me and wants me in her life as she tries to find herself. She also tells me over and over that she's not looking nor has she found another man and isn't wanting anything physical from anybody. I have no idea what to believe because she's saying she wants to be with me others that I have talked to say she's just using me. I havnt been talking or texting her back because she said she wanted space. But I have no idea what to believe This girl also had me buy her a "promise" ring about a week before she did this saying she wanted to marry me. Help please! You two are very young and been together for 3 years and now in college. This is the point at which a young woman is and should be coming into her "own" as you should be. A young girl will put all of herself into a relationship very early and at some point will begin to question who she is, what she really wants. She is maturing. This will likely happen to you as well but you just aren't there yet. You both need to have lives outside of the relationship and do more on your own. If the relationship is solid enough and the love is truly there, it will "survive" you both doing things that make you happy as individuals. If it doesn't, it's just because it wasn't really mean't to be. Not because you didn't love each other, but because neither of you knew anything or anyone else. Do not fret over this. Find things that make you happy and encourage her to do the same. Don't try to hold on to her, let her find her way. Once she's done this and if she comes back to you fully, she will be a more, mature, exciting and intelligent woman. The tighter you try to pull her in, the harder she will pull away.
Donnie Darko Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Her break is really a permanent break up. It is just her way of letting you down softly so that you still have hope and she does not have to feel bad about breaking up with you. Don't waste your time hoping that it will be different and that she will change her mind. The worst part is she probably is already cheating physically or emotionally with someone else. Telling you that you are now taking a break allows her to not feel guilty. It's over. Accept it. Go no contact on her and remove her from your life. Start dating again and find someone fun and exciting that knows who she is and what she wants. Don't settle for someone that is wishy washy and doesn't know what she wants. You deserve better.
Friskyone4u Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Let me translate the statement " she wants to find herself" means. You are at different colleges, very young , and all her friends are going out partying and hooking up with guys. It looks pretty good to her and your chances of stopping it are nil and none. Married women say the same thing, usually phrased as "I need space". The overwhelming percentage of times that statement is made there is either another man in the picture or will be shortly. What she is telling you about not wanting anything physical is a load of crap. You need to detach from her and enjoy your college experience. If she is meant to be with you it will eventually work out. 1
Dallers Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 She does not want to find herself, she wants to find herself another man. Move on my friend she is playing with you.
amaysngrace Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 She made you get her a promise ring to see how committed you are and how likely you'll be to forgive when she breaks your heart when she starts sleeping with other guys during your "break" and you find out about it. Sounds like a loser to me so lose her.
Bumpin in My Trunk Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 she wants to find herself surrounded by dicks. That's what a break usually means
Recommended Posts