Justm3x Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Ive been struggling to cope this last week.... my father passed away last monday and its torn us all apart as it was so avoidable... My sister came over from New Zealand and brothers came over from Canada and its helped spending time with them and my mum and then yesterday my ex sent me a text.... out of the blue after 8 months of no contact. I froze when i recognised the last few numbers and i broke down. He deleted me from his life, i wanted him to deleted my number and never make contact again as i did with him. He said he had heard about my dad passing away and said how sorry he was, I DIDN'T REPLY..... I dont know how he found out, he lives in another country, we have no friends in common and he doesn't have FB and he's had no contact with any of my family. I was angry even though he was acknowledging my fathers passing. He has opened old wounds that we starting to heal and im so angry with him. I havent cried over him for weeks and ive started crying again, its the worse thing he could have done... I know im being horrible and I should be saying thank you for sending your condolences but I just cant reply to him....
Reels Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 You should reply to him, if it pleases you. I don't see anything wrong there.
Author Justm3x Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 (edited) If i reply then i have broken the NC rule and im back to where i started... Edited November 12, 2014 by Justm3x spelling
Arient Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 So sorry for hearing about your dad, and no, you're not horrible to feel such emotions towards your ex, it's too much for you at the moment, with everything So just let it pass, forget the text, and soon, you will get out of it again like you did in the last 8 months. Hugs!!!! 1
squarepegroundhole Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 The Question of maintaining NC is fundamental to the healing process but the implications are massive and you have to be strong. Your Ex has contacted you 'out of the blue' after 8 months and it's only right and natural for you to be angry but there are positives that you can take from it. Firstly, It shows that he's thinking of you... that's important because if he's thinking of you then he's not thinking of his new girlfriend and that in turn means that the cracks are starting to appear in his new relationship and he's starting to have regrets. You could feel empowered by this. If you were together for a while then unfortunately he will have loved you... It's a fact of life I'm afraid but you must be the stronger person now... Remember him as a liar, cheat and manipulator and channel your energy into these thoughts. By contacting you he's given you the power to move forward at your pace and on your terms ... like it or not he's letting you know that he's thinking of you and on some level, missing you. BUT, do you really want to open yourself up to that heartache again??? The downside is that you now have the difficult decision to make: If you contact him then the healing process stops and your scars become raw again. If you don't contact him then the likelihood is that you'll never see or hear from him again. You need to decide if you want him in your life on any level, or not. Be strong.
Author Justm3x Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 I dont think for one minute he was thinking of me, i think he just heard about my dad and wanted to say he was sorry for my loss. He never thought of me when we were together so why change now. I dont care if i dont hear or see him again, i dont want to go through what ive been through the past 8 months again. I dont want him in my life, he cheated, lied, gambled and the betrayal was too much. As much as i love him i know he is not a nice person and i can do so much better... its just the letting go has been so hard. I have to love myself before i can love anyone else... he made me feel worthless and i dont want to go through that again. 1
squarepegroundhole Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I'm sorry, I never meant to judge. I don't know your circumstances but I'm confused as to how you can say that you loved him if he was such a bastard? You're right, you must put yourself first and love yourself. 1
Author Justm3x Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 Oh im sorry i didnt mean to sound like i was having a go or anything...... I did love him and in a way i still do.... we were together for 7 years, he stuck by me when i went through the most horrendous time of my life. I almost died during an operation, i spent 4 months in hospital, i had to learn to walk again and its left me with disabilities. I had lots of mental health problems and the last few years is when the cheating began. I tried to stop him gambling and hoped the lies would stop, but once an addict always an addict. He was an absolute bastard the last few years and thats why i know i have to move on.... its just been difficult as i think my feelings are confused. Is it because of all the health and mental problems i have, is it better to stay with the devil you know, rather than have to start a relationship with someone that has to get to know all about me and my problems??
squarepegroundhole Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 You must never, ever accept second best!!! Never undervalue yourself!!! It will be hard, relationships always are... what we're doing is essentially handing our hearts to a stranger and giving them the power to abuse them or cherish them.... We're bound to feel vulnerable and rubbish relationships spoil it for the decent people in the world. Mistrust very often follows a bad relationship and you need to take your time and become confident again. I'm sorry for the loss of your father and your health issues must make coping difficult for you but utilise any support that you have around you....
preraph Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I think he'd like to get in this one sympathy move to help alleviate his own guilt. It's an easy no-effort option for him and then he can pretend he's the good guy again. Block him from your phone. Don't reply. He's got no right trying to sidetrack you at this time.
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