Nomad Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 I am a male in his early-to-mid twenties. I have had no REAL girlfriends in my life & not many dates. I have trouble approaching/talking to/asking out girls, & they never approach me. I find that the lonliness & insecurity is very hard to deal with, especially when I see other people around me hooking up, meeting girls, having relationships and stuff. I feel more & more lonely the older I get & sometimes I feel like it's tearing me apart. Anybody else in a similar situation. If so, how to deal with it?
Sckott Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 35 and male. Was dumped after 2.5 years of living with someone on New Years this year. She was taking anti depressants and other medications, was in debt and suddenly wanted to get back to school. Emotionally unavailable now? Very much so. Off she goes. Funny as it may be, I miss her, but I'm healing and it's sinking in. I'm growing to understand that the whole thing was a huge liability that was just going to get worse. The sucky part was, she understood me more than anything and FINDING dates that are emotionally available at all is just hard as hell, and I don't think it's anything to do with my age (or your's for that matter). Never mind finding someone to share even the most minute details and laughing at life with me? It's terrible.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Oh Nomad I feel your pain! I've been there - I can tell you what NOT to do. Do NOT throw yourself into work to the exclusion of having a life - I did that, it doesn't work. Rather than looking to randomly meet women and have to initiate conversations - I would look to get involved in stuff you enjoy. Ideally volunteer work - because everyone who does is friendly and welcoming - but anything will do. You will begin to meet folks who enjoy and are passionate about those things that are important to you. Wish I could tell you some big secret on how to get over the discomfort of approaching someone - but I'll be honest, I've never understood how guys get up the courage! Get out and start enjoying your life, the rest will follow.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Oh Nomad I feel your pain! I've been there - I can tell you what NOT to do. Do NOT throw yourself into work to the exclusion of having a life - I did that, it doesn't work. Rather than looking to randomly meet women and have to initiate conversations - I would look to get involved in stuff you enjoy. Ideally volunteer work - because everyone who does is friendly and welcoming - but anything will do. You will begin to meet folks who enjoy and are passionate about those things that are important to you. Wish I could tell you some big secret on how to get over the discomfort of approaching someone - but I'll be honest, I've never understood how guys get up the courage! Get out and start enjoying your life, the rest will follow.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Oh Nomad I feel your pain! I've been there - I can tell you what NOT to do. Do NOT throw yourself into work to the exclusion of having a life - I did that, it doesn't work. Rather than looking to randomly meet women and have to initiate conversations - I would look to get involved in stuff you enjoy. Ideally volunteer work - because everyone who does is friendly and welcoming - but anything will do. You will begin to meet folks who enjoy and are passionate about those things that are important to you. Wish I could tell you some big secret on how to get over the discomfort of approaching someone - but I'll be honest, I've never understood how guys get up the courage! Get out and start enjoying your life, the rest will follow.
kellyp1 Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 I am 33F and have had hard days too. This last break up crushed me but I am starting to be able to shake it. I lead a busy life anyways so it is easier to get past the pain when I keep busy with my friends. I have been single now for a few months but prior to dating this last guy for a year, I had been single for a few years. It is not that I did not have offers, they were just for hooking up and not really relationships. If it was meant to be it will but in the meantime, don't miss out on some of the best times in your life. Use this time to go out with your friends and experience life. I am going to Angels spring training this weekend and just got back from work travel to Florida. Seize the moment, it will not take away all the pain but it does show you that life can be good even without a significant other.
joel Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 hi nomad i am exactky like u, i think of it as hey love it while ur single. i use to care about it a lot but now i just talk and make freinds with girls more and see what happens -before i didn;t even talk to women especially the hot ones so its a big change
Author Nomad Posted March 17, 2005 Author Posted March 17, 2005 Thanks for the kind & helpful words, everybody. I understand what you're saying & I've read other posts where people say the same as me, & most times they say to just 'live your life & you'll find somebody when you least expect it.' The only problem with that is I'VE BEEN LIVING MY LIFE!!! And I'm still alone. Is it possible some people are just never meant to find anybody? How is it that some people can start dating in Middle School/High School & other people are alone well into their adult life?
CurvyGurl Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 That whole 'when you least expect it' crap is what they must teach married people at married school to say to single people. I waive off all the well meaning cliches and just work on me. Plain and simple... women like men who are confident-- not arrogant or cocky, but he should like himself. He doesn't have to be gregarious overly social guy--- you can be a nerd and still like yourself. It helps if you can try to narrow down what you would find attractive in a girl, and then hang out where you think you might meet her. Push yourself to step out of your comfort zone-- if you expect her to fall right into your lap, take your lap somewhere for her to fall into! Lastly, ask your friends that date a lot to be blunt and to help you. Ask to be someone's project, if you have to. (Women love that crap) Not to change who you are, but to accentuate your positives and play down any negativevs that might be glaring. If they say you need a fashion makeover, consider it but don't let them change your style. If they say you need contacts and you don't want them, compromise with some new hip frames. If you look at yourself and ask you 'If I were a girl would I date me??" and the answer is no, then you have some work to do. It's one thing to lament about not having what you want.... it's entirely another to get up offa yer duff and work toward it! Luck to you!
Recommended Posts