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I'm Debating Trying Online Dating Again - Thoughts On My Plan?

Sunlounger

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Sunlounger Member

Sunlounger

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I'm a 25 year old guy, pretty successful, pretty decent looking, outgoing but I just stay very busy so it's tough to meet women in my day to day life. I'm thinking about trying online dating again

 

 

Last time I tried it, I didn't go on any of the paid sites - only used the free ones and my experience was horrible. I just did not get any responses at all. I'm thinking of trying it again this time but using all the paid sites and also getting some professional nice pictures done outside. I don't look that good in regular pictures compared to real life so I'm hoping a professional can actually make me look the same way I do in real life translated over to pics

 

 

Do you guys think I will have any success this way? I've heard a lot of women treat online dating as a catalog but I don't know if that's necessarily a bad thing? I'm 5'10 180 pounds and I do have that muscular beach body that I'm very grateful to have earned over the years.

CoolCat771 Established Member

CoolCat771

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I'm a 25 year old guy, pretty successful, pretty decent looking, outgoing but I just stay very busy so it's tough to meet women in my day to day life. I'm thinking about trying online dating again

 

 

Last time I tried it, I didn't go on any of the paid sites - only used the free ones and my experience was horrible. I just did not get any responses at all. I'm thinking of trying it again this time but using all the paid sites and also getting some professional nice pictures done outside. I don't look that good in regular pictures compared to real life so I'm hoping a professional can actually make me look the same way I do in real life translated over to pics

 

 

Do you guys think I will have any success this way? I've heard a lot of women treat online dating as a catalog but I don't know if that's necessarily a bad thing? I'm 5'10 180 pounds and I do have that muscular beach body that I'm very grateful to have earned over the years.

 

 

Don't look for anything serious.

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Sunlounger Member

Sunlounger

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Don't look for anything serious.

 

 

 

why you say that?

writergal Established Member

writergal

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Online dating...now there's something to talk about. I don't think you need to spend money on professional photos. No one looks as good in person as they do in their photos. That's just the way it works. Save your money. Just take updated photos of yourself out with friends, doing activities that you enjoy and maybe a selfie or two.

 

Will joining a paid OLD site increase your success? Not necessarily. But that's up to you. If you do join a paid site, choose a short membership and keep your profile up on a free OLD site to compare.

 

The same people have profiles on both the free and paid OLD sites (I've noticed from my own OLD experiences), to cover more ground (they think). But I think that it backfires because why buy the cow (pay for OLD) when you can get the milk for free (use the free OLD websites and see the same people's profiles who are on the paid OLD sites too)?

 

Online dating is such a game of chance. You have a better chance at winning the lottery (I think), then finding "the one" via OLD dating. I've tried it off and on over the past five years with little success other than short relationships. It is very time consuming and I think the output (sent messages) will always be higher than the input (received messages). I think that's true for both genders who use OLD.

 

Good luck. It's a jungle out there in OLD land.

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Sunlounger Member

Sunlounger

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Online dating...now there's something to talk about. I don't think you need to spend money on professional photos. No one looks as good in person as they do in their photos. That's just the way it works. Save your money. Just take updated photos of yourself out with friends, doing activities that you enjoy and maybe a selfie or two.

 

I look 10 times better in person than in photos

 

for a lot of women, it's the opposite

 

 

 

It is very time consuming and I think the output (sent messages) will always be higher than the input (received messages). I think that's true for both genders who use OLD.

 

 

Say what now?

 

 

Pretty sure the female equivalent of me - a decent looking 25 year old woman in great shape - can put up an online dating profile anywhere and get 50,000 messages in a week (Obviously a lot of that will be garbage but plenty of it will be quality too)

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CoolCat771 Established Member

CoolCat771

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why you say that?

 

 

It's simple. You have to ask yourself one question: If females are approached by men in romantic relationships (both online and in real life), how is that these beautiful, intelligent, successful women haven't found a relationship?

 

It's because either

 

a) Impossibly high standards (to the point of sheer delusion)/ materailism

b) Sexual promiscuity

c) Some sort of psychological disorder

d) Single parent

e) More than one above

 

 

There is some women online that are "strange" to say the least. I have many, many, stories to share about that subject.

mariekatie Established Member

mariekatie

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I look 10 times better in person than in photos

 

for a lot of women, it's the opposite

 

Hahaha that's true, i admit i look way better on pictures but i guess when someone loves you, everything changes. I was worried my bf wouldn't like the real me, but he said i look way better on webcam than on photos (we didn't meet yet so *fingers crossed*)

Maybe it's true that you look 10000 times better in person but you can't have the attitude that "i'm good looking, so what's wrong?". Women can sense over-confident guys attitude pretty well so it might turns some women off!

 

 

 

Pretty sure the female equivalent of me - a decent looking 25 year old woman in great shape - can put up an online dating profile anywhere and get 50,000 messages in a week (Obviously a lot of that will be garbage but plenty of it will be quality too)

 

I agree that girls get it way better in the online dating world. I met my guy on a dating website and he turns out to be so amazing. My advice is "dont go looking for it". Just go up there, make friends first so you wouldn't rush into it. I wasn't even expecting anything, was up because i was "bored". I do get many messages in a day and my guy have to "spam" girls to get messages. It's unfair and it gives the girls a choice to pick who they want. But most guys there are loser anyway... I've met a few nice friends though but it doesn't "last". Once they know you're dating someone, all of them just run away. Most of them only talked to me for a day and that's it.

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Sunlounger Member

Sunlounger

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It's simple. You have to ask yourself one question: If females are approached by men in romantic relationships (both online and in real life), how is that these beautiful, intelligent, successful women haven't found a relationship?

 

 

I'm attractive, intelligent and successful and I can't seem to find a relationship no matter what I do

 

 

Why do you think the female version of me doesn't exist?

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writergal Established Member

writergal

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I'm attractive, intelligent and successful and I can't seem to find a relationship no matter what I do

 

 

Why do you think the female version of me doesn't exist?

 

Lots of people have problems finding relationships like you who are attractive, intelligent and successful. Unfortunately online dating makes dating more difficult than it needs to be: too many choices to choose from. Like you said, a catalog of profiles. It's overwhelming to have so many choices.

 

There's nothing wrong with you. Dating in general is just a numbers game. It's hard to meet quality people via OLD that's for sure.

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Sunlounger Member

Sunlounger

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Unfortunately online dating makes dating more difficult than it needs to be: too many choices to choose from. Like you said, a catalog of profiles. It's overwhelming to have so many choices.

 

I think that's a female problem, not a male problem. Most guys online say they can't get any responses at all

 

 

if I met a woman who was somewhat attractive (say somewhat close to me in physical appearance), was a good person/had good character traits, I would date her on the spot. I wouldn't keep searching for what's out there but maybe that's just me

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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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The only difference between free sites and paid sites I'd the heavy sigh you breathe when you realize the results will be the same.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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My experience is certainly not timely. I was on OLD for 3 months 10 years ago.

 

Even back then I was on what was then the most expensive site out there. It also had a personality test that required you to spend about 3-4 hours completing that. My reasoning was that anybody who went through all of that had to be pretty serious not just looking for a ONS off a profile they completed on a whim. Even though I didn't find true love there, all the people I was paired with were quality individuals so I always felt like I got what I paid for.

 

I would not do multiple sites. I'd pick the service that fits you & your goals best. You might not need professional photos but good quality shots taken by a friend would be a good investment of time.

 

OLD is 1 tool. It's not magic. Don't treat it as your only option. Still do things to help you meet women IRL.

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writergal Established Member

writergal

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My experience is certainly not timely. I was on OLD for 3 months 10 years ago.

 

Even back then I was on what was then the most expensive site out there. It also had a personality test that required you to spend about 3-4 hours completing that. My reasoning was that anybody who went through all of that had to be pretty serious not just looking for a ONS off a profile they completed on a whim. Even though I didn't find true love there, all the people I was paired with were quality individuals so I always felt like I got what I paid for.

 

I would not do multiple sites. I'd pick the service that fits you & your goals best. You might not need professional photos but good quality shots taken by a friend would be a good investment of time.

 

OLD is 1 tool. It's not magic. Don't treat it as your only option. Still do things to help you meet women IRL.

 

I tried that paid OLD site too and the online questionnaire took forever to complete. I didn't find true love there either which is why you're last statement is such great advice: do other things in addition to OLD to meet people to date. It's the best way for the OP to increase his chances of meeting compatible women to date.

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Sunlounger Member

Sunlounger

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The only difference between free sites and paid sites I'd the heavy sigh you breathe when you realize the results will be the same.

 

Considering that I had atrocious results on paid sites, it doesn't even seem to be worth trying

 

 

Do you have to be a male model to get dates online?

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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Considering that I had atrocious results on paid sites, it doesn't even seem to be worth trying

 

 

Do you have to be a male model to get dates online?

 

You're going to get 15 different answers from 15 different self professed successful online daters. All of which are completely subjective in regards to success, and don't work for everyone, even though they will claim that its all you need to succeed.

 

 

There is no secret. There is no one size fits all. There is no " all you have to do is xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx and you'll get dates. "

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heartshaped Established Member

heartshaped

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Considering that I had atrocious results on paid sites, it doesn't even seem to be worth trying

 

 

Do you have to be a male model to get dates online?

 

No, but look at it this way, every woman you message is probably getting dozens of messages a day from other men. What sets you apart from all of them? I think that's what you need to play up and showcase.

 

I think of myself as more or less the female equivalent of what you described and OLD is pretty overwhelming. Tons of men message me when I use OLD. To be honest, I don't even read every man's message.

 

The first qualifier or disqualifier, and I think this is pretty universal, is your photographs. If you don't look reasonably attractive to me in your photographs then I won't respond. No sense in wasting our time. I'll respond if I rank you as just "okay" because I know you may look better in person but some women will eliminate you if you look anything but attractive to them. Why? Because there are tons of other options.

 

If I find you attractive then I check out your profile and the message you sent me. If it's just "hey" or "how are you" or something generic I'm less likely to respond. If I do respond, I'll try and start a conversation with you and if that goes no where I will stop responding.

 

When I look at a guy's profile, personally, I'm looking to see if we share any interests, if the guy even has any interests and hobbies, what he does for a living, what he's looking for, etc.

 

From the men I've talked to, OLD is harsh because you have to send out tons of messages to receive a handful of responses. It's time consuming, but I think can be rewarding if you're willing to put the time and effort into it. It's a numbers game really.

insert_name Established Member

insert_name

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Considering that I had atrocious results on paid sites, it doesn't even seem to be worth trying

 

 

Do you have to be a male model to get dates online?

 

Im most certainly not a male model, and i have been on dates....but I cant for the life of me work out whatit was about me that hooked them so I could leverage it a bit more. I think as a man it really helps OLD if you have an approach that you have got down to a fine art and can usually get a result from it. I was confident in reading the profile and then trying to send as ridiculous an observation on their profile as possible...but I havent had a response in a couple of weeks now, so it feels like my previous results have been nothing but good fortune that didnt actually prove to be fortunate enough to turn into a relationship.

 

So yeah, you dont have to be a male model (a couple of the girls i went on a date with were particularly attractive so it is possible to get good results) but if you arent a model it will probably be more about being in the right place and the right time and catching a girl when she is having a wuiet moment from all the attention.

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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No, but look at it this way, every woman you message is probably getting dozens of messages a day from other men. What sets you apart from all of them? I think that's what you need to play up and showcase.

 

I think of myself as more or less the female equivalent of what you described and OLD is pretty overwhelming. Tons of men message me when I use OLD. To be honest, I don't even read every man's message.

 

 

 

The first qualifier or disqualifier, and I think this is pretty universal, is your photographs. If you don't look reasonably attractive to me in your photographs then I won't respond. No sense in wasting our time. I'll respond if I rank you as just "okay" because I know you may look better in person but some women will eliminate you if you look anything but attractive to them. Why? Because there are tons of other options.

 

 

If I find you attractive then I check out your profile and the message you sent me. If it's just "hey" or "how are you" or something generic I'm less likely to respond. If I do respond, I'll try and start a conversation with you and if that goes no where I will stop responding.

 

When I look at a guy's profile, personally, I'm looking to see if we share any interests, if the guy even has any interests and hobbies, what he does for a living, what he's looking for, etc.

 

From the men I've talked to, OLD is harsh because you have to send out tons of messages to receive a handful of responses. It's time consuming, but I think can be rewarding if you're willing to put the time and effort into it. It's a numbers game really.

 

 

There you have it OP. Most only care about pictures, won't actually read your message, and want you to dance like a trained monkey to earn her reply.

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insert_name Established Member

insert_name

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No, but look at it this way, every woman you message is probably getting dozens of messages a day from other men. What sets you apart from all of them? I think that's what you need to play up and showcase.

 

I think of myself as more or less the female equivalent of what you described and OLD is pretty overwhelming. Tons of men message me when I use OLD. To be honest, I don't even read every man's message.

 

The first qualifier or disqualifier, and I think this is pretty universal, is your photographs. If you don't look reasonably attractive to me in your photographs then I won't respond. No sense in wasting our time. I'll respond if I rank you as just "okay" because I know you may look better in person but some women will eliminate you if you look anything but attractive to them. Why? Because there are tons of other options.

 

If I find you attractive then I check out your profile and the message you sent me. If it's just "hey" or "how are you" or something generic I'm less likely to respond. If I do respond, I'll try and start a conversation with you and if that goes no where I will stop responding.

 

When I look at a guy's profile, personally, I'm looking to see if we share any interests, if the guy even has any interests and hobbies, what he does for a living, what he's looking for, etc.

 

From the men I've talked to, OLD is harsh because you have to send out tons of messages to receive a handful of responses. It's time consuming, but I think can be rewarding if you're willing to put the time and effort into it. It's a numbers game really.

 

Brutal, but very honest. And well done for having some empathy and not trying to make out that even though you get loads of messages you still have it tough.

 

I would love it, seriously love it if one day i came home to find out of the blue just one message on OLD from someone who would be a potential date....but in all the months I have done OLD this has yet to happen and theres probably more chance of hell freezing over.

 

The only way I am going to get results is by generating them myself by trying to stoke up conversation with a bunch of people I dont know with (mostly) only silence in response. But as the guy in the other thread said, this gets so tiresome and dispiriting after a while.

heartshaped Established Member

heartshaped

Posted
Posted
There you have it OP. Most only care about pictures, won't actually read your message, and want you to dance like a trained monkey to earn her reply.

 

Keenly, sometimes, I get the sincere feeling you don't like me and I have no idea why. :laugh:

 

But yes, I care about if the man is attractive to me. People want to date people they are attracted to. I don't think anyone says to themselves "I don't find this person attractive at all so I should see if we're compatible".

 

I think a lot of women on OLD sites don't read every man's message. If he's unattractive to her I doubt she's going to waste her time seeing what he has to say when an attractive woman on a dating website has dozens of other replies. In real life, when a man approaches a woman it works much the same. She may listen to what you have to say, but really it's all about attraction when asking a woman out on a date. If she doesn't find you attractive then it's a no go.

 

No one expects anyone to "dance around like a trained monkey" but if a guy is dull and has no personality or I don't find him interesting why waste time conversing further or going on a date with him? And with OLD women have other options and like it or not, men are often vying for the same woman's affections or attention.

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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Keenly, sometimes, I get the sincere feeling you don't like me and I have no idea why. :laugh:

 

But yes, I care about if the man is attractive to me. People want to date people they are attracted to. I don't think anyone says to themselves "I don't find this person attractive at all so I should see if we're compatible".

 

I think a lot of women on OLD sites don't read every man's message. If he's unattractive to her I doubt she's going to waste her time seeing what he has to say when an attractive woman on a dating website has dozens of other replies. In real life, when a man approaches a woman it works much the same. She may listen to what you have to say, but really it's all about attraction when asking a woman out on a date. If she doesn't find you attractive then it's a no go.

 

No one expects anyone to "dance around like a trained monkey" but if a guy is dull and has no personality or I don't find him interesting why waste time conversing further or going on a date with him? And with OLD women have other options and like it or not, men are often vying for the same woman's affections or attention.

 

Don't worry I don't dislike you.

 

 

that's what its like though. You have to dance like a trained monkey trying to impress some one. Some one who's most likely going to stop paying attention to you the second a monkey comes along and dances better. That's OLD

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fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
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Don't worry I don't dislike you.

 

 

that's what its like though. You have to dance like a trained monkey trying to impress some one. Some one who's most likely going to stop paying attention to you the second a monkey comes along and dances better. That's OLD

 

Yes, and make no mistake, there will always be a monkey who can dance better...

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Sunlounger Member

Sunlounger

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Don't worry I don't dislike you.

 

 

that's what its like though. You have to dance like a trained monkey trying to impress some one. Some one who's most likely going to stop paying attention to you the second a monkey comes along and dances better. That's OLD

 

 

or on the flipside, look like a male model

 

 

I don't get it, with women - all the decent looking ones get tons of attention on OLD. If you're a man, you really have to be in the top 0.1% of facial attractiveness to really get anywhere. It's like even the 6s expect a 10/10 male

 

And here I understand that we all want someone who is attractive but what happened to 7s dating 7s, 8s dating 8s, etc...?

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
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I think OLD is kinda like looking for a diamond in the rough...

 

Yep, there was a time I thought the paying sites would have serious people, but nah...

 

IMO, there are fake profiles they probably set up to get you hooked, there are a lot of "non-paying members", so they are sitting there waiting for you to pay and contact them.

 

Then, yep, there's the playas, liars, fakes, and flakes. I mean, if you're married and/or just looking for a hook-up there are sites specifically for that. Why come on what is supposed to be a "dating" website and play games?

 

I've met some people online that while it didn't last too long - it was still an ok experience.

 

Also, sometimes I wonder if I've overlooked some potential good people - cuz with the profiles, it's easy to just "flip" through them and you get picky and quick to dismiss at the first sign of something you don't like. I believe interacting in person is better cuz you can really get a feel for the person w/o depending on a profile or a couple of pics. That's one reason I push to meet in person ASAP when I meet someone online...it's too easy to look "good on paper" and when you meet them, no chemistry.

 

Again, it's like looking for a diamond in the rough. Good luck!!!

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