ashleysv Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 months 2 days ago. The reason behind the breakup was because I (thought) I wasn't happy with the relationship anymore. A lot of little things annoyed the hell out of me about him and I found it really frustrating at times. I've been crying these past 2 days non-stop, to the point where I cry myself to sleep at night and underneath my eyes are super dry and cracked due to all the tears. I'm not even joking! The problem is... I still have feelings for him, and knew when I broke up with him that I cared for him quite a bit. These past 2 days have been really hard and made me realize that I may have liked him more than I let on. If I'm so upset considering i'm the one who broke it off.. shouldn't I feel relieved instead of crying my eyes out all damn day long? We just had a meaningful conversation on the phone, that gave us both full closure. He had high hopes of getting back together and I told him I needed time to figure out myself and maybe in a month or two, we can talk again. We just said goodbye... we both cried, and it was the hardest thing I had to do in a long time. Am I crazy for thinking we can get back together after I have some time alone? I told him if anything we could be friends, because I do value him as a person. He is so sweet and such a nice guy to be around - I do want him in my life. Was I wrong to break up with him? Am I nuts for even considering the idea of getting back with him? I like him so much, this is hurting me a lot right now... so any advice (rude or otherwise) is really helpful. Thanks!
KatZee Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I told him if anything we could be friends, because I do value him as a person. He is so sweet and such a nice guy to be around - I do want him in my life. Do you really think he wants to be your "friend"? This is extremely selfish of you. That being said: what do you feel when you think of never seeing, or speaking to him ever again? Being friends with him is off the table. It's either, move on forever, or get back together with him. What is your first reaction here? What are these "little things" that annoy the hell out of you?
Author ashleysv Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 Do you really think he wants to be your "friend"? This is extremely selfish of you. That being said: what do you feel when you think of never seeing, or speaking to him ever again? Being friends with him is off the table. It's either, move on forever, or get back together with him. What is your first reaction here? What are these "little things" that annoy the hell out of you? He's been consistently trying to fix things, and he even agrees we could be friends and that he doesn't want to lose me. That's why I provided that option. I feel sad when I think of never seeing or speaking to him again. But I also don't think right now at least, I want to be dating him. See, this is why I'm so damn conflicted. I don't know what I truly want.. but if i'm upset over him it must mean I should be with him? As for the things that bug me: we never went on many dates (we are both in university), he's been kicked out of his house a lot because he was unable to pay his rent, he's pretty immature in comparison to him, he has no drivers license and most times he was so persistent on us just kissing/making out half the time (shows his level of immaturity, we are both 20 by the way).
KatZee Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 He's been consistently trying to fix things, and he even agrees we could be friends and that he doesn't want to lose me. No. He doesn't want to be your "friend." He's a typical dumpee grasping at straws and doing everything in their power not to be thrown out of their dumper's life, in hopes that maybe, one day, the dumper will want them back. Trust me, if he still loves you he doesn't want to be a friend. He doesn't want to see/hear about your fun life without him, or new guys in your life. He just wants to ensure you don't forget him. (Dumpee rationalizing/bargaining) I think your issue is his lack of maturity. If he suddenly took more initiative with his life, would you be with him?
Author ashleysv Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 No. He doesn't want to be your "friend." He's a typical dumpee grasping at straws and doing everything in their power not to be thrown out of their dumper's life, in hopes that maybe, one day, the dumper will want them back. Trust me, if he still loves you he doesn't want to be a friend. He doesn't want to see/hear about your fun life without him, or new guys in your life. He just wants to ensure you don't forget him. (Dumpee rationalizing/bargaining) I think your issue is his lack of maturity. If he suddenly took more initiative with his life, would you be with him? Yes, I think if he had a lot more things put together other than the fact that he goes to school and has a job, then I believe I would want to be with him. I don't know if this is selfish of me or not.. but yes. I know I won't get over him for a long time, and I am still regretting the decision of letting him go because the pain right now hurts.
KatZee Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Yes, I think if he had a lot more things put together other than the fact that he goes to school and has a job, then I believe I would want to be with him. I don't know if this is selfish of me or not.. but yes. I know I won't get over him for a long time, and I am still regretting the decision of letting him go because the pain right now hurts. Have you ever verbalized this to him???
dclan Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 months 2 days ago. The reason behind the breakup was because I (thought) I wasn't happy with the relationship anymore. A lot of little things annoyed the hell out of me about him and I found it really frustrating at times. I've been crying these past 2 days non-stop, to the point where I cry myself to sleep at night and underneath my eyes are super dry and cracked due to all the tears. I'm not even joking! The problem is... I still have feelings for him, and knew when I broke up with him that I cared for him quite a bit. These past 2 days have been really hard and made me realize that I may have liked him more than I let on. If I'm so upset considering i'm the one who broke it off.. shouldn't I feel relieved instead of crying my eyes out all damn day long? We just had a meaningful conversation on the phone, that gave us both full closure. He had high hopes of getting back together and I told him I needed time to figure out myself and maybe in a month or two, we can talk again. We just said goodbye... we both cried, and it was the hardest thing I had to do in a long time. Am I crazy for thinking we can get back together after I have some time alone? I told him if anything we could be friends, because I do value him as a person. He is so sweet and such a nice guy to be around - I do want him in my life. Was I wrong to break up with him? Am I nuts for even considering the idea of getting back with him? I like him so much, this is hurting me a lot right now... so any advice (rude or otherwise) is really helpful. Thanks! The question is, why don't you want to be with him? If you think he can change, give him the chance. If you don't think he can change, don't give him the chance. Another thing, the things you are describiing are..."not that bad". It could be worse.
KatZee Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Also, I know you want maturity, and that's normal to want, however he's only 20. It's a fact that guys mature slower than girls too. You can't expect him to have his life together at 20, 95% of people don't. The fact that he was even trying to pay rent at 20 is crazy. I know that when I was 20, I couldn't even hold a full time job while going to school. There was no way I was able to pay rent at that age, and I didn't move out of my parents house until I was 27 going on 28. It's ROUGH.
Author ashleysv Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 The question is, why don't you want to be with him? If you think he can change, give him the chance. If you don't think he can change, don't give him the chance. Another thing, the things you are describiing are..."not that bad". It could be worse. I'm conflicted as to whether or not he can change. We've had conversations before a couple times about how he needs to put some more effort into our relationship... but he never really did. We rarely went on dates, (we went on 4 and dated for nearly 3 months).
Author ashleysv Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 Have you ever verbalized this to him??? I have, that was part of our phone call this evening. I told him I'd like to see him grow up a little and get some of his life in order, and he agreed and said that he knew I had a lot figured out for my age and that he'd slowly words towards it if it "made me happy", I want him to do it to make himself happy. He's 20 and doesn't have a piece of ID except his health card. It's frustrating.
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