People Here Who are Very Good At Getting Dates

[Sunlounger]

I would consider myself to be pretty strong socially but I sometimes struggle to think of what to talk about when I want to start talking to a stranger somewhere (say you meet someone at the gym)

 

 

What do you talk about when you want to start initiating a conversation with a random stranger? I feel like that first 3-4 minutes of small talk is the toughest part for me. Once I get to asking them where they live, what they do, where they were born, etc... it's smooth sailing but you can't walk up to somebody and ask them where they live or what they do for a living

[d0nnivain]

Talk about something that is in your immediate surrounding. At the gym ask about the machines or the other person's goals or comment on their form. The weather & non-controversial current events are also good openers.

[Sunlounger]

Talk about something that is in your immediate surrounding. At the gym ask about the machines or the other person's goals or comment on their form. The weather & non-controversial current events are also good openers.

 

 

Let's say you meet a girl at a gym and you start talking to her about the exercise she's doing or how her workout is going. Is that too personal right away?

[d0nnivain]

It's not that personal at all IMO but she may not want to talk. Some people go to the gym & want uninterrupted quiet / reflection time.

[Sunlounger]

It's not that personal at all IMO but she may not want to talk. Some people go to the gym & want uninterrupted quiet / reflection time.

 

 

that's true although that's easy to interpret from their body language

[Jules Dash]

Go for a light-hearted joke or tease about anything and just keep rolling from there. It really does take practice if you are not the type of person that does this sort of thing outside of trying to pick someone up.

 

 

Start with conversations with random people on the street or at work. Believe it or not, it is not much different than that except you will be asking for her number at the end of thr conversation. You really don't need a special conversation for this.

[Sunlounger]

Start with conversations with random people on the street or at work. Believe it or not, it is not much different than that except you will be asking for her number at the end of thr conversation. You really don't need a special conversation for this.

 

 

That's my point, I sometimes struggle with the first few minutes of that too in terms of finding something to talk about

 

 

When I have something to talk about, it's very easy - at my job for example, I work in sales so I have an easy conversation starter and I can talk to people all day long

[Jules Dash]

That's my point, I sometimes struggle with the first few minutes of that too in terms of finding something to talk about

 

 

When I have something to talk about, it's very easy - at my job for example, I work in sales so I have an easy conversation starter and I can talk to people all day long

 

You work in sales? Well if anyone is a talker it's you, man.

 

When you tried your first sale did your pitch just roll off your tongue like you had been selling stuff for 30 years? Probably not but the more clients you talked to the better you became. You probably just can walk up to someone now and they are practically throwing their money at you. Approaching your romantic interest is no different. You wont be selling yourself very well with the first few times you do it but the more you approach and talk, the more that conversation is going to roll off of your tongue. Some will start to wish you just shut up and others will want you to just keep talking. Don't think you are just going to get there without trial and error. It's just not going to happen like that.

[Sunlounger]

You work in sales? Well if anyone is a talker it's you, man.

 

When you tried your first sale did your pitch just roll off your tongue like you had been selling stuff for 30 years? Probably not but the more clients you talked to the better you became. You probably just can walk up to someone now and they are practically throwing their money at you. Approaching your romantic interest is no different. You wont be selling yourself very well with the first few times you do it but the more you approach and talk, the more that conversation is going to roll off of your tongue. Some will start to wish you just shut up and others will want you to just keep talking. Don't think you are just going to get there without trial and error. It's just not going to happen like that.

 

 

I have no problem talking to people at all. My point is that sometimes I just don't know what to talk about when i'm meeting a random stranger. You can't compare this to me making a sales pitch because I have a natural conversation starter there

 

 

In some cases it's easy if you have an easy and natural conversation starter but I wish it was like that in all situations. Some times, I just dunno what to talk about at the beginning

 

 

Once the ice is broken and I know the other person a little bit then yea it's easy, you have 50 things you can talk about with the other person. My struggle is more in the first few minutes

[Jules Dash]

I have no problem talking to people at all.

 

 

In some cases it's easy if you have an easy and natural conversation starter but I wish it was like that in all situations. Some times, I just dunno what to talk about at the beginning

 

I agree that you have no problem talking to people. You are a salesperson. You certainly can't have that profession by having a problem talking to people. That is what I said in the beginning of my post. Then what is your problem? We already established that you are a talker because you talk for a living, right? You say that your problem is that you don't know what to talk about in the beginning. Do you really believe that? Be honest with yourself. Someone above gave you great advice on talking about something in your environment. Why isn't this good enough?

 

You really have to ask yourself if it really is fear that holds you back and be honest with yourself. You can talk to anyone about absolutely any thing.

 

Let me ask you another question? What prevents you from walking up to a woman you like and treating her like one of your clients and using your product as something to talk about in the beginning. Now, you really won't do this but when you have the confidence to do something like this, your problem is solved. In other words, I don't believe your problem is not knowing what to talk about in the beginning.

 

Another question: what problem do you have not saying anything in the beginning besides walking up to a woman, introducing yourself to her and asking her for her number immediately? If you are thinking something like "well, she will think I am crazy" then your problem is not knowing what to say, it is fear. It may not be complete but it is there. If you really think it would be insane to walk up to her and just start talking about anything, whatever comes to your mind then the issue really is not the topic of your conversation.

 

Do you get uncomfortable with the thought that things may go silent while you are talking to a woman? Don't. Let things go silent if you need to then just start talking about anything again once something comes to your mind. This is crazy talk to you, right? No, it really gets to the heart of the matter.

[Sunlounger]

I agree that you have no problem talking to people. You are a salesperson. You certainly can't have that profession by having a problem talking to people. That is what I said in the beginning of my post. Then what is your problem? We already established that you are a talker because you talk for a living, right? You say that your problem is that you don't know what to talk about in the beginning. Do you really believe that? Be honest with yourself.

 

 

Depends on the situation, sometimes I have an easy path for a conversation and other times I honestly don't know what to talk about to break the ice

 

I made this thread because I want to always be able to talk to random strangers anywhere very easily and have the conversations be very smooth

 

Someone above gave you great advice on talking about something in your environment. Why isn't this good enough?

 

I feel like that can be somewhat boring and I don't know if I can keep the momentum going

 

 

 

Another question: what problem do you have not saying anything in the beginning besides walking up to a woman, introducing yourself to her and asking her for her number immediately?

 

That's asking for the sale before you earn the sale. Basically skipping all steps and going to the end, rarely works

[Sunlounger]

any more thoughts on this guys?

[Mrin]

Ask open ended questions and build on her answers. If they are short one to two word answers - move on. If she gives longer answers you are doing well. If she then starts asking questions herself - you're in business.

 

Also - eye contact is huge. Make it. Keep it. Smile when warranted. Subtle compliments in the form of giving her a smile or a laugh at a joke or funny story. Subtlty is huge as overt compliments come off as just lines.

[Dallers]

You do not need to think about this. If you think about it then you will cause yourself undue stress.

 

If you are finding it difficult to talk to this girl then the date will only happen once. When you meet a girl who clicks with you it is obvious because it becomes so easy to talk to her and flows. Think about changing your choice of woman.

[Ruby Slippers]

Read How to Win Friends and Influence People, a classic guide to improving your social skills and power to influence. (Or get the audiobook.)

 

One of the techniques discussed in this book is asking questions. Everybody's favorite topic is themselves. Keep the good questions coming and most people will talk to you for an hour, then leave the conversation feeling as though they connected with you and you really understood them.

 

A good place to practice this is with cashiers.

[smackie9]

Body language is key. When I'm standing in a line up or shopping people seem to gravitate towards me and start telling me something in their life, an issues or something totally random. This is men and woman. It's kind of funny how it happens. BUT then there are those that if you strike up a convo look at you like you are some kind of weirdo. It's always a hit or miss, but reading body their body language and being aware of your own helps heaps.

[GravityMan]

You do not need to think about this. If you think about it then you will cause yourself undue stress.

 

If you are finding it difficult to talk to this girl then the date will only happen once. When you meet a girl who clicks with you it is obvious because it becomes so easy to talk to her and flows.

 

Agreed. That has been true in my personal experience with people in general in all kinds of situations, not just women.

 

I think it's especially true in the OP's case since he already has plenty of experience socializing due to his sales position.

 

The mind is great but sometimes it can be your own worst enemy.

 

Anyway, open-ended questions and "open" body language (and reading their body language) is a good starter. Don't come across as someone who looks like he doesn't want to be bothered (unless you actually DO want to be left alone). I suspect the OP already knows that, though.

 

He just needs to relax and get out of his own head.

[Sunlounger]

Ask open ended questions and build on her answers. If they are short one to two word answers - move on. If she gives longer answers you are doing well. If she then starts asking questions herself - you're in business.

 

Also - eye contact is huge. Make it. Keep it. Smile when warranted. Subtle compliments in the form of giving her a smile or a laugh at a joke or funny story. Subtlty is huge as overt compliments come off as just lines.

 

 

So what do you guys talk about at beginning with a random stranger?

 

 

You can't go up to them and start asking what they like to do for fun. They're random strangers

[Sunlounger]

Agreed. That has been true in my personal experience with people in general in all kinds of situations, not just women.

 

I think it's especially true in the OP's case since he already has plenty of experience socializing due to his sales position.

 

The mind is great but sometimes it can be your own worst enemy.

 

Anyway, open-ended questions and "open" body language (and reading their body language) is a good starter. Don't come across as someone who looks like he doesn't want to be bothered (unless you actually DO want to be left alone). I suspect the OP already knows that, though.

 

He just needs to relax and get out of his own head.

 

 

my problem is getting it off the ground sometimes. Once I'm off the ground and the ice is broken in, then I'm usually all good

 

I just don't know what to talk about at the beginning in some situations. I don't want to come across too strong and too personal, I'm talking to a random stranger after all

[Tayken]

my problem is getting it off the ground sometimes. Once I'm off the ground and the ice is broken in, then I'm usually all good

 

I just don't know what to talk about at the beginning in some situations. I don't want to come across too strong and too personal, I'm talking to a random stranger after all

 

 

It obviously takes confidence to stand in front of someone or a group (not your friends) and talk about anything. This is something you can work on, but it does take time.

 

The trick is to not make the focus of discussion yourself, do not meet in a coffee shop which usually ends up being a conversation and date killer.

 

Compliment

ask how the day was

look around you and bring things into your conversation

eye contact

ask about family i.e. siblings

hobbies / interests

travels

[Tik]

All great tips; find something you can both agree upon; the best I've had do is something we both can whinge about. Girls love complaining about things (joking!). From there you can add in a little bit of banter and fun and most importantly ALWAYS ask for a date or meet again and segwey to a number before leaving (keep it short).