Eighty_nine Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 I'm seeing someone and I like him. I feel attracted to him and comfortable/safe around him. I'm just out of a couple pretty bad relationships but he plays no games with me, makes it clear he is interested and has told me he's "retired" his online dating accounts. The thing is I just don't feel ready for sex. We had a heavy makeout/cuddle session the other day, during which I told him this and he understands. But tonight will be our 6th time out and I'm starting to feel pressure probably from myself to sleep with him. If it feels right, I will, but if not... should I avoid going inside and cuddling/making out?
SawtoothMars Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 How long for sex?... I'd say start with foreplay and just see where it goes. I typically try to shoot for around 20 minutes. At that point everyone is usually happy.
dichotomy Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 whats your past practice? and his? If your not ready don't feel pressured and take the heavy make out stuff down a notch. There was some stupid thrid date rule out there at one point when I was dating but I think its BS. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 You have to do what feels right to you. As an adult I tended to avoid couches & beds when I am unwilling to have sex with someone but was still open to kissing & cuddling only. There are no absolutes on this but you do need to be aware of your own safety & be fair (not a complete tease) to the other person.
Keenly Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 I think right around 3 months is when even the good guys start getting a little... antsy. Its really up to you, since your the one having the sex. 1
FromAbove Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 I'm seeing someone and I like him. I feel attracted to him and comfortable/safe around him. I'm just out of a couple pretty bad relationships but he plays no games with me, makes it clear he is interested and has told me he's "retired" his online dating accounts. The thing is I just don't feel ready for sex. We had a heavy makeout/cuddle session the other day, during which I told him this and he understands. But tonight will be our 6th time out and I'm starting to feel pressure probably from myself to sleep with him. If it feels right, I will, but if not... should I avoid going inside and cuddling/making out? There is no set time frame for having sex with someone you are dating. Make sure you do it for the right reason. Because you want to, and because you are ready for it. If both of you are comfortable enough with eachother, sex will normally come naturally. Don't overthink though during the whole process. Don't forget to enjoy! Good luck!
BluEyeL Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 When the feelings are deep enough that he says you two are in a relationship. I would tell him that I only have sex in a relationship, and before you two get there, you'll get to know each other outside of the bedroom. But that's just me. 1
Assasda Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Yes, you should avoid cuddling and making out? I cant believe you asked that question. You pretty much answered your own question anyway
BluEyeL Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Ah, yeah, seriously, don't go into the guys house, keep public dates if you don't want to have sex. When you go in someone's house be ready for sex. 1
Els Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Don't feel pressured to do anything you're not ready to do. Honestly, 6 dates is nothing. 2
Donnie Darko Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Honestly, outside of this forum I think the average person would tell you that 6 dates is a lot. Most people are having sex within 3 dates. If you aren't ready then you aren't ready but it is impressive that you found a guy willing to wait it out. Take your time until you are ready. If there is a bigger underlying issue, then maybe you should not be dating at all until you address the issue/problem.
Els Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Honestly, outside of this forum I think the average person would tell you that 6 dates is a lot. Most people are having sex within 3 dates. If you aren't ready then you aren't ready but it is impressive that you found a guy willing to wait it out. Take your time until you are ready. If there is a bigger underlying issue, then maybe you should not be dating at all until you address the issue/problem. Nah. The average person I know IRL waits much longer than the average person on LS says they do. I've also not heard of waiting 6 dates being 'impressive' in any way shape or form - that's just how some people are. No right or wrong here, different strokes for different folks. OP should wait for as long as she needs regardless, because it's one of those things that will filter for a partner that is compatible with her.
Donnie Darko Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 No, that is not close to congruent with how the people I know date in real life. The average person is having sex within 3 dates and waiting around for someone that is frigid would be a huge turn off. Men will think that there is something wrong with you and you will scare off high value men because they will have better options that aren't so frigid. Finding someone that cares enough to wait 6+ dates for you is really impressive or maybe he is just settling for you because he is low value doesn't have any other options. If you see his interest diminishing, then your frigidness is probably a turn off. He may just be hanging in there enough and going through the motions with you because he thinks that you are one of those types of girls that makes a guy wait for sex. Regardless do what you want and wait until you are comfortable.
Els Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 No, that is not close to congruent with how the people I know date in real life. The average person is having sex within 3 dates and waiting around for someone that is frigid would be a huge turn off. Men will think that there is something wrong with you and you will scare off high value men because they will have better options that aren't so frigid. Finding someone that cares enough to wait 6+ dates for you is really impressive or maybe he is just settling for you because he is low value doesn't have any other options. If you see his interest diminishing, then your frigidness is probably a turn off. He may just be hanging in there enough and going through the motions with you because he thinks that you are one of those types of girls that makes a guy wait for sex. Regardless do what you want and wait until you are comfortable. You certainly know everything about everyone everywhere, don't you? 3
Maleficent Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 No, that is not close to congruent with how the people I know date in real life. The average person is having sex within 3 dates and waiting around for someone that is frigid would be a huge turn off. Men will think that there is something wrong with you and you will scare off high value men because they will have better options that aren't so frigid. Finding someone that cares enough to wait 6+ dates for you is really impressive or maybe he is just settling for you because he is low value doesn't have any other options. If you see his interest diminishing, then your frigidness is probably a turn off. He may just be hanging in there enough and going through the motions with you because he thinks that you are one of those types of girls that makes a guy wait for sex. Regardless do what you want and wait until you are comfortable. I want to save this post. This way, the next time there is someone complaining about his new partner's sexual past, I will post it. Since we are expected to have sex with a man within 3 dates...how are we supposed to make sure our number of partners stays low enough to avoid being labelled a slut?? lol 2
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 6 dates isn't that many. Assuming 2 dates per week, that's only 3 weeks which in my book is waaayyyyy fast for sex.
Redhead14 Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I want to save this post. This way, the next time there is someone complaining about his new partner's sexual past, I will post it. Since we are expected to have sex with a man within 3 dates...how are we supposed to make sure our number of partners stays low enough to avoid being labelled a slut?? lol Why should we be worried about being labeled a slut, when men don't worry about being labeled man whores?
Maleficent Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Why should we be worried about being labeled a slut, when men don't worry about being labeled man whores? Oh, I know (and I'm not) but considering the amount of slut shaming I've seen in this forum, I am saving this post for future reference. And I've said it before - men should have a t-shirt that includes the amount of time we need to wait until we sleep with them so they don't think we're sluts/easy/whatever and the amount of time we need to sleep with them before they think we are prudes/frigid/start wining and wear it on the first date. This way, we'll know what to do and when. Taadaaaa! I live in a little world of rainbow kisses and unicorn stickers...
Brooke02 Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Theres no rule. It's whenever your ready, the right guy will wait for you. But I do agree with one of the previous posts, if there's an underlying issue maybe your not ready to date yet.
Redhead14 Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Oh, I know (and I'm not) but considering the amount of slut shaming I've seen in this forum, I am saving this post for future reference. And I've said it before - men should have a t-shirt that includes the amount of time we need to wait until we sleep with them so they don't think we're sluts/easy/whatever and the amount of time we need to sleep with them before they think we are prudes/frigid/start wining and wear it on the first date. This way, we'll know what to do and when. Taadaaaa! I live in a little world of rainbow kisses and unicorn stickers... Yep. Frankly, though, I don't care what they think. If I sleep with them, it's because I've been comfortable with them, like them and are attracted to them in that way. They should take it as a compliment. I realize, of course, they don't know what kind of woman they are dealing with just as I don't know what kind of man I'm dealing with in terms of attitudes toward sex. However, if I were a man and a woman waited for a little while at least for sex, I'd believe she wasn't a slut. Some men might think a woman is a slut for having not waited 6 months or a year. You never know. Bottomline, whatever you do, do it for you and is what works for you. If they aren't on the same page, they aren't on the same page and not a match for you.
stillafool Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I'm seeing someone and I like him. I feel attracted to him and comfortable/safe around him. I'm just out of a couple pretty bad relationships but he plays no games with me, makes it clear he is interested and has told me he's "retired" his online dating accounts. Maybe now isn't the time to be dating since you are still recovering from some bad relationships. Maybe stay single for a while and heal before getting involved again so soon.
Maleficent Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Yep. Frankly, though, I don't care what they think. If I sleep with them, it's because I've been comfortable with them, like them and are attracted to them in that way. They should take it as a compliment. I realize, of course, they don't know what kind of woman they are dealing with just as I don't know what kind of man I'm dealing with in terms of attitudes toward sex. However, if I were a man and a woman waited for a little while at least for sex, I'd believe she wasn't a slut. Some men might think a woman is a slut for having not waited 6 months or a year. You never know. Bottomline, whatever you do, do it for you and is what works for you. If they aren't on the same page, they aren't on the same page and not a match for you. See why the t-shirt is a good idea? But yes I have the same stance you do.
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