Facebook and Exes

[Zapbasket]

Have any of you kept your exes on Facebook after you've broken up--and kept them there even years after breaking up and after one or both of you has moved on to someone else? Have you remained FB "friends" even though you are NC in every other way?

 

I ask because I'm still FB friends with my ex, over one year since breaking up, during which time we have had NO CONTACT. We don't exchange any messages or likes on Facebook, and I never put pictures of the two of us on there to begin with; he had one photo of us together that he took down after Christmas, just over 2 months after we'd broken up.

 

I've heard all the advice about unfriending him, etc., and perhaps that is what I should do, but for some reason I just cannot bring myself to do it yet. I admit I do keep tabs on him, not that he's much of a FB-poster, anyway. I find myself wondering why after all this time HE has not unfriended ME. Maybe neither of us wants to look like the "petty one"? Knowing him, I have no doubt he looks at my page.

 

Anyway, just wanted others' thoughts and experience with their exes on FB.

[Mi7522]

Have any of you kept your exes on Facebook after you've broken up--and kept them there even years after breaking up and after one or both of you has moved on to someone else? Have you remained FB "friends" even though you are NC in every other way?

 

I ask because I'm still FB friends with my ex, over one year since breaking up, during which time we have had NO CONTACT. We don't exchange any messages or likes on Facebook, and I never put pictures of the two of us on there to begin with; he had one photo of us together that he took down after Christmas, just over 2 months after we'd broken up.

 

I've heard all the advice about unfriending him, etc., and perhaps that is what I should do, but for some reason I just cannot bring myself to do it yet. I admit I do keep tabs on him, not that he's much of a FB-poster, anyway. I find myself wondering why after all this time HE has not unfriended ME. Maybe neither of us wants to look like the "petty one"? Knowing him, I have no doubt he looks at my page.

 

Anyway, just wanted others' thoughts and experience with their exes on FB.

 

I have always unfriended after a breakup, whether it's for me to help heal or just because they are no longer in my life so therefore do not need to know anything that is going on with me. If you're using it as way to keep attached then you are only hurting yourself.

[metaversus]

Have any of you kept your exes on Facebook after you've broken up--and kept them there even years after breaking up and after one or both of you has moved on to someone else? Have you remained FB "friends" even though you are NC in every other way?

 

I ask because I'm still FB friends with my ex, over one year since breaking up, during which time we have had NO CONTACT. We don't exchange any messages or likes on Facebook, and I never put pictures of the two of us on there to begin with; he had one photo of us together that he took down after Christmas, just over 2 months after we'd broken up.

 

I've heard all the advice about unfriending him, etc., and perhaps that is what I should do, but for some reason I just cannot bring myself to do it yet. I admit I do keep tabs on him, not that he's much of a FB-poster, anyway. I find myself wondering why after all this time HE has not unfriended ME. Maybe neither of us wants to look like the "petty one"? Knowing him, I have no doubt he looks at my page.

 

Anyway, just wanted others' thoughts and experience with their exes on FB.

 

Kudos to you if you were able to stop yourself from obsessively monitoring your ex's FB status. I unfriended my ex immediately after our breakup (told him I was doing so) for the sole purpose of preventing myself from FB stalking him.

[Zapbasket]

Kudos to you if you were able to stop yourself from obsessively monitoring your ex's FB status. I unfriended my ex immediately after our breakup (told him I was doing so) for the sole purpose of preventing myself from FB stalking him.

 

I do look at his page, and I'm pretty sure he looks at mine, too. Yet, zero contact otherwise. There is no sign that he is seeing anyone else, and I've heard through the grapevine that he is not and has not...and neither have I. I don't necessarily want to get back together with him, but I do care about him a whole lot, and I guess I keep him on FB partially in hopes that we'll have a chance for some kind of "reconciliation," even if just as distant comrades, just to clear the air of our relationship. I'm not waiting for anything from him, per se, but the FB connection is the final pause before _____...whatever...happens.

 

I know there's no justifying it...it just feels not-right to unfriend him. I think I"m moving forward pretty well, otherwise.

[smackie9]

My exes were around the time before internet, but yes I would definitely would have removed them. I broke up with someone because I don't want them in my life anymore....when it's over it's over.

[Tabitha87]

I have some exes on my FB, but most weren't serious. Only 2 of them were serious, which is my most recent ex (father of my 2 kids). I kept him as a FB friend because it truly doesn't bother me what he does at this point.

 

The other one was from when I was 13-16 (I'm now 27). I have completely moved on as did he. We talk the odd time. He "likes" some of my statuses & pictures as do I. We also sometimes comment on one another's posts but we have always remained friends after our breakup as it was a mutual agreement.

 

The other guys also mean nothing to me. We're basically just friends/acquaintances. I do have other exes that our relationship ended badly and still have some unresolved feelings/issues with. Those 2 exes are not on my FB and likely never will be.

 

So, I guess it all really depends on how the both of you feel about eachother, how it ended, if it effects you when you see their posts etc.

[metaversus]

I do look at his page, and I'm pretty sure he looks at mine, too. Yet, zero contact otherwise. There is no sign that he is seeing anyone else, and I've heard through the grapevine that he is not and has not...and neither have I. I don't necessarily want to get back together with him, but I do care about him a whole lot, and I guess I keep him on FB partially in hopes that we'll have a chance for some kind of "reconciliation," even if just as distant comrades, just to clear the air of our relationship. I'm not waiting for anything from him, per se, but the FB connection is the final pause before _____...whatever...happens.

 

I know there's no justifying it...it just feels not-right to unfriend him. I think I"m moving forward pretty well, otherwise.

 

I spent a year obsessively refreshing my ex ex boyfriend's FB page, and I wasn't even friends with him on FB! But a lot of activity was public so I was able to keep tabs on him. I remember the first time I saw a photo of him and his new girlfriend. It felt like someone punched into my stomach and tore my guts out. I was catatonic and could barely eat for about a week.

This time I know better, so I told me ex I was unfriending him to resist the tempation to stalk. He doesn't really use FB anyway, but he does use messenger, and I was able to monitor his activity on messenger and such when we were friends.

I can only recommend what works best for me, which is to cut as much of my ex out of my life as possible. By removing my ex as a friend on FB I cannot see his activity status and that is helping me not freak out as much about where he is, what he is doing, etc.

[sadsoymilk]

I'm still friends with an old ex on Facebook. We were together on and off for a few years. We like each others' pictures and statuses on occasion, but we don't speak anymore.. we were so close that I like being able to keep up with his life, but I am also able to not be too emotional about it when I see he's with other girls. I still care about him very much, but I know it will never ever work out if we were together, so that's why I can handle it.

 

My most recent ex, though... I had to unfriend him, even though he doesn't really use Facebook. Just seeing his name on my friends list upset me. Just the other day I saw some tagged photos of him that a mutual friend commented on and I almost cried... had to delete the mutual friend too... it's really sad, but whatever helps you recover quickly is what needs to be done.

[JoeFallkon]

nope. deleted her. Did look at her page a couple times after, but only to get disappointed, no new bf, just some guy i didnt like that she told me she had blocked was still there, so ever since i blocked her instead, i went 100% NC and i havent looked at her page again. She still tries emailing me, but i ignore her. I just think of all the sht she put me through and takes the urge from wanting to write back to her.

[squarepegroundhole]

If you are going to be rigid to the rules then deleting your ex from your FB is the way forward.

 

But ask yourself this: Is what you are doing working for YOU? Remember that this is about you and your way of dealing with the break-up.There is no prescriptive formula, just a set of guidelines. This is about your healing and you have to be selfish.

 

If you can cope with the eventuality that your ex may start posting pics.of a new woman in his life then carry on, but there is a high likelihood that he will meet someone else and will you be emotionally strong enough seeing that?

[irresolute]

Block him.

 

Youll never get over him otherwise.

 

I have all my exes as facebook friends EXCEPT this last guy. I had to block him because unfollow wasnt enough as i could still see some things.

 

Block him. You can always friend him again in a couple years or so

[tikay00]

Why in the hell would you leave an ex as a FB friend? Are you really not trying to get over them?

 

Just tell them you have to, in order to move on, and heal. Trust me, not a single ex on this planet will not understand. And if they get mad, F em.

[AlphaC]

Like the other posters stated, if you still have feelings for your ex you are doing yourself more harm that good keeping them as a friend on facebook. I unfriended my ex when we broke up. However I didn't block her and every other day I would look at her page to see if her profile pic had changed. I became obsessed, I was waiting for the truth to come out, that she had left me for another guy which is what I had suspected.

 

Two months after the break up I got the courage to block her and I never looked back, it was the best thing a dumpee could do for him/herself. I knew it was time for me to move on and start dating again, two months had been a long time to wait for someone to come back. I didn't tell her I blocked her, I just did it. Even though I hadn't communicated with her since the break up I was technically in "contact mode" through Facebook.

 

The day I got the courage to block her I patted myself on the back, I was never going to allow a woman who abandoned me to permeate my thoughts, to control my happiness, to dictate the love I have for myself, my self pride or my self worth. I felt a slave to her affections until the day I got that power to block her and that's what made it easy for me to finally move on.

 

It's been a year since I blocked my ex and I am truly over that relationship, I was over her a long time ago, thanks to my decision to go absolutely no contact. There is not one trace of her in my life, all of her pics, digital and otherwise have been trashed. I have no desire to be with her ever again, EVER!

 

It's funny, there was an old pic I had of us that I used to keep by my bed. I put it away after we broke up and just the other day I saw it in my drawer. For a long time I debated looking at it, the frame had been upside down in my drawer and I was afraid I might catch feelings if I looked at it. However last week while cleaning my house I went into this drawer, this time I turned the picture frame over and felt nothing. I looked at how handsome I am, lol. Anyways, I removed this pic from the frame and cut it up and trashed it. I honestly felt nothing, all I saw was an ugly face next to mine, ha.

 

Anyway, OP, it's been a long time. Move on, life is so short, don't go backwards, you cannot replace a day ever in your life. Maybe if you concentrated more on yourself, instead of your ex's Facebook page, you would attract a more compatible man.

 

There is something to be said about trust, honesty and respect. If two people want to be together they make it happen, they don't sit around looking at facebook while waiting for the other side to make a move. If he broke up with you then you have nothing left to do but work on yourself and move on. If you broke up with him then you need to work on yourself, work on getting him back and if he doesn't want it, you need to move on.

 

Peace