Darren2013 Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Usually the person who ends the relationship first suffers less pain than the one who did not want the relationship to end. I think that from now on I am going to be doing pre-emptive breakups. Now that my spiritual senses are keener it is like I can hear from The Lord better when He gives me premonitions. Premonitions are God's early warning system. They are real because He knows everything to come in advance. So the next time I sense a breakup coming I can still pull out of the relationship early enough to soften the blow to my ego and soften the blow to heartbreak. I strive to be the dumper and not the dumpee. If a breakup is coming then what difference does it make whether I end it now or wait for my girlfriend to say "We need to talk". It has been long over by the time a woman says those words. No we don't need to talk. I know you don't want to be with me anymore and there's nothing more to be said. I don't need to hear your list of justifications for firing me because it doesn't matter. The end result is the same and that is you are firing me. I assure you I won't be divulging my reasons when I do pre-emptive breakups. A pre-emptive breakup is like taking advantage of the opportunity to resign from my job instead of waiting for the company to fire me. That kind of pre-emptive action is wise in the workplace. If I sense that they are going to fire me eventually then why not take it upon myself to give my 2 weeks notice and resign? It looks less damaging on my work history when I go apply for a new job than waiting to get fired. So if you see that your girlfriend is going to want out eventually then get out first and it will hurt less. Plus that buys you more time to find a partner more suitable to you. When I sense my girlfriend's interest level dropping then the wise thing to do is act immediately by pulling back further myself. It may start out subtly like a drop in frequency of sex. If we normally have sex 4 times a week and one day it drops to 2 times a week then I will drop it even further to once a month. I may even take it upon myself to decline sleeping in the same bed with her and start sleeping on the couch. Might as well because as her interest level continues to drop she will eventually not want me sleeping next to her. Why would I sit there and wait for her to restrict intimacy on her terms? If she normally calls me everyday and then decreases it to every other day that's another warning sign. I will call her less as a reaction. Call her once every 4-5 days.
Gloria25 Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 So, the plan is to pretend you're not into her. Turn down each and every attempt she does to get to know you (and for you to know her)...Then, when she starts pulling away, you're gonna "preemptively", "beat her to the punch" before she finally writes you off. Sounds like a plan to me!!! Where's the emoticon for a "thumb's up"?
Author Darren2013 Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 I'm speaking in the context of a relationship that is already there. Obviously I can't break up with someone even pre-emptively if we never got started.
evanescentworld Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Oh, I think you can. Cut out the middle-guy, as it were. Do it BEFORE any issues arise, and you've got everything sorted, even the emotional trauma. Better yet (for all concerned) don't date at all! That way, even the pre-emptive strike is unnecessary!
Gloria25 Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Well, I already started trying to modify my original post... so, here goes: Yes, in some instances, when a person has made up their mind, they made it up. Maybe they're doing a "fade" cuz they don't have the courage to call it quits, not sure about their decision, and/or don't wanna hurt the other person. But sometimes, people just don't want to work on things. At the time where they need to pull together, they pull apart. Hence the "break" people often propose. Unless the other person already has someone lined up to replace you, many times what's broken can be fixed - but people don't wanna take the time to work on it and/or take responsibility in their role for the RL end up where it's at. Also, depends on the "type" of RL. If it's just two people "dating", they might decide that there's "plenty fish in the sea", "this is too much work", whatever. When you're married and/or have kids, you have more incentive to give it a try. Look, some women call my fav Podcaster at their worst. Their hubby threatened divorce and he already is chatting up and/or seeing another woman. These women are ready to throw in the towel. Well, my Podcaster reminds them that 'he has more to lose if they divorce cuz of the kids, and the wife has a 'one up' over the other woman cuz the husband has a history with the wife'. Well, my Podcaster tells them to "turn on the charm", keep on doing the things she did when they were happy and go from there. Some of the women call back with success stories, some don't (i.e. the husband already made up his mind, is more invested in the other woman, and/or didn't trust the sudden changes in his wife would continue). My point being, some things can be saved - sometimes they can't. "Beating them to the punch" might not be the best idea....You might miss the opportunity to turn it around.
Author Darren2013 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 I think that if I get into another relationship I will keep a secret spreadsheet on my laptop to keep track of all the times my girlfriend initiates touching and initiates sexual contact. This way I can really keep track of any change in patterns even subtle changes so I can get an idea of whether her interest level is going up or down. Of course I won't tell her about it. It will be a deep secret internal password protected spreadsheet that only I will have access to. Sometimes I may forget that she only touched me 6 times during the date when she normally touches me 9 or 10 times. That subtle change needs to be documented.
evanescentworld Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Absolutely. And don't forget body language. Scratching her nose will mean she's lying. Looking up to the left means she's accessing her memory banks. looking up to the right means she's inventing something. Crossing her arms means she's being defensive. Pulling her ear means she's bored. Twiddling her hair means she's flirting. And laughing out loud means she thinks you're an idiot.
Brooke02 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I think that if I get into another relationship I will keep a secret spreadsheet on my laptop to keep track of all the times my girlfriend initiates touching and initiates sexual contact. This way I can really keep track of any change in patterns even subtle changes so I can get an idea of whether her interest level is going up or down. Of course I won't tell her about it. It will be a deep secret internal password protected spreadsheet that only I will have access to. Sometimes I may forget that she only touched me 6 times during the date when she normally touches me 9 or 10 times. That subtle change needs to be documented. It's clear now, why you were the dumpee, your crazy. I'd run too!!
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