daytripper88 Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Hello everyone! Thanks for taking a moment to look at the thread. To make a long story short, I was recently broken up with by my boyfriend of four months on the grounds that he doesn't want a relationship. We were each other's first college relationships and it was the most serious relationship either of us had ever had. Both of us had been involved in hook-up culture for awhile, but somehow we came together and decided we wanted to try something different. I thought we did pretty well as a couple, at least on my end! We never argued, always communicated pretty well, although we were definitely on the more casual end of the relationship spectrum. We didn't really go on dates or see each other that often during the day, but we spent almost every single night together. Classic college relationship, am I right? Eventually I decided I wanted to push for a little bit more out of the relationship. I asked if we could go out to lunch once a week, study together, and be with each other outside of our houses. This made him nervous, and he tried to break up with me around the third month of our relationship, saying that he wasn't sure how he felt about "the dating thing," but we worked through this rough patch because we both really liked each other and couldn't imagine the other person seeing someone else. From that point on we had better communication and were generally pretty happy as a couple, no arguments or anything. Then out of the blue he broke up with me, after a night where we had had a long conversation about our future together in college (saying he wanted to be with me) and how we could approach the summer (he wanted to stay together). He told me he had tried being in a relationship, but that he valued his independence more. He felt obligated as a boyfriend to hang out with me and wasn't a fan of the routine of a relationship. He said I did absolutely nothing wrong in the relationship, but out of fairness to me he wanted to break things off because he felt that if he had stayed in it, he'd be dragging us both down and stringing it along. He said some of the feelings he had for me had been lost when he realized that a relationship was a time commitment. I'm torn apart, obviously. I feel like I've lost one of my best friends. I've decided to go NC; he still wants to be my friend and wants me to contact him when I'm ready to be friends, but I'm not sure if I'll reach that point. The past 7 days without him have been hard, and to make things slightly worse, I've already seen him out hooking up with other girls which was pretty hard to stomach. Just wanted to see if anyone out there has been in a similar situation, particularly in college. How did it turn out for you? How did NC work for you - did you ever end up hearing from your ex? And how does one on a college campus navigate a break up, especially if your campus is pretty small and you run into them all the time? Ultimately, I've decided to give him the freedom that he so desires and wish all the best for him. I wouldn't be lying if I hoped he'd come around after he got a couple months of college out of his system and end up missing what we had. It kind of feels like I've been punished for something I didn't do wrong. I really felt like I made the relationship the best it could have possibly been, and I have no regrets on that end. Thanks for your help!!
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Many college students want to play the field & not be tied down to one person. It's a common thing. However, when somebody says they are not ready for a relationship there is a silent phrase at the end of that statement: with you. They are trying to be kind in what they are saying when they break it off but if you were perfect for each other and the timing was right (not in college) they would be ready
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 I didn't have that type of experience in college, but i do think NC is your best bet. Not as a means of getting him back, but as a way to help you move on. There's no need to be friends with him, so you're making the right decision in keeping your distance. To be honest, it sounds like he was never all that interested in a committed relationship in the first place. His reluctance to get together more was a huge indicator of his true feelings. It hurts, but he did the right thing by breaking up with you. He knew he didn't want to commit and didn't want to give you false hope. Time will definitely help you love past this.
Recommended Posts