I don't wanna mess this up

[adim]

Hey all, I need some help with how to approach a situation with a girl that I recently met.

 

A little background: I'm 20, almost 21, an engineering student, I live at my parent's house still but I commute to my college. I'm clean, hard-working, well-disciplined, and fairly fit (I'm a bigger guy so not skinny but I've always been told I look to be skinnier than my 190 lbs would suggest). I have somewhat of a reserved personality but I do open up greatly if I do have something in common with the person.

 

As a result of the typical engineering school grind, I'd been feeling very worn out and lonely the past few months. After messaging many girls on Tinder (who were way too 'shallow' IMO), I finally got matched to a cute sophomore girl (19) who also goes to school in my city. We messaged each other for a while. We found out that we both have a passion for the outdoors and for travelling. Extremely interested in meeting her in person now, I asked her out for some food this past weekend.

 

So I meet her at her dorm, and I was totally surprised when I saw her in person. She sounded way happier and perkier than text messages made her out to be (who would've thought). In addition, she looked much different too. She had a lovely thin figure that honestly kind of left me dumbfounded for the few seconds of meeting her (I knew she was cute, but much cuter in real life).

 

We hugged upon meeting each other (I'm usually awkward with hugging but I think I did pretty good this time lol). We got some lunch and sat at out table and talked for another hour or so. Conversation went well, we talked about each other, I made her laugh a few times. I also caught her cutely staring at me when I was looking down at my food (haven't had this happen with other girls before).

 

Afterwards, we walked around for a while and she kind of showed me around her part of the city. It was really pleasant, the weather was great, she seemed fairly comfortable, and we both had fun.

 

We hugged each other again for good bye and I said something along the lines of : 'hey it was great to meet you, I had a great time, we should definitely get together again soon'. Now I think that this is where I f'ed up. I forgot to tell her that she was really fun to be around, which I suspect, combined with my quieter and slightly reserved nature perhaps made her feel like maybe I wasn't quite so interested or that I just want to be friends. But that couldn't be more opposite to how much I liked her from this one date.

 

I texted her early the next morning what I had forgotten to say : you were really fun to be around, I really thought yesterday was fun, we should totally get together again soon. She responded positively enough but the difference between her way of texting and actually talking/acting has me really confused on whether she really is interested in getting together again or if she's just being nice...

 

Perhaps she's intimidated by me being a year and a half older (she's a pretty innocent girl so it's understandable I guess). I also got the feeling that she might be intimidated by the fact that I seem to have come off slightly as the bad-boy type vs her being a bit nerdy, and that might not be her ideal match (def not intentional, I just told her about being into cars, motorcycles). I want to ask her out on another date (honestly been thinking about her constantly ever since we parted ways), but I don't want to seem like some desperate guy who wants to use her for sex or whatever (definitely not my intentions).

 

Should I ask her out this weekend or should I wait for next? Would asking her to a movie be a good choice, since we already got food? I really want to try hard at making this work, she's pretty much what I've been looking for but never finding in a girl for the past several years. Also, would I be pushing the comfort zone of a more innocent girl like her if I tried to go in for a kiss on the next date?

 

I apologize in advance for the lengthy post. I'm a complete newbie to dating and frankly, I need all the help I can get at this point. Any advice is appreciated.

[BeholdtheMan]

Do you look the part of a bad boy? You're 190lbs, how tall are you? Are you chubby, do you wear glasses? Do you look like the stereotypical engineering student?

 

Usually young women are attracted to bad boys. There's a magnetism about them. They exude confidence and a devil-may-care attitude. They do things they're way and don't pander to social convention. Do you really emit this vibe? "Bad boys" are usually sexually confident and aggressive. Did you give her that impression?

 

This chick is 19. She might not be as naive as you think. Women develop social sensitivity a lot earlier than men. I'm reading you post and it's hard for me to guess her opinion of you because you type like a nice guy but you say you might've come across as a bad boy.

 

Let's put it this way. If you came across as timid and inexperienced with woman, then start asserting yourself. Make it clear to this girl that you're sexually interested in her. Don't try to hide your sexual interest. Be confident that you're a man who could easily attract women in general but right now, she's the one who has caught your attention.

 

If you came across as a bad boy and she might be a little intimidated by you, I guarantee you that she is also a bit intrigued by your behaviour (your "swagger" if you will). Maintain confidence and assertiveness but show her a bit of sensitivity and sweetness. Women love it when a bad boy shows his gentle side to her. It's like she's that special girl who cracks his tough exterior.

 

Maybe I'm wrong...but you don't sound like a bad boy to me. I think you should ramp up your assertiveness and make it clear that you're not interested in a friendship. You want more. It sounds like the initial interest is there on her part. Don't let it fizzle. Now is the time to charm her with your confidence and humour.

[irresolute]

You dont look like a bad boy at all!! Bad boys are somehow players. You are not.

You seem sweet, naive and awkward (in a good way).

 

Just invite her out again! And oh...try to lose those pounds at tge gym. I bet you gain a lot more confidence! I bet you are super cute and fun to be around

[BeholdtheMan]

You dont look like a bad boy at all!!

You mean he doesn't sound like one?

 

I don't think fella has posted his picture...but yeah, there you have it. Your post indicates that you're more a "nice guy". Ramp up your game from "nice guy" to "gentleman". What's a gentleman you say? A gentleman is a nice guy with charisma and sexual confidence. Think James Bond. I know it's cliched but my point is you don't have to be a tattooed meathead who treats his woman like sh*t. If you're naturally nice, stay nice...just add confidence and charm.

[adim]

Yeah, now that I think about it, I did come off more as just a nice guy.

 

As for my assertiveness, I guess I do just need to up my game a bit. The problem is that I'm just not naturally very romantic or overly-emotional with people who I don't know very well. It's going to take a lot of effort for me to assert myself in that way. But now's the time to put myself to the test I suppose.

 

And I'm 6' 0" so you don't really notice my weight, but I used to be 165 before college and those extra pounds really have taken some of my confidence away, sadly. I'd love to go back to my previous weight but I don't think that's happening until I'm out of college. I'm always trying to fit in some time to work out, but it's just stupid how busy of a schedule I've made for myself lately.

 

Also, not sure what the stereotypical engineering student is. But I typically wear jeans and a sweater or nice casual button-up shirt if I want to look nice. Typical college student I suppose, nothing too flashy or too nerdy or weird.

[losangelena]

As far as if she likes you or that maybe the way she texts doesn't sound enthusiastic, just remember, it's hard to emote over text!

 

If you're not overly emotional with people you don't know, maybe she's the same way.

 

Try not to over-analyze whether or not she's intimidated by you or whatever. Mind reading doesn't generally go over well in dating. Acting or not acting based on what she might be thinking won't get you anywhere.

 

I'd say, if you like her and want to see her again, make that clear. Let these dates flow how they go. If your intention is to not just have sex, then act that way, and she'll get the picture. I promise, you're not going to tank your chances by forgetting to tell her you had a good time. It sounds like you conveyed that in other ways.

 

Relax, take a deep breath, ask her out again, and enjoy.

[adim]

As far as if she likes you or that maybe the way she texts doesn't sound enthusiastic, just remember, it's hard to emote over text!

 

If you're not overly emotional with people you don't know, maybe she's the same way.

 

Try not to over-analyze whether or not she's intimidated by you or whatever. Mind reading doesn't generally go over well in dating. Acting or not acting based on what she might be thinking won't get you anywhere.

 

I'd say, if you like her and want to see her again, make that clear. Let these dates flow how they go. If your intention is to not just have sex, then act that way, and she'll get the picture. I promise, you're not going to tank your chances by forgetting to tell her you had a good time. It sounds like you conveyed that in other ways.

 

Relax, take a deep breath, ask her out again, and enjoy.

Thanks for the advice!

 

It really is difficult to show emotions via text, and I think I'm just over-analyzing our conversations.

 

Any ideas for a second date? So far I'm thinking of taking a her to see a movie.

[losangelena]

Thanks for the advice!

 

It really is difficult to show emotions via text, and I think I'm just over-analyzing our conversations.

 

Any ideas for a second date? So far I'm thinking of taking a her to see a movie.

 

As someone who is not very emotive either, this gets me into trouble sometimes, too.

 

A movie is good. I personally prefer the first few dates to be something where conversation can happen (can't talk during a movie). Maybe dinner or coffee or a museum or something?

[adim]

Alright now I'm even more confused...

So I texted the girl yesterday asking her about her day, and eventually steered the conversation towards what she was up to over the weekend and if she'd want to go see a movie. She said that she has a family party to go to.

I don't think that she's lying about this, as she seems to be very close to her family. But something just doesn't feel right still. She seemed into me on the date but she's so hesitant with her text messages. I mean I text plenty of people 50+ texts a day and we keep the conversation going, but she starts giving real short answers after about 10 texts. Seems like communication outside of dates is a bit one-sided on my part so far and it makes me feel kinda awkward.

I don't want to come off as super intrusive or clingy or anything but I'd really like to see her again. Should I be calling her instead of texting? Damn I'm lost...

[browneyes88]

You dont look like a bad boy at all!! Bad boys are somehow players. You are not.

You seem sweet, naive and awkward (in a good way).

 

Just invite her out again! And oh...try to lose those pounds at tge gym. I bet you gain a lot more confidence! I bet you are super cute and fun to be around

 

I agree!

 

I get what the other poster means about "bad boys", but if that's not you and you try to fake it, it's SO obviously fake. It won't help and may hurt.

[adim]

I agree!

 

I get what the other poster means about "bad boys", but if that's not you and you try to fake it, it's SO obviously fake. It won't help and may hurt.

No fortunately I didn't try to fake it.

 

I didn't try to come off as a badass. Just talked to her about my hobbies and that I'm interested in motorsports and stuff. Usually people who aren't into that kinda stuff feel like I say it to try to sound like a badass, and I'm wondering if I may have imparted that on her. Definitely did not try to sound like this on purpose.

 

So I have a text lined up along the lines of "I hate to seem intrusive by my texts in the past few days, but since you're busy this weekend would you want to do something next? Please let me know if I'm annoying you..." Should I send it or not?!?

[Assasda]

Alright now I'm even more confused...

So I texted the girl yesterday asking her about her day, and eventually steered the conversation towards what she was up to over the weekend and if she'd want to go see a movie. She said that she has a family party to go to.

I don't think that she's lying about this, as she seems to be very close to her family. But something just doesn't feel right still. She seemed into me on the date but she's so hesitant with her text messages. I mean I text plenty of people 50+ texts a day and we keep the conversation going, but she starts giving real short answers after about 10 texts. Seems like communication outside of dates is a bit one-sided on my part so far and it makes me feel kinda awkward.

I don't want to come off as super intrusive or clingy or anything but I'd really like to see her again. Should I be calling her instead of texting? Damn I'm lost...

 

Dude. I dont think she's into you anymore.

I think you did it with your Texts, and you trying too hard.

Never send a "How are you doing?" text - You dont know the girl.

 

Anyway, What you want to do, is send her a text saying, "Contact me if you ever wanna go out and have fun sometime" - Then move on.

 

Get back out there and date different chicks man.

Also, dont doubt yourself too much, go with your first instincts

[adim]

Dude. I dont think she's into you anymore.

I think you did it with your Texts, and you trying too hard.

Never send a "How are you doing?" text - You dont know the girl.

 

Anyway, What you want to do, is send her a text saying, "Contact me if you ever wanna go out and have fun sometime" - Then move on.

 

Get back out there and date different chicks man.

Also, dont doubt yourself too much, go with your first instincts

Yeah I don't know what's gotten to me. I'm picky and she's the first one in a long time to check all the boxes.

Gonna give her a call at lunch tomorrow and figure out if she's even interested in a relationship. If not, back to Tinder.

[Assasda]

Yeah I don't know what's gotten to me. I'm picky and she's the first one in a long time to check all the boxes.

Gonna give her a call at lunch tomorrow and figure out if she's even interested in a relationship. If not, back to Tinder.

 

Dude, dont bother doing that.

Youre gonna ask someone you dont know if they're interested in a relationshio???

Dont do it man.

 

Leave it alone.

Just get back on tinder