Dating a girl who is busy and dealing with insecurities

[juanito14]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for around 4 months now. At the start it was constant texting and hanging out and that lasted all the way up till about a month, maybe month and a half ago, coincidentally when school started. We attend different colleges and her major is much more demanding. Since then we get to hang out once to maybe three times a week. It doesn't help that she has very controlling parents. She is 25 but still lives with them for financial reasons. They expect nothing but perfection from her and put a lot of added pressure into her life. Every morning she seems to be in a good mood and is actually pretty lovey dovey, but then as she gets through school I can tell she gets annoyed. Much shorter on the communication, and much more distant. I know it's not important, but I thought I would add, that we go from texting often in the morning to very rarely as it gets to the afternoon. She gets annoyed and frustrated with both her school work and her parents that she usually ends up going home and taking a nap before going to the library. Today I told her to take some time to herself to relax and we didn't talk for about 4 hours until she texted me to say hi and see how I was doing, before she went back to work. What bugged me today though was she said she was at the library working on homework, which she was because we were snapchatting and I could tell she really was there, but said she was going to try and finish as much as she could cause she was going to see her aunt that just got out of the hospital from a surgery. Three more hours later and I hear from her. She said she didn't hang out with her aunt, so I asked if she stayed in the library that whole time, and she responded 'ya for awhile' to me that meant yeah and then I went and did something else for a little. So I simply asked if she did anything else after the library and she said she went home... I could tell she felt I was starting to interrogate her so I backed off and just told her that I was impressed that she could manage to stay there for so long and that she must've finished her homework. She responded with a no and then she went to bed. In her defense, she was tired and was laying in bed, we were snapchatting again, I just didn't know if she was hiding something else from me. I could tell she got annoyed when I was asking the questions, but that could simply be because it felt like I was questioning her. That's something that I really backed off doing for awhile until tonight and wont do it again. But back to the main point, is it usual for communication and time spent with your SO to go down after a few months of being in a relationship? When we actually are together I can tell she is happy to see me, the problem is the finding the time to actually hangout. I've been giving her more space to handle her family and school work, should I just keep on with that? And how can I deal with this insecurity? I know it's from my past. I do trust her and shes never given me a reason not to, but questions always seem to pop in my head. I don't want to lose her because of it, and I can tell she is starting to get annoyed.

[juanito14]

I will add that I've tried to be brief about what I'm up to and it ended up upsetting her and made her call me a hypocrite because I got upset that she stopped telling me when she went out. At the time I brought it up because she would always do it and I noticed the change, but later realized it was my insecurity and it was turned against me

[Tayken]

@OP....dump faster than you can shake a stick at

[CoolCat771]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for around 4 months now. At the start it was constant texting and hanging out and that lasted all the way up till about a month, maybe month and a half ago, coincidentally when school started. We attend different colleges and her major is much more demanding. Since then we get to hang out once to maybe three times a week. It doesn't help that she has very controlling parents. She is 25 but still lives with them for financial reasons. They expect nothing but perfection from her and put a lot of added pressure into her life. Every morning she seems to be in a good mood and is actually pretty lovey dovey, but then as she gets through school I can tell she gets annoyed. Much shorter on the communication, and much more distant. I know it's not important, but I thought I would add, that we go from texting often in the morning to very rarely as it gets to the afternoon. She gets annoyed and frustrated with both her school work and her parents that she usually ends up going home and taking a nap before going to the library. Today I told her to take some time to herself to relax and we didn't talk for about 4 hours until she texted me to say hi and see how I was doing, before she went back to work. What bugged me today though was she said she was at the library working on homework, which she was because we were snapchatting and I could tell she really was there, but said she was going to try and finish as much as she could cause she was going to see her aunt that just got out of the hospital from a surgery. Three more hours later and I hear from her. She said she didn't hang out with her aunt, so I asked if she stayed in the library that whole time, and she responded 'ya for awhile' to me that meant yeah and then I went and did something else for a little. So I simply asked if she did anything else after the library and she said she went home... I could tell she felt I was starting to interrogate her so I backed off and just told her that I was impressed that she could manage to stay there for so long and that she must've finished her homework. She responded with a no and then she went to bed. In her defense, she was tired and was laying in bed, we were snapchatting again, I just didn't know if she was hiding something else from me. I could tell she got annoyed when I was asking the questions, but that could simply be because it felt like I was questioning her. That's something that I really backed off doing for awhile until tonight and wont do it again. But back to the main point, is it usual for communication and time spent with your SO to go down after a few months of being in a relationship? When we actually are together I can tell she is happy to see me, the problem is the finding the time to actually hangout. I've been giving her more space to handle her family and school work, should I just keep on with that? And how can I deal with this insecurity? I know it's from my past. I do trust her and shes never given me a reason not to, but questions always seem to pop in my head. I don't want to lose her because of it, and I can tell she is starting to get annoyed.

 

 

Trust your instincts. Tell her you know that she isn't be honest with you and back way off. There is more likely than not, someone else.

[Assasda]

You deal with this insecurity by living a more fulfilling life for youself.

The reason why you have insecurities, is because you feel inadequate in something, in your life.

What you do to try to solve this, is you try to occupy yourself with things you love, and try to learn new things, only you alone can do this

[d0nnivain]

She's doing the best she can.

 

She's in school in a demanding major & has responsibilities to herself, her work & to some extent her parents who you know are putting a lot of pressure on her.

 

Yet, despite going to different schools you see each other 3 times per week & communicate via text or other social media throughout the day but you are complaining it's not enough. Give me a break. You can't have 24/7 from anybody. You are getting a great deal of attention from a woman who doesn't have a lot of time to begin with.

 

On top of that she is physically exhausted & now mentally drained from her aunt being in the hospital.

 

What exactly do you want from this poor woman? Seriously, there are only so many hours in a day. Get over it. Instead of whining that this busy dedicated woman isn't paying enough attention to you why not try taking some of her burden away? Did you offer to drive her to the hospital to see her aunt? No you just started to interrogate her about her whereabouts like she owes you an accounting of her time.

 

You are going to lose this woman if you don't back off

[BlueIris]

dOnnivain’s post should have flashing lights around it. She is absolutely correct. Well said, too.

 

Frankly, OP, I think your GF needs to turn off her phone during the day. She won’t be as stressed.