ChristineNL Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 My Boyfriend was off work at 5 pm its now 11 pm and hes still not calling?? im worried.. cuz i called him before he said he was at his friends house after work and he forgot to call me cuz he was busy and he would call me soon hes still not calling.. i text/called him a few times but still no reply is he cheating?? is it me? how can he forget me? he's on my mind 24 7! he lives only a few blocks away! he always wants me to go to his place but we never go out cuz i cost too much?? but he has money when he is with his friend?? is it me???? He is always interested in other girls on the net but never interested in me! we've been dating for almost 2 yrs now and i really love him but i feel so depressed.. Its like he only wants to be friend with benefits i feel so unimportant to him. am i being childish?? sorry for any misspels cuz im from europe
moimeme Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 I find it interesting that you worry he's cheating. Whenever I don't hear from someone, I worry that he's been hurt. There are many possible explanations. Hang on for a while and see what happens.
HoldOn Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Quick question, How old are you? First, the not calling. Just the fact that he hasn't called you tonight is not troubling. It seems a little controlling that you need him to call every night. When my bf doesn't call, I do my own thing and get on with my life. I have plenty to do without sitting by the phone. I think that if your bf "forgets" about you, then perhaps you should "forget" about him for a while. He knows your number. He knows how to find you. Let him do it. I think that you shouldn't call him or text him or contact him, if he is not calling you. I am sorry for being harsh, but perhaps you need to get your own life separate from your bf. Then you won't be desperately sitting by the phone. Confidence is sexy. Desperation is NOT sexy. Regarding, the other problems.... He is always interested in other girls on the net but never interested in me! we've been dating for almost 2 yrs now and i really love him but i feel so depressed.. Its like he only wants to be friend with benefits i feel so unimportant to him. I think your bf is not the right guy for you. You should feel like a queen with your bf, like the only woman on earth. But he is making you desperate and he is not treating you right.
Author ChristineNL Posted March 16, 2005 Author Posted March 16, 2005 I am 20.. and i think ur right but the problem is im so madly in love with this guy even if he is so terrible!!! I cant help myself !! I am not allowed to go out! he doesnt want me to know other ppl! he hates all my friends.. i have a life he doesnt want me to have one! he wants me to sit home do nothing wait for him???? im so in love and blind im actually doing it!? Deep inside i know i shud breakup with this person but its so hard.. he is my first true love I tried to have conversation with him he said he doesnt want any boundaries! and he enjoyed it when i was away for a month. he wants his freedom.. he wants to go anywhere he wants and whenever he wants and if i want to be his gf i should stop nagging. I have to let hem do whatever he wants. He doesn want to be responsible for anything or care about my feelings or he will dump me.. If he doesnt call me i should leave him alone cuz he probably busy.. I cant talk about my life cuz its not his. Its annoying him he doesnt want my probs to be his he got other stuff to do. The only thing good about me is being pretty and my personality sux its annoying he doesnt want me unless i make these changes and act like this. Ow and im not allowed to go out. He wants his privacy, how he meet new girls is none of my businness! If i dont like it i should shut up cuz it makes him wanna slap me in the face!?!? or i can leave him. he says im annoying. i think he is looking for another gf.. this is so sad everytime i think of him i have to cry.. he used to be so sweet.. I think ure right and he is using me but i just cant get him out of my head!! got any tips?
d'Arthez Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Another quick question: is he a Muslim? Amsterdam has a large population of Muslims / people from Marocco / Turkey. Each with their own mindset, and sadly not the most openminded mindsets about women. He can't have a relationship with you, without boundaries. If he were to have that, he would be Friends with Benefit. Basically you are good enoug for him, to have sex with you, but nothing else . You might have some problems, but he should not take it out on you. You are you, and you can't change yourself into the person he would like you to be. He treats you horribly, because you allow him to treat you that way. He won't improve his ways magically. You have tried talking with him, but without success. I write it again: he won't improve his ways magically. You may think of him as the love of your life, but he is treating you as if you were less than dirt. The best thing would be, if you could muster the strength to break up with him. You are only 20, and there will be another lover, this time to the end. A true love of your life. There is no reason why you should feel ****ty about a man that does not want to treat you well.
HoldOn Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Well, I used to be in a relationship kind of like this and I wish I had gotten out 2 years before I did. Basically, my family had an intervention and convinced me to come home. So I moved across the country and never saw him again. he would get so angry if I was 10 minutes late, but if he stayed out all night I wasn't allowed to get mad at him. Leaving was the best thing I ever did. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt free for the first time, like I could make decisions for myself. But, you are the only person who can help you. You he is my first true love I'm sorry, but this isn't love. Love involves mutual respect. and he enjoyed it when i was away for a month. he wants his freedom.. he wants to go anywhere he wants and whenever he wants It is time to give him what he wants. Give him enough space to fly to the freaking moon. Do I have any tips? Tell him you are leaving and then leave. Live with your parents for friends for a couple weeks until you find your own place. (You live with him right?) This is no way to live a life. Please get out and save yourself.
Author ChristineNL Posted March 16, 2005 Author Posted March 16, 2005 No, hes not muslim. -_- He was just telling me about his problems and i was not understanding him? I sayd what about my problems then??? but he says that was not the issue.. he was having problems at work and im naggin about him hitting on girls?? should i still be understanding?? he is mad now..... omg i must be stupid asking this.. how to break up?? its like a bad habit!!!!!!!!!
HoldOn Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 I guess it is like quitting smoking. You have to keep reminding yourself of all the bad things he has done and said to you. This will give you courage to leave. Also, keep thinking of how much better your life will be after you leave. All thing things you will be able to do. How you won't be sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring. Or waiting for the sound of hte key in the door. You won't be thinking about where he is or WHOM he is with. This will also give you courage. Write down these thoughts if you have to. So... Here's a step-by-step guide. 1. Step one. Get courage. Convince yourself as above. 2. Step two. Find a place to live. 3. Step three. "Boyfriend, I am leaving. I will be moving out on (such date)." 4. Step four. MOVE. Never call him. and go out with your friends. Do online dating. Make a list in your head of all the characteristics you WANT in a man. Fine him.
Author ChristineNL Posted March 16, 2005 Author Posted March 16, 2005 Thanks, but actually i tried it a dozen of times but i always get back at him Im so weak.. It never lasted longer than a month! I cant stop myself from calling him.. wondering what he's doing and freak out when I hear from a friend hes hitting on her! he's such an @#$%^& I know i have to do it myself..
alicia24 Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 I think that you already know the answers to all your questions about your boyfriend. You know that he is effed up and inconciderate and unappreciative and interested in internet chicks. Now the question is, Do you have the balls to do something about it? You know you deserve better. Dont sell yourself short. I wasted so much of my life settling for someone. You need ro realize you deserve better. Once you come to this realization, things just fall into place. Good luck. and I hope he isnt cheating. That is the worse thing that someone can go through relationship wise.
d'Arthez Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Try to remember all the times he has been such a negative man to you. With the things you describe, that would almost be on a daily basis. And fight the urge to contact him. Take up your old life, and spend a lot of time with your friends. Probably they too have experience with hard break ups, and they can support you. Spend a lot of time on your own interests. Surely you did not have exactly the same interests. Go out, and enjoy yourself. Take a trip into the country, whatever makes you feel good. Remove his phonenumbers from your telephone, block his calls, remove him from your IM / MSN, and block him. The first weeks and months are always the hardest. Don't let yourself become discouraged. At 20 years of age, the world is at your feet. Don't forget that! Even if it takes you a year to get over him, and all he has done to you, you are still only 21 . And Amsterdam has enough single guys to take a pick from Christine. Be picky, and find someone better than your current boyfriend.
HoldOn Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Okay, I am not trying to be mean. But I am trying to wake you up! You can do this! actually i tried it a dozen of times Really, what have you tried? Have you: -Made a list of reasons why he sucks? -Made a list of reasons your life would be better without him? -Gotten your own life separate from him? -Gotten your OWN LIFE separate from him? -Asked for help from your parents? -Asked for help from your friends? -Moved hundreds of miles away? -Gone to counselling? -Told him to F--k off and never talk to you again? -Looked for a new Boyfriend? -Hooked up with a stranger at a bar? The only way to stop wallowing in your cowardice is to.... stop wallowing in your cowardice and DO something. I'm sorry for being harsh, but it is true. Do you want to be happy? Then do something to make it happen. Remember, that I know where you are coming from. Let me tell you that my life is 1,000 times better now then it was before because I AM making the decisions.
Author ChristineNL Posted March 16, 2005 Author Posted March 16, 2005 Thank you guys for your help! You've been very helpfull.. I will try to make these changes.. Wish me luck! All the best to all of you guys!!! THANKSS
HoldOn Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Good luck! remember, that breaking up a bad relationship is sometimes like going on a diet. You might mess up a couple times, but remember to stay on the plan. You should keep writing here, but most importantly you should get a counsellor or a good friend to talk to.
NiCoLe20 Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 ok um... and what are the good points in being with this guy? he's an a**h***, get ridof him .. how is it so hard to not pick up a phone? just dump him lmao
HoldOn Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Originally posted by NiCoLe20 ok um... and what are the good points in being with this guy? he's an a**h***, get ridof him .. how is it so hard to not pick up a phone? just dump him lmao It's hard because she has her head in a fog and needs to be shaken out of it. Sometimes we make REALLY bad choices even though we know they are bad.
Author ChristineNL Posted March 16, 2005 Author Posted March 16, 2005 that's so true.. I know he is bad I have never experienced something like this before! I never thought I would be like this really
HoldOn Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Has he changed you into a different person than your true self? I think so. Now, it is time to re-take your life.
Author ChristineNL Posted March 16, 2005 Author Posted March 16, 2005 Yea.. I know.. Im planning to go shopping with my friend 2morrow and forget about him. Still missing him though *sigh*
Countryside Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Yeah i encourage you to make a list of "Good Points about my Boyfriend" and "Bad Points about my Boyfriend". Seriously, once you have it on paper, you'll see there are soooooooo many reasons why you SHOULDN'T be with him. When you think about it, you KNOW the right thing to do; you've admitted it many times in your postings. What an ass for not calling you. Additionally, I encourage you to make a separate list of "REASONs why I'm better than my BOYFRIEND". you'll SEE that you're sooooooo much better. go enroll in a college class and if you're already doing that, get a job. if you're already doing that, get a freaking internship, anything that will occupy your time so much so that you're not slaving yourself over thinking about "him." ****! we all KNOW he's not spending his day thinking about you!!!! CHANCES ARE, you're going to find a new guy to mull over when you involve yourself more in the public. sounds crazy, but its going to happen for you!!! congrats to you and your future success!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HoldOn Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Originally posted by ChristineNL Yea.. I know.. Im planning to go shopping with my friend 2morrow and forget about him. Still missing him though *sigh* Sooo, do you live with him or not? That's great that you have other plans tomorrow and that should really help. But what about a general life-plan or a long-term plan for what to do with your life.
Author ChristineNL Posted March 16, 2005 Author Posted March 16, 2005 hmm yea.. I dont live with.. Im 20 im still living with my parents He lives a few blocks away.. He's was my Boy next door hehe.. I made a list! There are actually No Good Points at all!! I couldnt find one!! Only Bad points!!! Terrible huh..... But yea he admitted he was treating me bad and if I dont like it then LEaVE!@#$%^& I will take some distance first.. getting used to not bein around him..
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