She just wants to be friends... I'm crushed!

[B-Gamer]

So, I met this girl online like a year and a few months ago. We kicked things off pretty well and started to really see eye-to-eye quickly. Before long, I had asked her out. It was super long-distance and just an online relationship, but it felt really strong. We made plans to meet and such. Anyway, we had a decent relationship for a while. Sure, we had our fights and arguments, but we came back from most of them.

 

I'll fast forward the story to about two months ago. We had a pretty big fight and we sort of broke up, but we still talked to each other every single day and it still felt like we were dating. We were in a weird position and neither of us were sure which way to take things. So, we did that for a while and then for about a period of like 1-2 weeks, she decides to just completely ignore me. I got really worried about her and continuously tried getting a hold of her.

 

Well, she finally got a hold of me and told me that she no longer knew what she wanted. She kept trying to push me into a deal where I would wait 2 years for her and I wasn't having any of that. We agreed to talk once a week for a while, but that was a terrible idea. It just made me miss her more and I became more of an emotional wreck than I already was.

 

Now, she's telling me that she won't take me back or give me another chance. She wants to just be friends and that's it. She keeps reminding me that she doesn't want a relationship anymore and that she doesn't really want one with anyone else either. See, she's a few years younger than me, so I feel like that has had a major effect on us overall. She feels like she's young and needs to go out and have fun, go on dates. She no longer wants to be tied down to a serious relationship.

 

So, naturally, I'm absolutely devastated. I've known this girl for well over a year and I really thought we connected extremely well. I had never been able to connect with someone that well or open up myself to someone that well before. She just really felt like the girl for me. I honestly felt like we were destined to cross paths and be together. We even sort of joked about stuff later in life like marriage and what not.

 

So, yeah. Instead of just letting go of her, which I had a friend tell me I needed to do, I'm clinging on to her hoping she'll give me another chance. I don't think there's any hope, but I just can't let go. No matter how hard I try, she's just constantly on my mind and everything I see or hear during the course of the day just reminds me of her and then I get depressed. It's even worse when I crawl into bed for the night. I'm not much of a crier, but I've cried a lot over this girl.

 

I guess I just don't know what to do. I know the right thing would be to just let her go and move on with my life, but I've tried that. I just get way too emotional the moment I try letting go. So, what should I do at this point? Is there any way I can win her back or convince her that I really want to make things work out again? Is this just a lost cause that I need to get over and deal with? Should I consider just being friends with her? I've heard bad things about that and I can't imagine it's very fun being friends with someone you still love and watching them date other people. If I do need to just let go, what's the best method? What can I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[X14Halo]

You and I are in the same exact boat. Dated a girl I met online, completely fell for her, she later revealed that she needed time to think, she didn't talk to me for a week, then she ended things and mentioned being friends (although she hasn't contacted me yet)

 

I have realized that even if she wants to be friends, it would completely crush me to see her and know I can't be with her. There is no way the friends thing would work. It would just be a way of her easing her guilt, or trying to make you feel better. Don't give her that...stand up for yourself for once. You need to let go completely and not contact her or respond anymore. Block her and remove everything that reminds you of her. She is the one who does not want to see you anymore. She hurt you. If you truly care about her you will let her go. She has said multiple times that she is done, but you are hanging there by a thread and begging her to take you back. You look pathetic! You KNOW that you will not get back together with her. And the longer you stay friends, the longer you will be clinging on to that hope in the back of your mind..."what if she changes her mind and takes me back." It will crush you everyday and you will not heal. Do you really want to be that guy? The backup plan, choice number 2 in someones life? The one who constantly begged to be taken back by someone who said they don't want a relationship? All this time of mourning you could be out there enjoying life and dating other people. You need to use this as a learning experience and move on to the next relationship in your life. You will find a better girl, one who will love you back, and when you do you will look back at this and laugh.

 

I know it's tough man, I can't stop thinking about my ex. Let it all out...cry, scream. The best thing to do right now is get in touch with YOU. Do all the things you love to do, pick up a new hobby, hang out with family/friends as much as you can and spill all your thoughts to them. Then when the time is right for you, get back out there and date! Once you meet a new girl, you will feel 1000% better.

Edited November 11, 2014 by X14Halo

[PegNosePete]

Now, she's telling me that she won't take me back or give me another chance. She wants to just be friends and that's it. She keeps reminding me that she doesn't want a relationship anymore and that she doesn't really want one with anyone else either. See, she's a few years younger than me, so I feel like that has had a major effect on us overall. She feels like she's young and needs to go out and have fun, go on dates. She no longer wants to be tied down to a serious relationship.

Ah so what she's really saying is that she is dating someone else or multiple others, and you're dumped.

 

And she wants you to wait for 2 years while she tries out other dude(s), and if it doesn't work out you'll be there waiting like a puppy dog. Have her cake and eat it. Well done for telling her where to stick that idea.

 

She doesn't want to admit that she cheated so she pulls this "friends" thing on you. She just blurs the dates a little. she met someone else and then told you... but of course she will reverse the events so you don't get angry.

 

Is this just a lost cause that I need to get over and deal with? Should I consider just being friends with her? I've heard bad things about that and I can't imagine it's very fun being friends with someone you still love and watching them date other people. If I do need to just let go, what's the best method? What can I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

You seem to have answered your own questions here. Yes if you remain friends you will be in constant pain, seeing her updating you on how fantastic her latest boyfriend is, telling you all about her problems and issues, how he treats her badly but she loves him, how she had to go to the chemist to get a morning after pill etc... using you as an emotional tampon. It doesn't sound like much fun at all. In fact it's like poking a wound, it will never heal.

 

So what you can do is to go NC with her. You'll heal from the pain, you won't get the wound prodded and poked every day, and you'll get over her in the fastest and most pain-free way possible.

[B-Gamer]

You and I are in the same exact boat. Dated a girl I met online, completely fell for her, she later revealed that she needed time to think, she didn't talk to me for a week, then she ended things and mentioned being friends (although she hasn't contacted me yet)

 

I have realized that even if she wants to be friends, it would completely crush me to see her and know I can't be with her. There is no way the friends thing would work. It would just be a way of her easing her guilt, or trying to make you feel better. Don't give her that...stand up for yourself for once. You need to let go completely and not contact her or respond anymore. Block her and remove everything that reminds you of her. She is the one who does not want to see you anymore. She hurt you. If you truly care about her you will let her go. She has said multiple times that she is done, but you are hanging there by a thread and begging her to take you back. You look pathetic! You KNOW that you will not get back together with her. And the longer you stay friends, the longer you will be clinging on to that hope in the back of your mind..."what if she changes her mind and takes me back." It will crush you everyday and you will not heal. Do you really want to be that guy? The backup plan, choice number 2 in someones life? The one who constantly begged to be taken back by someone who said they don't want a relationship? All this time of mourning you could be out there enjoying life and dating other people. You need to use this as a learning experience and move on to the next relationship in your life. You will find a better girl, one who will love you back, and when you do you will look back at this and laugh.

 

I know it's tough man, I can't stop thinking about my ex. Let it all out...cry, scream. The best thing to do right now is get in touch with YOU. Do all the things you love to do, pick up a new hobby, hang out with family/friends as much as you can and spill all your thoughts to them. Then when the time is right for you, get back out there and date! Once you meet a new girl, you will feel 1000% better.

 

Yeah, I guess you're right. Reading that makes me feel a lot better, so thank you. I'll definitely follow your tips!

 

It's hard to let go of her, but I know it's the only way I'll start feeling better.

 

Also, I'm sorry for what you are going through as well.

 

Ah so what she's really saying is that she is dating someone else or multiple others, and you're dumped.

 

And she wants you to wait for 2 years while she tries out other dude(s), and if it doesn't work out you'll be there waiting like a puppy dog. Have her cake and eat it. Well done for telling her where to stick that idea.

 

She doesn't want to admit that she cheated so she pulls this "friends" thing on you. She just blurs the dates a little. she met someone else and then told you... but of course she will reverse the events so you don't get angry.

 

You seem to have answered your own questions here. Yes if you remain friends you will be in constant pain, seeing her updating you on how fantastic her latest boyfriend is, telling you all about her problems and issues, how he treats her badly but she loves him, how she had to go to the chemist to get a morning after pill etc... using you as an emotional tampon. It doesn't sound like much fun at all. In fact it's like poking a wound, it will never heal.

 

So what you can do is to go NC with her. You'll heal from the pain, you won't get the wound prodded and poked every day, and you'll get over her in the fastest and most pain-free way possible.

 

Do you think she is really dating someone or multiple people already? Maybe she has been for a while, she just hasn't wanted to tell me? Is that it?

 

You definitely put the "friends" thing in a great perspective for me. Not that I didn't already view it that way, but hearing it from someone else, and in a different way, makes me feel a lot better.

 

So, should I completely avoid her from now on? We've always promised each other we'd be there for one another under any circumstances, but maybe we can't do that anymore. Do I need to tell her goodbye in any form or do I just simply stop talking to her and ignore her from here on out? Also, what if she gets a hold of me in the future? Do I talk to her again at that point or do I keep her blocked out of my life?

[metaversus]

So, I met this girl online like a year and a few months ago. We kicked things off pretty well and started to really see eye-to-eye quickly. Before long, I had asked her out. It was super long-distance and just an online relationship, but it felt really strong. We made plans to meet and such. Anyway, we had a decent relationship for a while. Sure, we had our fights and arguments, but we came back from most of them.

 

I'll fast forward the story to about two months ago. We had a pretty big fight and we sort of broke up, but we still talked to each other every single day and it still felt like we were dating. We were in a weird position and neither of us were sure which way to take things. So, we did that for a while and then for about a period of like 1-2 weeks, she decides to just completely ignore me. I got really worried about her and continuously tried getting a hold of her.

 

Well, she finally got a hold of me and told me that she no longer knew what she wanted. She kept trying to push me into a deal where I would wait 2 years for her and I wasn't having any of that. We agreed to talk once a week for a while, but that was a terrible idea. It just made me miss her more and I became more of an emotional wreck than I already was.

 

Now, she's telling me that she won't take me back or give me another chance. She wants to just be friends and that's it. She keeps reminding me that she doesn't want a relationship anymore and that she doesn't really want one with anyone else either. See, she's a few years younger than me, so I feel like that has had a major effect on us overall. She feels like she's young and needs to go out and have fun, go on dates. She no longer wants to be tied down to a serious relationship.

 

So, naturally, I'm absolutely devastated. I've known this girl for well over a year and I really thought we connected extremely well. I had never been able to connect with someone that well or open up myself to someone that well before. She just really felt like the girl for me. I honestly felt like we were destined to cross paths and be together. We even sort of joked about stuff later in life like marriage and what not.

 

So, yeah. Instead of just letting go of her, which I had a friend tell me I needed to do, I'm clinging on to her hoping she'll give me another chance. I don't think there's any hope, but I just can't let go. No matter how hard I try, she's just constantly on my mind and everything I see or hear during the course of the day just reminds me of her and then I get depressed. It's even worse when I crawl into bed for the night. I'm not much of a crier, but I've cried a lot over this girl.

 

I guess I just don't know what to do. I know the right thing would be to just let her go and move on with my life, but I've tried that. I just get way too emotional the moment I try letting go. So, what should I do at this point? Is there any way I can win her back or convince her that I really want to make things work out again? Is this just a lost cause that I need to get over and deal with? Should I consider just being friends with her? I've heard bad things about that and I can't imagine it's very fun being friends with someone you still love and watching them date other people. If I do need to just let go, what's the best method? What can I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

I've been in this position with guys and usually end up doing the same thing she did. Taking a week to think about it and coming to a conclusion. It doesn't sound like she is going to change her mind. No contact is the best way forward so you can take back control of your life. I think for a guy being put in the friend zone is the worst possible thing you can hear. I can imagine how painful it must be for you and I am sorry.

[B-Gamer]

I've been in this position with guys and usually end up doing the same thing she did. Taking a week to think about it and coming to a conclusion. It doesn't sound like she is going to change her mind. No contact is the best way forward so you can take back control of your life. I think for a guy being put in the friend zone is the worst possible thing you can hear. I can imagine how painful it must be for you and I am sorry.

 

I really appreciate the insight, thank you. Yes, it's extremely painful, but I suppose there's nothing more I can do at this point. I've tried everything I can. Like someone else mentioned, there's no use in begging or trying to cling to something that isn't even there anymore. I just need to try and move on with my life, as hard as that is to do at this moment.

 

I asked this earlier, but didn't get a response. I was just wondering what I should do if she decides to contact me in the future? Do I just have to ignore her at that point or what? Also, is there any point to telling her a proper goodbye or do I just need to cut it off completely and not say anything?

[X14Halo]

I was just wondering what I should do if she decides to contact me in the future?

 

I'm in the same boat as you and I have been thinking of what to say if she contacts me in the future. Should I ignore her? Should I tell her that it would hurt me too much to see her? Should I go see her?

 

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I just need to let it go and stop secretly hoping for her to contact me. You are clinging on to something instead of letting it go completely and healing. If she does contact you, then come back to the forums and get some advice. Ask friends what their opinion is. But until then, you need to let it go and stop thinking about "what if"

[Strength in Healing]

WHOA WHOA. Hold on now.

 

 

You are saying you never met her in real life?