We had a great date..

[itsallfiguredout]

Hey everyone, I decided to give this a try.

 

I recently met this guy at a friend's Halloween party and we hit it off almost instantly. We exchanged numbers and he kissed me. Later that night we split off onto different festivities and he went to a different party. He called me that night to talk to me.

He wanted to get together after the day we met, but he didn't ask me until around 10pm, which is kind of short notice and late, and I've always made it a rule that I would not just meet up with a guy after 10pm on short notice. He could have asked earlier that day but he just said he was going to the sports bar with his brother. I suggested how about sometime in the week whenever you are free, and he told me he usually doesn't go out during the week. So I asked him about Friday and he responded "Friday will most likely work".

 

Anyways since then we started to text and he is usually good at responding, but sometimes reads the message and gets back to it later or the next morning. We really hit it off and it seems like he enjoys talking to me. He even called me a few nights in a row just to talk.

 

Friday rolls around and he picked me up, payed for our movie etc, then we went back to his place to play some video games. He was really nice and flirty and we just clicked. He wanted to kiss me all night. We stayed at his place until around 3 and then he drove me home. All he wanted to do before I left his truck was kiss. We sat there for about 30 minutes just talking and kissing. I'm not as experienced as he is in the dating scene, and so he tried to kiss my neck, and I just giggled like a little girl. But I couldn't help it because I wasn't really wanting to go down that road, well not on the first actual date.

 

The next day, we barely talked. I said Hi to him and asked him how his day was going. He was going to a party for someone he knew at work in the country so maybe thats why we didn't really talk. But the next day (today) he responded to the message from the prior day and then I responded, he read it and nothing.

 

I'm not sure what exactly is going on here, he seemed more interested in me then I did him. He hasn't talked about seeing me again (yet). I'm not sure what is going on because he basically made it feel like we were already a couple, with all the kissing, again and again.

 

Some things that flagged me: I suggested he added me to Facebook but he didn't want to add me because he said that it was a big commitment for him to add a girl to Facebook and that if he added me (because he doesn't have many friends) people would ask who I was. He was like "you're going to creep me" and I told him well you're totally going to creep me too (said it in a playful way with no pressure).

 

Also, when we were talking about video games he mentioned a time when he brought a girl over to play a certain video game…I'm not sure how thats relevant to anything.

Then, (maybe this is my fault) but I've heard a few times him mention his ex and how he switched jobs for her etc and thats why he is living where he is, but one time…I swear I heard him say…(instead of ex) gf.

 

He told me he is single, he's been single for over a year now. His last relationship was 5 years and the girl cheated on him. After he found that out he stayed with her. They are currently friends right now…

 

Any advice as to what is going on here? It was an amazing date, he was clearly into me, then we're barely talking.

[Anderlie]

Overall it does just sound like he lost interest. You initiated the contact after your date and he didn't follow through with much enthusiasm or suggestions for a second date. He probably didn't want to add you on FB in case it didn't work out. I mean he could very well be shady but on the surface it looks like he hedged his bets, tried to get a little something for his trouble then tapered it off. Bummer for you, especially if this is an early foray into dating, people can be brutal.

[itsallfiguredout]

That might be the case.

I'm not the most experienced in the dating scene, but I went on another date a while back, and I contacted him after the date and he did not respond at all.

 

This new guy, responded. I sent him a text "Hey you" and he responded "Hey!" then I just casually asked him how his day was going. I didn't feel the need to wait 2-3 days because from my mind the date went fine. He gave me a pretty detailed description of how his day was going…..and then I asked him how the party was…he read it, and didn't respond until the next day (which he's done before) so I didn't read into that.

Then as I saw that I wasn't getting a call I just responded "thats cool hope it was good" in a casual way.

 

I wasn't responding to him in any way that would be over pressuring, I responded like 2 hours later because I'm busy.

I asked him to add me on Facebook before we exchanged numbers, and he's like I don't think I can do that, and he is quite the jokester so I didn't think much into it. But when the opportunity came to ask him again he played it off like "oh you'll just creep me" or "I don't have many friends on there and people will ask me who the new girl I added was"

Like please, no one cares who you add (if they are a guy) unless it is a female who is concerned over who he adds. To me that was a red flag there.

 

Now that I come to think of it, when he tried kissing my neck, I am so thankful that I told him I did not want to go down that road. And to imagine if I actually did go down that road…I'd probably feel even more worthless now.

 

A big part of me wants to contact him and be like "hey haven't heard from you in a while" but if he really wanted to text me he would…..

[losangelena]

A big part of me wants to contact him and be like "hey haven't heard from you in a while" but if he really wanted to text me he would…..

 

 

No, don't do that. Just let it sit for now.

 

If you're initiating all of the texting, especially right in the beginning, that's a no go. Make him do some of the work. If he's interested, he will reach out.

 

To me it sounds like he wasn't interested. Him bringing you to his apartment is a big indicator that he was probably hoping or angling for sex. My guess is that since you didn't "put out," he's lost interest, because that was probably all he was interested in in the first place. Who cares if he was acting all couple-y in the beginning? Guys do that all the time, even if their agenda is just to get laid.

 

Don't do anything right now. Just wait to see what he does. I know it's difficult, but that will really, I think, reveal his true intentions toward you.

[itsallfiguredout]

It is more difficult than I thought not to text, but I've been going 2 days so far, nearing my 3rd with no contact from him. But as much as I don't want to admit, you are right. Before the date, if I didn't respond to his text, he'd call me. He is clearly capable of doing so.

 

Another thing that was weird, is that after we met…he would tell me he is going out with his brother, but then later in the night he would suggest that I come meet up with him.

I just told him that I couldn't, and I suggested we do something during the week when he is free. He told me he doesn't usually go out on weekdays, so I suggested Friday. He's like "Friday most likely works"… (and this is a guy that has been calling all week)

 

One thing that makes me think, is that when he met me, I was dressed really conservative ..nothing showing. There was another girl there as well, showing more of herself and would probably be easy for him to have but he chose to talk to me instead.. Who knows…? Maybe it felt like more of a challenge to him.

 

Then when we spoke about relationships he told me he has only had a few long term relationships. But then again, guys usually say anything to a woman to get what they want (sex) and make themselves look like dating material.

 

Anyways I'll have to just focus on me and my life, because if he really did have good intentions it would be revealed as so.

I appreciate the feedback! It is already making this process better for me!

[Anderlie]

Just as an aside OP don't let whether or not you have sex or fool around with a guy determine your self worth. Sex isn't an indicator of you as a person, it's just something people do and (hopefully) enjoy. Even if you had slept with the guy on your date it doesn't make you a bad person if he turns out to be a rat.

[Assasda]

This dude sounds like trash.

I dont know why you'd want to get with him anyway.

 

Anyway, just back off. He'll contact you

[itsallfiguredout]

Just as an aside OP don't let whether or not you have sex or fool around with a guy determine your self worth. Sex isn't an indicator of you as a person, it's just something people do and (hopefully) enjoy. Even if you had slept with the guy on your date it doesn't make you a bad person if he turns out to be a rat.

 

This is so true, women should be able to feel like they can enjoy themselves in a sexual way just as men. But when men don't call women back or if it turns into a one night stand, women often feel used or blame themselves which isn't exactly how they should feel. I'll take this with me as I continue on with my dating journey.

[itsallfiguredout]

Actually as the days pass by, without any contact. I feel less interested in him and more in tune with knowing what he really is like.

Honestly I doubt he will call, and even if he does or even if he texts me, will I want to return his advances? It has been 4 days, I probably would just let it be, unless he had a REALLY good excuse. But I doubt he will.

 

Lesson learned though. I now see that even if a guy pays for your date etc, seems really into you, that he might STILL only want one thing.

Next time I won't be so quick to assume that the date really was as interpreted.

 

I'm still pretty mind blown, but as the days are passing I'm over thinking less, and feeling better about myself. I do really thank all of you for taking the time and listening to what I had to say. Hopefully I can pay it forward.