Jump to content

These "so called" get your ex back techniques from "experts"...?

Trotters

By Trotters
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Trotters Established Member

Trotters

Posted
Posted

Im not saying I want my gf back but out of curiosity do these techniques work or not?. What does, what doesn't? For example no contact rule, don't need you attitude BUT without pushing further away or do I pursue again after a week or two, but risk being hurt again?, let her come to me for a change?, they say be the person she fell in love with in first place but how do you do that if youre not talking properly or if youre hurting or angry im not gonna be that person am I?.

 

They say don't let your happiness revolve around someone else, but its other people that do make us happy, we all need someone apart from ourselves surely???

Dontfindme Established Member

Dontfindme

Posted
Posted

I don't believe they work.

 

However, there's something better - improving yourself; and then attracting all the right kinda people into your life - those who will stick around.

  • Like 5
metaversus Established Member

metaversus

Posted
Posted

No Contact seems like a win win, especially in the case where you are the dumpee, because you are healing and empowering yourself while giving allowing the best chance for your ex to come back (if you want them back). I'll let you know how my experience goes. Currently on day 4 of nc. Brutal mann.

ThorntonMelon Established Member

ThorntonMelon

Posted
Posted
Im not saying I want my gf back but out of curiosity do these techniques work or not?. What does, what doesn't? For example no contact rule, don't need you attitude BUT without pushing further away or do I pursue again after a week or two, but risk being hurt again?, let her come to me for a change?, they say be the person she fell in love with in first place but how do you do that if youre not talking properly or if youre hurting or angry im not gonna be that person am I?.

 

They say don't let your happiness revolve around someone else, but its other people that do make us happy, we all need someone apart from ourselves surely???

 

You're covering a lot here.

 

Yes you do want her back. No shame in that - if you didn't you probably wouldn't be here.

 

Nothing works. There is no strategy to persuade someone to want to be with you. There is a strategy to try and help you enjoy your life. And being around someone who by their every words rejects you again and again is not the way to enjoy your life. Even if they are nothing but warm -every time you talk to them and they don't tell you they love you..its rejection over and over and over. Sucks.

 

The way you recover is accepting reality. I am going to shoot straight with you and tell you I count almost 10 times in here you show no acceptance of reality whatsoever. You are strategizing a relationship your ex is no longer a part of. If you contacted her right now you wouldn't recognize yourself, because you'd be in this fantasy land of trying to charm someone who has moved past you, for whatever reason.

 

My rule of thumb - when the two of you are on the same page wanting the same thing...go back to contact. Until then...Nope.

  • Like 1
DrReplyInRhymes Established Member

DrReplyInRhymes

Posted
Posted

The techniques used on this board derive from experience,

I wouldn't go as far to say they are constructed from brilliance,

What most people don't understand is the success rate is low,

For every success story, there are thousands that failed that you don't know.

 

The commonality between those experiences is improvement and to learn,

And to love and move on, do not think about your ex and yearn,

For it will be painful, and possibly keep you stuck,

Don't be that person who can't get out of the rut.

 

Better yourself, and learn from your mistakes,

Don't just brush it by and dwell on heartache.

Become the good person everyone has in themselves to be,

And you'll eventually find that someone that treats you differently.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Any commercial service that tells you that for a fee they can get your EX back is a scam.

 

NC is NOT a mechanism to get somebody back. It's a healing tool for you so that you are not constantly bombarded by the person.

 

If you want to reconcile you have to talk.

  • Like 5
Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
Posted

I've browsed through a few of the free online ones and all they offer is a mixture of obvious "duh!" advice and misleading, blatantly untrue 'help'.

 

they will say things like "go No Contact for one month after a break up and then after one month of not hearing from you your ex will miss you so text her and invite her out to coffee to show her how much you have changed" - 'advice' like that would only work in the instance that your ex has regrets or second thoughts about dumping you - BUT MOST EXES DON'T.

 

They are firm in their decision and most would probably just ignore any text like that.

 

so yeah, they are useless, and if they charge you for their service, they are a scam

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

So many people think the NC rule is to help them get their loved one back. It isn't at all. It is to help you heal because with no contact you are allowed to move on in peace. I personally think if you want them back you should ask them back. If they say no then move on and stop wishing for something that isn't going to happen.

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted

These "text your ex back" or whatever these things are called these days, aren't complete "scams" per se but they do absolutely prey on emotions and every dumpee's desire to get back with their ex.

 

Here's the fact of it: If you're ex wants to get back together with you, they will. Regardless if you use this method, or if you go NC, or if you harass the hell out of them.

 

These methods will work for some people, not necessarily because it's a program that works, but because for 30 days the dumper had time to ponder it over and decided they'd be happier to be back with their ex.

 

I'll admit, I bought the stupid "text your ex" back program about three years ago. I followed it to a T. What happened? Nothing. Because he didn't want to be with me.

  • Like 3
LifeNomad Established Member

LifeNomad

Posted
Posted

There is no real technique to trick her into coming back to u, if she loves u and ur meant to be it will. Most of the techniques are to self cope and get thru the pain.

 

However a lot of members have great advice and experience howvwr what worked for,them doesnt always work for others as circumstances are different.

Maverick89 Member

Maverick89

Posted
Posted

There is not a magic process that will get you your ex back. Simply put, we can't manipulate the feelings of anybody (sadly :laugh:).

 

But what you can do is facilitate the conditions for them to come back, or attract someone new for that reason. I don't know the situation in which you guys broke up, but I have found, that dumpees tend to hold some type of "grudge" and wanting to get back to the dumpers. This is perfectly normal, its human nature, our egos are hurt, our pride is hurt, and we want them back in some sorts to have that ego and pride repaired and they're the only ones that can repair it.

 

People do get over being dumped, its either the dumper that repaired it, or the dumpee repairs it itself in time, depending on the type of RS they had. Frankly I haven't seen many dumpers repairing it, it's very hard to approach a hurting dumpee, and since dumpers are not bad people (not always), they don't want to hurt again and be hurt instead.

 

This is pretty complicated, I know, human psychology is very difficult to predict and understand. But you need to take control of the things that are in your power... Like being a better version of yourself. Work on yourself, physically and mentally, get to the gym, go back to school, learn a new language, do something you wouldn't do like launching yourself from a plane with a parachute, take advantage of the fuel that being dumped gives you.

 

After I was dumped I got in the gym, started classes to learn French, went back to college and learn some additional studies on my area of expertise and guess what, got promoted, got a better job, did some things like rafting in Costa Rica, got a tattoo (About my family, nothing philosophical about RS :laugh:), did some nice things for my family and friends and I've been attracting new a better people into my life. Moved out to a new and bigger apartment and I've been recently admitted into a Masters degree in Madrid, Spain.

 

The most objective thing I can tell you is this... I probably wouldn't have done any of those things if my ex hadn't broken up with me. I was so angry and bitter about it that I knew that I couldn't live with that inside of me, so I used it to fuel my ambitions, and in the end I can only thank my ex for it. But that's just me, and another funny thing, my ex has started to try and get in contact with me... I still don't know what for, but sure as hell she wouldn't have written me an email about "how proud she was" if I would've just sit on the couch and cry.

 

So these tactics don't work per se, because there is no magic, there is no standard time for being out of contact, if they're ready they'll contact you, if not, stay clear... Accept it and help yourself to be a better version of yourself.

  • Like 1
jbentley87 Member

jbentley87

Posted
Posted

If you want to reconcile you have to talk.

 

d0n... you use this quote quite often. Should a dumpee attempt to talk to their ex?

 

(Month of NC for me)

Maverick89 Member

Maverick89

Posted
Posted (edited)
d0n... you use this quote quite often. Should a dumpee attempt to talk to their ex?

 

(Month of NC for me)

 

Absolutely not Jbentley87... I agree that to reconcile you have to talk, but you need to stay strong in not contacting them if you're the dumpee.

 

The dumper itself is in a struggle and you need to let them sort out that struggle themselves... the main problem is that if they do come back because you started talking to them, chances are, they're going to leave again in the future, simply put, because they didn't work for it, you did.

 

You can't know where is their head, what they're thinking, if they're missing you at all... what you have to do is stay clear...

 

There are a lot of posts around here that will advice you to never contact your ex and that is because of self experience, people here have done the mistake of texting they're ex, asking them back and they're just like strangers... they moved on. Please listen to those people.

 

Regardless of wether you want your ex back, or want to get back at your ex, or move on at all... you need to focus on yourself. Get better, physically and mentally and I mean start swimming, go to the gym, whatever (Not to get buffed or fit - although it helps - but to feel better) start studying something, a language, a hobby, go to bar tending school, cooking school or something that's in your possibilities. Truth is, we get comfortable in relationships, sadly that is human nature, so now that you're out of your comfort zone, go out and do something you wouldn't have done when you were in the RS.

 

As soon as you start doing new and interesting things, and start looking your best, chances are that your ex will notice and start the conversation you're craving right now... and if they don't come back, who cares... you'll be a more fit person, who knows how to speak a new language, or do cool drinks, or cook awesome plates and find someone new, in one of these classes, or the gym, or the swimming pool, or a new college and you'll just move on out of this. Best of lucky buddy

Edited by Maverick89
Strength in Healing Established Member

Strength in Healing

Posted
Posted

Once the relationship ends, it's over. You can't ever truly get back what was lost.

 

They don't work. And I'm saying that as a third-year Doctorate student in Psychology. Trust me on this. Scams.

 

And even though some people get back together after a breakup, and some go so far as to even get married, I assure you, it's not a matter of if the relationship will eventually crumble under it's weight, but rather, when.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...