I Just Can't Accept How Much She Disrespected Me

[LakersFan81]

It's been about 4.5 months since my ex GF of over 5 years ending things with me out of the blue through a text message. I had no idea it was coming, and was devastated when it occurred. She was my best friend and the love of my life and constantly told me and made me feel like I was those things to her as well.

 

Well, one day she just ended things out of the blue through a text. I had to beg her to meet up. She told her friends before she told me, laughed about us being over, and said she was "at peace" with us being over. I was the most depressed I have ever been when it happened.

 

I could go into more details, but I will try to keep my post short, because I could go on forever. I did the normal things that many people do after the breakup and tried contacting her, begging for her back, writing her poems (which was pathetic of me lol), etc, etc. She just ignored every time I tried contacting her. I couldn't even get a text back on my birthday.

 

I finally sucked it up and went NC almost 3 months ago. I am fine without her now. There's some days I miss her, but I am okay most days. However, I just can't get over how much she disrespected me. I know many will say well at least I dodged a bullet, and I am better without her, etc, etc, but it's so hard with all this built up frustration. I just can't believe how a human being that you think you are so close to can act so cold when you did NOTHING to them. She made me feel like I was some psycho guy that treated her like crap.

 

If she wanted to leave her life without me, it's her decision. I can't control what she decides. I just don't get why she had to act so disrespectful to me? It's something I will never understand, and something I feel like I will EVER be able to forget.

 

Little does she know what a simple apology could do. I have no desire to ever be with her again, but I do wish she would reach out one day and apologize for how she acted at the end. It's the toughest thing I have ever been with seeing her treat me like that, and being so happy in life without me. She has now moved to the other side of the country, and friends have also told me they have saw her on dating sites.

 

It's just mind boggling to me how a human being can be so disrespectful to another human being, let alone someone you were close to and dated for over 5 years. I feel like I have a broken ego, and I just cannot understand what made her act this way.

 

I know many others on here have probably been through the same thing. Do you ever get over the frustration of being disrespected? Has the dumper ever reached out and apologized? I gotta imagine that one day it will hit her what she did to me, and that she will wanna say she was sorry for treating me like that, but who knows. I just feel like I will never be comfortable in another relationship again because I will remember how she ended things out of no where.

 

It's a terrible feeling.

[johnson_j]

You know what, if she has any "heart" at all she already feels some guilt about what she did to you. It takes major guts to call someone whom she treated so bad and apologize, but hopefully for your sake, sooner rather than later, she will find the inner fortitude just to let you know that she is sorry and you didn't deserve it.

 

 

I was disrespected once. I did get an apology years later, and while I had already moved on, it was still nice and a great finish to everything. The latest girl hasn't given any apology nor do I honestly expect one, but it would be groundbreaking for us both.

[polaske93]

Sounds like your better off this way.. my ex left me, but she kept me on a string for a few wees giving me hope. I then found out that she began dating one of my friends. I should've left it there, but I continued to talk to her, and dig too deeply. All it has done was make things alot worse for me. After the initial breakup I was heart broken.. but the continuation to talk to her, and dig into her life has caused me so much more pain. I hate to break it to you but it she more then likely left you for someone else, or met someone else shortly after which is why she is so cold to you. She will contact you eventually, don't fall for this. Just remember that your better then her, and one day you will meet a woman who feels for you exactly how you felt for this woman.. I'm really sorry man I'm here for you, and feel your pain. You will come out of this a stronger man.

[LakersFan81]

You know what, if she has any "heart" at all she already feels some guilt about what she did to you. It takes major guts to call someone whom she treated so bad and apologize, but hopefully for your sake, sooner rather than later, she will find the inner fortitude just to let you know that she is sorry and you didn't deserve it.

 

 

I was disrespected once. I did get an apology years later, and while I had already moved on, it was still nice and a great finish to everything. The latest girl hasn't given any apology nor do I honestly expect one, but it would be groundbreaking for us both.

 

I thought she had the biggest heart of anyone I knew. She was always so nice and respectful to everyone. She was a great girlfriend for the most part. I treated her good. Maybe she just lost attraction for me or whatever, but I just don't understand what made her treat me this way.

 

Maybe I was raised different, but I could never treat someone else like that EVER, let alone someone I dated and called my best friend for over 5 years. This girl would cry over anything, but doesn't even shed tears when she's kicking me out of her life? Such a tough pill to swallow. No apologies or nothing either 4 months later, just me being ignored for the first month after being dumped when I tried contacting her, and haven't attempted to contact her for 3 months now.

 

It's just absolutely nuts that I had to beg her to meet up to talk with me so she could end things, and the thought that I may NEVER hear from her again, or get an apology makes me wanna run through a wall sometimes because of the frustration.

[LakersFan81]

Sounds like your better off this way.. my ex left me, but she kept me on a string for a few wees giving me hope. I then found out that she began dating one of my friends. I should've left it there, but I continued to talk to her, and dig too deeply. All it has done was make things alot worse for me. After the initial breakup I was heart broken.. but the continuation to talk to her, and dig into her life has caused me so much more pain. I hate to break it to you but it she more then likely left you for someone else, or met someone else shortly after which is why she is so cold to you. She will contact you eventually, don't fall for this. Just remember that your better then her, and one day you will meet a woman who feels for you exactly how you felt for this woman.. I'm really sorry man I'm here for you, and feel your pain. You will come out of this a stronger man.

 

It will definitely make me a stronger man. I already feel like one. Most people say that exes always come back eventually. I don't really want her back because I know I deserve better, and could never look at her the same. However, I do wish she would just reach out and apologize and tell me I didn't deserve any of it, and just make me understand why she did what she did.

 

I mean 2 weeks before this happened we were talking about moving in together, and had a great weekend together. I just don't get how things can change so fast, and how it's so simple for her to move on.

[johnson_j]

What you feel is perfectly normal, and unfortunately I can say it's common for what we've both been through. How can someone with whom you've shared so much fade away without a goodbye, like the stranger you shared a smile with at the train station?

 

 

It's in your best interest to just move forward. It takes time and there will be good days and bad days. Stick to NC. In time, you'll not desire an apology because her memory will be faded. I've found that after some time all the bad memories fade away while the good ones remain. If an apology comes, it's best that it comes later when you least expect it. Then it will be more effective. If she apologized today you'd think there was still opportunity for you all, which isn't good for either of you, right now.

 

 

Forward, one step at a time. Hang in there man.

[Feelbettersoon]

Lakersguy81, I've been following your posts since i came on here because our breakups were very similar.

 

I'm 3 and a half months into this now too and haven't heard a peep. It's hard to take in sometimes, that he hasn't bothered to see if I'm ok or reach out, because we were both huge parts of each other's lives.

 

I could never get back now after this amount of stress and pain and too am ok daily (despite bursts of anger and sadness). But how did they detatch so easily? I unfortunately found out recently (and saw in person) that he is with a girl that made a pass on him during our relaionship, and that hurts even more.

 

I too wish for an apology so I can move forward even more, because to me it's bizzare to end it without any communication or care :/ it really sucks

[LakersFan81]

Lakersguy81, I've been following your posts since i came on here because our breakups were very similar.

 

I'm 3 and a half months into this now too and haven't heard a peep. It's hard to take in sometimes, that he hasn't bothered to see if I'm ok or reach out, because we were both huge parts of each other's lives.

 

I could never get back now after this amount of stress and pain and too am ok daily (despite bursts of anger and sadness). But how did they detatch so easily? I unfortunately found out recently (and saw in person) that he is with a girl that made a pass on him during our relaionship, and that hurts even more.

 

I too wish for an apology so I can move forward even more, because to me it's bizzare to end it without any communication or care :/ it really sucks

 

Looking back at it, we definitely should have broken up sooner. She wanted to take a "break" last January which blindsided me. I mean here we are 4.5 years into our relationship, and shes asking for a break? I am like what do you want a break for? What would that achieve? She never gave me an answer. I guess she just lost attraction to me, because I remember her saying we are in a "dead end relationship" and I had absolutely no idea what that meant either. I guess I was just in denial, because I still loved her more than anything, and she sure seemed normal towards me as well.

 

I guess she just started to detach then. I still don't get what made her end it so quickly though and be so sure. We were planning on hanging out one weekend, and then she just texted me that she was done, and was 100% sure of her decision. We talked all day, every day for 5 years, and every person that knew us thought we had a special relationship. It's just nuts how one night she's telling me she loves me more than anything, then 48 hours later she's completely done with me? So bizzare, and the fact that she's so happy and hasn't apologized yet makes no sense. How does it not eat at her how she made me feel?

 

Hang in there. We will get through it. The best thing is knowing we aren't going through this alone, but man, it's really tough some days.

[johnson_j]

You're assuming that it doesn't eat at her. You're not communicating so you don't know, but DON'T ASK HER. let her come to her own timeframe to apologize, if it happens at all. Be good man.

[LakersFan81]

You're assuming that it doesn't eat at her. You're not communicating so you don't know, but DON'T ASK HER. let her come to her own timeframe to apologize, if it happens at all. Be good man.

 

True. The fact that she ignored me, posted pictures smiling on social media before I deleted her, told her friends how "at peace" she was with the decision, moved halfway across the country, etc, etc. Sure doesn't seem like it eats at her very much, and if it does, why not apologize?

 

Thanks for the advice though. It's just really frustrating to be disrespected like this especially by the person you cared more than anything about.

[johnson_j]

True. The fact that she ignored me, posted pictures smiling on social media before I deleted her, told her friends how "at peace" she was with the decision, moved halfway across the country, etc, etc. Sure doesn't seem like it eats at her very much, and if it does, why not apologize?

 

Thanks for the advice though. It's just really frustrating to be disrespected like this especially by the person you cared more than anything about.

 

Anytime man.

 

 

When emotions are raw, apologizing can make one feel two things: 1)Weak and 2) unsure they're making the right decision.

 

 

She needs to feel she is making the right decision so blocking, moving, telling what are possibly "lies". All helps one be convinced they did the right thing. But like an alcohol buzz, it wears off and what's left is the truth. Someday she will apologize I will bet.

[lakerman34]

Hey fellow Laker fan,

 

yeah man. It sucks. I have to agree, I think she found another guy. That's absolutely rough. It happened to me too.

 

All you can do is NC her hard, hit the gym, avoid her hangouts, hang out with your friends, stay off the bottle. Go out with friends, just talk with girls, hang out with your girl friends. Trust me, it helps.

 

Girls always want to "upgrade," it seems, but I find it rather immature. She WILL contact you back eventually, but don't have hope for that. Do all in your power to move on. A girl that you'll find knocks this girl out of the water will come by sooner than you know it when you least expect it.

[siochana]

Hey fellow Laker fan,

 

yeah man. It sucks. I have to agree, I think she found another guy. That's absolutely rough. It happened to me too.

 

All you can do is NC her hard, hit the gym, avoid her hangouts, hang out with your friends, stay off the bottle. Go out with friends, just talk with girls, hang out with your girl friends. Trust me, it helps.

 

Girls always want to "upgrade," it seems, but I find it rather immature. She WILL contact you back eventually, but don't have hope for that. Do all in your power to move on. A girl that you'll find knocks this girl out of the water will come by sooner than you know it when you least expect it.

 

That might be true ( the bit about upgrading in time) but Im not sure how helpful it is. First of all, it may not be true and secondly it could take ages.

 

How many loves of our life do we really get? If it was lots, marriages would break down far more often due to all that temptation.

 

Im almost 18 months out and I havent met anyone that ticks the same boxes as the ex. Even thought my ex treated me like a dog. Then again, thats another recurrent theme around here: people who love people who were horrible to them.

[Elias33]

The reason she acted the way she did, may be very well to make it easy on her self. To demonize you, and to "laugh" it off, it's what made it easier for her to break it off with you. The fact that she used text, it really shows that she was afraid of it.

 

The treatment you got, says more about her than it says about you. It's what she had to do to get it over with, to justify it, if you will. Guaranteed that she is/has struggled with this. Big time.

 

In the end, it doesn't matter how she feels, or whether she apologizes or not, it matters whether you move on or not. An apology will not make things better, it will be a temporary crutch, but that is all.

[BC1980]

I never got an apology from my ex, and he truly feels he did nothing wrong. The closest thing I received to an apology was, "I'm sorry things turned out this way." Basically, he took no responsibility for the choices he made, so it was insulting to even hear that from him. He did some shady things and basically lied and broke my trust more than once. I won't get into the details of what he did, but it was pretty awful for the most part.

 

One thing I've learned is that people will go to great lengths to paint themselves as blameless. They will completely rewrite what happened to suit their needs to feel as little guilt as possible. It's effing mind boggling. A friend of mine ran into my ex a month ago, and he told her to tell me HI and that we were still friends. I haven't talked to the guy in a year, and we are certainly not friends after what transpired. But you can see it's just an example of how he needed to completely rewrite what happened and claim we are friends and on good terms. Don't underestimate what people will do after they dump you and want nothing to do with you.

[BC1980]

In the end, it doesn't matter how she feels, or whether she apologizes or not, it matters whether you move on or not. An apology will not make things better, it will be a temporary crutch, but that is all.

 

I have to echo this because an apology will not make anything better. It's almost patronizing to apologize after the fact because the damage has been done. The person made the choice to act the way they did, and they didn't have to act that way. They could have made a choice beforehand, so to apologize on the back end doesn't help much. Also, people usually apologize to alleviate their own guilt. It often doesn't have much to do with being genuinely sorry for what the other person went through.

[preraph]

Was this the first time she'd tried to break up with you?

[LakersFan81]

Was this the first time she'd tried to break up with you?

 

Nope, she wanted a "break" last January. Again, it was out of no where, and I thought she was just frustrated we had not moved in together yet. We lived about an hour apart since graduating from college 2 years ago.

 

We talked it out, and then she seemed back to normal after a couple days. She was really my first major relationship. We were together for 5 years, and she constantly told me how much she loved me/how I was her best friend, etc, etc. I just thought we would move in together and fix whatever issues she had. I had no idea she wanted a life without me.

 

Guess I was just in denial. Oh well. If she did it to me after 5 years after everything we've been through, she will do it to someone else as well.

[johnson_j]

Of course she will do the same to someone else. And probably, if you had kept with her and married her, she's still do the same and then take half of your things.

[Quiet Storm]

Here is what I think probably happened here, regarding her ability to "turn it off", so quickly and effortlessly. It is very confusing when someone we love does this to us, but unfortunately it is not that uncommon.

 

A lot of people have the ability to compartmentalize their feelings, or totally avoid negative emotions. This way of coping often originates in childhood, when the child is just not capable of coping with overwhelming circumstances in their life. It's often seen in kids affected by neglect or abuse, a difficult divorce, an addicted or alcoholic parent or some other trauma- but can even be prompted by an event an adult would see as minor. The kids learn to block out negative feelings, like fear, or sadness, or guilt. Avoiding, pretending, minimizing, ignoring is how the child keeps themselves from having an emotional breakdown. It works in the sense that it shelters the child from negative feelings until they are older and have the ability to control their circumstances.

 

The problem is that this way of coping carries over into adulthood, so that even when the person does have control over their circumstances, it becomes their default way of coping with conflict or negative feelings. So when something bad happens, they detach emotionally. And it will go the other way, too, in the sense that they can treat others badly, and avoid any feelings of guilt or remorse about it. They even often assume that others have the same skills for detachment as they do, and get annoyed when people just "can't get over it". They don't see this skill as a deficiency, and when others get very emotionally affected by a situation, they will think that person is weak, just because they allow themselves to "feel".

 

I think your ex was probably the perfect girlfriend when both of you were wanting the same thing- to be together. When she was emotionally invested in you, it fit her agenda to be nice, caring, sweet, loyal. etc. She wasn't faking those qualities, its just that those traits were evident when she was content and happy. A person's true character usually shows when they face adversity, conflict or hardship. During good & happy times, a person's character is not tested. It's easy to be happy & sweet when everything's great.

 

So somewhere along the line, her feelings started to change. She stopped valuing you and your relationship with each other. And since she doesn't have the coping skills to maturely deal with those feelings, to talk with you about it, she went into her default reaction- to detach, to avoid and to pretend the feelings never existed. Since this is the way she copes, she doesn't consider what it's doing to you. Those feelings are too uncomfortable for her to acknowledge. So any compassion for you, any guilt she feels, any remorse for her behavior... all of those emotions get buried & ignored- not because she faked all the good parts of your relationship, but because she is not emotionally capable of dealing with a breakup in a mature & healthy way. She avoids the guilt by pushing you away. She doesn't want to be responsible for your feelings, and simply goes into "detach mode" in order to avoid that.

 

For people that are emotionally healthy- we cannot imagine hurting the ones we love without so much as a face to face explanation. Sure feelings change, and people break up. But we consider the feelings of others and handle our lives and relationships with compassion. We talk, we communicate, we apologize. You expected this from her, and although I agree that you deserve better, you aren't going to get it. Not from her. I think she is just not capable of considering your feelings right now, because she has trained herself to avoid anything uncomfortable. Facing you would make her feel bad, and she already has a method in place to avoid those feelings.

 

So you need to really try to accept that she is a messed up person- emotionally- and that she would not have been a good life partner for you. She is not a good partner for anyone, and if you really look at her issues, you will see that and realize that you really did dodge a bullet. She is very emotionally immature, and that likely won't ever change unless she becomes very introspective or gets counseling. A relationship with someone like this is just not sustainable because they don't have the tools and the skills to be a healthy partner.

Edited November 11, 2014 by Quiet Storm

[LakersFan81]

Here is what I think probably happened here, regarding her ability to "turn it off", so quickly and effortlessly. It is very confusing when someone we love does this to us, but unfortunately it is not that uncommon.

 

A lot of people have the ability to compartmentalize their feelings, or totally avoid negative emotions. This way of coping often originates in childhood, when the child is just not capable of coping with overwhelming circumstances in their life. It's often seen in kids affected by neglect or abuse, a difficult divorce, an addicted or alcoholic parent or some other trauma- but can even be prompted by an event an adult would see as minor. The kids learn to block out negative feelings, like fear, or sadness, or guilt. Avoiding, pretending, minimizing, ignoring is how the child keeps themselves from having an emotional breakdown. It works in the sense that it shelters the child from negative feelings until they are older and have the ability to control their circumstances.

 

The problem is that this way of coping carries over into adulthood, so that even when the person does have control over their circumstances, it becomes their default way of coping with conflict or negative feelings. So when something bad happens, they detach emotionally. And it will go the other way, too, in the sense that they can treat others badly, and avoid any feelings of guilt or remorse about it. They even often assume that others have the same skills for detachment as they do, and get annoyed when people just "can't get over it". They don't see this skill as a deficiency, and when others get very emotionally affected by a situation, they will think that person is weak, just because they allow themselves to "feel".

 

I think your ex was probably the perfect girlfriend when both of you were wanting the same thing- to be together. When she was emotionally invested in you, it fit her agenda to be nice, caring, sweet, loyal. etc. She wasn't faking those qualities, its just that those traits were evident when she was content and happy. A person's true character usually shows when they face adversity, conflict or hardship. During good & happy times, a person's character is not tested. It's easy to be happy & sweet when everything's great.

 

So somewhere along the line, her feelings started to change. She stopped valuing you and your relationship with each other. And since she doesn't have the coping skills to maturely deal with those feelings, to talk with you about it, she went into her default reaction- to detach, to avoid and to pretend the feelings never existed. Since this is the way she copes, she doesn't consider what it's doing to you. Those feelings are too uncomfortable for her to acknowledge. So any compassion for you, any guilt she feels, any remorse for her behavior... all of those emotions get buried & ignored- not because she faked all the good parts of your relationship, but because she is not emotionally capable of dealing with a breakup in a mature & healthy way. She avoids the guilt by pushing you away. She doesn't want to be responsible for your feelings, and simply goes into "detach mode" in order to avoid that.

 

For people that are emotionally healthy- we cannot imagine hurting the ones we love without so much as a face to face explanation. Sure feelings change, and people break up. But we consider the feelings of others and handle our lives and relationships with compassion. We talk, we communicate, we apologize. You expected this from her, and although I agree that you deserve better, you aren't going to get it. Not from her. I think she is just not capable of considering your feelings right now, because she has trained herself to avoid anything uncomfortable. Facing you would make her feel bad, and she already has a method in place to avoid those feelings.

 

So you need to really try to accept that she is a messed up person- emotionally- and that she would not have been a good life partner for you. She is not a good partner for anyone, and if you really look at her issues, you will see that and realize that you really did dodge a bullet. She is very emotionally immature, and that likely won't ever change unless she becomes very introspective or gets counseling. A relationship with someone like this is just not sustainable because they don't have the tools and the skills to be a healthy partner.

 

Wow, tremendous post. You hit the nail on the head. Her parents went through a divorce when she was in HS that really hit her hard. Mom cheated on the Dad. Funny thing is she always said how she would never be a heartless person like her Mom, and then she does the same thing to me.

 

It's just tough to grasp how we were together for 5 years. The last time I saw her everything was great, and now I will never hang out with her again, and I am supposed to just never reach out and contact her again? It's tough to accept how fast things can change, but I also have to look at the positives of it that I dodged a bullet.

 

She is a beautiful girl, and someone I considered my best friend, but I deserve better than the way she treated me at the end.

 

I just wish she would come back to me one day, and I would be in a great place in life, and can just laugh her off, and tell her to go screw herself. I know that's immature, but it's something I want to happen, and I just hope karma gets her one day. Life isn't fair, but I guess that's just how it is.

[BC1980]

Here is what I think probably happened here, regarding her ability to "turn it off", so quickly and effortlessly. It is very confusing when someone we love does this to us, but unfortunately it is not that uncommon.

 

A lot of people have the ability to compartmentalize their feelings, or totally avoid negative emotions. This way of coping often originates in childhood, when the child is just not capable of coping with overwhelming circumstances in their life. It's often seen in kids affected by neglect or abuse, a difficult divorce, an addicted or alcoholic parent or some other trauma- but can even be prompted by an event an adult would see as minor. The kids learn to block out negative feelings, like fear, or sadness, or guilt. Avoiding, pretending, minimizing, ignoring is how the child keeps themselves from having an emotional breakdown. It works in the sense that it shelters the child from negative feelings until they are older and have the ability to control their circumstances.

 

The problem is that this way of coping carries over into adulthood, so that even when the person does have control over their circumstances, it becomes their default way of coping with conflict or negative feelings. So when something bad happens, they detach emotionally. And it will go the other way, too, in the sense that they can treat others badly, and avoid any feelings of guilt or remorse about it. They even often assume that others have the same skills for detachment as they do, and get annoyed when people just "can't get over it". They don't see this skill as a deficiency, and when others get very emotionally affected by a situation, they will think that person is weak, just because they allow themselves to "feel".

 

I think your ex was probably the perfect girlfriend when both of you were wanting the same thing- to be together. When she was emotionally invested in you, it fit her agenda to be nice, caring, sweet, loyal. etc. She wasn't faking those qualities, its just that those traits were evident when she was content and happy. A person's true character usually shows when they face adversity, conflict or hardship. During good & happy times, a person's character is not tested. It's easy to be happy & sweet when everything's great.

 

So somewhere along the line, her feelings started to change. She stopped valuing you and your relationship with each other. And since she doesn't have the coping skills to maturely deal with those feelings, to talk with you about it, she went into her default reaction- to detach, to avoid and to pretend the feelings never existed. Since this is the way she copes, she doesn't consider what it's doing to you. Those feelings are too uncomfortable for her to acknowledge. So any compassion for you, any guilt she feels, any remorse for her behavior... all of those emotions get buried & ignored- not because she faked all the good parts of your relationship, but because she is not emotionally capable of dealing with a breakup in a mature & healthy way. She avoids the guilt by pushing you away. She doesn't want to be responsible for your feelings, and simply goes into "detach mode" in order to avoid that.

 

For people that are emotionally healthy- we cannot imagine hurting the ones we love without so much as a face to face explanation. Sure feelings change, and people break up. But we consider the feelings of others and handle our lives and relationships with compassion. We talk, we communicate, we apologize. You expected this from her, and although I agree that you deserve better, you aren't going to get it. Not from her. I think she is just not capable of considering your feelings right now, because she has trained herself to avoid anything uncomfortable. Facing you would make her feel bad, and she already has a method in place to avoid those feelings.

 

So you need to really try to accept that she is a messed up person- emotionally- and that she would not have been a good life partner for you. She is not a good partner for anyone, and if you really look at her issues, you will see that and realize that you really did dodge a bullet. She is very emotionally immature, and that likely won't ever change unless she becomes very introspective or gets counseling. A relationship with someone like this is just not sustainable because they don't have the tools and the skills to be a healthy partner.

 

This probably needs to be pinned and hits the nail on the head. OP, my ex was the same as yours. Just emotionally detached and never looked back. During the relationship, I saw the signs of someone with maladaptive coping and strong ability to detach and compartmentalize emotions. His parents' divorce hit him hard as a kid, and his mom left the family. She did not want custody of her kids, and his new step mom was verbally abusive and a bully. Also, his first wife died suddenly, and I feel that he had to compartmentalize his emotions, regarding her death, in order to cope and move on to take care of his 2 year old child at the time. Even when he talked about his wife, he was void of emotion. It was so bizarre to me at the time, but I now see it as his way of compartmentalizing.

 

My heart truly goes out to you because it is so hard to go through this, let alone go through it after someone tossed you out with little emotion. My ex shed a few tears but was remarkably composed. He treated me moving out like a task that needed to be completed. I know it's hard to see right now, but she would have made a terrible long term partner. These problems only escalate unless the person gets intense therapy, which isn't likely.

[True Gent]

Trust me the apologies make absolutely no differnce to what you're feeling. A guilt induced apology really is pretty worthless.

 

Actions speak louder than words and when someone's actions such as this speak to us in this way, that's all you need to know. The girl you loved died with the relationship. She can act so cold because she emotionally checked out long ago and now you're picking up the pieces of your life and grieving for your loss.

 

I've had the apology and it didn't make the slightest bit of difference to the pain I felt. I still didn't understand the harsh treatment from the person who was meant to love me as I loved her. Her actions at the time spoke volumes to me and it will never be forgotten.

 

She's dead, they become someone you no longer recognise and that is what you must realise. There aren't enough sorrys or explanations in the world that could change the hurt and the confusion. Accept that a person capeable of treating you this way was never right for you in the first place. There were signs of this, there always are, we just choose to ignore them because we fear the reality of loosing the person we love. In the end the real reality is we hurt ourselves for not facing it before it's forced upon us.

 

You don't want her back, it isn't the same anymore. Really what good would a sorry actually be? It still happened, it's still dead. You need to bury it, the apology won't do that for you.