Lengua Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I was on Facebook the other day and a picture that one of my Facebook friends had commented on startled me. I took a good look at it and it appeared to be my boyfriend driving around in his car while holding hands with another girl. It was like her hand was resting open and his was over it loose but on it. Of course I read the comments of the picture. Basically, it was some girl stating that she was in a new relationship with him. All of her friends were happy for her. I called him and this is how the conversation went: Me: Hi. Him: What's up? Me: Is there anything that you need to tell me? Him: No. Me: Hmmm are you sure that there is nothing at all that you need to tell me. We've been together long enough that you can at least give me the decency of being honest. Him: If there is something that you've heard then just say whatever it is. Me: I didn't "hear" anything. I saw something. Evidently you were with some chick and she took pictures without you noticing. Him: You must be speaking of the picture of me and my friend _______. Do you realize how old the picture is? Me: It was taken while you were in a relationship with me and you shouldn't be riding around holding hands with some other girl. Him: After my accident, she contacted me while I was at the rehabilitation center. She had asked if she could visit and go to church with me. I told her ok and we hung out after the service. She grabbed my hand while I was driving and did that. I've told her not to do things like that because she's causing problems. Me: Ok. If this is true, she isn't respecting what you said. She's disrespecting you, me and the relationship. A friend of yours shouldn't be doing this. Him: I will talk to her and address this. Me: It seems like you already have and she didn't listen. YOu shouldn't have to keep going back and addressing the same thing. If the shoe were on the other foot and it has been, I would severe ties with the friend. Why won't you do this? Him: Because we've been friends since we were kids. Please let me address it. Me: Ok I was still upset after I hung up with him and about 2 hours later, I texted him about it. I said this created doubt in the relationship and I didn't understand why she wasn't being let go as a friend. He said that he didn't have any reason to be dishonest and that I was free to believe whatever I want. I called him again. Me: In the text, why did it sound like you didn't care? Him: It's not that I don't care, it's that I am frustrated by this. I told you that I would address it and you keep going on and on. You know what I'm dealing with and I really don't have a place for this drama. I would rather walk away from it. Me: Excuse me, so you would walk away from me but not the friend that started the drama? Him: Because I'm not in a relationship with her. I'm with you and you're who I'm having to interact with. If you're unhappy and fussing and making me unhappy with your fussing and will not trust me to handle it then what is the point in being together? Let me handle it. Me: I still can't believe you. Him: It's like you aren't listening to anything that I said. Think about it and I'll call you back later. Me; Ok I thought about it and texted to him how I didn't like or want drama, loved him and just wanted him healed so we could live the life we wanted. He replied that was what he wanted as well. His friend deleted her page for 2 days and that was it. I have 2 friends that think I am an idiot for not dumping him immediately and they will not even discuss him with me anymore. I believe his story. His friend looks miserable in her picture. Your opinion please
pteromom Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 You are right to be concerned, especially if she had made comments about being in a relationship with him. You are wrong to try to force him to dump his friend. There are two options here: - He's telling the truth and she's only a friend. Therefore there is no problem. or - He's lying and playing both of you. In which case, you need to dump HIM, not worry about who his friends are. In your case, I would probably send her a friend request on Facebook, with a message like "Hi, I am ___'s girlfriend and I thought since you have been his friend since childhood, you should be mine too! LOL" Trust me - if she is more than a friend, you'll know about it one way or another. She'll either accept your FR, she'll write back shocked at her bf dating someone else, or she'll go to him and he'll come to you yelling about you sending her a FR. If it is the first option, you are good. The last two - you need to dump him.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I think you have a reason to be worried, OP. How recent were these comments made? His explanations sound like he's back-peddling. How long have you been with him?
oberkeat Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Social media and relationships do not mix.
me85 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 This is one of the many reasons why I have no desire to be in a RS again for a long time. I'm really sorry Lengua, but your boyfriend doesn't seem to care about you all that much if he was so quick to say he'd "rather walk away" from you than to have to deal with drama...that you did not even cause. You simply reacted to the drama his "friend" causes. He should've been a whole lot more sensitive to your feelings than he was. If he isn't willing to stop hanging out with her without you around then I'd definitely say there's a connection between him and her on more than just a friendly level and I wouldn't trust it.
Georgia2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 (edited) OP has a right to demand he dump the drama causing friend. His friend did disrespect, him, the op and their relationship together. She had no right saying she was in a relationship with op's boyfriend. OP should dump her cheating uncaring selfish lying boyfriend. I think OP still has doubt about her boyfriend being trustful otherwise she wouldn't have made this post. If I were in the OP's shoes I would dump the guy. A man has one time to cheat on me. A cheater is something I will not be with and I sincerely hope OP dumps him. Edited November 10, 2014 by Georgia2014
mortensorchid Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I had to read that twice. I am a reasonable person, truly I am. But I don't like the sound or looks of this. Whether your bf is completely innocent of this is another matter, the fact that she put this up on social media so you and others could see it is another. One can easily mistake something for another and that's what she wants you and others to think. As for your bf? He should save some face by apologizing about it, then ask his female friend in question to remove said photo. If he's a stand up guy and truly innocent in this, that is. If he's not ... Well, you will find out otherwise sooner rather than later. I understand your being angry about it, but if he respects your wishes and feelings then he will have it removed.
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