PogoStick Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Another thread got me thinking about depth of conversation when meeting someone new. On first dates I shoot straight for the center of a girl's soul. Sometimes they do comment about it, but rarely do they avoid answering. I know they feel a little off guard but it works for me. A few things about psychology tells us this is useful. These aren't simply my opinions but from science and studies I have read. 1. When she does answer penetrating questions her mind has to justify why she is doing so or it experiences dissonance. Therefore, she will decide subconsciously that she is answering because she likes you and feels comfortable with you. In dating this is also why you go for acts of compliance. Take her hands, or take her to a new location. Why is she letting this stranger hold her hand? Her subconscious will decide it's because she likes you. It's also why you should let her hand go first, otherwise the subconscious may say she pulled her hand away because she's not attracted to you. 2. Deep down, everyone is a narcissist. A person will decide they like you, not based on what they know about you, but what you know about them. This also relates to the first point on cognitive dissonance. Why is she telling you these things? It must be because she likes you and is comfortable with you. The more you know about a girl, the more she will like you. She doesn't have to know anything about you at all. In fact, knowing less makes you even more interesting and will make her want to see you again. Also, she will fill in gaps about you with her own ideals of what she is looking for. 3. Relationship girls are looking for a deeper connection anyway. This makes them feel you're not just trying to get in their pants. It engages their mind, not just superficial attraction.
Author PogoStick Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 (edited) I experienced this very recently on a first date. We're hanging out, having dinner. She's divorced, single mother. I like to know where a woman is at emotionally, and how her experiences have affected her. By the end of the night we're discussing her divorce, her unique situation with her hubby being deployed in the military etc. This proceeds into her sex life (and lack of it). She was getting visibly anxious at times as I paid attention to her body language. I know when to back off or change the subject to small talk. She was never upset about any of it. We ended the night with some light kissing and holding each other. 3 days later she calls me unexpectedly. She tells me her kids are gone for the afternoon and invited me to hang out for a few hours. I'm pretty sure she had a specific agenda and knew exactly what she wanted that afternoon. Bottom line is the deep conversation did not scare her off at all. Edited November 10, 2014 by PogoStick
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