Thegreatestthing Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 (edited) I love him,don't think I'm in love with him. he is the best bf I've ever had. He adores me,tells me I'm beautiful every day. He is there for me every hour of the day. He is very comforting and calming which I love. I am sexually attracted to him,but not in a mad passionate way. We don't have deep discussions,something I'm very use to. He always says he couldn't live without me etc I was thinking of asking this yesterday,and had been speaking to another guy,but now I'm confused,to tell you the truth I just feel kind of bored and don't know how to fix it. the other guy is gone I'm not talking to him at all,that should make things easier to decide. Edited November 10, 2014 by Thegreatestthing
most_distant_galaxy Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I love him,don't think I'm in love with him. he is the best bf I've ever had. He adores me,tells me I'm beautiful every day. He is there for me every hour of the day. He is very comforting and calming which I love. I am sexually attracted to him,but not in a mad passionate way. We don't have deep discussions,something I'm very use to. He always says he couldn't live without me etc I was thinking of asking this yesterday,and had been speaking to another guy,but now I'm confused,to tell you the truth I just feel kind of bored and don't know how to fix it. the other guy is gone I'm not talking to him at all,that should make things easier to decide. How long have you been feeling like this? If it isn't a passing emotion then a breakup is a good idea. But it may just be you being sick of him momentarily... It happens to me when I spend too much time with people, even the ones I adore and couldn't live without. Take your time to think and understand your feelings.
BlueIris Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 How long have you been feeling like this? If it isn't a passing emotion then a breakup is a good idea. But it may just be you being sick of him momentarily... It happens to me when I spend too much time with people, even the ones I adore and couldn't live without. Take your time to think and understand your feelings. And how long have you two been together? Limerence fades and some people mistake it for what they call "being IN LOVE with someone."
preraph Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Tell him you're restless and make a plan. Maybe you need more space so you appreciate your time with him more. Maybe you need to get out of your routine and go do completely different things. Make a change.
Author Thegreatestthing Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Yes I do think we are spending way too much time together. How long have you been feeling like this? If it isn't a passing emotion then a breakup is a good idea. But it may just be you being sick of him momentarily... It happens to me when I spend too much time with people, even the ones I adore and couldn't live without. Take your time to think and understand your feelings.
Keenly Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Best boyfriend you've ever had, and you don't want him? I don't understand.
Author Thegreatestthing Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 He is a great bf I don't think you could ask for more,I don't see myself leaving him ,there's too many pluses,things that make my life joyful. But I don't feel mad passionate love.i feel like maybe I could if he just was more alive or interesting or something.i didn't feel this way at all,till the other guy started writing to me.
Keenly Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 He is a great bf I don't think you could ask for more,I don't see myself leaving him ,there's too many pluses,things that make my life joyful. But I don't feel mad passionate love.i feel like maybe I could if he just was more alive or interesting or something.i didn't feel this way at all,till the other guy started writing to me. So the grass is greener? I think what your missing is the feeling of a fantasy. 3
most_distant_galaxy Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 He is a great bf I don't think you could ask for more,I don't see myself leaving him ,there's too many pluses,things that make my life joyful. But I don't feel mad passionate love.i feel like maybe I could if he just was more alive or interesting or something.i didn't feel this way at all,till the other guy started writing to me. I understand how you feel. I had this feeling with a lovely boyfriend of mine, and I wish I had more experience to save our relationship. It's a superficial feeling, but if you let it grow without addressing it, it can ruin an otherwise great relationship. If you are bored, you need to spend more quality time together rather than lots of it. Quantity isn't as fulfilling as quality. Since you care about him and he is lovely, let him know, so you can work it out.
BlueIris Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 He is a great bf I don't think you could ask for more,I don't see myself leaving him ,there's too many pluses,things that make my life joyful. But I don't feel mad passionate love.i feel like maybe I could if he just was more alive or interesting or something.i didn't feel this way at all,till the other guy started writing to me. Uh-oh. Well of course someone all new and shiny is going to get you excited! Tell new guy you're in a relationship and love your BF and then stop writing to him.
Author Thegreatestthing Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 I don't know maybe he woke me up to a mediocre relationship.I've known the other guy for ages and he still gets me all reckless for him,is that what love is I don't know.im starting to think people don't want any sort of happiness and stability deep down,they want total drama. Uh-oh. Well of course someone all new and shiny is going to get you excited! Tell new guy you're in a relationship and love your BF and then stop writing to him.
BlueIris Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I don't know maybe he woke me up to a mediocre relationship.I've known the other guy for ages and he still gets me all reckless for him,is that what love is I don't know.im starting to think people don't want any sort of happiness and stability deep down,they want total drama. You're going through the classic quandary- timeless and universal. Sometimes I think these things arise just to make us think hard about life and love overall, and who we are and how we want to live. I'm an old gal and from what I've seen MOST lifetime relationships are based on much more than recklessness and sexual passion, and that most people even in good relationships go through internal questioning. Don't make the mistake of thinking that this isn't about choice, your choice. It IS your choice. When you say "people don't want any sort of happiness and stability deep down,they want total drama" it sounds as though you're being cynical about people in general in order to... maybe avoid seeing that it IS your choice? I recommend talking to some people whose marriages you respect and admire. There are plenty of happily married posters on LS who I hope chime in too.
Author Thegreatestthing Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 You're right in a way, I'm just about ready to just run off with the other guy to Europe or something and have all the crazy passion and earthquakes. But what happens when your both 40 or whatever and you're both hideous beasts by that point,I'm pretty sure the passion thing would be mute,then what do you do with yourselves.
BlueIris Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 (edited) Dang, I wish married folks and people in happy LTRs were also answering. I'm single but pro-marriage, LTR and all. From my perspective... Hold up there! 40 and hideous beasts!?!?! lol Never happened! Well, ok, I was the size of a house during my pregnancies but I never thought I was hideous and my husband and I never stopped having sex, good sex, or going out or flirting or anything like that. Kids and work and life can take a toll, and there are ugly days for sure. But judging from my marriage and the good marriages I know, your sweetie can remain your sweetie, and love can get much richer over time. I'm making a wild assumption here, though. What is your long term goal? There are some people who do not want a lifetime committed relationship. Some don't want the marriage and/or family package. Some want to pursue passions or careers foremost. Some are kind of rolling stones or adventurers. All perfectly legitimate life choices. If you're looking for a lifetime partner, and he fits that, think very carefully before messing it up just because it became blah. "Blah" is often a function of two people, so I'd really throw myself in into making it less blah before quitting. But that's because of the type of life and relationship I want. I wonder though... you've known "New Guy" for a long time and he's always made you feel reckless for him... so why didn't you two come together before? Edited November 11, 2014 by BlueIris 1
SycamoreCircle Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 i feel like maybe I could if he just was more alive or interesting or something.i didn't feel this way at all,till the other guy started writing to me. "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but having new eyes." -Proust 3
Author Thegreatestthing Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 Great answer,I'm seen so many sh-to marriages that it's hard for me to believe in that sort of monotony, it's great to hear your marriage wasn't really like that. I do feel like my pursuits or adventures or what not come first,though I actually do love a certain amount of comfort and steadyness in truth,but then I still want to feel alive in a relationship. Other guy never told me how he felt till recently,We were always in relationships before,he didn't know I was in a relationship till I told him yesterday. Dang, I wish married folks were also answering. From my perspective... Hold up there! 40 and hideous beasts!?!?! lol Never happened! Well, ok, I was the size of a house during my pregnancies but I never thought I was hideous and my husband and I never stopped having sex, good sex, or going out or flirting or anything like that. Kids and work and life can take a toll, and there are ugly days for sure. But judging from my marriage and the good marriages I know, your sweetie can remain your sweetie, and love can get much richer over time. I'm making a wild assumption here, though. What is your long term goal? There are some people who do not want a lifetime committed relationship. Some don't want the marriage and/or family package. Some want to pursue passions or careers foremost. Some are kind of rolling stones or adventurers. All perfectly legitimate life choices. If you're looking for a lifetime partner, and he fits that, think very carefully before messing it up just because it became blah. "Blah" is often a function of two people, so I'd really throw myself in into making it less blah before quitting. But that's because of the type of life and relationship I want. I wonder though... you've known "New Guy" for a long time and he's always made you feel reckless for him... so why didn't you two come together before?
OwMyEyeball Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Sounds like addiction to infatuation. You're feeling a very deep craving that, once satisfied, will probably leave you feeling empty and wondering what in the world you're doing. I'm only assuming that because you say it clearly that there's a very dark side to your relationship with this other guy. Craving wants and gives nothing in return Love gives and wants nothing in return Whatever agitation or pain you're feeling will need to be cured from the inside. No man, whether the one you "love" or the one you're "in love with" can do that for you. Only you can. 1
Els Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Isn't this the guy whom you said 'won't stop arguing with you for no reason'? Now he's the 'best bf in the world' again?
Author Thegreatestthing Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 That was only for two days it never happened before,he was upset cause I was ignoring him,
browneyes88 Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 I love him,don't think I'm in love with him. he is the best bf I've ever had. He adores me,tells me I'm beautiful every day. He is there for me every hour of the day. He is very comforting and calming which I love. I am sexually attracted to him,but not in a mad passionate way. We don't have deep discussions,something I'm very use to. He always says he couldn't live without me etc I was thinking of asking this yesterday,and had been speaking to another guy,but now I'm confused,to tell you the truth I just feel kind of bored and don't know how to fix it. the other guy is gone I'm not talking to him at all,that should make things easier to decide. Only you can decide. Here's the thing. Is this a passing issue, or just ordinary boredom? Or is it a nagging, long-term feeling? How long have you been together? If less than a year, move on. If more, then you may just be at that point where the lust dies down and reality sets in, which is a good thing, but you have to change your approach. For more sexual "spark" you have to create it! Walk around the house naked for no reason. Start just tearing his clothes off. It might turn YOU on, and will definitely turn HIM on! For deep conversation, START ONE. Etc. 2
Author Thegreatestthing Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 I was honestly content in my relationship and forgot this other guy,but Everytime this guy emails me I lose it,haha. It's these recent emails that are making me wonder about the whole relationship. When I hear some sort of dramatic love song I think of the other guy,when I hear any love song I never think of my bf,is that enough of a reason.
Got it Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 My advice. You do not value him nor your relationship. Let him go and let him be with someone that does value him. I would also suggest counseling to work through why you felt it was lacking, was it really lacking and what you actually expect in a relationship. But, bottomline, you have a foot out and are looking for the next best thing. Unless you can figure out how to jump both feet back into the relationship and appreciate all that you have you will only continue to look at where he is lacking and not appreciate what he is bringing to the table. He deserves better.
Emilia Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 I don't know why anyone needs counselling for feeling bored in a relationship. I would wait a little longer OP, couldn't see how long you've been together and how old you are. The grass IS greener sometimes.
Got it Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 I don't know why anyone needs counselling for feeling bored in a relationship. I would wait a little longer OP, couldn't see how long you've been together and how old you are. The grass IS greener sometimes. Because figuring out WHY you are bored, a healthy or unhealthy reason are important as you grow and learn more about yourself. There are a lot of good reasons why this is a good relationship so in case there is ultimately regret for moving on, learning more about one's self will never go wrong.
Author Thegreatestthing Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 Had a long long fun talk with him last night for hours,don't really want to break up with him at all anymore.
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