sedona Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I'm on an online dating site, and have been sending messages back and forth with a guy who seems interesting. We haven't had a lot of contact a usually one message each per day, somtimes more. Rather than keep messaging, I suggested (3 days ago) that we meet up over coffee and take it from there. Taht same day, he answered sounded good, but he was busy early in the week. So the next day (2 days ago), I suggested Thursday or Friday, and that he pick a time that suits him. Since then, nada. Nothing, even though I can see that the last message has been read. Now I know that this guy 'owes' me nothing, and there could be a million reasons why he hasn't answered (like his dog ate his computer), but what is the normal etiquette here? I mean, I don't expect an answer two seconds after I've asked a quesion, but how long is too long to be acceptable? Although clearly,if Thursday rolls around and I still haven't heard something, he's simply dropped off the face of the earth.
irresolute Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Do never propose a date to a guy. You sounded desperate. Wait until he proposes you. Evidently, this guy have other options, and he's not that interested in meeting you. Next time, wait until he invites you. Men like the chase.
oberkeat Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Do never propose a date to a guy. You sounded desperate. Wait until he proposes you. Evidently, this guy have other options, and he's not that interested in meeting you. Next time, wait until he invites you. Men like the chase. I don't at all agree, and I hope OP doesn't take this advice to heart. As a guy, I don't think there's anything wrong or desperate about a girl proposing a date. As far as the guy not responding, that's generally the norm with OLD. People disappear frequently for reasons that may have nothing to do with you. Maybe he got serious with someone else, who knows. The protocol is this: After one ignored message, forget him and move on. Keep messaging other guys until you find one you like. 1
Author sedona Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Do never propose a date to a guy. You sounded desperate. Wait until he proposes you. Evidently, this guy have other options, and he's not that interested in meeting you. Next time, wait until he invites you. Men like the chase. Thanks for replying, but nah. I'm 47 years old and I'm not about to start playing coy little games to trap a man. That is not how I'm going to live my life. I didn't ask him to marry me. I asked him to meet over a cup of coffee. Sheesh... 1
Author sedona Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 As far as the guy not responding, that's generally the norm with OLD. People disappear frequently for reasons that may have nothing to do with you. Maybe he got serious with someone else, who knows. The protocol is this: After one ignored message, forget him and move on. Keep messaging other guys until you find one you like. Yes, I suppose you're right. I just have a hard time messaging several men at the same time. Stupid, I know...that's the point of OLD!
irresolute Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 (edited) Cool then continue asking guys for a date, and see how they disappear. I repeat: guys love the chase. If you chase them , they'll run. AND, you look like you don't have other options= you are not a price to win. No matter if you're 20 or 60 years old. Edited November 10, 2014 by irresolute
Ruby Slippers Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I'm on an online dating site, and have been sending messages back and forth with a guy who seems interesting. We haven't had a lot of contact a usually one message each per day, somtimes more. There's the first sign he's not that interested in you. In my experience, if a guy's really interested, it will be obvious during the initial messaging, as he will actively communicate and keep the conversation going, then soon ask to move it to text or phone. Rather than keep messaging, I suggested (3 days ago) that we meet up over coffee and take it from there. Taht same day, he answered sounded good, but he was busy early in the week. So the next day (2 days ago), I suggested Thursday or Friday, and that he pick a time that suits him. Since then, nada. Nothing, even though I can see that the last message has been read. So, he declined the first invite without suggesting an alternate time, and he ignored the second invite. Two more clear indicators he's not that interested. Now I know that this guy 'owes' me nothing, and there could be a million reasons why he hasn't answered (like his dog ate his computer), but what is the normal etiquette here? I mean, I don't expect an answer two seconds after I've asked a quesion, but how long is too long to be acceptable? There's only one reason he hasn't replied: he's not that interested. If a man is interested, nothing short of a near-death experience will keep him from getting in touch with you. 1
oberkeat Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Cool then continue asking guys for a date, and see how they disappear. I repeat: guys love the chase. If you chase them , they'll run. AND, you look like you don't have other options= you are not a price to win. No matter if you're 20 or 60 years old. The only way I would be turned off by a girl asking me for a date, is if I wasn't interested in her in the first place. It's not a turnoff. 1
Jules Dash Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Thanks for replying, but nah. I'm 47 years old and I'm not about to start playing coy little games to trap a man. That is not how I'm going to live my life. I didn't ask him to marry me. I asked him to meet over a cup of coffee. Sheesh... Right! I am in my 40s and to this day, I have never heard a guy say anything even remotely like "hey, man, you know how I like cute, sexy women? Well, I wish it was harder for me to get them. I just wish they would allow me to work harder at getting them." Men generally travel the path of least resistance. Your the man who brought your aunt flowers and chocolate every day for 2 months to win her heart was rehearsing for a part in a movie. In real life, men don't do this. 1
Author sedona Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 There's the first sign he's not that interested in you. In my experience, if a guy's really interested, it will be obvious during the initial messaging, as he will actively communicate and keep the conversation going, then soon ask to move it to text or phone. So, he declined the first invite without suggesting an alternate time, and he ignored the second invite. Two more clear indicators he's not that interested. There's only one reason he hasn't replied: he's not that interested. If a man is interested, nothing short of a near-death experience will keep him from getting in touch with you. Really?!? Is this really how the world works for adults in their forties, who have jobs and kids and other responsibilities? Even adults who feel a bit uncomfortable OLD, but are trying something new?
irresolute Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 The only way I would be turned off by a girl asking me for a date, is if I wasn't interested in her in the first place. It's not a turnoff. that's maybe because you lack of options, then you grab whatever you can. It's not the case with this other guy who disappeared. He might have options, and he just ignored the ones he was not that interested, AKA OP. a man who has options, works hard to get the best he can, unless he wants cheap sex, then he'll be more than happy with the free sex.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Really?!? Is this really how the world works for adults in their forties, who have jobs and kids and other responsibilities? Even adults who feel a bit uncomfortable OLD, but are trying something new? I'm in my 30s, not 40s, and I think it's universal that when a man is interested in a woman, he'll find a way to communicate with her and see her. And if you've asked him out twice and he's not responding, he's definitely not interested. You can't get too attached to an OLD profile. The vast majority of people you communicate with on OLD will not be a match for whatever reason. Keep it light and fun, and the good prospects will naturally rise to the top.
Author sedona Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 There's the first sign he's not that interested in you. In my experience, if a guy's really interested, it will be obvious during the initial messaging, as he will actively communicate and keep the conversation going, then soon ask to move it to text or phone. So, he declined the first invite without suggesting an alternate time, and he ignored the second invite. Two more clear indicators he's not that interested. There's only one reason he hasn't replied: he's not that interested. If a man is interested, nothing short of a near-death experience will keep him from getting in touch with you. hmmm... Also, this guy agreed to meeting me but apparently has a life and can't drop everything to run out and have a drink with me. I think... he said he'd like to meet up, which in my experience means that he'd like to meet up. Or does 'yes' mean something else in OLD?
irresolute Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 OP doesn't want to acknowledge that the guy was plainly not interested in her, so she continues to make silly excuses for his disappearing act. Which I completely understand as it is hard to handle rejection. Hardest thing ever. However, op, you should take this advice into consideration for the future, even though you don't want to see it know: BUSY EQUALS NOT INTERESTED. I'd dropped everything for the guy I was into, and I mean everything. Men are the same, no one is too busy to meet the right woman. You weren't the right one for him, at least not his priority. He might email you back if none of his other options work, though, then you'll have a chance to show him how charming and feminine and lovely you are if he agrees to finally meet you. Keep talking to other guys for now, but do not invite them for dates. 1
Andy_K Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Cool then continue asking guys for a date, and see how they disappear. I repeat: guys love the chase. If you chase them , they'll run. AND, you look like you don't have other options= you are not a price to win. No matter if you're 20 or 60 years old. The kind of guy who loves the chase makes a terrible boyfriend. Where will he get his 'chase' thrill after the novelty of you wears off I wonder? This guy disappeared because he wasn't very interested, or was more interested in someone else. It's that simple, and the result would have been exactly the same had she said nothing.
Author sedona Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 OP doesn't want to acknowledge that the guy was plainly not interested in her, so she continues to make silly excuses for his disappearing act. Which I completely understand as it is hard to handle rejection. Hardest thing ever. However, op, you should take this advice into consideration for the future, even though you don't want to see it know: BUSY EQUALS NOT INTERESTED. I'd dropped everything for the guy I was into, and I mean everything. Men are the same, no one is too busy to meet the right woman. You weren't the right one for him, at least not his priority. He might email you back if none of his other options work, though, then you'll have a chance to show him how charming and feminine and lovely you are if he agrees to finally meet you. Keep talking to other guys for now, but do not invite them for dates. Ok, thanks for the advice! It's really, really interesting to hear from someone who is so different from me. I would never drop everything and anything to meet up immediately with some guy I'd been in touch with for a few days. And i'd be suspicious of some stranger who would drop everything for coffee with me. And I understand that people disappear on OLD. I do not feel rejected and in denial over a guy I've exchanged a few messages with!
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