gd498 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I posted awhile back but I thought I would come here again for advice. In my original post I had mentioned that I was having issues with trust in my relationship due to how things had started in our relationship. We met on an online dating site and hit it off really well. We were inseperable and really enjoyed each other's company. Everything was going great until about two months in when I expressed to her that I was beginning to have feelings for her and wanted to take it to something a little more exclusive. She took a step back and said that she liked how things were going now and that she didn't see anything long term between us and that we should end things before anyone gets hurt. So we did for about a week or so but I continued to pursue her. A week later I texted her and she texted back and asked if I wanted to get a drink. We ended up going out and we rekindled things at that point. A few months later I started getting messages on Facebook from someone who it turns out was the guy she dated before me talking trash and basically saying that she was still talking to him. It was at this point that I made the mistake of checking her Facebook and email, all of which were always logged in on her computer. A computer we shared. It was then that I found out she originally broke up with me because of this other guy. She had mentioned wanting to ask him out for drinks. She took picture of her texts to this guy and saved them to her computer asking him back out. Well he stood her up and he was the one that originally broke things off with her. As I looked at the screenshots I noticed that the day he turned her down was the day things started back up between us. They continued to chat back and forth over Facebook until the time he started sending me messages it appeared. Nothing bad but still an obvious interest on her part. Atleast it seemed that way to me. Also, I noticed that after we had gotten serious, she continued to speak to guys online even though we were already meeting each other's kids/etc. She actually chatted with a guy the day we had got our kids together for the first time. When we went home she had spent the night talking to this guy and told me she was tired. Also, I had noticed that she was constantly searching this guy on Facebook every few days and even on the day we moved in together. When I confronted her about seeing it in the Activity Log she said she never searched him. I clearly saw that she did. She also said she had never texted the guy either although I know she did. I know what I did was wrong by snooping and I have no one to blame by myself. I came clean and told her I did. I feel awful about it but the whole situation made me very insecure. I was married before and my wife cheated on me so I have my own issues to work on which I am. The past few months have been perfect though and this stuff no longer happens but I can't seem to move past it for some reason. Some days I feel like second choice because of how things went down. I have issues with trust at times too due to the fact that she said the Facebook searches never happened when I clearly saw them and she erased it after. She also deleted all the text conversations from these other guys too. I truly love her and I believe she feels the same way but how do I put this past me so it doesnt continue to sour the relationship?
smackie9 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Never snoop again....ignorance is bliss as they say. 1
sedona Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 You know she lied to you, repeatedly - which she denied, even though you had proof. There's a guy out there who tells you that she's still in touch with him. What makes you think you can trust what she says, given that track record? Sorry, but she's bad news.
Fondue Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Dude. Think of it this way: You're #2. YOu were NEVER a first option. She was willing to ditch your "2 month thing" for just another dude she barely knew. Only once he stood her up, she came back to you. HOw does that make you feel? Honestly? It should burn. That burn should make something in your head click. This isn't a woman you want to be with. Can this happen again? Will it happen again? Can you really trust a relationship with her? I wouldn't be able to let this kind of thing go. BUt then again, I also never snoop. I make it a point to avoid any behavior like that. So maybe I wouldn't even be in your position.
Author gd498 Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Thanks for the responses. The thing that makes it hard for me is all this happened months back before she told me she loved me. Things have changed but it still bothers me that when there was the assumption that it was just her and I that she was still talking to other people. I had asked her too and she said there was no one else which is true that she wasnt seeing anyone. But she was talking to them when we were serious.
sedona Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Sorry, maybe I haven't understood your whole story. You wrote: "A few months later I started getting messages on Facebook from someone who it turns out was the guy she dated before me talking trash and basically saying that she was still talking to him." So, wasn't she in touch with other med the whole time until you confronted her? Now that she knows you're onto her, she might just have turned sneakier.
Author gd498 Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Well she was yes. Until I confronted her and told her if it continued it would be over. She hasn't done it since but you're right she could be and is just covering her tracks better.
BlueIris Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 (edited) ....... I truly love her and I believe she feels the same way but how do I put this past me so it doesnt continue to sour the relationship? What??!! Your post was flowing along consistently and then this ^^. She is not honest and is not exclusive. You have a history with at least one other woman who was a cheater (ie dishonest and not exclusive). You seem a tad masochistic. Why is that? Edited to add: I read your follow ups and still don't see why you have attached so deeply (love) with someone who was dishonest with you. Dishonesty is a character trait, not something that changes after a confrontation. Edited November 10, 2014 by BlueIris
sedona Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 What??!! Your post was flowing along consistently and then this ^^. She is not honest and is not exclusive. You have a history with at least one other woman who was a cheater (ie dishonest and not exclusive). You seem a tad masochistic. Why is that? Edited to add: I read your follow ups and still don't see why you have attached so deeply (love) with someone who was dishonest with you. Dishonesty is a character trait, not something that changes after a confrontation. Exactly. This type of dishonesty is not something you should be putting behind you. This is a RED FLAG, telling you to exit this relationship. Sorry. Not what you want to hear, but the woman is a liar. Your catching her doesn't make her into an honest woman.
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