Author irresolute Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 (edited) Guys, i'm not that good at exchanging messages endlessly and it's 4 days until my date. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells and Im not comfortable with this. New guy and I are messaging a bit but he hasnt asked me to text or even to call. He seems to be super reserved and Im scared to ask something he wont like. For example, this morning he told me he was working from home. I replied asking if he was by himself (he has kids) and if he know to cook. No reply. I think he must have thought I might want to meet him at his home??? Good god. Im so bad at this! It was easier with the other guy I was in love with as we always talked about sex and he was so simple and super easy. This new guy...i dont know. I feel insecure And he is chatting with someone else right now on the dating site. Oh well. Should i cancel the date? Edited November 13, 2014 by irresolute
Brooke02 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I was gonna say maybe it was the 20 min cut off. But yay! That's good for the 2nd date! :-) 1
Brooke02 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Wait, weren't you telling someone in another post that guys like a chase? Where's the chase in this? 1
normal person Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Guys, i'm not that good at exchanging messages endlessly and it's 4 days until my date. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells and Im not comfortable with this. New guy and I are messaging a bit but he hasnt asked me to text or even to call. He seems to be super reserved and Im scared to ask something he wont like. For example, this morning he told me he was working from home. I replied asking if he was by himself (he has kids) and if he know to cook. No reply. I think he must have thought I might want to meet him at his home??? Good god. Im so bad at this! It was easier with the other guy I was in love with as we always talked about sex and he was so simple and super easy. This new guy...i dont know. I feel insecure And he is chatting with someone else right now on the dating site. Oh well. Should i cancel the date? It sounds like you're making a mountain out of a mole hill. We've all done it. Take a deep breath, step back, and chill out. No need to text someone that much before you meet up, save it for the date. You'll get a lot of clarity after that and you'll realize how much you were overanalyzing things, then you'll just laugh. Best of luck. 3
Author irresolute Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Wait, weren't you telling someone in another post that guys like a chase? Where's the chase in this? Oh yes! What should I do? I mean, i can give advice to others but Im clueless in my own situation. I hadnt replied yesterday, so I messaged this morning. That is good right?
Author irresolute Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 It sounds like you're making a mountain out of a mole hill. We've all done it. Take a deep breath, step back, and chill out. No need to text someone that much before you meet up, save it for the date. You'll get a lot of clarity after that and you'll realize how much you were overanalyzing things, then you'll just laugh. Best of luck. What if he cancels me? Maybe he lost interest or rralized Im a crazy bitch already.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 CHILL OUT. If you can't handle text conversations, then don't do it! It's OK if he doesn't text you back immediately. I've learned (the hard way) not to over-analyze text messages and not to get worried or offended if I don't receive a reply instantly. Relax! The guy is obviously interested in you. You two met for a 20 min coffee date. You don't need to have back and forth conversations all day via text until your next date. A simple, " Good morning, I hope you have a great day!" would suffice. Keep it light until your next date and see how it goes... 1
writergal Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Calm down irresolute. Ha! This isn't your first dating rodeo. Right? Here's a thought: Just be yourself and let everything happen naturally. Stop trying to control his perception of you because you can't, because it seems like that's what you're trying to do and why you are getting yourself so worked up. Calm down ok? Don't overthink every little word he texts or emails you. If you want to reply to his texts, do so. If not, then don't. If he didn't like you, he wouldn't have emailed you after the 20 minute coffee date to ask you out for a 2nd date for dinner. So that should ease your anxiety right there. Just enjoy getting to know him before you meetup for dinner on Monday and be yourself, because that's who he's attracted to. Right? Oh, and have fun for goodness sake! 1
True Gent Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Relax, take your time and just look forward to chatting in person on your second date... Also 20 mins?? If a woman I met for the first time bailed after 20 mins I'd assume she is seriously not interested. 2
Author irresolute Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Ok. Better said than done. If he got bored of me, I wont make a big deal of that. I need to learn and dont get attached that soon to people. I know this for sure. If he cancels or never replies to me again, its ok as well. We might not suppose to be. Who knows. Im talking to other guy as well. Aww its just Ive been suffering a lot lately and I'd really like if someone shows me he likes me and wants to be with me. I really need it.
losangelena Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 If he didn't like you, he wouldn't have emailed you after the 20 minute coffee date to ask you out for a 2nd date for dinner. So that should ease your anxiety right there. Ding, ding, ding! Relax, girlfriend. Dating is an inexact science. I know it can be hard to not feel insecure, but don't make hair-trigger decisions based on that. And whatever you do, don't cancel the date! 2
snowflakes88 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Ok. Better said than done. If he got bored of me, I wont make a big deal of that. I need to learn and dont get attached that soon to people. I know this for sure. If he cancels or never replies to me again, its ok as well. We might not suppose to be. Who knows. Im talking to other guy as well. Aww its just Ive been suffering a lot lately and I'd really like if someone shows me he likes me and wants to be with me. I really need it. Girl. You've spent 20 minutes with this man. Less than a half hour. That's less than a sitcom on TV. You are getting waaaaaaaaaay ahead of yourself. 2
writergal Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Ding, ding, ding! Relax, girlfriend. Dating is an inexact science. I know it can be hard to not feel insecure, but don't make hair-trigger decisions based on that. And whatever you do, don't cancel the date! Exactamundo! Dating is definitely not an exact science. It's a Weird Science. What losangelena said, don't cancel the date! Girl. You've spent 20 minutes with this man. Less than a half hour. That's less than a sitcom on TV. You are getting waaaaaaaaaay ahead of yourself. Precisely! I always shoot for 2 episodes of Will & Grace when I go on dates, 4 if the date is going *really* well! 1
Author irresolute Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Ok. Me not canceling date. Aww guys, I think i've developed some kind of ptsd after my last relationship. I'm fragile and I guess I'm not properly healed. I take EVERYTHING as rejection ugh. He hasnt replied. Its ok though. Ill take this as experience. I hate old
writergal Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 It's ok irresolute. At least you're aware that you're still a little hurt from your last relationship. You'll heal with time. Might as well go out on a few dates and try to have fun in the meantime, nothing serious. Dating tips from some good movies: "Make room for someone who is nice to you." - Bridesmaids, 2011 "Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating." - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, 2004 "Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it." - 10 Things I Hate About You, 1999 "Even being alone is better than sitting next to your lover and feeling lonely." - Before Sunset, 2004 "It's not the end of the world." - Shaun of the Dead, 2004 "The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person worth sticking with." - Juno, 2007 (This is my favorite piece of advice.) 1
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Haha this thread just brings me to a smile, It's almost sweet to see someone so excited...it's been a while! I've read a lot of threads, most were depressing or grief stricken, However this thread is full of happiness as the plot only thickens! Take your time, don't rush into it, be sure to have fun and be happy too! Even if you are still healing, even if you're still feeling a little blue! I'm willing to bet he's spacing out his responses like that in order to not look clingy and needy to you right back! 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I would have nexted you by now, and I think it would be a good idea for this guy to do the same...you're not ready to date and you're all over the place and unstable, so unless this guy wants to take advantage of your emotional instability/vulnerability for a quick lay/whirlwind romance then I'd suggest he move on... but there are a lot of guys that go for that and you're honestly likely to end up with one as you rebound...because the first guy that gives you attention that you "really like", you're going to be all over him just because you're hurting over another guy and trying to patch up the wound. Expecting a kiss after 20 mins is ridiculous IMO...if that's your style, then another huge turn-off for me.
Author irresolute Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Well, ninjainpijamas, I guess Im not your type. Boomer. Sad because we are both in Cali. Maybe youll reconsider? 1
ScreaminEagle Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 You have a good sense of humor Irresolute. I think what Ninja was trying to say that although your last relationship left you scarred, you need to be emotionally healthy in order to start dating again. Emotionally healthy for you, and the men you encounter. Online dating tends to bring out the worst in peoples insecurities, because the method of communication is so impersonal and that acts a trigger for someone who is vulnerable and still healing. I do agree with the other posters that as a man, if someone cut me off at the 20 minute mark of a date I would very much think she was not interested and not contact her further. If the date were three hours, an the chemistry was right and you both were comfortable, then I can see a kiss happening. If you are still all wired up about your last relationship, maybe you should fix that before putting yourself and others through any sort of stressful dating situations until you are emotionally healthy to date. 2
sagetalk Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 If you are still all wired up about your last relationship, maybe you should fix that before putting yourself and others through any sort of stressful dating situations until you are emotionally healthy to date. This would be my recommendation for the OP as well. Hurt people can easily hurt other people unintentionally. The dating world is full of it. Irresolute, you seem to have a wonderful personality, which is a great thing. You will be able to find men who are attracted to you. Do not get into a rushed mentality. Take it slow and let things happen naturally. Live your life as you date (meaning make dating secondary to your life, friends, family), you will find it helps to cure all these over-thinking circumstances that lead to terrible, premature decisions. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 Well, ninjainpijamas, I guess Im not your type. Boomer. Sad because we are both in Cali. Maybe youll reconsider? If only I had 20 minutes to spare However, because you're so............."special" I may reconsider if I'm able to book 3 consecutive dates in a row within the same day, equating to a whopping 60 minutes...(and I hope you're a feminist because you're paying for the dates too) but just a quick FYI, I do expect a home cooked meal as well as a sponge bath by minute 59...it's part of my "wife-material" analysis And don't ask what happens at minute.....69 *elbow nudge with an exaggerated laugh* I'm a 3 dates keeping-it-classy kind of guy, however I may bring up sex within the first 5 minutes as that might be more familiar and relaxing territory due to your experiences with the "other guy". Please also make sure that you talk about your ex-bf's/lovers, it's very arousing on a first/second/third date. Especially the part where you are heart-broken over it. 8
IronZ Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 I think he probably assumed from the quick cut off that you wanted to get outta there as quickly as possible. Most dates I've had that went well lasted 2-3 hours (and included a kiss, I might add). As far as looking desperate, my advice is this: don't play games. If you want to see him again, let him know. Do you have his phone number? Send him a quick text and ask when he wants to get together again. This. Who goes on a date and says after 20 minutes they have to go without so much as an explanation? I would've assumed she was uninterested.
Author irresolute Posted November 14, 2014 Author Posted November 14, 2014 Ok guys i guess my second date is in tightrope right now. He is online on thd dating site (I am as well, so...) but he hasnt replied my email from this morning. I hate to feel so insecure. Still 4 days from our date ugh.
dclan Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) Hi everyone, I just had a date, and I'm a little confused. We met and I could tell he was excited to saw me, that he liked me. We went to have coffee, he paid for mine. then we talked a little, random things, career, school, work, etc. Twenty minutes on the date I said to go, he said ok. For me, 20 minutes was enough for a first date. He walked me to my car, we talked some more, random, and then the goodbye... so, he hugged me (NO KISS) and he said:"Ok, I guess I'll email you..." to which I replied: "Yes, I'd love you to". and that was ALL guys. I grabbed my car and left and he went grab his car as well. Now, all the first dates I've been, the guys normally texted me or emailed me instantly after the goodbye, just to tell me what an awesome time they had, or to asked me if I'd liked to see them again. All the dates I've been there were kisses at the end. Not in this one. No kiss. Still no email. What do you think? should I go online on the dating site, or he might think I'm not interested? I met him through that dating site, so he'll see if I'm online or not...What to do??? Only 20 minutes....he might think you are not interested. Edited November 14, 2014 by dclan
greenman77 Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 Ok guys i guess my second date is in tightrope right now. He is online on thd dating site (I am as well, so...) but he hasnt replied my email from this morning. I hate to feel so insecure. Still 4 days from our date ugh. Have you tried explaining to him why you rushed the first date rather than him assuming you just weren't interested? Just a thought. Good luck!
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