How do I move on with my life?

[simonanderson82]

Hi, I am new to the forum but need some outside perspective and advice before I drive myself mad!

 

I broke up with my girlfriend of nearly 9 years about 4 months ago because of her terrible attitude towards my family. We have a son together and she would never let my family see him or always try and get out of having to spend any time with them. I do not have as close a relationship as she has with her family. But my family always made the effort with her and as far as I know have never said or done anything for her to act like this towards them. I also got on very well with, and have always made an effort with her family. After our sons first birthday I spoke to her about it and said if the situation didn’t get any better then we weren’t going to be together for much longer. Unfortunately nothing changed and I done the hardest thing I have ever had to do and split up with her. I moved out of our flat and back to my parents house and her and our son are living there until she can find somewhere new to live as the bank won’t let her take on the mortgage on her own. I still love her but feel that I shouldn’t have to cut my family out of our sons life because she can’t be bothered to make the effort with them and someone who loves me should never have put me in that situation.

 

When we broke up at first I felt so unbelievably guilty for hurting her as she seemed to take it really bad. I now know that she thought I was seeing someone else (which I wasn’t) and made me make all these promises to her about being honest with her about any future relationships I may have. She laid on this big guilt trip saying it was so important ‘for our sons sake’ and basically made me promise that if I started seeing someone ‘regardless of how serious it was’ and ‘how long it had been’ that I would tell her right away as she would ‘be absolutely heartbroken if she had to hear that from someone else’. So I agreed to this but made it clear that it was the last thing on my mind but did say I would expect her to do the same. I then find out through one of my pals about 10 weeks after we split that she has being seeing someone for about a month and has had him in our flat! Which I was paying for her to live in with our son. I don’t normally have a temper but I was absolutely livid that she had guilt tripped me into making all these promises which I had every intention of keeping and then she lied through her teeth to me. When I confronted her about it she tried to deny it completely at first and then tried to say he was just a friend (more lies). Even after she finally admitted it she just kept saying she didn’t think she had done anything wrong and refused to make any kind of an apology (a common theme in our relationship). I know she is entitled to see who she wants now and I have not or would not try and tell her she can’t have a relationship with this guy as I know it’s not my place anymore but I just can’t get over how quickly she has moved on. How can someone move on just 5 weeks out of a 9 year relationship? It was me that broke up with her and I am still nowhere near ready to move on. I just can’t stop thinking that there’s no way she could of loved me if she is finding the whole thing this easy and that the last 9 years have all just been one big joke, with the exception of our son obviously who I love to bits and wouldn’t change for the world! The guy she is seeing has started commenting on pictures of my son on Facebook and it is absolutely killing me just thinking about him being involved in my sons life. I know some people will probably say this is a rebound thing for her but I know my ex and she will be on a mission to get settled down again as quickly as possible. I’m scared that my son will become more attached to him than me as he is only young and will just become attached to whoever he spends the most time with.

 

I know that we are not going to get back together as her attitude towards my family will never change (she is a very stubborn person) and the whole time we were together she couldn’t see what my problem was as it did not affect her. So I know that I will need to try and move on with my life and I would eventually like to meet someone else. My friends have been there for me but I don’t think they have realised how bad I have really taken this and I don’t want to become a burden to them. But I am already worrying about my future. I am not a confident person and am not the type of guy that can just go up and talk to random girls in clubs or wherever. All of my friends are also in serious relationships and have kids so no one goes out anymore. I had been looking forward to getting back into my home and starting to move on with my life but have now realised that I will probably just end up stuck in every weekend. I just feel as if I tried to do the right thing for everyone, especially my son and my life is just completely ruined now and I can’t see it getting any better or the point anymore.

[MTmama]

I am sorry you are struggling friend. It seems that you need to make choices that would benefit your son and move you forward. Let some time pass before you make firm decisions. It is important for you to be close to your son. There is always hope, there is always time, and there is your son. Please seek counseling this will help you figure out where you are and where you want to be.