sambahrij Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Hey Everyone, Now before I start I'll point out right now I am just fresh from cutting off... I'm not honestly handling it very well. But I'm strong enough to keep fighting. Please give an honest view at the end, I've mostly heard it all so far but this is more for myself to get it out then bottle it up. Now, the overall story. This is a long one and I'm sure I'll skip important notes based on how hard it is to think of them given it makes me sad I'll miss it but I'll do my best. About 3 months ago now, I went to a good friends birthday party... now like always we all meet new people, now I met this girl there.. she for the time ruled my mind until I found out that at the time she was in a relationship. We ended up being good friends for the next 3 months. Odd talking now and then, things were good. About a month ago from today.. most likely to the date. Her relationship with this man started to hit the rocks.. I tried to.. stupidly help. I tried to talk it over with her.. and I honestly should of not... before I knew it I was saying things regarding examples of myself... before we both knew it we were expressing how we liked each other. 3 days later she catched up with me and a friend of mine for coffee i can say I didn't hold myself back.. I wasn't good I let myself get carried away... and it wasn't a bad thing but given where I sit now I should of known better. 2 days later she broke up with him.. the first time. She came over to mine that night to escape and it was lovely... I'd go into details but honestly it hurts alot to think about just how she touched my heart that night....we didn't have sex tho.. during all of this thats the one thing we didn't do. the next day she went home... now the overall issue is this man lives with her... on top of that she lives with her family. Now he moved from the UK so simply moving out is a hard thing. He tried to win her back and sadly she caved alittle to try again.. that night she told me to hold off and that it might not be over between me and her... she filled me with hope and I listened... end of that week it was messy.. alot of me keeping an eye on her and watching her hurting. by the end of the second week she told her mother about the plans to end the relationship... sadly her mother didn't agree with her actions and in short said " why are you getting rid of the only person that pays the bills" She ran to me.. stayed the night.. but sadly I didn't act how I should have.. she still enjoyed her time with me but I didn't act how I should have. Monday she contacted me and wanted to try honestly trying as friends.. I agreed completely... then an hour later she called me... and this is where it get ugly... Turns out he found out what was going on between me and her. She went over to end it or something and for the next 48hours I was in the dark... The issue with this was that I couldn't stay friends with her if she ended up staying with him. I'd have to leave... it was a terrible week sitting on these ideas fears... thursday she told me she had ended it and it was over... at the time I assumed she was talking about me when she was saying she wanted to go to a friends place to watch movies and relax... what hit me worse was the fact the person whom sounded like me wasn't.... she went to this persons place and the next day the boyfriend hit the fan and said he was moving back to the UK on monday... I told her to go to a friends place to calm.. she did... I knew this action on his was an attempt to make her feel worse... I warned her to not go home.. but she did... Sunday she was silent... then suddenly she messaged me saying he wasn't going home, she missed him and wants to try again... I was crushed... after getting my hopes up 3 times in a week to seeing an ending that meant I wouldn't have to leave.. only to be slapped in the face... I mocked up a text and said my good byes.... It kills me still thinking I can't be her friend anymore.. and as all our mutual friends point out her relationship with him isn't likely to work... but given how things have been hope is a luxury I can't afford anymore.... and its killing me slowly having to push her away... I mocked up a blog post based on an idea of an old man in a bar talking about his past.. to help vent my sadness... I had removed her from this blog..but I can't control her from seeing it nor liking it... and it was a kick in the teeth today she did read and like what I posted... Honestly I've been in many relationships and I've dated alot.. this year alone its been 30 dates, 6 of which lasting more then a month... But how I'm feeling now is something I honestly missed but now hurts more then anything knowing I've lost it completely. I wanted her in my life, I didn't care if I had to be her friend.. having her in my life was all I needed... and now I have to walk away...I wish she didn't give into him so easy.. I wish she had been stronger... I wish she had taken her meds with her and hadn't been off them for so long... but I can control my actions not hers. Any ideas, or kind words are welcome, please help me.
hoping2heal Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I don't think anyone has a 100 percent guarantee on a formula for forever, but one can at least avoiding the big, obvious, hazards as a means to keep their heart in tact and save it from extra bumps. The sooner you learn that the better off you will be.
Author sambahrij Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 I don't think anyone has a 100 percent guarantee on a formula for forever, but one can at least avoiding the big, obvious, hazards as a means to keep their heart in tact and save it from extra bumps. The sooner you learn that the better off you will be. Overall I am pretty aware of that, I mean this was sadly an unwise choice on my part... but with her.. I'd do it again... for all the bad... shes added to my life and its just hard having to let go now when I honestly don't want to.
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