I admit it, I refuse to date unattractive men.

[Mister Zen]

I'd say there's truth to this if you didn't apply it to all men/women. A good portion of women will bang the bad boys & trashy guys when their younger, than settle down with the guy who treats them right & has a stable career. And a lot of men will bang trashy girls for one night stands, and settle for the "girl next door" type of girl for a relationship/marriage.

 

But to say all men & women in general do this is definitely wrong. Some women actually have respect for themselves & wouldn't **** a bunch of trashy men when their younger. And not all guys are into one night stands & want to bang trashy women. And why do you still think women go for guys only with great jobs? Like I said women are making more & more money today than they have in the past so they don't need to rely on what the guy makes.

 

And did you just technically call Lernaean a trashy girl since you put her in the "sex toy" category for those particular men...... That's not going to go well.

 

What is your obessing with the "all" word? I already explained earlier it means the vast majority (the rule). Dogs with 4 legs. There are some with 3 legs and 2 legs but who cares? Most you meet will have 4.

 

I keep saying they like men to provide because they do. Don't get confused.. those same 'civilized' women who are doctors or lawyers are still lusting after the personal trainer or bad boy with 50 tattoos and probably still shags him on parole in the broom closet...of course she will never tell. High class women are raw, horny and opportunistic. Her husband's kids might belong to the mailman for all he knows.

 

They want to marry their 'civilized' boss with the pot belly and the 20 million dollar house. Doesn't mean they are attracted to him, but as women age they realize they will never have control over the "hot guy" who can always run off or easily cheat because of his high demand. Women want stability at that age and they only get it by getting with someone with less alternative options and who has $$$ because there is no stability in a man working at Chipotle.

Edited November 12, 2014 by Mister Zen

[NJ123]

What is your obessing with the "all" word? I already explained earlier it means the vast majority (the rule). Dogs with 4 legs. There are some with 3 legs and 2 legs but who cares? Most you meet will have 4.

 

I keep saying they like men to provide because they do. Don't get confused.. those same 'civilized' women who are doctors or lawyers are still lusting after the personal trainer or bad boy with 50 tattoos and probably still shags him on parole in the broom closet...of course she will never tell. High class women are raw, horny and opportunistic. Her husband's kids might belong to the mailman for all he knows.

 

They want to marry their 'civilized' boss with the pot belly and the 20 million dollar house. Doesn't mean they are attracted to him, but as women age they realize they will never have control over the "hot guy" who can always run off or easily cheat because of his high demand. Women want stability at that age and they only get it by getting with someone with less alternative options and who has $$$ because there is no stability in a man working at Chipotle.

 

I must say your views are just bizarre. When you say vast majority you're pretty much implying like 90% of people do this am I accurate on that? That would be outrageous.

 

And yeah, a lot of women want to be provided for but not the vast majority. Some are happy being single & some are happy to never even being married. Some have no interest in having kids. And than there are some that have good jobs where they don't need to rely on the guy for support. All those examples alone are a pretty big percentage of women that disqualifies this vast majority claim your making. And who's saying doctors are strictly going after bad boys & trainers? Someone told me today that he knows of a really attractive doctor & her husband is a guy with 1 arm. She must be a pretty good person to overlook that in a guy & wouldn't cheat on him, and he's probably a really good guy. Yeah, your going to say that's just 1 example, but you just have a really weird view on these things & think most attractive doctors are out banging personal trainers & guys with tattoos.

 

And I already said some women do the bang bad boys in their younger days than settle for the guy who's less attractive & has a really good job. But to say that's the vast majority is crazy. And why do you keep assuming women won't date a guy with a job that's not so great? Yeah, a lot of women in their mid-late 30s/early 40s likely won't want to be with a man working a minimum wage job if they haven't had kids yet & want them. But what if the woman is making good money herself? Some of those women would overlook the man's job if she's really attracted to him & likes him.

Edited November 12, 2014 by NJ123

[Mister Zen]

I must say your views are just bizarre. When you say vast majority you're pretty much implying like 90% of people do this am I accurate on that? That would be outrageous.

 

And yeah, a lot of women want to be provided for but not the vast majority. Some are happy being single & some are happy to never even being married. Some have no interest in having kids. And than there are some that have good jobs where they don't need to rely on the guy for support. All those examples alone are a pretty big percentage of women that disqualifies this vast majority claim your making. And who's saying doctors are strictly going after bad boys & trainers? Someone told me today that he knows of a really attractive doctor & her husband is a guy with 1 arm. She must be a pretty good person to overlook that in a guy & wouldn't cheat on him, and he's probably a really good guy. Yeah, your going to say that's just 1 example, but you just have a really weird view on these things & think most attractive doctors are out banging personal trainers & guys with tattoos.

 

And I already said some women do the bang bad boys in their younger days than settle for the guy who's less attractive & has a really good job. But to say that's the vast majority is crazy. And why do you keep assuming women won't date a guy with a job that's not so great? Yeah, a lot of women in their mid-late 30s/early 40s likely won't want to be with a man working a minimum wage job if they haven't had kids yet & want them. But what if the woman is making good money herself? Some of those women would overlook the man's job if she's really attracted to him & likes him.

 

Women go for the best men they can get.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Women go for the best men they can get.

 

You keep saying this yet have provided nothing to back up your claims other than your word. You also go on to dismiss other women's (myself included) claims that "the best they can get" is in no way based on money, looks or "status".

[DKT3]

You keep saying this yet have provided nothing to back up your claims other than your word. You also go on to dismiss other women's (myself included) claims that "the best they can get" is in no way based on money, looks or "status".

 

I'm sure its nice to have some eye candy, to start with. However women (for the most part) are emotionally driven. Most women would fall head over heals for a short fat bald guy who makes them feel (wanted, desired, loved, sexy and important), makes them laugh aand feel safe.

 

Having that attractive guy who does none have that, soon makes him seem not so attractive after some time

 

And here is the mismatch, a womens view of what's attractive change a great deal with emotions or lack of.

 

Not many women look at money or status, those things seem to be a bonus.

[ScreaminEagle]

I'm sorry but I'm honestly really tired of pretending I'll date just anybody. I won't. I only date hot guys. Unattractive guys are a no-go for me. No exceptions. Why settle for someone unattractive when I can get with a guy that actually gets me going? I mean why settle?

 

Here's thing though....what I find attractive is probably what some women would consider "average" and other women would consider down right ugly. Because that's how attraction works. Even if we agreed that attraction is 100% based on facial aesthetics, why does it feel like a lot of men refuse to acknowledge (or accept?) that what is aesthetically pleasing to one woman is butt ugly - or at the very least, unappealing - to another? So yes, I only date hot guys. But that only means I only date guys that are hot to me.

 

There seems to be this pervasive way of thinking that there is a specific type of guy that ALL women will DEFINITELY find attractive and that that attractiveness automatically equals sexual/romantic attraction. It doesn't.

 

To use the classic example: I, like many women, consider Brad Pitt highly attractive - aesthetically speaking. Do I want to sleep with him? No, not really. I have however been lusting after John Turturro for years now (I'm sorry pls don't judge me ) and if given the choice between the two, I'd ALWAYS choose the latter.

 

And all because while Brad Pitt is a very beautiful man structurally, I find him wholly unappealing. Why is this concept so hard to grasp for some guys though?

 

 

I didn't read through all the responses but I will lob my two cents, that is all I can afford now a days. Excellent post. I agree with everything you wrote, expressed, and outlined.

 

 

As a male, I understand that I am not every woman's cup of tea, and who I find aesthetically pleasing others may not. I see no reason why any male should get offended by this. The ones that do probably did not actually read what you wrote, they stopped at "I only date hot guys".

 

 

Settling is for the birds, and physical attraction is human nature. I have a friend who thinks the actress from the show Mike and Molly is hot, god bless him.

[Revolver]

I'm sure its nice to have some eye candy, to start with. However women (for the most part) are emotionally driven. Most women would fall head over heals for a short fat bald guy who makes them feel (wanted, desired, loved, sexy and important), makes them laugh aand feel safe.

 

Having that attractive guy who does none have that, soon makes him seem not so attractive after some time

 

And here is the mismatch, a womens view of what's attractive change a great deal with emotions or lack of.

 

Not many women look at money or status, those things seem to be a bonus.

 

 

Yeah but if the attractive guy only wants a no strings attached sex relationship it makes the "decision" to be with the short bald fat guy so much easier

[carhill]

Relevant to that response, it's a great example of why I like the OP's refreshing perspective. She won't use the 'short, fat, bald guy' as a placeholder until the 'attractive guy' comes along that meets her standards. That dynamic was a really important takeaway from my former marriage. When 'decisions' are made in such a manner, one begins, or continues to, 'think' a relationship. It becomes an accounting exercise. Unhealthy, IMO.

 

If the attractive guy turns out to not be relationship material, OK, next. It happens. Just don't use unattractive people to fill up time and space and hoover interest from. Greatly appreciated!

[DKT3]

Yeah but if the attractive guy only wants a no strings attached sex relationship it makes the "decision" to be with the short bald fat guy so much easier

 

The point I'm getting at is women don't have to have what others would consider a "good" looking guy to have a great guy for her. Their needs and desires run much deeper then that, not to mention they are the better of the two sexes when it comes to being in a relationship for the right reasons.

 

For example, when your out and about, check out the couples you see. Rarely will you see and good looking guy wth a not good looking woman, very rare. Yet its pretty common to see a hot woman that makes you think "WTF". We then assume its because he has money. That simply isn't always or even more often the case.

[DKT3]

Relevant to that response, it's a great example of why I like the OP's refreshing perspective. She won't use the 'short, fat, bald guy' as a placeholder until the 'attractive guy' comes along that meets her standards. That dynamic was a really important takeaway from my former marriage. When 'decisions' are made in such a manner, one begins, or continues to, 'think' a relationship. It becomes an accounting exercise. Unhealthy, IMO.

 

If the attractive guy turns out to not be relationship material, OK, next. It happens. Just don't use unattractive people to fill up time and space and hoover interest from. Greatly appreciated!

 

Yeah, but that happens in the opposite as well. She may have a hot guy that she knows there is no future with.

 

I think sometimes a woman may want to be with a guy but she just isn't into him, yet she will stay hoping that it will someday click.

 

Don't get me wrong, I know there are women who flat out will use guys, but we do that also, maybe even more often. I'm guilty of that myself, as I'm sure you are at some point.

[carhill]

Myself, I've only been with four women and I was attracted to all of them, including my exW. I can't ever recall dating or leading on an unattractive woman. If I didn't find her attractive, I didn't approach her or ask her on a date. Perhaps, ignorantly, I thought that was 'normal'. Live and learn I guess.

[DKT3]

Myself, I've only been with four women and I was attracted to all of them, including my exW. I can't ever recall dating or leading on an unattractive woman. If I didn't find her attractive, I didn't approach her or ask her on a date. Perhaps, ignorantly, I thought that was 'normal'. Live and learn I guess.

 

I've also never been with a woman I wasn't attracted to, however I also knew there would be no future. After my divorce I had a hard time being by myself, so I had a constant stream of women who I would spend time with, in part because I thought it would help me get over her, in part for the boost of esteem and a shot of confidence. I was always honest, but we all know a lot of women will only believe what they want to so many felt they could "win" me over. I used those women not way around it.

[carhill]

I've also never been with a woman I wasn't attracted to, however I also knew there would be no future. After my divorce I had a hard time being by myself, so I had a constant stream of women who I would spend time with, in part because I thought it would help me get over her, in part for the boost of esteem and a shot of confidence. I was always honest, but we all know a lot of women will only believe what they want to so many felt they could "win" me over. I used those women not way around it.

I think you mentioned an important point, and a statement I've heard from many women over the decades, single and MW's alike:

 

"I can't be alone"

 

You couched it in different terms, in that you had a 'hard time being alone' but the feeling is similar. At that point, one has a choice. One can struggle with being alone, or engage in social interactions with sincerity, or seek out attention from those willing to give it, or use people to fill that 'alone time' or other endless options.

 

I remember, back when I was separated nearly five years ago, asking the ladies of LS about dating as a separated guy. I listened, contacted a couple ladies I had found attractive and dated for a couple months. Nothing came of that but the efforts were sincere. After that, I chose to remove myself from the dating marketplace as I had become too skeptical of the whole dynamic to be a healthy dating partner. That perspective remains, four years later. No regrets.

[Phoe]

See, all the men I dated were conventionally unattractive. Rather low on society's number scale. I didn't start out attracted, but over time getting to know their personalities, I became attracted, and they were then attractive people to me, despite being "unattractive" to the rest of the world.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Truer words have never been spoken.

 

I couldn't agree more with OP on this one. I've dated and been with men that run the gamut as far as what society deems attractive or "hot". Regardless if they fit the profile or not, to ME, they were ALL f*cking gorgeous creatures who certainly got my engines purring BIG time.

 

As I age, I tend to be more attracted to less conventional men. Although I can fully appreciate such celebrity "hunks" like Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Liam Hemsworth, they aren't necessarily MY definition of "hot".

 

I suppose this is where one might argue the notion that there are other qualities at work that make a person more attractive than another.

 

[ScreaminEagle]

I totally agree. Well I would love to date Kate Upton's twin sister if she existed, I would not be attracted to her if she had the personality of a spaghetti squash.

 

 

I do believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some of my friends love super skinny chicks with the v by their pelvis in yoga pants, and some of them including me like natural women with curves, Marilyn Monroe style. Some like tanned girls, who look like they smothered themselves in Nutella, I don't find that attractive.

 

 

What is one persons pleasure is another's poison. After that instinctual attraction, personality, sense of humor, common interests, traits all compliment how hot I think the person is, for me it is a combo of things.

[Mister Zen]

You keep saying this yet have provided nothing to back up your claims other than your word. You also go on to dismiss other women's (myself included) claims that "the best they can get" is in no way based on money, looks or "status".

 

You rejected "better" men because you thought they would use you as a sex toy and never marry you.

 

You went for the best man you could get (and KEEP).

[Mister Zen]

I'm sure its nice to have some eye candy, to start with. However women (for the most part) are emotionally driven. Most women would fall head over heals for a short fat bald guy who makes them feel (wanted, desired, loved, sexy and important), makes them laugh aand feel safe.

 

Having that attractive guy who does none have that, soon makes him seem not so attractive after some time

 

And here is the mismatch, a womens view of what's attractive change a great deal with emotions or lack of.

 

Not many women look at money or status, those things seem to be a bonus.

 

This is only true as women get older, used up, heartbroken and realize they will never seduce the hunk or the handsome millionaire because he is out of their league and will only shag them and run.

 

Keep believing hot women fall in love with Homer Simpson. That's what women want you to think so you will waste your time giving them free ego boosting attention.

[xxoo]

Let me define "best I can get":

 

Someone I am powerfully attracted to. For me, this manifested as a man who made me breathe faster by standing next to me, with an intense awareness of his hand's proximity to mine, and shivers when our fingers would touch when handing over an object, for example.

 

Someone who loves me and wants to marry me and is a solid partner (all those important husband/dad qualities).

 

A man who has both of those for me is the BEST I can get. And I got him

[Tayken]

I've dated and been with men that run the gamut as far as what society deems attractive or "hot".

 

Which society.....your local area/city/province/country, the US, North America as a whole, Asia, Europe, Australia????????

 

One person's hotness is another person's horse backside.

[Mister Zen]

Let me define "best I can get":

 

Someone I am powerfully attracted to. For me, this manifested as a man who made me breathe faster by standing next to me, with an intense awareness of his hand's proximity to mine, and shivers when our fingers would touch when handing over an object, for example.

 

Someone who loves me and wants to marry me and is a solid partner (all those important husband/dad qualities).

 

A man who has both of those for me is the BEST I can get. And I got him

 

Exactly.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

You rejected "better" men because you thought they would use you as a sex toy and never marry you.

 

You went for the best man you could get (and KEEP).

 

 

:lmao: I actually just laughed out loud for a good half minute, not even sarcastically. It's just so comical to me that you made something up and you know this yet continue to repeat it. You keep telling me why I rejected those men based on absolutely nothing I've actually said.

 

Why do this? Seriously?

[Anela]

Exactly.

 

Oh, please. xxoo is great, and if you knew how pretty she is, you wouldn't be laughing at her.

 

She's in a happy, healthy marriage, and is one of the most helpful people here, so I'll take what she says, over anything that you do, any day.

[Mister Zen]

Oh, please. xxoo is great, and if you knew how pretty she is, you wouldn't be laughing at her.

 

She's in a happy, healthy marriage, and is one of the most helpful people here, so I'll take what she says, over anything that you do, any day.

 

Believe what helps you sleep at night babe. Makes no difference to me.

[Mister Zen]

:lmao: I actually just laughed out loud for a good half minute, not even sarcastically. It's just so comical to me that you made something up and you know this yet continue to repeat it. You keep telling me why I rejected those men based on absolutely nothing I've actually said.

 

Why do this? Seriously?

 

So already agreed you are with the best man you can get. So what's so funny? You should be laughing at yourself for agreeing with me after arguing for days.