Social media and boyfriend...

[lindseyx88]

I'm going to try to make this as short and to the point as possible but I know I'll end up rambling about it...

 

So me and my boyfriend have been on and off since high school. We're both 19 & 20 now which is crazy. We've been fully together now (no breaks) for 8 months. He's a great guy but we've had our fair share of problems. We had gotten back together earlier this year after being apart for about a year. I've known him my whole life and we were best friends (still are) before we decided to date. We've had some major trust problems but we're thankfully able to get through them...I won't go into detail since it'll just end up with me rambling on and on but yeah. I have some problems with mild anxiety and abandonment issues thanks to my father and my boyfriends been great about dealing with those issues. He's a great guy all around and always makes me feel like I'm appreciated and we have a great line of communication. Whenever there's a problem, we always have no problem discussing it calmly and I always leave the convo feeling like we've accomplished something.

 

Here's my problem...facebook, instagram, snapchat. I dread going on social media cuz I always end up seeing my boyfriend liked another girls photo. I rarely see it on facebook but on instagram I see it quite a lot since I follow a lot of the girls he does...we live in small towns everyone knows everyone. Now my boyfriend broke his smart phone in June and since then has been using a flip phone. It's been AMAZING. No facebook or snapchat drama. I love it. He's now decided to switch networks and has a cell phone plan with his roommate/best friend so guess who's switching back to a smart phone...my boyfriend. My heart immediately sank into my stomach which is pathetic. I've just been so relaxed about not checking his snapchat best friends or seeing that he's liked another girls photos. I understand it's just a like but it bothers me. Snapchat bothers me the most. NO good can come out of it. I would never ask him to delete the app because that's way too controlling. I talked to him about it earlier and he said he understood that it could be hard seeing girls in his best friends list and said he'd be equally as mad if guys were in mine and he wasn't even sure he was gonna download it anyways. I'm sure he will.

 

I have a lot of trust issues that came from past relationships and this relationship as well. I do not trust people before I trust them. It takes a lot to gain my trust and once that trust is broken you will forever be trying to gain it back and I will distance myself from you in a second, nothing will ever be the same. I trust my boyfriend not to do anything behind my back but I don't know. It's really really hard. I just don't want to become obsessed with social media and making sure no girls are all over his feed. I sound like a lunatic!! I promise I'm not this crazy but I get worried. Does anyone have any advice?

[mariekatie]

I'm going to try to make this as short and to the point as possible but I know I'll end up rambling about it...

 

So me and my boyfriend have been on and off since high school. We're both 19 & 20 now which is crazy. We've been fully together now (no breaks) for 8 months. He's a great guy but we've had our fair share of problems. We had gotten back together earlier this year after being apart for about a year. I've known him my whole life and we were best friends (still are) before we decided to date. We've had some major trust problems but we're thankfully able to get through them...I won't go into detail since it'll just end up with me rambling on and on but yeah. I have some problems with mild anxiety and abandonment issues thanks to my father and my boyfriends been great about dealing with those issues. He's a great guy all around and always makes me feel like I'm appreciated and we have a great line of communication. Whenever there's a problem, we always have no problem discussing it calmly and I always leave the convo feeling like we've accomplished something.

 

Here's my problem...facebook, instagram, snapchat. I dread going on social media cuz I always end up seeing my boyfriend liked another girls photo. I rarely see it on facebook but on instagram I see it quite a lot since I follow a lot of the girls he does...we live in small towns everyone knows everyone. Now my boyfriend broke his smart phone in June and since then has been using a flip phone. It's been AMAZING. No facebook or snapchat drama. I love it. He's now decided to switch networks and has a cell phone plan with his roommate/best friend so guess who's switching back to a smart phone...my boyfriend. My heart immediately sank into my stomach which is pathetic. I've just been so relaxed about not checking his snapchat best friends or seeing that he's liked another girls photos. I understand it's just a like but it bothers me. Snapchat bothers me the most. NO good can come out of it. I would never ask him to delete the app because that's way too controlling. I talked to him about it earlier and he said he understood that it could be hard seeing girls in his best friends list and said he'd be equally as mad if guys were in mine and he wasn't even sure he was gonna download it anyways. I'm sure he will.

 

I have a lot of trust issues that came from past relationships and this relationship as well. I do not trust people before I trust them. It takes a lot to gain my trust and once that trust is broken you will forever be trying to gain it back and I will distance myself from you in a second, nothing will ever be the same. I trust my boyfriend not to do anything behind my back but I don't know. It's really really hard. I just don't want to become obsessed with social media and making sure no girls are all over his feed. I sound like a lunatic!! I promise I'm not this crazy but I get worried. Does anyone have any advice?

 

If you think you have a great line of communication, why don't you talk to him about this? You don't have to tell him to delete snapchat but let him know how hurt you are and how you feel about him liking those pictures. Whether he change it or not, it's his choice and you don't have to force it. If he cares, he would do it. Well i've been through so much trust issues as well. My ex bfs cheated and i started my r/s with no trust (bad idea i know but worth it).

 

I totally understand the frustration and obsession in stalking him everyday. Honestly i do it too but i realise it's wrong and cutting it down. Changes take some time, i can't just trust him immediately. BUT it's not fair to him because he had never betrayed me. I don't think you're crazy, you're just insecure. Many people are like this but they keep it in. I was feeling ****ty and happen to came across this post so i can understand what you're feeling!

 

As for the liking of photos, what are those pictures like? If it's bikini or sexy pictures of his friends/stranger, it would make me kinda mad... But that's me, i'm insecure and not afraid to admit it. I got so annoyed when he like 1 selfie of his ex-crush but i didn't tell him because i was afraid to sounds crazy/controlling. But it's not a good choice as i starts to boil it up inside me and lash it out on him in other things. Maybe people would think i'm paranoid by asking my bf who is the girl that he just liked a photo of, but i think it's harmless. He will just tell me "That's just a old friend" and i'll joke with him "Is she hotter than me?!" and when he says no, i just don't feel insecure anymore. You just gonna find a way that works for you.

 

I'm exactly like you, i push people away when i lost trust and turn cold. And it takes a long time for me to recover from hurt. Talk to him, just do it. Write out how you feel and tell him "i'm hurt, i feel insecure". It's hard to admit your weakness. The last time my bf talked to the girl which i'm "insecure" about, i told him. He was mad but it kinda makes me realise how stupid i was to even be mad about it, they weren't even flirting!

 

It's hard for me to give you good advice because i know i will be mad if my boyfriend did this to me but i do not want to encourage you to become "crazy". I struggle with these thoughts as well. On some days, i try to convince myself it's nothing. If he wanted to cheat, he will cheat no matter what.

 

When my bf first got snapchat, he told me to get it too and i was so insecure and paranoid. You could read about my old posts, about what he did. But i understand why it happens. And instead of letting my trust issues break me down, i tried to make my r/s stronger. BUT i don't deny checking his snapchat points/best friends. It wasn't increasing and i found out he deleted it. So communication is important. Good luck!