Online dating...didn't think I'd do it, but...

[Mannibalector]

Wassup.

 

Alright, well I originally said that I wouldn't look to the internet to find someone, but I could really use to broaden my horizons and hopefully stand a better chance at meeting women. I kind of suck at "cold approaching", I don't drink, and there aren't many women in the kinds of activities I'm involved in. So I'm going to give this whole online dating jazz a try. But I could use some advice.

 

First of all, is it true that you'll only have success if you're good-looking? I have acne, but looking past that, I guess I'm pretty decent. Or so I've been told. I really can't judge my own looks. I would post a picture but isn't that against the rules?

 

So here's an "About Me" summary thing I made up. I have heard that this is important, so I put a good amount of work into it.

 

33% sports jock, 33% nerd, and 33% redneck. There's a combination you don't see every day! Because being like everybody else is boring. I view life as one big adventure, and now you can be a part of it! I am seeking someone special to share my life with. If you are smart, kind, fun-loving, at least somewhat active, and can tolerate my shenanigans, you are eligible for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!

 

I have a variety of interests that appeal to all three sides of me. Being a country boy, I love the outdoors, goin' fishin', shootin' guns, and havin' a yeehaw-shoutin' good time. I also like sports, particularly baseball, and I strongly believe in the importance of physical fitness. Being nerdy is a lot easier when people are afraid to mess with you. I somehow got it into my head to pursue a degree in mechanical engineering (which I am currently working towards), and I've always been into science-y stuff. Nerd does not equal gamer in this case though, so if you're looking for an Xbox buddy, look elsewhere. Aside from that however, there's something for everyone!

 

Just like a good rifle, I am rather quiet until I find someone who "clicks". I will never leave your side and will never break down. Just make sure you can handle the recoil.

 

Interests:

-Astronomy - 'cause space is fascinating.

-Baseball - made a fool out of myself whenever I played, but I still loved it.

-Biking - preferably somewhere without the risk of being thrown into a ditch by someone who just couldn't wait to answer that text message.

-Camping - sleeping in a tent makes you appreciate your own bed all that much more.

-Cars - like the kind that double their speed when you breath on the gas pedal.

-Firearms - defendin' mah 2nd amendment rights!

-Fishing - did I ever tell you about the trout I caught back in '06? It was this big!

-Hiking - [Local hiking club] member #1,994 here! I like snowshoeing in the winter too.

-Hunting - even though the amount of game I find is equal to the amount of unicorns I've seen in my lifetime.

-Kung-fu - please don't ask me to break blocks of wood with my head.

-Military simulations - like airsoft and paintball. Real men do it with water guns though.

-Movies - specifically the science behind making them. I made a couple cheesy home movies back in the day.

-Rap songs - not the mainstream junk, but good-quality underground rap. It's like poetry, only the words flow better and there's music in the background. (Yes, I'm a country boy who likes rap.)

-Reading - I have been known to shout advice to the characters while engrossed in a good story...just kidding.

-Road trips - probably my favorite activity ever. You know you're a serious road-tripper if you consider two hours to be a short drive.

-Running - for some reason, punishing my body is extremely gratifying.

-Swimming - during the summer I can often be found at the lake, trying to convince myself that once I get in, it won't feel that cold.

-Urban exploration - because abandoned buildings are epic. Being a good runner is a desirable trait for this hobby.

-Water parks - nothing like spending a hot summer day zipping down water slides and dodging band-aids in the water.

-Working out - I am in such good shape, I could fit through a human-shaped hole.

-Writing - like stories and stuff. When not cursed with writer's block, that is.

 

I am still not totally satisfied with it, but that's the perfectionist in me. Is it too long or too short? Is there anything that's missing or anything that I should change or remove? I'm sure y'all are experts on this, riiiiiight? I was really tempted to take the rifle analogy even further and add "I have a long barrel", but I have a feeling that would've been a little inappropriate.

 

I haven't made a profile on any sites yet, but once I do, what's the plan of attack? I've read that you should send messages to as many women as possible, assuming they meet your standards of course. What kinds of messages should I send? I know it's not good to send stuff like "Hey", or "You're gorgeous. Will you f*** me? Please? Pleeeeaaaase?" Should I just make a comment on something on their profile, or...? See this cluelessness is why I have trouble starting conversations in real life. At least online I'll have more time to think of what to say.

 

So let's just assume that a couple women (whom I find attractive) are interested. Should I just pick the best one, or try to arrange dates with all of them in case it doesn't turn out well with the preferred option? Also, I hear tell of fake profiles on these websites. Any tips for sniffing out the imposters? I'd hate to go to meet a 20 year old girl, only to find out that it actually turns out to be a 50 year old man with serious problems. I'm thinking of asking potential dates to send me a picture of themselves doing some kind of specific pose, to prove that they are who they say they are. Is that a good idea?

 

Advice on all of the above will be very much appreciated. If you help me find love, you will be remembered in my end credits when I die.

[PegNosePete]

First of all, is it true that you'll only have success if you're good-looking?

No, it's a myth perpetuated by people who are incredibly bad at online dating, who prefer to blame circumstance rather than taking the time and effort to learn the skills from successful experienced guys. It is true that if you have bad pics then you will most likely fail, but good pics of an average looking guy (which 99% of us are) will get you plenty of profile views, replies and dates. Good pics means well lit, in focus, good quality, SMILING, without hats or shades, well composed, preferably outdoors taken by someone else. At least 4-6 photos, including at least 1 smiling headshot, at least 1 full body shot.

 

I haven't made a profile on any sites yet, but once I do, what's the plan of attack? I've read that you should send messages to as many women as possible, assuming they meet your standards of course. What kinds of messages should I send?

Did you read that on a PUA site, or "how to get laid on online dating" or similar? My advice would be the opposite of this. Send messages to only those you are interested in, not judging just by the photos, but those you think would be a good match, and who would like you in return. Be very selective. Having said that you'll probably need to send around 10-20 messages to get a couple of replies, which might lead to 1 meeting. That's the general mileage for a guy with a good profile and photos. Messages should be 3-4 sentences long, try to be funny, light and reference something in her profile (to prove you've read it). Don't mention physical appearance; better o talk about shared hobbies or interests.

 

Any tips for sniffing out the imposters? I'd hate to go to meet a 20 year old girl, only to find out that it actually turns out to be a 50 year old man with serious problems. I'm thinking of asking potential dates to send me a picture of themselves doing some kind of specific pose, to prove that they are who they say they are. Is that a good idea?

No, I would say that's a very bad idea. The best way to avoid fakes... well once you've been around a little while you'll spot them easily from the obvious scam profiles. As I said above, if you're very selective about finding a good match, then you'll naturally rule out most of the fakes. But after that, a quick phone call is the best way to verify interest. Send 3-8 quality messages before asking for a phone number (usually I would say "My number is XXX XXX XXX, give me a call or text me yours and I'll call you"). Phone up and ask to meet. Make the meeting something simple and cheap, the aim here is not to have a fantastic first date but to verify the facts and see how well you get on. A drink in a bar or a coffee, something like that. If you make it early evening then you can always move on to a meal or whatever if you get on well, or arrange a proper "first date" for the weekend. If she doesn't show up or cancels or lied about anything then simply say goodbye and leave.

 

Right now onto your profile, I think it's pretty good. The long list of interests might be a bit hard to read though, you could cut a few of the less-woman-friendly ones, generic ones, and ones you already spoke about such as hunting, baseball, cars, military simulations, reading etc.

 

As long as it's coupled with some great photos, decent messages and a positive attitude, you should do well!

[Mannibalector]

No, it's a myth perpetuated by people who are incredibly bad at online dating

Okay, that's good to know. The other day I had someone take a nice picture of me leaning on my 'Stang with a cliff face in the background. I made what I thought was a nice face, but then I look at the picture on my computer and I see a serial killer. Argh. Back to square one.

 

Did you read that on a PUA site, or "how to get laid on online dating" or similar?

Don't remember. It was probably on here, hahaha. This is the primary place I go to (I'm a lurker) to seek dating advice 'cause I get to see opinions from many different people.

 

Messages should be 3-4 sentences long, try to be funny, light and reference something in her profile (to prove you've read it).

This will probably be the hardest part. Is it as simple as just saying something like "Hey there! I see you like hiking. I do some of that myself. Where have you hiked?" 'Cause that ain't exactly funny. I don't know if I could think of much better, though that depends on the situation. I am much better at responding to conversations than I am at starting them. What are the chances of a woman contacting me first? From what I've heard around here, the chances (for average dudes) are like winning the lottery without buying a ticket.

 

Make the meeting something simple and cheap, the aim here is not to have a fantastic first date but to verify the facts and see how well you get on. A drink in a bar or a coffee, something like that.

Well I can't physically drink alcohol, and I find coffee gross. I was thinking of just like going for a nice walk in a park or something.

 

ight now onto your profile, I think it's pretty good. The long list of interests might be a bit hard to read though, you could cut a few of the less-woman-friendly ones, generic ones, and ones you already spoke about such as hunting, baseball, cars, military simulations, reading etc.

The list would be for a site with a separate field for interests. I guess if the site didn't have anywhere to say that, I would cut it down and maybe turn it into a regular paragraph.

 

I'd like to get some more feedback, but if nobody bothers then I guess I'll take the plunge with what I have. (As soon as I get some good photos, that is...)

[Destined2B]

Honestly, your profile is waaaay too long for a free dating website. You got less than 3 sec to make a first impression and unless you consider yourself above most guys on OLD, there's no chance most people will have the patience to read it all (as well-written as it is).

My advice regarding your description is to have the first sentence of your write up as your headline. In the about Me section, put the second sentence. I would modify your third sentence to " I view life as one big adventure and looking for someone to join me for the ride". That's it. Save everything else for convos, txt msgs and dates. Have stellar pictures (look at other guys pics in your area and try to stand out). That will be more important in OLD.

Good luck!

[PegNosePete]

"Hey there! I see you like hiking. I do some of that myself. Where have you hiked?" 'Cause that ain't exactly funny. I don't know if I could think of much better, though that depends on the situation.

It's far from terrible. But rather than saying you do some of it yourself, say where you last went and how amazing it was.

 

What are the chances of a woman contacting me first?

Pretty low. As a guy you will have to send out most of the initial messages. I used to get maybe 1 first contact a week - rarely from a good match.

 

Well I can't physically drink alcohol, and I find coffee gross. I was thinking of just like going for a nice walk in a park or something.

A walk is good but make sure it's somewhere public, you don't want to scare them off by suggesting a deserted mountain path or something. When you're planning it, find a nearby coffee shop to stop in after (they also serve tea, hot chocolate, smoothies etc...)

[irc333]

Did you read that on a PUA site, or "how to get laid on online dating" or similar? My advice would be the opposite of this. Send messages to only those you are interested in

 

Been there, done that...doesn't work. Women will be just as unresponsive to men whether they appear compatible IN the profile or not. I recall a time where I ONLY where I did selectively picked out profiles that made me think we were a match, and I was astounded at the lack of responses regardless. I would even pick out certain aspects of the hobbies in their profile that had been similar to mines, talk about a particular aspect of it, even ask a question of it, only to be ignored. So it's been moot.

 

This resulted in me just contacting women that had just generalized profiles.

Edited November 11, 2014 by irc333

[PegNosePete]

Well, it worked for me. So saying "it doesn't work" is wrong.

 

It didn't work for you. But there could have been a million other reasons why those women didn't respond to you........

[insert_name]

Commonalities are overrated. I have very eclectic movie/music taste so its really unusual to happen across someone with the same tastes on OLD. The two times that I have it was really cool (imo) but it didnt really seem to create any sort of connection with the other person.

[CaliGypsy]

I also think your list of interests is long . I'd cut that back .

 

So I'll base my response on what caught my eye. First off yes , liked the way he looks. So physically appealing to me. Really liked his profile. He had indicated he's in involved with caring for a family member. He shared a quote at the end that really spoke to me personally. After exchanging messages for about a week we spontaneously decided to meet . (We went for a walk ) I like him very much. He's genuine.

 

if you start out sending demanding type messages asking a woman to prove herself, you're not going to get real far. I think you'll soon enough be able to pick the ones out that aren't legit in some way . Sounds like Pete has done some online dating and has some really good first hand experience with how to be successful .

 

You don't have to be funny in your initial message to her. Be sincere with whatever it is you say. Put out what you want to get back.

 

I had this one guy message me. He wanted to meet me. Says I'm his type . (Apparently all he got from my profile was thin) I read his. He's a devout Muslim (I'm not) he wants kids ( I'm 49 buddy ain't happening) List goes on. I politely, but honestly told him no thank you.

 

You seem like a really nice guy. Hope you find someone who's perfect for you.

[irc333]

Well when I refer to commonalities. ... not only do I mean common hobbies or interests, but even common belief systems and lines of thought.

 

Though meeting someone say through a kayaking meetup does help things along.

 

We could split hairs on commonalities, but one cannot deny that it helps.

 

I recall having to not date a woman who wouldn't be open to the idea of being diverse enough to try a water related activity as she was more into the night life like seeing live bands and dancing was pretty much her only interest.

 

Commonalities are overrated. I have very eclectic movie/music taste so its really unusual to happen across someone with the same tastes on OLD. The two times that I have it was really cool (imo) but it didnt really seem to create any sort of connection with the other person.

[Mannibalector]

Yeah, I guess the summary is a little too long for most people. I'm patient enough to read something like that, but then again I'm the type who can lay prone in a pile of leaves for like an hour waiting to ambush someone (in military simulations).

 

I appreciate your advice. All I need are some good photos and I'll be ready to try it. I'm cautiously optimistic.