keylime Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Wow! Sounds like you're both really into each other, and it's good that you're not rushing into it. I'm in a similar relationship with my girlfriend and she's much younger. It's great that you are both talking about the real issues -that's key in any relationship. Don't let what others think, kill this relationship. I'm fortunate that my friends and family are cool about us. BTW, I like my old music too!
mysteryscape Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Well, again, I wouldn't necessarily put limits on it, including the question of children. It's possible that he could still be capable, if you both wanted that. If you went together for 2 or 3 years, it's entirely possible that you would no way want to split up. I have known one or two men who were a good deal older than he who married younger women and fathered children and were, from what I can tell, quite happy with it on all sides.
PogoStick Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 It feels so surprising that you are attracted to him and this situation. It's weird that you get easily bothered by little things that you notice, or that he says. You need to realize that you and him are coming from very different worlds. You need to open up your mind and be excited by those differences if you want the relationship to work. The talk about going to church was odd, and not something I would ever offer to a girl. It's too bad he is so overwhelmed and eager about you. It's probably flattering but this is something both of you should savor. I'm glad you have the sense to slow things down. It sounds like you are both already committed to sex. That's awesome and he's very lucky. And if he's good, you could be very lucky to enjoy an experienced man. Still, I encourage you to take a few dates and let the tension build. You don't have to hold out for months, but let there be a few dates and have him court you.
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Why isn't he asking to take you OUT on dates? Do not go to his house anytime soon again - he's gotten the idea he needs to make little effort to get the goods. He should be planning dates and asking you out! I think it's not nice the way he moved early on to sex talk while not yet even courting you properly. 4
smackie9 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Like I always say, DO NOT go by what they tell you, but by their actions. If your gut instinct is pulling at you, you better get your head out of the clouds and listen to it. 1
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 (edited) If you don't change the dynamics of this - then you are simply a gal that's going to be used for sex and tossed aside. Do NOT meet him unless he is planning a date and asking you OUT! He will use you - but ONLY if you ALLOW him to. Stop allowing that inappropriate talk! He's been grooming you - but it looks like he's grooming you to be a sex buddy - not a gal he's interested in REALLY dating. A LOT of older men are willing to PAY their "younger" prospects to get together for sex! Look up the term "sugar daddy" - I think he's only looking to get laid. Edited December 7, 2014 by beach 1
mysteryscape Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I wouldn't be acting like he is if I were in a similar situation (and I've come closer than people might think). If you were my daughter or niece, I don't think I would like this so much. Now I'm being negative, when I have been one of the most positive here. Will be interested to hear the next installment.
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I want to ask you...why isn't he offering to take you OUT ON A DATE? I think it's because he wants sex and not dating. If you like him that much - train him to DATE you - not bed you. If you agree to it JUST being about giving him sex - then keep your emotions out of it and request that he pay you $300 at least - every time he sees you!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I too am awaiting the next installment. And ROFL at the (person) who suggested demanding at least $300 every time he sees you. Lucie, first of all, my most prominent (though still mild) concern, is whatever amount he drinks. (I wish for you that could could establish THAT, before you sign-off on anything beyond sex) Next, it really IS normal, and ideal for both parties to want to invest themselves IN the life/world of the other, when entering into a relationship (of sex OR romance). So, Lucie, it is SO realistic that you find yourself drawn-in, even though you had first envisioned it being for no more than sex. Lucie, do you ever imagine winning the lottery? And how you would have to suddenly **evolve** from your present spending habits, to then having the capability (and perhaps the expectation, by family and friends) to start spending more lavishly??? Well, in a way, that's what this guy is feeling with regard to his new romantic fortunes. That's enough of a challenge when you find someone your own age, and who is seemingly right in your "wheel-house" (and vice versa) to date... (you spend months years wondering... "when...?" "when... ?, and suddenly, your romantic prayers are answered, and you still find yourself contemplating "whyyyyy {did something seemingly so good happen to me}...") ... but this guy is surely so used to having limited/reduced his realistic expectations, that he might need to train himself to be fully able to handle/(interact with) his good fortunes. If you were sitting around with a handful of your female friends, telling them of a new guy, they would surely EXPECT it to be some random person near to their own ages... and of course you are then challenged by (making it clear to those friends that he is older, AND that it is OK that he is older). He's in a similar spot, too, where he will have to take steps to assure that the possible new romance doesn't surprise too many people... and it's HARD to be fully confident in yourself (enough to make your friends see it)... when {you've never won the lottery before, and thus don't know how to act}. And while I understand the sentiments here, where everyone (including yourself, now) doesn't want you to give-in to sex, before he takes you out in some traditional manner, I think YOU are {as much a part of this budding, could-be 'relationship'} that you CAN take the pro-active step that would be calling him up and inviting him to some shared activity/event/DATE so as to cause the path you want, to evolve fairly near to how you want it to go. So I can tell that your mind is really content, and really enjoying this brief evolution so far... but I think that you should cause/inspire it to go a certain way, for the next chapter... and give yourself the pleasure of knowing what this guy is like out in the 'world' somewhere. Now perhaps you need not go to some eatery right near to either of your immediate worlds... as you want to sense one another fully comfortable, and not impacted by outside parties... but just.... pick something you've been wanting to do or see, and invite him out somewhere. I think that makes for a better evolution than to just sit and await his next move. *** and you both get major points for your having visited his house and not having (complete) sex while there.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Oh yeah, and condoms, condoms, condoms... Don't buy into that vasectomy thing... even if you meet the doctor who performed it... 1
FitChick Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 "I was certain that I didn't need or want anything more than just the physical. What I need advice on is that I like him a lot and I don't know if he feels the same way....or if he wants it to be just sex." Once I read that, I didn't have to read further. Honey, you created your own problem.
FitChick Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 A LOT of older men are willing to PAY their "younger" prospects to get together for sex! Look up the term "sugar daddy" Or just read RobertZ's threads.
Author LucieE Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 I don't have time yet to post everything else that's happened, but we haven't had sex yet. I'll explain in the story why I changed my mind after all that happened. I think we both get straight stupid when we're around each other and I can take my share of blame in that. I think we are both just extremely physically attracted to each other and it creates like a fog where it's hard to think clearly for both of us. I should've tried to slow things down sooner. I saw him again last night and I think we're in a better place now, he told me he would do whatever it took for me to be happy and that he didn't want to mess this up with me. I tried to explain how I felt as best I could but I'll go into all that when I can post more There is no way in hell I would screw him and then ask for money. If it was just about sex than it would be just that, sex. I would never ask for money for sex from anyone regardless of age. It would just be a setup where it would beneficial for both of us.
mysteryscape Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Lucie, don't take the posts about money, his evil motives, etc. etc. too seriously, imho. You are both in uncharted territory and likely to blunder into unwise places. I would try to slow both of yourselves down, de-emphaisize the sexual aspects, even if you both want to -- burn for a while and sublimate, it will do you both good LOL as you explore each other as friends -- that is the way to make something good grow, is my best guess. Otherwise, you're likely to just get thrown off a sexual roller-coaster in no time, at least that's what it sounds like.
GildedLily Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 The sex part is easy, you can feel sexual chemistry with lots of people. What exactly is there for you guys to connect on when the sexual fury is over? 1
smackie9 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Oh yeah, and condoms, condoms, condoms... Don't buy into that vasectomy thing... even if you meet the doctor who performed it... Condoms, condoms, condoms anyways because you don't know if he has HPV or herpes, etc all things that don't always show any symptoms. Plus it's possible he is banging someone else without protection,....always protect yourself, even tho you THINK you can trust them..... 2
Author LucieE Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 I apologize I haven't been able to tell everything else yet between two jobs and him it's been difficult to find time. I should tonight though or definitely tomorrow nothing has happened that I regret and we haven't had sex I will go into everything when I can. I appreciate all of your inputs!
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Condoms, condoms, condoms anyways because you don't know if he has HPV or herpes, etc all things that don't always show any symptoms. Plus it's possible he is banging someone else without protection,....always protect yourself, even tho you THINK you can trust them..... The age difference is also important here. In the United States, among unmarried women ages 45 to 50---that is, the group of women this guy would typically be dating---50 to 75 percent have genital herpes. (Source here.) There is a pretty good chance this guy has HSV2. Condoms only protect against herpes if the infection site is covered by the condom. Otherwise you're SOL. I had a herpes scare over the summer and spent seventy-hours preparing myself for Life After Herpes until my test came back negative. The taboo about herpes is way worse than the disease itself, but it's still not something you want to impact your dating life in your 20s, 30s and beyond. You know this guy is just in it for sex. Why would you put your emotional and physical health at risk this way? 1
mysteryscape Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Either this has fizzled out and OP has moved on, or there's some really heavy action between her and the older guy! 1
Trenton100 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Either this has fizzled out and OP has moved on, or there's some really heavy action between her and the older guy! Oh snap!!!
No Limit Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 I know 100% for sure that he isn't married. I definitely know. I looked it up on records.....sorry if I sound creepy but I wanted to make sure before I did anything and rather than take someone's word for it. Don't feel like a weirdo for that. I did the same when a guy from my mom's company hit on me, and since he was maybe 5 years older than me I had less reason to be suspicious than you - and lookie there, the man was married with 2 little children. Nice try bro. Cheers for checking up on that rather than playing the role of the affair partner on purpose. *highfive
Recommended Posts