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I am attracted to a man 32 years older than me. Help!


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Posted

Will be interested to hear how it turns out if you care to tell us. Good luck! ;)

  • Like 1
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Posted

Thanks ! ?

I'll let y'all know either way!

Posted

I don't think this is the traditional "insecure about his ____(age, in this case)______"

 

 

This is somebody who does have a conscience, and who is spelling it out clearly for you, so that YOU can make choices while fully informed.

 

Once you give him the green light, he would (worship the young ground you stand on, in just about any way you wanted).

 

And he would then be better off for having been clear to you.

 

 

(sorta like when some dude on the internet tells you of his flaws before you discover them on your own - he then has the chance to {lose that insecurity, somewhat, for having already laid it on the table} )

 

 

Just go after him if you want to...

 

 

(the door is wide open for as much as you want from him, I'm sure of it.)

  • Like 3
Posted

Maybe he's not that savvy with women in the first place, even when he was younger. This just doesn't happen often to older men. You've caught him off guard.

 

Youth is very seductive. It's one thing we have no control over and can never have again. He will never be young again, but dating you is the closest thing to turning back time. Men all around the world are cheering for it to work out with this guy. He may not be brave enough to take charge, it doesn't seem real. Realize you can make a dream come true in this man's life. Don't leave it to chance. Make it happen!

  • Like 3
Posted
After we discussed the age, and I told him it didn't bother me, he said "you are very very pretty everything about you is attractive and I am attracted to you" but no comment was made about whether or not the age difference bothered him.

Based on everything else he said, trust me: it doesn't.

 

 

 

I don't think this is the traditional "insecure about his ____(age, in this case)______"

I tend to agree. A guy who was insecure about his age wouldn't be advertising it clearly, he would be at least avoiding this issue, and probably actively hiding it.

 

This is somebody who does have a conscience, and who is spelling it out clearly for you, so that YOU can make choices while fully informed.

 

Once you give him the green light, he would (worship the young ground you stand on, in just about any way you wanted).

 

And he would then be better off for having been clear to you.

 

 

(sorta like when some dude on the internet tells you of his flaws before you discover them on your own - he then has the chance to {lose that insecurity, somewhat, for having already laid it on the table} )

I agree. And then consider a flip-side example: the guy on an online dating site who posts an unrealistically good picture of himself from 10 years ago - setting you up with a completely inaccurate expectation - to basically trap you into a meeting, hoping he can keep you around once you are hooked, in spite of his deception. How well is that likely to work out, for anyone involved?

 

It seems like this guy wants to be sure you are fully informed and that you understand the situation accurately. Isn't that a good thing, and to your benefit?

 

Might one argue that right from the outset, he is considering your feelings and reactions and incorporating these considerations into his behavior?

 

(the door is wide open for as much as you want from him, I'm sure of it.)

Yeeeah, I don't think he's sending out any mixed signals here.

Posted
This is going to be long and I apologize in advance. Lol. Please help me if you can! I am 21 years old and I need some advice. Please do not be judgemental. There is a man that I am very attracted too, and I think he is 53 years old (almost positive not for sure definitely in that range). I am very young and focused on my career right now, I have my own home that I purchased.

 

Sorry to be a bit off topic.

 

Wow, I'm kind of surprised that you're not the typical 21 year old that rents an apartment or heck, lives with their parents until they are done with college. How did you manage to save up enough money in such a short amount of time? Heck, they are happy to be old enough to be drinking at 21. lol

 

What kind of career do you have while most 21 year olds are still working clerical jobs or some cashier in retail? Just curious.

  • Author
Posted

I definitely think you are right as far as him being very considerate of my feelings. I definitely think he was. He was very clear to me that he found me attractive, but he was not pushy by any means. He was a gentlemen in that aspect. He never once made me feel like he was (sorry for lack of better expression) a pervy old man.

 

I think if he had been like "oh, great awesome, okay where do you live? Let's meet right now." And overly pushy / trying to push sex, I would've been turned off and disappointed because that's what I run into with guys my age.

 

That being said, I still wanted him to ask me on a for sure date, dang it!! Lol

 

There is something that I really regret, and maybe it's because with my age group everything is through text so you have time to think about what you want to say or even erase it start over if you change your mind about saying something, this is the first time I have ever actually called someone / spoke to them on the phone about liking them / setting up date etc. Usually it's just texting or occasionally in person. ( I was so nervous leaving the voicemail and speaking to him on the phone. I have a very soft voice and I'm sure I sounded squeaky lol. )

 

I NEVER told him about how attractive that I find him! He said it to me at least ten times and I never told him how much I'm attracted to him and I wish I had. I think I was so focused on (ask me out ask me out) that I didn't say about the way I felt towards him. I wish I hadn't messed that up.

 

I do think I flustered him at least once when I told him the age difference didn't bother me. I could tell he didn't know quite what to say.

 

I can't decide if I should call him again or not ? Maybe I will call him Saturday and ask if he can do brunch or something Sunday?

 

 

I'm definitely a bit odd for a 21 year old. Lol. I've never been drunk and I've never smoked anything,(not that there is anything wrong if you have) made good grades in school, etc. I am just a homebody. I don't like to go out , I like to stay home and read or watch Netflix and I'm very attached to my family. I got lucky in being able to get my home but I also worked really hard. As soon as I turned 18 I started working on my credit, trying to get the best credit score I could have because I knew my goal was to get my own place. I started off with a little part time job in retail but saved everything I could and worked as any hours they would give me. I was very fortunate and blessed to get a really good job with a big company working customer service full time but I kept my little retail job too and would work anywhere from 55-70 hours a week for almost a year and a half. I found a little fixer upper for really cheap. Everything in the home was outdated but I got a home inspection to ensure the foundation was okay and nothing majorly wrong with it. It did need a new roof and there wasn't any central a/c (big deal where I am from) so I did those things and I fixing it up as I go along. I won't stay here forever but it's an investment. As cheap as I got it I can turn around and sell it for more just with the few improvements I've done or rent it out. I just worked hard and got lucky basically lol.

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)

 

I agree. And then consider a flip-side example: the guy on an online dating site who posts an unrealistically good picture of himself from 10 years ago - setting you up with a completely inaccurate expectation - to basically trap you into a meeting, hoping he can keep you around once you are hooked, in spite of his deception. How well is that likely to work out, for anyone involved?

 

It seems like this guy wants to be sure you are fully informed and that you understand the situation accurately. Isn't that a good thing, and to your benefit?

 

Might one argue that right from the outset, he is considering your feelings and reactions and incorporating these considerations into his behavior?

 

 

Yeeeah, I don't think he's sending out any mixed signals here.

 

 

 

 

Good enhancement indeed!!

 

 

 

... and LucieE, I want YOU to approach him (phone or in-person) with the words: "I want YOU to ask me out on a date" (or) "I've been waiting for YOU to ask me out on a date"

 

 

It's O-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaay for you to show that amount of vulnerability, in what is the face of what is by now a 'sure thing'.

 

 

This is NOT the Quarterback on the football team at your high school, and you aren't anymore taking a giant "risk".

Edited by SincereOnlineGuy
  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

You're right.

 

I'm gonna suck it up and call him today and ask him to take me out this weekend. I really appreciate your perspective. Because my perspective is that of a 21 year old who thinks she's gonna get on this grown man's nerves.

 

Thank you guys, seriously seriously !

Posted

 

I NEVER told him about how attractive that I find him! He said it to me at least ten times and I never told him how much I'm attracted to him and I wish I had. I think I was so focused on (ask me out ask me out) that I didn't say about the way I felt towards him. I wish I hadn't messed that up.

 

 

Yeah, that may have made him more bashful than he probably already is in this situation.

 

May I suggest that you not tell him you just want a quick fling. Why not leave it open in your mind and see where things go? You may find if you click with this guy that an older shall I say gentleman has a lot to offer that you may not have encountered yet.

 

And again, don't let your lack of experience be a worry -- chances are, he will love that!

 

Good luck, and hope to hear how it goes!

  • Like 1
Posted

This seems like a great place to recite the words of sex/relationship advice columnist Dan Savage:

 

 

"Dating a much-younger partner is like going to a campsite, where as long as you can say you left the campsite in better condition than it was before you got there, then you are in the clear".

 

(darn it!! I wanted to offer an exact quote, but I should probably admit that my words there only approximate Dan's sage advice from decades ago)

 

(*** I AM certain that I got the point across correctly, despite wording it slightly different)

 

 

... and to the extent which we at LS have been led to believe, this guy sounds and seems (in somebody else's print) like someone very much within the bounds suggested/recognized by Dan Savage.

  • Like 1
Posted
I'm definitely a bit odd for a 21 year old. Lol. I've never been drunk and I've never smoked anything,(not that there is anything wrong if you have) made good grades in school, etc. I am just a homebody. I don't like to go out , I like to stay home and read or watch Netflix and I'm very attached to my family. I got lucky in being able to get my home but I also worked really hard. As soon as I turned 18 I started working on my credit, trying to get the best credit score I could have because I knew my goal was to get my own place. I started off with a little part time job in retail but saved everything I could and worked as any hours they would give me. I was very fortunate and blessed to get a really good job with a big company working customer service full time but I kept my little retail job too and would work anywhere from 55-70 hours a week for almost a year and a half. I found a little fixer upper for really cheap. Everything in the home was outdated but I got a home inspection to ensure the foundation was okay and nothing majorly wrong with it. It did need a new roof and there wasn't any central a/c (big deal where I am from) so I did those things and I fixing it up as I go along. I won't stay here forever but it's an investment. As cheap as I got it I can turn around and sell it for more just with the few improvements I've done or rent it out. I just worked hard and got lucky basically lol.

 

I'm sure after going through all of life's stages this guy would kill just to be 21 again.

  • Author
Posted

Soooooo I chickened out and I didn't call.

 

I know, I know, I knowwwww.

 

I just can't help but feel like an annoying little kid or something. I left the door wide open for him to make plans and he didn't......so why am I calling him again?

 

I mean I get it, he could be insecure about his age , or respectful of my feelings, or dumbfounded that this has happened, but my experience with men has always been that if they want something-they tell you or they make sure to try and get it. And that's not what's happening.....I'm making all the first moves and I have been forward and here I am on Friday night with no date.

 

I don't get the impression he isn't confident or that he is bad with women. I think he's probably the type of guy who got a lot of women (in his time). He is very rugged (not in a 'bad boy' way, like a manly way). And it's the main reason I am attracted to him, I think. He comes across as very manly and secure. Even though he sounded like he was trying to sound younger (maybe cool?) on the phone, I don't think he's the type who would have a hard time going after something he wanted.

 

I got told about how I am very attractive and beautiful and here I am alone.

 

Maybe I'll get the balls and call tomorrow.

 

I hope I'm not frustrating, you all have been so helpful and if it wasn't for your opinions and advice I don't think I would've made the first phone call, but now I'm not sure.

 

My question is this, to all of you in this age range, if this had happened to you. Same story and everything, and she tells you she doesn't mind the age difference and leaves it wide open for you to make plans with her, would you have not done so?

Posted

If I was single, I would cougar all over that for sure.

  • Like 1
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Posted

So you definitely would've taken the offer and made plans right ?

Posted
This is going to be long and I apologize in advance. Lol. Please help me if you can! I am 21 years old and I need some advice. Please do not be judgemental. There is a man that I am very attracted too, and I think he is 53 years old (almost positive not for sure definitely in that range). I am very young and focused on my career right now, I have my own home that I purchased and I work two jobs. I consider myself very mature and boys /men my age can be irritating because they aren't ambitious or mature. I am not looking for a serious relationship or children or marriage. This isn't a money thing, I know where he works and I would be almost confidant that make more than he does.

 

This is the entire story. He eats at the same restaurant at a same certain day/time of the week, every week alone on his lunch break just like I do. He is very attractive and I know for sure he isn't married. We always eat our lunches alone. Anyways one day he came up to me and told me I was very beautiful, I said thank you and that was it. I am very shy so I kind of clam up when around people I don't know or am attracted too. Every week since then it's progressed, he smiles and says hey, I smile, we both giggle / smile when we catch the other one looking at us. Finally, I decided to do something about it in my own shy way. I asked one of the girls who works at the restaurant at that time in the day if she knew anything about him or if he was single (at that time I didn't know)

she said she would find out. I would go back in after that and see him but the worker told me she didn't find anything out because she hadn't seen him and he was still just smiling and laughing but no actual conversation or anything was going on between us. I ended up stopping going to that restaurant because I thought because he didn't ever actually make a move on me that he wasn't interested.

My job among other things is to take customers bill payments that they have. We have a driv thru drop off at my work, and he comes by and pays his bill there. The last time he came by it was Halloween. Everyone in my office was dressed up. I was Cleopatra lol. When he came by one of the other girls that I work with was waiting on him, I tried to coyly go over to her to see if he she needed help so that he would see me. When he saw me he lit up got a huge grin and waved I waved back and smiled, I walked away and he could not stop looking at me. I knew that he was goin to be driving off so I decided to walk out to my truck, he stopped and pulled over and said "hey, I always want to talk to you at ---- but we're always eating." I said "oh it's okay" "you look really nice". I said "thank you" (remember shy )then I said "my name is ---- " he says "my name is Scott". He says "believe me, if I wasn't SO old in a second" and I didn't know what to say so I just smiled and at first I kind of took it as rejection because I thought he was just saying that because he thought I was too young or didn't like me whatever because he never actually asked me out or anything. He ended up saying bye and leaving after that. I realize looking back that he may have taken me not saying anything as rejection and it was probably silly of me to think that he meant that that way.

 

I guess my question is what do you think? Do you think he likes me and I messed up? Should I have been more forward? I'm not used to making the first move. What can I do to make sure he knows that I want him? I also am worried about the whole experience thing, I've been sexually active with one person for almost 2 years but that was it. I thought about walking into the restaurant this week, I know he will be there, and giving him my number. Is that too forward? What do older men like ?

 

 

From someone who had sex with women who were 30+ years older than me as well.....unless it's for banging only, don't do it. You need to explore options of someone your age. Unless the old dude is loaded and you have him knock you up and have that alimoney money, madafaaaaka. Aoaawwww(eagle sound)

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Posted

LMAO. Hahahahhahaha

Sadly, I'm not that kind of girl to get pregnant or be with someone for money. Which means I'm not a very smart girl I guess lol.

 

I just want to be FWB with him! I don't even want his money, I have my own dammit

Posted (edited)
This isn't a money thing, I know where he works and I would be almost confidant that make more than he does.

 

Just read this. Pfff, move on. If this dude has not racked up some money over 53 years and is not married, he's an old loser.

 

 

------------------------------

 

FWB.....at 53.......that dude is going to spend a lot of money on viagra. Get a younger guy, seriously. There are plenty of mature fellows half his age.

Edited by mrgoodcat
Posted

That's the most ridiculous and ageist post I've read in a long time. It almost even merits deletion, in my opinion.

 

First of all, someone who is in their 50's and doesn't make much money is not automatically a loser. You have ABSOLUTELY no idea what their circumstances are, so to make such a damning judgement says more about your attitude than it does his.

It's prejudicial and frankly, totally inappropriate, let alone unhelpful.

 

Secondly, an automatic assumption that a 50+ year old is going to need supplemental help to maintain an erection, just goes to show to what depths your ignorance stoops.

There are more men at that age with an active sex life than you obviously realise.

 

Sheesh....:rolleyes::mad:

  • Like 4
  • Author
Posted

I'm just attracted to him. I'm not interested in money and I've seen what he drives and where he works. I'm not judging him by this. I know his bill is paid on time / excel credit. He has his own home, that he has paid for. I know that he can take of himself so he's not a loser in my opinion.

 

I know things are different for older men, but I also know that men much older than him are having active sex lives. I mean, I'm willing to figure it out.

Posted

I've been in that situation several times in the past two or three years, and I'm older than he is. Despite being quite shy and insecure in some ways, I managed to screw up the courage to ask, and I mean in real life, not some internet fantasy. I never got turned down, though the first two didn't ultimately go very far.

 

So, I'd say you've done what you should. You might try one more time.

 

Is it possible that he knows or senses that you want a fling or fwb, and that he wants more, and that is what's holding him back?

 

It's hard for me to imagine why you wouldn't be open to at least the possibility of something more. Are you sure you're not chickening out too?

Posted

I'm 52 and dating a 21 year old woman. Not sure why but I seem to be attracting more 20somethings now than at any time in my life. Yes, it's ridiculously flattering!

 

We met 6 months ago. It was just a friendship until a month ago. It's a crazy mix of emotion for me. We have a great time together and learn a lot from each other.

 

Your guy is going to be thrilled that at his age, a younger woman is attracted to him. If you do get him, he'll probably feel awkward about what people think. He'll think this might just be a passing 'crush' you have for him, and that once you get bored or truly realize the gap between you, you'll probably dump him and break his heart. For that reason, he might not want to get too close or invest any real emotion in you. Hey! just sayin'.

 

Anyway, I say go after him! Don't give up so easily. If you get him, have fun but be realistic about it. Try not to bring up the age issue - it's a given. As in any relationship, communication is key and whatever happens, it's a learning experience. Lot's of breakups and drama in many a relationship, regardless of couples ages.

 

Oh, and just make sure you left him how you found him :laugh:

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted

I guess it's possible that he could've felt that way. When he said "really think this through, I mean I'm 53." The second time my response was "well I know it couldn't be anything super serious." And is response was only "mhm right right"

 

He still asked me what my weekend looked like after that, and we got off the phoe shortly afterwards.

 

I'm not closed off to the idea of something more serious monogamous or committed. I just don't see realistically us being able to get married or have children kind of thing.

 

I talked to my friend about it and she said she thinks he wants to see how serious I am about this, and she thought I should call him.

 

I am probably chicken ing out a little, but more about the being forward and initiating things part not the actual being with him part

Posted
I guess it's possible that he could've felt that way. When he said "really think this through, I mean I'm 53." The second time my response was "well I know it couldn't be anything super serious." And is response was only "mhm right right"

 

Listen to keylime and your friend and maybe me and maybe yourself too.

 

I am going to be a bit critical now. In my opinion, you were giving him a mixed message, at least in his mind. Maybe a fling is not what he wants, maybe he's really that attracted to you! On top of the age difference, you are basically telling him that it DOES make a big difference to you.

 

I would approach him again, but perhaps in a different frame of mind, if you can.

 

Otherwise, i don't see it going anywhere.

  • Author
Posted

I just called and he didn't answer.....I didn't leave a message.

 

Maybe I did give mixed signals but it wasn't my intention. My intention when I said "well I understand it couldn't be anything super serious" was to try and convey that, well, that I knew we weren't gonna get married or anything. I still made sure he knew that I was free all weekend but Saturday night and to call me if he was free. I definitely said for him to call me if he was free.

 

Well, I just called today and he didn't answer. I think I'm going to leave it here.

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