JoeFallkon Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 (edited) So gf left in may, i started the nc but she begged and i always fell for it and replied. I used to look at her fb page and some guy i never liked started commentin her pics, i went off on her after she had told me she blocked him. She started talkin to him just to get me jealous and she admitted to it. well i told her if she wanted to talk to me again, to block him and she showed me the text she sent to that guy, explainin what i thought she was doin, get my attention in the worst way..(btw we only met that guy once and they didnt even talk, but he started stalkin her on fb and was not her type, or any girls..lol he is fugly thats why i know she did it on purpose) well after i looked at her page again and , surprise.. seen that same guy likin her pics, so i blocked her again and i havent looked at her page ever since. this was by the end of august. And i told her i was gonna block her email too.but i just blocked her fb. So oct 3rd i get an email sayin just a "hi" then another askin if iwas gettin her messages. Oct 12 i get another text sayin " its been a while, just wanted you to know there isnt a day that i dont think about you" Oct 16 got another sayin " please reply back, i need to hear from you" And finally a couple more emails on nov 7th one at 11pm with her regular email sayin "happy birthday" and since i had told her i was gonna block her email, she sent me another email with a different account at 11:45 sayin the same thing. and my b-day was yesterda, nov 8th. What do i do? should i reply back? say thanks? ignore her? i really want to talk to her, i miss her a lot, think about her everyday, but my pride doesnt let me. im affraid if i start talkin back to her. its just gonna end up bad nd she ll start ignorin me again. Edited November 9, 2014 by JoeFallkon
surferluke Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 100% I would say respond. Just say, Hey, thanks. I hope you are doing well. Or something simple. If you miss her and want to talk to her then talk to her. She is making it easy for you. If you are afraid of her ignoring you then you are in the same boat as you would be by not contacting her. Pride is BS. Screw pride. Do what is going to make you happy. No one wants to look back and wonder what if. That is the worst. If she ignores you then screw it. Then you know to never respond again. Sounds like you have much more to gain here by responding then you do by not. Thats just my two cents. And Happy Belated Birthday 6
Ordinaryday Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 If she dumped you then any contact from her besides "dumping you was the biggest mistake I have ever made. please give me another chance" is just a meaningless breadcrumb designed to ease her guilt. if she really cared about you she would be leaving you alone to heal. don't respond, if you respond with "thanks" then she will be able to tell herself that things are okay between the two of you and that you are not mad at her, her guilt will be gone and you will never hear from her again. when she dumped you she effectively said she does not want you in her life anymore - she has no right to contact you. 6
BC1980 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Don't respond. It's a trap. My ex texted happy birthday last year, and I responded with a thank, have a good day. I never heard from him again. So he got to feel like the good guy, and I was upset that he never responded. He just threw that out there to see if I would respond. 4
BC1980 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 i really want to talk to her, i miss her a lot, think about her everyday, but my pride doesnt let me. im affraid if i start talkin back to her. its just gonna end up bad nd she ll start ignorin me again. It's not pride. It's more that you know how this is likely to end because you've been down this road. She wants a buddy and a backup. That's what she wants from you, so a happy birthday text serves her purpose. It keeps you on good terms with her. Responding only sets you back and doesn't allow you to heal. 2
Ordinaryday Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Don't respond. It's a trap. My ex texted happy birthday last year, and I responded with a thank, have a good day. I never heard from him again. So he got to feel like the good guy, and I was upset that he never responded. He just threw that out there to see if I would respond. I would LOVE for one of my exes to text me a happy birthday - the mobile number I had when I was with them is no longer in use so all they would get is an automated response back saying "that number has been disconnected".
CarrieT Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 It is a breadcrumb. If you want to go back to game-playing, then respond. Otherwise move on and stay No Contact. 2
Rainah Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I say don't reply, its a difficult situation but you gave her the choice to delete this person or loose you, she chose the other person, so why reply to someone who will continue to hurt you with the viscous cycle. 1
Author JoeFallkon Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the advice guys.. this weekend was rough, but i didnt reply. i know if i had said somtn, she d probably woudve reply something stupid and short or maybe notn at all. I told her after she left that she would never be in a serious relationship and no one would care for her the way i did. That if she d ever get involved with someone, they would get tired o her lies and her ways when they found out how she really was. and i guess she is realizin that. See after i met her i found out stuff lil by lil, but by then i was already sprung on her. Some of those things i found out were that she had a kid, which she always denied, another was that she was bipolar. I never knew anyone with this sht, so i said, we ll get through, but damn it was hell. She would walk out in the middle of the night and other crazy stuff, we d argue over anything. but once she was on her meds, it was better. And another was that she used to do drugs and prob still did them while she was with me, but i told her ok. we were gonna get through it, but it got old. I did care so much and still do but told her she d be someone elses problem now that she had left, and im guessin no one puts up w her sht like i did. Like i told her. Theyre just gonna want her for sex and i was right. Thanks guys. Edited November 10, 2014 by JoeFallkon 2
Rainah Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Hope you continue NC, sounds like she lost a good thing. 1
Author JoeFallkon Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 Hope you continue NC, sounds like she lost a good thing. Everyone in my family thinks so too, and i know she realizes that now that im gone .. You know.. first time we broke up, she told me she missed me because she had a really good memory. I took her to a creek, bought some beer and spent the day there. She looked so happy. She told me i was the only guy that had ever took her to a place like that. Im guessin everyone else took her to bars and stuff. And another time that i know she remembers was one time she started to take her meds. or when she felt sick was like 3/4 times. went to the ER with her, and she told me that she always had to go by herself,.. so i know she misses those lil things i did out of care / love. But kills me knowin that she didnt appreciate them then. Did a lot more, but those are the ones i think of the most.
surferluke Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 when I first said to contact her I thought you guys broke up and then she wanted to get back but you were to prideful to do so since she broke up with you. Didnt know all you are saying now. Yeah She doesnt sound like someone you want to be around. BUT, closure is always the best if you are still missing her and upset. I still dont see the harm in contacting her back (as long as you have NO expectations)... You could even play it off like you are having the best time and your life is awesome. But again, what do I know. I am super confused about my situation as well... LOL... 1
Author JoeFallkon Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 when I first said to contact her I thought you guys broke up and then she wanted to get back but you were to prideful to do so since she broke up with you. Didnt know all you are saying now. Yeah She doesnt sound like someone you want to be around. BUT, closure is always the best if you are still missing her and upset. I still dont see the harm in contacting her back (as long as you have NO expectations)... You could even play it off like you are having the best time and your life is awesome. But again, what do I know. I am super confused about my situation as well... LOL... . At first we got along so well, did everything together, but then she started showin her true colors after she moved in. I couldnt understand why someone i cared so much about would turn their back on me like that. but by this time all i thought was to help her, got to the point where she would hit herself and call the cops on me cuz she wouldnt get her way, but again by this time, i couldnt kick her out cuz she was livin in my appmtn after so long. Then i moved out and she came back to me, tellin me all i wanted to hear about how she was goin to change. but that was another act. she will never change.
BC1980 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 when I first said to contact her I thought you guys broke up and then she wanted to get back but you were to prideful to do so since she broke up with you. Didnt know all you are saying now. Yeah She doesnt sound like someone you want to be around. BUT, closure is always the best if you are still missing her and upset. I still dont see the harm in contacting her back (as long as you have NO expectations)... You could even play it off like you are having the best time and your life is awesome. But again, what do I know. I am super confused about my situation as well... LOL... But that's the problem. Most people do have expectations. People claim they have no expectations, but it's really impossible not to have some expectations. Especially this fresh from the breakup. Who knows how you will feel years down the line but not now.
RedButton Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Question: Can you send a Happy Birthday message as a genuine greeting without making it seem suspicious or ego-stroking? I know my Ex's birthday will be coming up before I feel confident to begin contacting them regular, but would like to be able to send them a nice message to let them know I haven't forgotten them or that I'm not secretly pushing needles into a voodoo doll.
BC1980 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Question: Can you send a Happy Birthday message as a genuine greeting without making it seem suspicious or ego-stroking? I know my Ex's birthday will be coming up before I feel confident to begin contacting them regular, but would like to be able to send them a nice message to let them know I haven't forgotten them or that I'm not secretly pushing needles into a voodoo doll. I think that if you were the one dumped, it would always seem suspicious to send any type of contact. Even if it seems innocuous, you will always run a pretty high risk of your motivations being seen as not entirely friendly.
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