enchanted771 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I am talking to this guy (haven't met yet) and he's been texting every single day for the past 4 days and I'm starting to really feel smothered. I like getting to know someone but texting hours every single day? Plus the way he's talking is like he's assuming we will be in a relationship. I want a relationship, but I need to get to know someone first, and not feel this pressure. He may be the right guy, he may not. It would be great if he is, but it will take a few dates to see if he's right for me. May take time for him to show his true colors. Anyways, how can I back off without looking disinterested? The good morning texts are fine, as well as a couple in the afternoon and if he wants a couple at night. But if it's every day I'm going to get burned out fast. Maybe I should take longer to respond? I don't like to Play games but talking so much I think he's going to start assuming things.
Jules Dash Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I don't think takinglonger to respond is playing games since you are not doing it for something silly like attempting to increase interest or something. You feel smotherred and trying to control the tempo. saying something directly about feeling smothered or slowing things down will definitely kill some of the romance.
GemmaUK Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 This could be tricky and it's something I have had problems with in the past. It's a case of boundary setting and if he is texting way too much it absolutely can make you feel smothered and pretty exhausted too. People say it only takes a second to send a text but it simply doesn't and it can end up eating into your time badly. If you are at work or doing something it's not game playing to wait until you have finished what you are doing and reply then. I would suggest sticking with that initially and see how it goes. If he sends several texts in between and doesn't wait for an answer from you then he might all round be a little pushy. Him thinking there will automatically be a relationship is worrying though. You two have no idea yet as you haven't met face to face. I would be quite blunt and make sure he is aware that you need to get to know someone before there's any suggestion of being in a relationship.
Author enchanted771 Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 I don't think takinglonger to respond is playing games since you are not doing it for something silly like attempting to increase interest or something. You feel smotherred and trying to control the tempo. saying something directly about feeling smothered or slowing things down will definitely kill some of the romance. thanks...yeah I can't say that at all. I actually lead a busy life and spend too much time texting him now. My pace is a couple times a day or every couple days would really be better. To me, texting every day is in a relationship but I'll try with responding less to control the pace.
Author enchanted771 Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 This could be tricky and it's something I have had problems with in the past. It's a case of boundary setting and if he is texting way too much it absolutely can make you feel smothered and pretty exhausted too. People say it only takes a second to send a text but it simply doesn't and it can end up eating into your time badly. If you are at work or doing something it's not game playing to wait until you have finished what you are doing and reply then. I would suggest sticking with that initially and see how it goes. If he sends several texts in between and doesn't wait for an answer from you then he might all round be a little pushy. Him thinking there will automatically be a relationship is worrying though. You two have no idea yet as you haven't met face to face. I would be quite blunt and make sure he is aware that you need to get to know someone before there's any suggestion of being in a relationship. If I have to be blunt, I will. I don't want to ruin a potential relationship, but I need to feel comfortable and not rushed. I think after about 4 dates you can start to talk about that.
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