juanito14 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Now just for a little background, my girlfriend and I have been dating for around 4 months now and everything is going great. We had a little rough patch about 3 weeks ago where she started distancing herself because she felt I was smothering her and was also overbearing to where she felt like I was interrogating her. Since then we have been in a really good place. That's what makes this situation right now kinda tricky. So earlier tonight she went out to dinner with her brother and a couple of his friends and while she was driving we were snapchatting. Even while she was there every so often she would be snapping me, and she had no problem telling me what she was doing. She even said the exact restaurant name without me asking, and as she was leaving we started our snapchat conversation again. That last for about 15 minutes and then suddenly stopped. All of this took place a little more than an hour ago and I have no idea what happened. Now I'm sure she probably ended up going to a bar with her brother and friends after, but at the same time I do want to make sure she is safe. Not in an insecure way though. If shes out with them then great, I hope she's having fun. I trust her, I just want to know she's alright, even if its just a simple text asking if she's okay and that's it. The problem is I don't want to bring up that past problem we already got through by making it seem like i'm insecure about what shes doing, if all she is doing is having fun. Should I wait a little while longer to text her? Should I just wait and see what happens? And if you guys do think it is okay to just see if she's okay, how would you word the text to show that I was just concerned, but if she is okay then go and have a good time?
IronZ Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 This is the behavior that was pushing her away right? Take a deep breath and simmer down. Don't text her back. Let her see that you're not going to be insecure. If she feels like she has to check in with you every minute it's going to drive her crazy.
Author juanito14 Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 Thank you for the response. I see what you're saying, and I'm happy I posted because it was a way to let me get this off my chest without actually texting her. I saw that she at went on her Facebook which means that at least she is okay. I'm gonna let her decide if and when she wants to text me tonight before I make any moves from here
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Is it really that you want to make sure 'she's okay' (what are you worried about?) or is it that you want to check she's not up to no good with other guys? I always appreciate a 'goodnight' text from my boyfriend (and in previous relationships it's been a standard both ways) if he goes out drinking without me... I don't expect or want him to spend the time he has with friends messaging me but given that we live together and say goodnight every night, if he stays out on someone's sofa I like to wake up to a text letting me know he had a good night or whatever. He had never done that before in relationships and I've never had a relationship where goodnight texts weren't natural... but I just told him that I would really like it and then it's up to him to do it or not. Can you not be similarly open with your girlfriend? And tell her that you'd like her to text once she's home so you know she's safe? 1
Jules Dash Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 You do seem overbearing. You are trying to justify it in this case. You will not be able to keep her unless you really chill out.
SunnySide0418 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I'm kind of curious as to why you weren't invited to go hang out with her brother and his friends?? It's not like she was having a girls night ..
veggirl Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 You don't need to be in constant contact throughout the night. Relax and let her enjoy her night out. Tomorrow you can call and ask how it was. Asking if she's "okay" is hella transparent, obviously you are just fishing for info on what's going on and she doesn't need to be a genius to figure that out.
mortensorchid Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I was with someone like that a few years ago who always wanted to know what I was doing or where I was for the brief period we were together. It was so brief I didn't realize it, then the next gf he had (which happened to be a good friend of mine) said he was demanding and condescending towards her at all times. Honestly, relax. Just because you don't know where she is or what she is doing at all times it doesn't mean she's doing something bad. You may not know where she is, she could be at home taking a nap and that's not a bad thing, is it?
mortensorchid Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 And to follow up, look at this from the woman's perspective: Men who attempt to control the woman will eventually leave the woman or make the woman so miserable that she leaves him. You are not her boss nor her father, a man who does that does not trust himself. In my experience, a man who puts a demand on someone is angry at himself for something and reflecting his own jealousies and insecurities. Years ago, I was going out with someone who said it wasn't going to be a permanent set up if I did not quit smoking and loose weight. After I had quit for about 6 weeks and dropped about 30 of the 45 lbs I would eventually loose, he was furious with me. It took me too long to do it. Some tend to mistake jealousy for caring, which it is not. A man who needs to control a woman (or someone else around him) does not respect her very much. I am not accusing you of being such a terrible person as the above example, but this is the path you are going down.
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