crazychick Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 So the "herion" guy and I broke up. After all of the times we tried to be just friends and couldn't finally he wants to try to be friends with me, really. The thing is, I can't do it. He sent me some cute email and I just told him that I cannot be friends with him. Part of it is because of my feelings for him, and how caught up I get in him. Part of it is that it just, the idea of friends is just not appealing to me anymore. I know that this is for the best, but why is it so agonizing? I have been thinking about him and our relationship non-stop for the last 5 days. I am so tempted to call him, but then I really know that I don't want to do that I don't want to be sucked into that. We both need time and space here. In the meantime, I went to the doctor last night and I have extremely high blood pressure. I don't really drink, work out 4 times a week, drink mostly water, don't eat a lot of salt, so the only thing really left to cause it is stress. I have to go to another doctor on Thursday. I am only 29, I don't want to deal with health problems, probably caused from this relationship. Help! How can I just get over this and stop obsessing?
Illusion24 Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 First of all...you have to realize that you are worth being loved and if he wants a friendship from you and you don't want that he needs to respect that...You don't need to put your feelings aside because of 'his' feelings... Why did you need the space?? (so I can understand a little better) About the blood pressure...let me tell you it's stress!! I was on anxiety pills for 6 months and I realized do I want to be dazed and confused on medication or do I want to be strong and live for me and do the things that make ME happy...Once I realized I had control over myself I was so much better... Maybe you need to go lay on the beach and let the ocean and it's waves take away the bad omens around you...it helps me
Pocky Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 I will probably be the first one to tell someone when it's time to stop the grieving period. However, you just ended your relationship and in my opinion you need to allow yourself some time to work through the emotions you're having. By doing this you will become stronger and more independent. I know that feeling this way isn't how anyone wants to spend their day, but if you can try to embrace the process instead of trying to refute it, it may become easier. By accepting that some days you're going to be sad and some days it's going to be harder, you may put less pressure on yourself to quickly mend from the experience. While I know it's hard to suffer, it's okay to suffer, too. Don't set unrealistic expectations on yourself - your contentment will come when you come to terms with your new life. In my opinion, there's nothing specific you can do to get through it. I personally feel it's time, logic and acceptance that gets us through these experiences.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Once I realized I had control over myself I was so much better... Maybe you need to go lay on the beach and let the ocean and it's waves take away the bad omens around you...it helps me What if what makes you happy is a relationship, though? People say to go out and find yourself before welcoming someone into your life, but for some folks (like me), having a special someone is such a part of who I am and what I want to be. Although I'm independent, I actually find that I have more anxiety when I'm lonely and not looking than when I'm actively seeking a relationship.
Author crazychick Posted March 15, 2005 Author Posted March 15, 2005 We just had this really weird relationship. At first everything was great, but then he told me he didn't want to see each other anymore and we should be friends. That worked for about 5 minutes, and we were back together. Then everything was great for a while and then he disappeared for a weekend with his friends, and didn't call or anything. But I took him back. Then his dad got sick, and I wanted to be there for him, but he didn't want me too. I guess he felt like he handled things better on his own. Then things got weird. I think I was so hurt about the other stuff that he did and I couldn't let it all go. So we fought like every other day. I kept trying to tell him I just wanted to be friends, he wouldn't go for it and he would kiss me and I would get caught up again. Then one day he says he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I said fine and didn't call him. The next day he calls and tells me he needs me to bring him some motrin, he's really sick. When I ask him whats wrong, he tells me that he is going thru withdrawl from heroin, which he had been taking for months. Not with me, I had no clue he was even doing it. I basically took care of him for about 5 days, whatever he needed. I cried and cried because I was so hurt about the whole thing, about not knowing what he was doing. I had a cousin who died from an overdose of heroin when I was a kid and it really messed me up. I never could have imagined that the guy I was dating would do it. After the whole thing was over, I tried to be with him, because he swore that he loved me and that he would never do it again. But I could never trust him. I mean this was worse than if he were with another girl. Every time he would go out with his friends, I would wonder if her was doing drugs. I made excuses not to be with him all the time, trying to pull myself away from him. But when I talked to him on the phone, he was so sweet and funny and he loved me and I just got sucked in. The thing is, he is a smart, funny guy with a good job and a big heart. He just does stupid things. I have never been the type to judge people and I find myself judging him since he is so bad at this relationship. No birthday presents, no christmas presents, never really did anything nice for me, even though I did nice stuff for him. He just acted like he genuinely wanted to be with me, but I pushed him away. God, when I read how he acted and about our relationship - I wonder what it was that I saw in him to begin with. It was probably his sense of humor and his beautiful blue eyes. I would just get lost in them. Man, I need to grow up. Cute boys don't get to run your life, just cuz they are cute, right? It's just this stupid pit in my stomach is making me feel horrible. My chest hurts you know, like I smoked a pack of cigarettes and I don't even smoke. Perhaps it is anxiety. I don't know. I just don't want to feel like this anymore.
Illusion24 Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 Yes I agree at times it can be lonely if you don't have a SO...but when you are in love and are ending a relationship the last thing you're looking for is ANOTHER relationship...you can't just jump in and be with person to person...Find happiness in yourself and you will find even more happiness with another... Some people are just dependent on other people for happiness but I'm just letting her know spend a little RR on herself and to do something that would make HER feel better what ever it is...And if it's going out and seeking another relationship by all means knock yourself out!!!
Author crazychick Posted March 15, 2005 Author Posted March 15, 2005 Can I just say really quickly, I don't want to be in another relationship. I don't mean I NEVER want one, but I do believe in fully having closure with something and feeling like I can move on before I start anything else. I do feel like I can use time to get over this whole thing, and keeping busy at least takes my mind off of it for a little while. I have a vacation I am going on with my sisters in a couple of weeks which should help. My problem with being alone and calm is that my mind gets consumed with the whole thing and thats when I feel the weakest. That's when I want to call him.
Illusion24 Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 I feel that way sometimes...your mind just keeps going and going and only remembers the good times but forgets all the hard times and the misery it brought you.. Vacation!! Sounds like the perfect thing for you...He has a very serious issues with himself that he needs to take care of as you can see by the addiction...Which is my point exactly...How can he make you happy in a relationship if he's not happy with himself!! All I can tell you is in this situation about the addiction, be there for him as a comfort to him but don't give in and be strong cause that's a very serious matter and you don't want to let him slip away if he calls you for help...As far as the relationship goes he as to deal with himself before he can be with you (MHO)...
blue_eyes18 Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 I was in a relationship for a little while with a herion junkie several months ago, and he put me through hell. He did some of the same things to me that you are talking about in your thread. Don't let him manipulate you. And if he says he don't want a relationship with you, it cause he can't handle one, no matter what he says. All he cares about is his drugs when he needs them. You won't ever really get anywhere with him, because he will always make you feel like this. You will realize it oneday, I did. I saw my ex a little while ago, by the way. He waved and I waved back. That's it though, he would like for me to put up with his ****, but then he respected me enough to let me go. That was for the best. I don't see him much or anything, but if I see him out, we will still chat or say hi. That's about it. I couldn't give him a hug last time I saw him, but he wanted me to. I think he understands now that I will always care about him, but it's OV> He will always be junkie. He isn't even trying to get better, and personally, I just couldn't take anymore hurt and lies from him. I definitely care about him though. I just had to force myself to care for him in a slightly different way than I used to, for my own sake. It was a hard lesson learned. Hope you have a better experience with yours than I did. Good luck.
Author crazychick Posted March 15, 2005 Author Posted March 15, 2005 Well he did try to get better, and if he is using again, I don't know. But I agree that he can't be in a relationship with me, who knows who he can be in one with. I spent so much time questioning things and judging them that I just never could trust him anyway. That's not really anyway to live. You can't be with someone that you don't trust - even if you do love them. I love him, I do - but this isn't good for either one of us. He wants to be friends and he is trying too (or was) but I just couldn't handle it. Its hard because even though I don't want to talk to him, and I know its not going to get better for us, my heart really is hurting and I miss him. In any case, this anxiety I feel right now is crippling. I can't concentrate on anything, my chest hurts, I can't sleep, I keep waiting for him to call or email and of course he hasn't. And I can't call him, I can't let myself! Its just a mess. You know, time can be your best friend and your worst enemy all at once. I know that time will make it better, but time moves so slowly when you feel like this.
blue_eyes18 Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 I know, and I am so sorry you have to go through that, because I know how it feels. It is awful... I just hope you get to feeling better soon. I know it is no fun to feel like that. I am having a hard time with a guy, although the heroin guy is over with. I found that I still miss him a lot, and it is hard to not cry when I see him(the heroin ex) although I am over him. Sounds weird, but it's the way I feel. I am over him though. It was time I had to move on the best that I could. With time it has gotten a little bit easier. Sometimes I think the lack of trust that you mentioned is causing some issues with me and my new guy. Maybe I don't need a relationship right now. Try to do anything you can to not think about him right now and to just relax, if you can, atleast for a little while. Good luck with yours! Hugs~
Recommended Posts