Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 No I mean that, genuinely. No sarcasm. Awww....so sweet!!!! I'm not going to write him off right this moment because it's too premature.
rester Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I am the exact same way!!!! I will throw out suggestions, but asking a man out on a date? No. I refuse to do it. I'd rather watch Charlie Rose and eat cereal from a box than have to ask a man out. We would have to be a well-established couple first. It sounds like things are going well aside from him not responding to your text question, and I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask him about it. If you are suggesting things, you are reciprocating interest, and at the same time he's showing interest by asking you on dates. Don't let texting problems come between the two of you. Talk about it.
writergal Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I don't think we are on the same page with the "initiation" word, or maybe I misinterpreted the OP and her intentions. I do agree that in the beginning, men asking women out on dates is old school chivalry, nothing wrong with that, when I meant initiation, I was referring to communication after the first, or second date. Meaning, waiting to see if "he texts" or purposely not initiating a text just to gauge his interest. However, I don't see anything wrong with a woman asking a man out, some women claim to know what they want, so it wouldn't turn me off, it has happened to me, I was shocked and flattered. But if you are not comfortable with it, then that's cool. It's o.k. We just see dating differently. I prefer old school chivalry (always will). I think waiting to see if "he texts" after a couple of dates is normal because that's tied in with the idea of him courting the woman still. If the woman texts first, it comes across as being too available too soon. How exactly is that attractive to a man? If you prefer a woman ask you out, ok, that's your thing and if it works for you great. There are soooo many threads on LoveShack from women who have chased men and failed to keep them because they went over to his house and slept with him first, instead of waiting for him to ask her out; or asking him out or texting him and chasing him, only to be rejected. 2
Lady2163 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Okay, so I didn't read all the posts, but I do have an opinion as an older woman. I work with my hands a lot. I am busy. Taking 20 minutes to text what would be a 2 minute phone conversation is not the least bit convenient for me. I hate texting. I hate when I'm driving, someone texts, I call them, knowing they were available 10 seconds ago and they don't answer, It's stupid to waste that kind of time. My work is imterrupted everytime i texted. Texting is impersonal and tone can often be misconstrued. If you're going to initiate contact, just call. 5
ScreaminEagle Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 It's o.k. We just see dating differently. I prefer old school chivalry (always will). I think waiting to see if "he texts" after a couple of dates is normal because that's tied in with the idea of him courting the woman still. If the woman texts first, it comes across as being too available too soon. How exactly is that attractive to a man? If you prefer a woman ask you out, ok, that's your thing and if it works for you great. There are soooo many threads on LoveShack from women who have chased men and failed to keep them because they went over to his house and slept with him first, instead of waiting for him to ask her out; or asking him out or texting him and chasing him, only to be rejected. Our dating ideas are not so far from different, I just think we are miscommunicating. I am all for chivalry, but I don't equate a woman chasing a man to her winding up and sleeping with him only to be rejected. The threads I am reading, so far there are tons, seem to be self esteem issues, or men who have no respect for women and put on a mask, and the mask comes off when his true intentions are revealed. Chasing in my opinion means contacting someone who is not interested. If both people are interested, there should be no chase.
Tinroof53 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Can you tell if something is in the way of him asking you out more often/or seeing you more often? Has he said what keeps him so busy right now?
writergal Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 What data are you speaking of ? Can you cite sources? My best friend was asked out by a woman, and they are in a wonderful relationship. Everyone needs an ego boost, ego doesn't favor any gender. The thrill of the chase is for the young, mature people don't need to chase. I can speak for myself, but I want something real, I don't need to be challenged in the terms you speak of. I do agree on keeping her, and the same goes for the woman, she should have to get the thrill of keeping him, see a two way street. Tis better to have loved and lost, then to be with someone you cannot defrost. =) My "Sources" = the entire dating thread of this forum, all the dating advice books, talk shows, and online advice columns in existence since the invention of the written word. Wait, so only young people need the thrill of the chase? Speak for yourself frosty! Ha! This old-timer deserves the thrill of the chase because I"m worth the effort. I refuse to settle for less. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Meaning, waiting to see if "he texts" or purposely not initiating a text just to gauge his interest. 100 percent it is effective. If a man is interested in seeing you again, he will ask. If you do his work for him and initiate, you won't know if he's going out with you because you asked or because he genuinely wanted to. You have no clue about his interest level. It's much more meaningful when the guy initiates. Trust us on this. 2
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Okay, so I didn't read all the posts, but I do have an opinion as an older woman. I work with my hands a lot. I am busy. Taking 20 minutes to text what would be a 2 minute phone conversation is not the least bit convenient for me. I hate texting. I hate when I'm driving, someone texts, I call them, knowing they were available 10 seconds ago and they don't answer, It's stupid to waste that kind of time. My work is imterrupted everytime i texted. Texting is impersonal and tone can often be misconstrued. If you're going to initiate contact, just call. I think I love you. 1
Tinroof53 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Our dating ideas are not so far from different, I just think we are miscommunicating. I am all for chivalry, but I don't equate a woman chasing a man to her winding up and sleeping with him only to be rejected. The threads I am reading, so far there are tons, seem to be self esteem issues, or men who have no respect for women and put on a mask, and the mask comes off when his true intentions are revealed. Chasing in my opinion means contacting someone who is not interested. If both people are interested, there should be no chase. But it's more effective in getting to know someone if at least interest is shown. And that at least effort is made to communicate and get together. A response to a text shouldn't take a day. That's not reasonable if he's net rested. I'm his age and most people my age text and call often. I know 80 year olds that text and do it frequently. So it's not an age thing - I consider it rude of him...bordering on dismissive. 3
ScreaminEagle Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 My "Sources" = the entire dating thread of this forum, all the dating advice books, talk shows, and online advice columns in existence since the invention of the written word. Wait, so only young people need the thrill of the chase? Speak for yourself frosty! Ha! This old-timer deserves the thrill of the chase because I"m worth the effort. I refuse to settle for less. I am sure your quite the catch. I cite my sources from real life experiences. Not vicariously through other peoples stories. Fact is often misconstrued as conjecture.
rester Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Okay, so I didn't read all the posts, but I do have an opinion as an older woman. I work with my hands a lot. I am busy. Taking 20 minutes to text what would be a 2 minute phone conversation is not the least bit convenient for me. I hate texting. I hate when I'm driving, someone texts, I call them, knowing they were available 10 seconds ago and they don't answer, It's stupid to waste that kind of time. My work is imterrupted everytime i texted. Texting is impersonal and tone can often be misconstrued. If you're going to initiate contact, just call. I also hate texting and prefer calls. Texting has it's place but it's best for making a statement that doesn't need a response. Everyone has their texting preferences and rarely do they match up. One person is always going to have to compromise in that regard. 2
ScreaminEagle Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 100 percent it is effective. If a man is interested in seeing you again, he will ask. If you do his work for him and initiate, you won't know if he's going out with you because you asked or because he genuinely wanted to. You have no clue about his interest level. It's much more meaningful when the guy initiates. Trust us on this. And if that man asks, and the woman declines, then what ? Communication takes two! LOL. At this point, regardless of his age, profession, I don't think he has been very gentleman like in his contacting you.
writergal Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Our dating ideas are not so far from different, I just think we are miscommunicating. I am all for chivalry, but I don't equate a woman chasing a man to her winding up and sleeping with him only to be rejected. The threads I am reading, so far there are tons, seem to be self esteem issues, or men who have no respect for women and put on a mask, and the mask comes off when his true intentions are revealed. Chasing in my opinion means contacting someone who is not interested. If both people are interested, there should be no chase. My friend, we will have to agree to disagree. The chase is the best part of romance. A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run. Sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 But it's more effective in getting to know someone if at least interest is shown. And that at least effort is made to communicate and get together. The interest is shown during the date itself. A response to a text shouldn't take a day. That's not reasonable if he's net rested. I'm his age and most people my age text and call often. I know 80 year olds that text and do it frequently. So it's not an age thing - I consider it rude of him...bordering on dismissive. I AGREE!!!! This is why I posted here. It's even more rude when you consider HE TEXTED FIRST wanting information. Then when I responded with a question that would benefit HIM, he gives me silence for 24-plus hours! 1
ScreaminEagle Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 My friend, we will have to agree to disagree. The chase is the best part of romance. A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run. Sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet. My friend, I can say the same about women. I am not young by any means. Ignore her and she will come running. Don't show her attention and she will change her attitude, pursue her and she will be indifferent.
writergal Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I am sure your quite the catch. I cite my sources from real life experiences. Not vicariously through other peoples stories. Fact is often misconstrued as conjecture. Touche. I cited my own dating experience in this thread earlier which you chose to ignore. That's a fact, Jack.
ScreaminEagle Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Touche. I cited my own dating experience in this thread earlier which you chose to ignore. That's a fact, Jack. My apologies Jane, I must of missed it.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Does this guy have money? I'm sorry. I'm not quite sure. I didn't know we were supposed to swap Charles Schwab account statements by the fourth date. 3
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 At this point, regardless of his age, profession, I don't think he has been very gentleman like in his contacting you. I don't think so either. I'm going to let it pan out a little bit and not be hasty in decisions.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Don't show her attention and she will change her attitude, pursue her and she will be indifferent. If the woman has healthy self-esteem and is interested, she won't do either. 4
Tinroof53 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 The interest is shown during the date itself. I AGREE!!!! This is why I posted here. It's even more rude when you consider HE TEXTED FIRST wanting information. Then when I responded with a question that would benefit HIM, he gives me silence for 24-plus hours! That's just plain rude. Whether he's interested or not I wouldn't be capable of overlooking rude behavior. It would also make me feel unimportant to him. Whether he viewed me as unimportant or not - his behavior would send that message loud and clear and I wouldn't dig it. 1
ScreaminEagle Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 If the woman has healthy self-esteem and is interested, she won't do either. Well as you can see the world of dating is not so black and white and cut and dry.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 That's just plain rude. Whether he's interested or not I wouldn't be capable of overlooking rude behavior. It would also make me feel unimportant to him. Whether he viewed me as unimportant or not - his behavior would send that message loud and clear and I wouldn't dig it. The only excuse I will accept from him is if he was actually on a date with another woman. That would be very rude to text me when his attention should be on her. I know it sounds really weird, but we are not committed to each other. He is free to date other people right now, as am I. And I'm quite confident that if there is another woman, my charming qualities and star-like beauty and composure and maturity will outshine her. :D (I'm somewhat serious, but kidding with that last part)
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