Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 Whoa there horsey. Don't lump all women together like that. Not all of us play head games with men. I sure don't. If anything, I get head gamed by men A LOT. And frankly, I'm tired of it. I just love how he talks about us in the third person as if we're not in the room. It's not so much head games as it is protection. I'm an over-giver and have made soo many mistakes in the past by overinvesting in someone who was only trying to get me into bed or wanted no progression. In the beginning stages, I do not like to initiate until the relationship has developed enough to the point we've gotten to know each other well enough to be on the same page with our intentions. If he really likes me for me, he will initiate dates. 2
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Okay...you got me. I do like him. I don't think I'm ready to initiate contact yet...esp. in light of him not responding yesterday. Advice? It's old fashion advice....be flirty, look sexy, and offer a home cooked meal. Gets them every time.
rester Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I just love how he talks about us in the third person as if we're not in the room. It's not so much head games as it is protection. I'm an over-giver and have made soo many mistakes in the past by overinvesting in someone who was only trying to get me into bed or wanted no progression. In the beginning stages, I do not like to initiate until the relationship has developed enough to the point we've gotten to know each other well enough to be on the same page with our intentions. If he really likes me for me, he will initiate dates. I can understand wanting to protect yourself and don't think every woman plays games. That said, if you are not initiating just because you want to gauge his interest, that is playing games. It's like those "Rules Girls" and it's no better than the PUA guys. If you like the guy, initiate something. No self-respecting man is going to initiate four dates and then keep it up if the woman doesn't reciprocate. That crap is only going to work on insecure men. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 It's old fashion advice....be flirty, look sexy, and offer a home cooked meal. Gets them every time. Should I wear Enjoli perfume while doing all this? 1
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I don't joke about this...I know how to get men interested. I have had NP having them eating out of my hand. Listen, YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT. Swallow your damn pride and stfu.
writergal Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Should I wear Enjoli perfume while doing all this? Lol!!!! I remember the commercial for that perfume. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 I don't joke about this...I know how to get men interested. I have had NP having them eating out of my hand. Listen, YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT. Swallow your damn pride and stfu. I'm not doubting you one bit. I don't like my efforts going beyond the efforts they've shown for me. Well, I won't. I think that's practicing good boundaries, not being prideful! 2
ScreaminEagle Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I just love how he talks about us in the third person as if we're not in the room. It's not so much head games as it is protection. I'm an over-giver and have made soo many mistakes in the past by overinvesting in someone who was only trying to get me into bed or wanted no progression. In the beginning stages, I do not like to initiate until the relationship has developed enough to the point we've gotten to know each other well enough to be on the same page with our intentions. If he really likes me for me, he will initiate dates. Why punish him with your bad past experiences ? If you aren't emotionally healthy and ready to date, you should not subject your dates to your past bad experiences. If he really likes you he will initiate dates? Ever think maybe he sees right through you? And your games ? Doc did nothing wrong, he shouldn't have to pay for what other men have done or the decision you made. Just my opinion. 2
rester Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I'm not doubting you one bit. I don't like my efforts going beyond the efforts they've shown for me. Well, I won't. I think that's practicing good boundaries, not being prideful! How is initiating one date showing more effort than him initiating four dates? You're free to do what you want, but I think you're making a mistake if you like this guy. If I were him I'd be moving on if I didn't get a call from you in a few days. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 Why punish him with your bad past experiences ? If you aren't emotionally healthy and ready to date, you should not subject your dates to your past bad experiences. How in the world am I punishing him? Last look I saw on his face, he looked quite content. I'm healthy and ready to date; just cautious and apprehensive as I think most people should to be. If he really likes you he will initiate dates? Ever think maybe he sees right through you? And your games ? If he sees right through my games and me, he's playing them too. Why does he text and then just drop off the face of the earth? Doc did nothing wrong, he shouldn't have to pay for what other men have done or the decision you made. Just my opinion. It's called "experience." I'm not going to keep making the same mistakes over and over by investing too much too soon into someone I know very little about. 2
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 How is initiating one date showing more effort than him initiating four dates? You're free to do what you want, but I think you're making a mistake if you like this guy. If I were him I'd be moving on if I didn't get a call from you in a few days. He might have already moved on since I didn't hear back from him yesterday. Yes, I really like him, but this lack of communication between meetings is making me really apprehensive about reaching out to him.
rester Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 He probably feels the same way. I agree with smackie. Swallow your pride and call him up or consider it a done deal. 1
smackie9 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 He might have already moved on since I didn't hear back from him yesterday. Yes, I really like him, but this lack of communication between meetings is making me really apprehensive about reaching out to him. So how is practicing good boundaries working for you so far? 1
ScreaminEagle Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 There is a different between practicing good boundaries and having an entitled attitude towards courting.
BluEyeL Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I'm not doubting you one bit. I don't like my efforts going beyond the efforts they've shown for me. Well, I won't. I think that's practicing good boundaries, not being prideful! Stay the course, you're doing great! Don't listen to these people. Your way works and it's normal. What they say is girlfriend behavior. When you are the guy's girlfriend, that's when you cook naked and in high heels and initiate equally. Now he should initiate way more than you. Just don't fret behind closed doors. Stay in the moment, don't think beyond the date you're on. Assume he likes you. And if he doesn't, clearly his loss, he wasn't your guy anyway, you lost nothing. Initiate a text here and there too, maybe once a week or so, until things advance. Anyway, fretting will not change the outcome, so stay zen. I hate these initial stages of dating... 4
ScreaminEagle Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Yeah this is what is wrong with the dating world. Sit back, put on your mental X-Box, and let the games begin, then when the sucker falls for it, turn off your X-Box and become significant other of the year. Fail.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Stay the course, you're doing great! Don't listen to these people. Your way works and it's normal. What they say is girlfriend behavior. When you are the guy's girlfriend, that's when you cook naked and in high heels and initiate equally. Now he should initiate way more than you. Just don't fret behind closed doors. Stay in the moment, don't think beyond the date you're on. Assume he likes you. And if he doesn't, clearly his loss, he wasn't your guy anyway, you lost nothing. Initiate a text here and there too, maybe once a week or so, until things advance. Anyway, fretting will not change the outcome, so stay zen. I hate these initial stages of dating... Thanks Blue! I really appreciate your post. Acting like a girlfriend and pursuing him when he's holding his cards so close to his chest is not the way I operate. He responded a few hours ago. 2
Tayken Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Whoa there horsey. Don't lump all women together like that. Not all of us play head games with men. I sure don't. If anything, I get head gamed by men A LOT. And frankly, I'm tired of it. I guess you've seen what am packing then? So how is practicing good boundaries working for you so far? Love it , love it , love it......I freakin luv it He responded a few hours ago You mean after you folded and bombarded him with a couple texts? It's ok you can admit it to us
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 There is a different between practicing good boundaries and having an entitled attitude towards courting. How in the hell do I have an entitled attitude? I'm being passive and patient and letting him lead. Women who don't pay attention to the man's actions and still actively pursue are the ones who have an entitled attitude toward courting. 1
ScreaminEagle Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 How in the hell do I have an entitled attitude? I'm being passive and patient and letting him lead. Women who don't pay attention to the man's actions and still actively pursue are the ones who have an entitled attitude toward courting. You are knowingly being passive, that is your choice, you are think that it is your way or the highway without any middle ground. You are being passive on purpose, some people are passive without knowing it.
Tayken Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 You are knowingly being passive, that is your choice, you are think that it is your way or the highway without any middle ground. You are being passive on purpose, some people are passive without knowing it. Spot on...I wouldn't date this person. I have recently ignored / dumped two women who pulled this kind of stunt. They thought they were special, but that couldn't be more far from the truth
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Spot on...I wouldn't date this person. I have recently ignored / dumped two women who pulled this kind of stunt. They thought they were special, but that couldn't be more far from the truth I'm relieved for them. 3
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Spot on...I wouldn't date this person. This is great news! This means my modus operandi actually works in weeding out men like you! 1
ScreaminEagle Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Wow, no offense, but men like me dodge bullets when you have to refer to getting to know someone and having an M/O. Communication should be reciprocal, not one sided. But hey, if it works for you, god bless ya! If it makes you happy, then that is all that counts. I am merely stating my opinion that I would stay away from women like you with a ten foot pole. I don't need the games, or tests, things in life go both ways. You just do things differently, and I respect that. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Wow, no offense, but men like me dodge bullets when you have to refer to getting to know someone and having an M/O. Communication should be reciprocal, not one sided. But hey, if it works for you, god bless ya! If it makes you happy, then that is all that counts. I am merely stating my opinion that I would stay away from women like you with a ten foot pole. I don't need the games, or tests, things in life go both ways. You just do things differently, and I respect that. Thanks, Screaming. I only do this in the beginning stages of dating. And yes, it's a method that works for me because I tend to get attached and swept up very easily. If I made decisions based on whatever emotion I'm feeling at the moment, those would be poor, ineffective choices that usually end up having the opposite result of what I'm looking to achieve. 2
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